Quiet Amidst the Chaos

Did you catch the phenomenon that occurred a couple of weeks ago?

The winds of politics shift so swiftly it might be old news by the time this post appears, but Dr. Ben Carson, a noted neurosurgeon who has never held public office, had drawn even with Donald Trump in a poll of voters in Iowa, one of the early Presidential election testing grounds.

No, I’m not about to launch into some political diatribe. It’s just that after all the attention Trump has received from the media for his loud and expansive harangues, it’s interesting that Carson – in many ways kind of an “anti-Trump” – has quietly surged in voter appeal.

A writer on one Internet news and commentary site exposited, “Trump is a bombastic narcissist, Carson is quiet and self-effacing.” The columnist also described Carson, in contrast to the controversial Trump, as “polite and well-mannered” and “a gentleman.”

I admire many of Dr. Carson’s views, and his life story – rising from an impoverished childhood to achieve international acclaim in the world of medicine – is inspiring. But after watching some of his videos, which show his calm, soft-spoken, deliberate demeanor, I felt certain his style was too reserved to garner the attention needed for a serious Presidential effort. Maybe I was wrong.

The rule of the day in garnering headlines seems to be “loud and proud, bold and boisterous,” and the louder and more outlandish the presentation is, the better. So it seems curious that the quiet, controlled voice of an eminent physician could even be heard amidst the chaos.

Maybe it’s the “E.F. Hutton effect.” If you’re old enough you'll remember the TV commercials of the late 1970s for the stock brokerage in which groups of busy people would suddenly pause because, as the ads declared, “When E.F. Hutton speaks, people listen.” I’ve known people like that, refraining from saying much in meetings, but when they did speak up, you knew it would be something worth listening to.

Sometimes the din of shouting gets so loud it’s almost impossible to hear what’s being said. At such times, the soft, calculating voice of wisdom has a way of cutting through the clamor.

The Bible teaches as much. One of my favorite verses from Proverbs – which I’ve attempted many times to put into practice – states, “When words are many, sin is not absent; but he who holds his tongue is wise” (Proverbs 10:19).

Several other passages speak directly to the virtues and benefits of judicious and measured speech. For instance, “A gentle answer turns away wrath, but a harsh word stirs up anger” (Proverbs 15:1). Another verse, Proverbs 17:27, states, “A man of knowledge uses words with restraint, and a man of understanding is even-tempered.”

Then there’s the stern warning from Proverbs 18:21, “The tongue has the power of life and death, and those who love it will eat its fruit.”

Have you ever thought about careful, well-considered words as being a treasure? Proverbs 20:15 declares, “Gold there is, and rubies in abundance, but lips that speak knowledge are a rare jewel.” Diamonds from the tongue, maybe?

Dozens of other verses in Proverbs address both effective and careless communication, but one that might be worth considering as we watch the Presidential races ramp up in the coming months offers this advice: “He who loves a pure heart and whose speech is gracious will have the king for his friend” (Proverbs 22:11).

Fourteen months from now, when all the screaming and shouting, posturing and preening has mercifully come to a conclusion, will the man or woman preparing to assume the Presidency be one whose speech was quiet, yet convincing? It will definitely be interesting to see.

Fathers: An Underappreciated Resource?

Upon receiving his award for Most Valuable Player in the NBA, Oklahoma City superstar Kevin Durant gave an emotional homage to his mother, who as a single parent raised Durant and his brother. It was a wonderful, stirring tribute to a woman who had toiled and sacrificed mightily to provide a livelihood for her sons. But underlying Durant’s glowing words of gratitude was an unanswered question: Where was their dad?

In no way do I wish to diminish the loving devotion demonstrated by Durant’s mom. She – and all single mothers like her – deserve accolades for the incredible challenge they accept each day in holding down jobs while also raising their children, hoping to build them into responsible, productive adults. The mom of Dr. Ben Carson deserves similar commendation, providing the inspiration and motivation for a young man who came from the ghetto to gain acclaim as an accomplished neurosurgeon, author, speaker and – in the view of some – become a credible candidate for President.

Yet for every wonderful story about a single mother and her family, there’s also a back-story of an father missing in action. In many cases the dad never played much of a role in the lives of his progeny; sadly, in too many cases the biological father was absent from day one.

Having joined my wife in raising our children, and now watching them guide their children (our grandchildren) through the various stages and phases of childhood, I know how difficult the job of parenting is. How a single parent can pull it off successfully is almost beyond my comprehension. Ecclesiastes 4:9 states, “Two are better than one, because they have a good return for their work.” This passage clearly relates to the workplace, but also holds strong meaning for the home and parenthood.

