Words: Inspiring or Inciting, Wonderful or Woeful?

“Sticks and stones may break my bones, but names will never hurt me!” When I was a kid, this old saying would be repeated over and over. One problem: it wasn’t true.

 

My boyhood had its share of cuts and scrapes. Even though I didn’t have a belligerent personality, I got into a scuffle or two. But I can't recall any of those injuries in detail. I can, however, remember harsh or unkind words that were directed to me and my fragile self-image as a youth. If I tried hard enough, some of those insults could still echo in my mind.

 

Perhaps this is one reason the Bible is replete with verses and passages that deal with the power of words, citing their capacity of uplifting and inspiring, as well as damage it can incite when misused.

 

In fact, the New Testament book of James clearly warns of the potential dangers of the tongue when not wisely restrained or controlled: “The tongue also is a fire, a world of evil among the parts of the body. It corrupts the whole person, sets the whole course of his life on fire, and is itself set on fire by hell…no man can tame the tongue. It is a restless evil, full of deadly poison” (James 3:6-8).

Of course, we don’t need to be speaking directly to someone, or even on the phone, to inflict damage with our words. We have resources like social media, text messaging and emails to insult, demean, bully, antagonize and disparage. In fact, hiding behind the curtains of cyberspace, cowardly individuals have given an entirely different meaning to “bully pulpit.”

 

Used with grace, words – spoken or written – have the power to inspire; they can be wonderful tools of encouragement. But misused, words can deflate, even destroy. This is why we read such admonitions in the book of Proverbs as:

“The mouth of the righteous is a fountain of life, but violence overwhelms the mouth of the wicked” (Proverbs 10:11).

“He who guards his lips guards his life, but he who speaks rashly will come to ruin” (Proverbs 13:3).

“A gentle answer turns away wrath, but a harsh word stirs up anger” (Proverbs 15:1).

“The tongue has the power of life and death, and those who love it will eat its fruit” (Proverbs 18:21).

 

When uncontrolled, one’s tongue inevitably strays into dangerous territory, so we find this admonition to speak with extreme caution: “When there are many words, transgression is not avoidable, but he who restrains his lips is wise” (Proverbs 10:19, NAS). The NIV translates it this way: “When words are many, sin is not absent, but he who holds his tongue is wise.” 

 

President Abraham Lincoln is reputed to have said, “Better to remain silent and be thought a fool than to speak and to remove all doubt.” We find a similar declaration that was made many centuries earlier in Proverbs 17:28, “Even a fool is thought wise if he keeps silent, and discerning if he holds his tongue.”

 

All this is not to diminish the value of words, whether spoken or written. Proverbs 15:28 offers this contrast: “The heart of the righteous ponders how to answer, but the mouth of the wicked pours out evil things” (Proverbs 15:28). And we find this observation in Proverbs 17:27, “A man of knowledge uses words with restraint, and a man of understanding is even-tempered.” 

 

These days it’s so easy to dash off an email thoughtlessly, failing to consider its impact on the recipient. Or to key in a derogatory comment on Facebook or Twitter. Perhaps, like a bit in the mouth of a horse, we need sound communication principles to keep our thoughts reined in. We find some in the 4^th chapter of the New Testament book of Ephesians.

 

As we prepare to speak or write something sensitive to another person, it would be helpful to pause and make certain that we are “…speaking the truth in love,” as Ephesians 4:15 phrases it.

 

A bit further into the chapter we find what we could term the “command for effective communicators: “Do not let any unwholesome talk come out of your mouths, but only what is helpful for building others up according to their needs, that it may benefit those who listen” (Ephesians 4:29).

Selfless, sacrificial love should be our primary motivation behind everything we do, according to the Word of God, including interpersonal communications. Passages like those above could serve as safeguards for everything we say and write. Being a writer who regularly uses an abundance of words in a variety of settings, I need the counsel of these verses as much as anyone. 

No One Really Wins in Waging the War of Words

Contrary to what some would have us to believe, former President Donald Trump didn’t invent the practice of being snarky, demeaning and disparaging toward people he didn’t like. He’s just decided to take it to unprecedented levels – for a President. We’ve had mean-spirited words, in the seemingly limitless ways they can be delivered, virtually from the dawn of time.

 

There’s the classic exchange years ago between British political rivals Lady Nancy Astor and Sir Winston Churchill. Lady Astor said, “Winston, if you were my husband, I’d poison your tea.” To which Churchill replied, “Nancy, if I were your husband, I’d drink it.” Sounds like they weren’t especially fond of each other.