I greatly admire my sons-in-law as I observe their devotion to nurturing their own children. In some cases they’ve made work decisions to ensure they don’t spend too much time away from the kids. Regrettably, I think back to my own career as a newspaper editor and have to admit I spent far too many hours at the office and not nearly enough watching our daughters grow up. If I could do it over again, yes, I would do it differently.

My father, shown with me and my sister, wasn't a man
of many words, but he served as a good example.

My own dad was not a hugging, touchy-feely type of man. Few from his generation were. But he modeled for me the virtues of hard work, integrity and marital fidelity. He, like myself, wasn’t extremely vocal, but his actions spoke loudly and true.

I think of my uncle Joe, my dad’s brother, who in many respects served as a second father. He also built into me a work ethic, a vision of what I could be, and instilled a sense of confidence. Many times after some professional accomplishment, I couldn’t help but wonder, "What Uncle Joe would think about this?”

The Bible speaks extensively about fathers and their importance for society as well as the family. The Scriptures assign fathers the primary responsibility for spiritual training of children, a role too many fathers today have neglected. “Fathers, do not exasperate your children; instead, bring them up in the training and instruction of the Lord” (Ephesians 6:4). They – along with mothers – are told to provide instruction and discipline. “Train them (your children) up in the way they should go (follow their natural bent), and when they are old they will not depart from it” (Proverbs 22:6).

When fathers do wrong, there are consequences. The Bible speaks of the “sins of the fathers” affecting multiple generations of children (Exodus 34:7). This doesn’t mean God holds children responsible for their father’s misdeeds, as other passages make clear, but they often endure “collateral damage.” We see this today with the rise of broken homes and the emotional toll children suffer; abuse in the home, and many other problems resulting from family strife.

But this Sunday, Father’s Day, is a time to focus on the positive, celebrating the vital contribution dedicated, caring dads have in their homes and society.

It’s also a time for remembering the only one we can count on with complete confidence, our heavenly Father – Jehovah God. Jesus assured His followers, “do not worry, saying, ‘What shall we eat?” or ‘What shall we drink?’ or “What shall we wear?’…your heavenly Father knows that you need them. But seek first his kingdom and his righteousness, and all these things will be given to you as well” (Matthew 6:31-33).

Our earthly fathers may have failed us at times, even many times, but the Lord promises He never will. “God has said, ‘Never will I leave you; never will I forsake you”” (Hebrews 13:5). From personal experience, I can attest that’s true.

Suggestions for ‘My Brother’s Keeper’

Recently President Obama announced his “My Brother’s Keeper” initiative, aimed at helping young minority men – particularly African-Americans and Hispanics – overcome formidable challenges. He’s recruiting a number of prominent minority leaders to become part of this effort.

I commend this emphasis since the President, our first non-white Chief Executive, has much to offer, not only from the clout of his office but also from personal experience. In announcing his plans, Obama stated, “By almost any measure, the group that is facing some of the most severe challenges in the 21^st century, in this country, are boys and young men of color.”

Statistics would bear this out. On average, black and Hispanic boys trail young white boys markedly in reading skills by the time they reach the fourth grade. Each year, young blacks and Hispanics comprise approximately half of the nation’s murder victims. And collectively, blacks and Hispanics make up nearly 60 percent of the U.S. prison rolls, while their ethnic groups total only one-quarter of the general population.

My Brother’s Keeper sounds like a long-overdue idea. I’m wondering, however, what message the President and others plan to use for motivating these boys and young men to achieve better lives. I’m privileged to have several African-American men as friends, so I have some understanding of the challenges they’ve faced and overcome.

The President hasn’t asked me, but I have a few ideas for him and the My Brother’s Keeper Task Force to offer the young men:

·       Learn to read, and read to learn. Whether reading books, magazines, newspapers, or content on the Internet, there’s a limitless wealth of information and knowledge readily available to help in pursuing one’s dreams and aspirations.

·       Take responsibility for your actions. If you’re in the wrong place, at the wrong time, with the wrong people, don’t expect anything good to happen. Life is a series of choices, and if you make the right choices, good things will follow. “He who walks with the wise grows wise, but a companion of fools suffers harm” (Proverbs 13:20).

·       Don’t be a victim. Over the past few decades, someone decided it’s a good idea to blame failures on somebody else, rather than mustering the initiative to use failure as a teaching tool for learning how to succeed. I know many people who refused to be victims, regardless of their circumstances, and as a result have achieved much success.

·       Young women are not sex toys. Too often young men of any ethnicity treat sex as mere recreation, failing to respect the young women they are with and value them as real people with real needs and real feelings. When the Bible talks about women being “the weaker vessel,” (1 Peter 3:7), it’s not a put-down. It’s no more demeaning than saying exquisite crystal or fine china is weaker than an iron skillet or sledgehammer.