When TV news became a round-the-clock enterprise, participants struggled to find content to fill 24 hours and hold viewers’ attention. So they began to resort to harangues that often turned very personal. Today, when we tune in to the news, it’s not unusual to be accosted by shouting fests, as well as other forms of excessive, even bizarre oral behavior.

 

But acid, abusive tongues far predate the British Parliament, cable news, and Mr. Trump. The book of Proverbs, thousands of years old, contains more than 50 warnings about words carelessly and caustically delivered.

 

One of the most practical is Proverbs 10:19, a verse I’ve often used to curb the temptation to give someone a piece of my mind I couldn’t afford to lose. It wisely observes, “When there are many words, transgression is not avoidable, but he who restrains his lips is wise.” Another way of expressing this is, the more you speak, the more likely you are to say something you’ll regret. 

 

As if to underscore the point, two other proverbs express similar cautions: “He who guards his lips guards his life, but he who speaks rashly will come to ruin” (Proverbs 13:3), and “Even a fool is thought wise if he keeps silent, and discerning if he holds his tongue” (Proverbs 17:28).

 

We want to offer the excuse, “But if people say mean things to us, aren’t we justified in responding?” Or, “If someone says something stupid, don’t you think it’s appropriate to enlighten them?”

 

From what the Bible calls a “fleshly” perspective, perhaps. But we not only have counsel from Proverbs, but also many places in the New Testament asserting that is not the way to win friends and influence people for Jesus Christ. 

 

Studying Jesus’ life as revealed through the four gospels, we find He typically responded to people with kindness and sensitivity, even those who were confrontational. The only people the Lord spoke to harshly were the religious leaders, supposed servants of God caught up in their own hubris and arrogance.

 

The standard Jesus established is reflected in statements like, “whoever slaps you on your right cheek, turn the other toward him also” (Matthew 5:29), and “But I say to you, love your enemies and pray for those who persecute you” (Matthew 5:44).

 

In a society continuing to drift from its Judeo-Christian moorings, we’re called to serve as “witnesses” for Christ (Acts 1:8), and we do this by being different – through our lives, as well as our words and how we express them. Do we get caught up in the cultural model, firing back when others direct angry and hurtful words to us? Or, as Jesus suggested, do we take the high road?

 

Here’s a sampling of powerful admonitions from the Scriptures:

 

Ephesians 4:29 gives this guidance: “Do not let any unwholesome talk come out of your mouths, but only what is helpful for building others up according to their needs, that it may benefit those who listen.” Is our motive to have a positive impact on people we’re speaking to, reflecting the love and grace of God? Or do we just dig into our arsenal, using words as weapons?

 

Writing to his protégé, Timothy, the apostle Paul instructed, “Don’t have anything to do with foolish and stupid arguments, because you know they produce quarrels. And the Lord’s servant must not quarrel; instead, he must be kind to everyone, able to teach, not resentful. Those who oppose him he must gently instruct…” (2 Timothy 2:23-24). 

 

It’s hard to persuade people whose minds are already set, but a civil, respectful tone can greatly enhance communication, as Proverbs 15:1 affirms: “A gentle answer turns away wrath, but a harsh word stirs up anger.”

 

What about trying to share our faith in Christ to someone that’s resistant? We find sound advice in 1 Peter 3:15, “…always be prepared to give an answer to everyone who asks you to give the reason for the hope that you have. But do this with gentleness and respect, keeping a clear conscience, so that those who speak maliciously against your good behavior in Christ may be ashamed of their slander.”

 

Sometimes our speech provides the greatest evidence of the presence of Jesus in our lives. Are we consistently gracious in how we interact with others? James 3:9-10 makes this ironic point: “With the tongue we praise our Lord and Father, and with it we curse men who have been made in God’s likeness. Out of the same mouth come praise and cursing. My brothers, this should not be.”

 

No one really wins in a war of words. As someone has said, “One convinced against their will remains of the same opinion still.” Instead, God wants us to follow the wisdom of Colossians 4:5-6, “Be wise in the way you act toward outsiders; make the most of every opportunity. Let your conversation be always full of grace, seasoned with salt, so that you may know how to answer everyone.” 

I know I’ve failed on this point many times, to my shame. When we interact with non-believers about Christ, do they leave with a good taste in their mouth – “seasoned with salt” – or is it more like vinegar, or worse? We’re to be winsome, not warlike. 

Quiet Amidst the Chaos

Did you catch the phenomenon that occurred a couple of weeks ago?

The winds of politics shift so swiftly it might be old news by the time this post appears, but Dr. Ben Carson, a noted neurosurgeon who has never held public office, had drawn even with Donald Trump in a poll of voters in Iowa, one of the early Presidential election testing grounds.

No, I’m not about to launch into some political diatribe. It’s just that after all the attention Trump has received from the media for his loud and expansive harangues, it’s interesting that Carson – in many ways kind of an “anti-Trump” – has quietly surged in voter appeal.

A writer on one Internet news and commentary site exposited, “Trump is a bombastic narcissist, Carson is quiet and self-effacing.” The columnist also described Carson, in contrast to the controversial Trump, as “polite and well-mannered” and “a gentleman.”

I admire many of Dr. Carson’s views, and his life story – rising from an impoverished childhood to achieve international acclaim in the world of medicine – is inspiring. But after watching some of his videos, which show his calm, soft-spoken, deliberate demeanor, I felt certain his style was too reserved to garner the attention needed for a serious Presidential effort. Maybe I was wrong.

The rule of the day in garnering headlines seems to be “loud and proud, bold and boisterous,” and the louder and more outlandish the presentation is, the better. So it seems curious that the quiet, controlled voice of an eminent physician could even be heard amidst the chaos.

Maybe it’s the “E.F. Hutton effect.” If you’re old enough you'll remember the TV commercials of the late 1970s for the stock brokerage in which groups of busy people would suddenly pause because, as the ads declared, “When E.F. Hutton speaks, people listen.” I’ve known people like that, refraining from saying much in meetings, but when they did speak up, you knew it would be something worth listening to.

Sometimes the din of shouting gets so loud it’s almost impossible to hear what’s being said. At such times, the soft, calculating voice of wisdom has a way of cutting through the clamor.

The Bible teaches as much. One of my favorite verses from Proverbs – which I’ve attempted many times to put into practice – states, “When words are many, sin is not absent; but he who holds his tongue is wise” (Proverbs 10:19).

Several other passages speak directly to the virtues and benefits of judicious and measured speech. For instance, “A gentle answer turns away wrath, but a harsh word stirs up anger” (Proverbs 15:1). Another verse, Proverbs 17:27, states, “A man of knowledge uses words with restraint, and a man of understanding is even-tempered.”

Then there’s the stern warning from Proverbs 18:21, “The tongue has the power of life and death, and those who love it will eat its fruit.”

Have you ever thought about careful, well-considered words as being a treasure? Proverbs 20:15 declares, “Gold there is, and rubies in abundance, but lips that speak knowledge are a rare jewel.” Diamonds from the tongue, maybe?

Dozens of other verses in Proverbs address both effective and careless communication, but one that might be worth considering as we watch the Presidential races ramp up in the coming months offers this advice: “He who loves a pure heart and whose speech is gracious will have the king for his friend” (Proverbs 22:11).

Fourteen months from now, when all the screaming and shouting, posturing and preening has mercifully come to a conclusion, will the man or woman preparing to assume the Presidency be one whose speech was quiet, yet convincing? It will definitely be interesting to see.

A Case for Measured Speech

I recently came across an interesting observation about the spoken word that bears repeating:

"He who thinks by the inch, and talks by the yard, should be kicked by the foot."

This is one of those “anonymous” quotes that can’t be credited to any single individual, but Mr. or Ms. Anonymous had it right. It ranks right up there with, “When all has been said and done, more has been said than done.”

We live in a society – and a world, I suppose – where there is no lack of words. “Talk is cheap,” the adage reminds us. Maybe the price of talk should be a lot higher so we’d be forced to use words more economically and strategically.

Years ago many of us saw commercials that declared, “When E.F. Hutton speaks, people listen.” Alas, E.F. Hutton, founder of the iconic stock brokerage firm, is no longer with us. The sentiment, however, still seems sound. When we practice measured speech, waiting to give ample thought before opening our lips and permitting words to escape, what we say can become more valued.

I still remember how people admired a friend of mine years ago, a man who would sit in board meetings, attentively listening but rarely speaking. Like ole E.F. Hutton, when Bob spoke, people were quick to listen because they knew what he had to say was worth considering.

This is one reason, when I hear someone discount the Bible as outdated and irrelevant, I’m tempted to reply, “Are you stupid, or what?” Because on so many levels, the Scriptures are eminently practical – including the areas of speech and human discourse.

For instance, the Bible affirms the principle behind the unattributed quote above, in different words: "When there are many words, sin is unavoidable, but he who restrains his lips is wise" (Proverbs 10:19). This happens to be a personal favorite, because over much of my life I’ve had a bothersome habit of putting my mouth in drive while my mind was still in park. Hopefully I’ve gotten somewhat better in that regard over the years.

Everywhere, it seems, people are intent on demeaning people they don’t agree with. Whether we like them or not, these folks fall into the category the Bible would classify as “our neighbor.” So it’s convicting to read, “A man who lacks judgment derides his neighbor, but a man of understanding holds his tongue” (Proverbs 11:12).

What about being a person that’s known for meaningful, uplifting speech? There’s good news, according to the Scriptures: “From the fruit of his lips a man is filled with good things, as surely as the work of his hands rewards him” (Proverbs 12:14).

We can choose to use our words as weapons, or apply them like a soothing balm. “Reckless words pierce like a sword, but the tongue of the wise brings healing” (Proverbs 12:18).

In Proverbs alone, the so-called “the book of wisdom,” more than 50 verses relate directly to the spoken word, in both its most positive and most perverse forms. But the problem of indiscreet speech was not just an issue for Old Testament readers.

After drawing comparisons to a bit in a horse’s mouth, and a small rudder directing the course of a ship, the Bible declares, “Likewise the tongue is a small part of the body, but it makes great boasts. Consider what a great forest is set on ire by a small spark. The tongue also is a fire, a world of evil among the parts of the body…. With the tongue we praise our Lord and Father, and with it we curse men, who have been made in God’s likeness” (James 3:3-10).

When talking about the power and pitfalls of human speech, the Bible doesn’t equivocate. We’re admonished to be wise, judicious, thoughtful and caring in what we say – and what we don’t. These days, when it seems word pollution is as great an environmental problem as any, the “sounds of silence” could become a wonderful gift.

The Megaphone Effect

We don’t see them as much anymore, but over the years cheerleaders have often used megaphones to amplify their voices for cheering on the home team. Megaphones are still employed today for various purposes, including crowd control and mass communication. Most are now portable and electronic to enhance vocal amplification, but their purpose remains the same – to ensure the message can be heard, loud and clear, for the desired effect.

There’s another kind of “megaphone effect” going on today, although it has nothing to do with hand-held, cone-shaped voice magnifiers. It’s the megaphone of mass media.

Recent weeks have provided a good example. As cold weather swept across most of the country, especially the Midwest and Northeast, phrases like “Polar Vortex” and “Arctic Express” echoed from every news source. We heard from nearly everyone, except maybe Chicken Little proclaiming the sky is falling. A visitor from another planet could easily have concluded it’s never snowed before.

Of course it has, and extreme low temperatures have been recorded before, but not trumpeted to the tune of today’s mass media megaphone. For instance, some of us can remember winter 1979, when multiple blizzards afflicted many Northern states and much of the nation was in deep freeze. Living in Ohio, I recall the temperature remained far below the freezing mark for at least 30 days straight. Heating our homes became a concern. Natural gas shortages were predicted, causing parents of young families – as were my wife and I at the time – to fret over how to keep our children warm.

That was the year – coincidentally also in January – when the acclaimed mini-series “Roots” was aired over eight successive evenings. One reason that excellent show had such high viewership, ranked for many years at the top all-time for a mini-series, was it was so cold in much of the United States millions of people had nothing else to do but watch it.

The difference between that winter 35 years ago and today? We didn’t have incessant, 24/7 news media coverage and the Internet. All we knew was it was very cold, very snowy, and someday – as always – it would start getting warmer again as spring followed winter. We didn’t have CNN, Al Roker and the Weather Channel to make us worry about surviving to see the thaw.

This mass media megaphone isn’t confined only to weather reporting. If there’s ever a scandal, whether it be the politically motivated closing of a major commuter bridge; a professional athlete making ill-advised, outlandish comments immediately after a game; or some pseudo-celebrity offering personal opinions that grate against sensibilities of the self-appointed thought police, we never hear the end of it.

News is shouted, reiterated, shouted again, repeated and rehashed until the intended message reverberates in our sleep. Even if what’s said isn’t true, we hear it so much it starts sounding that way. And, I believe, that’s not by accident. Megaphones cut through the noise with volume and clarity. They’re used for a reason.

So what do we do, shout back? Do we use bigger, more sophisticated megaphones? I think just the opposite. The book of Proverbs has much to say about how we communicate, and advises being careful and economical with the words we express:

“Put away perversity from your mouth; keep corrupt talk far from your lips” (Proverbs 4:24).

“When there are many words, transgression is not avoidable, but he who restrains his lips is wise” (Proverbs 10:19).

“A prudent man keeps his knowledge to himself, but the heart of fools blurts out folly” (Proverbs 12:23).

“A gentle answer turns away wrath, but a harsh word stirs up anger” (Proverbs 15:1).

“Even a fool is thought wise if he keeps silent, and discerning if he holds his tongue” (Proverbs 17:28).

“A fool finds no pleasure in understanding but delights in airing his own opinions” (Proverbs 18:2).

There are many other examples, but you get the idea. It’s good advice, well worth following, whether you’re in the media or not.