·       If you have sex and father a child, be a father to that child. Statistics tell us about three-fourths of black children are growing up in single-parent, female-led homes. Women are doing incredible jobs in trying to care for and nurture their children, but as in any endeavor, the job is much easier when there are two to share in the duties and responsibilities. As the Bible says, “Two are better than one, they have a good return for their labor” (Ecclesiastes 4:9). When God said in Genesis 2:18, “It is not good for the man to be alone,” I’m certain He was thinking the same about women.

·       Don’t expect the world to do for you what you can – and should – do for yourself. An entitlement mentality has invaded our times, people looking to government and society to provide for their needs and wants. And then they become angry because their expectations aren’t met. Why wait for someone to do what’s in your capacity to do on your own? “The plans of the diligent lead to profit as surely as haste leads to poverty” (Proverbs 21:5).

·       The path to success doesn’t pass only through pro sports and recording studios. Only an infinitesimal percentage of minority young men will even get a taste of the NFL, NBA, Major League baseball or entertainment world. Yet those that attain those levels often are built up as role models. Why not spotlight accomplished minority men in far more accessible professions – physicians and nurses, attorneys, entrepreneurs, business executives, retail managers, educators, tradesmen, engineers, scientists, and others? Dr. Ben Carson, who overcame extreme poverty to become a renowned neurosurgeon, is one glowing example. But of course, he’s politically conservative, so I suppose that would disqualify him from President Obama’s consideration.

We all have a unique purpose and design, given by God, and we each should pursue it. “For you created my inmost being…. I praise you because I am fearfully and wonderfully made” (Psalm 139:13-14). I hope the President’s initiative can be a big step in pointing deserving young men toward discovering how they can achieve fulfilling, meaningful lives and careers – what God has intended for them all along.

I’m certain we could think of some other suggestions as well, but these would be a good start. Yes, many of them have a biblical basis – but that shouldn’t justify dismissing them. After all, “my brother’s keeper” comes from the Bible, too (Genesis 4:9).

Impossible Is Not Possible . . . Until You Quit

In working with my friend, Gary Highfield, on his new book, When ‘Want To’ Becomes ‘Have To!’, I learned much from the wisdom he gained in overcoming great personal adversity. One statement that has particularly resonated with me is, “Impossible is not possible…until you quit.”

Think about it: Impossible is not possible…until you quit.”

A simple statement, only seven words, but at the same time it contains a wealth of truth. It reminds me of inventor Robert Fulton, whose vision for turning steamboats into safe, reliable vessels for transportation was dubbed “Fulton’s Folly.” That is until his steamboat Clermont navigated the Hudson River on an excursion from New York harbor to Albany, N.Y.

S.W. Stanton did this drawing of Robert Fulton's "folly,"
the steamboat Clermont that did the "impossible."

The steamboat traveled only five miles an hour, and the trip took to the state capital took 32 hours, but Fulton proved his detractors wrong. The seeming “impossible” became possible because he refused to quit.

Dr. Ben Carson is known today as a world-class neurosurgeon, honored by CNN and TIME magazine in 2001 as one of the top 20 U.S. physicians and scientists. However, growing up in a single-parent home in dire poverty, with poor grades in school, a volatile temper and low self-esteem, Carson seemed as likely to become a neurosurgeon as a grasshopper to win the Kentucky Derby. But for him the “impossible” became possible because he didn’t quit.

As a teenager, Joni Eareckson Tada suffered a broken neck while diving into a shallow lake, leaving her a quadriplegic, confined to a wheelchair without the use of her limbs. If someone had suggested one day she would become a best-selling author, accomplished artist, singer and much-sought-after speaker, the obvious response would have been, “Impossible!” But she’s become all of that – and more – because she didn’t quit, transforming impossible into possible.

There are countless other inspiring examples we could consider, but sadly there are also many more instances when people did quit – in despair, frustration, or simply impatience – making impossible possible. For some, possible was lurking around the corner, but they gave up just before reaching there. They turned potential success into failure.

One reason I’m so enthusiastic about my faith in Jesus Christ is because I serve the God of possibilities. For instance, the apostle Paul wrote, “I can do everything through (Christ) who strengthens me” (Philippians 4:13). Jesus told His followers, “With man this is impossible, but not with God; all things are possible with God” (Mark 10:27).

Have you ever had a dream, a lifelong, deeply held desire that you’ve been afraid to pursue because it seems impossible – or because other people told you it’s impossible? Maybe that’s not right, and maybe the other people were lying to you. What if what you’ve believed was impossible actually is possible – unless you quit?

Remember the promise God gives in Psalm 37:4 – “Delight yourself in the Lord and He will give you the desires of your heart.” Has the Lord given you a consuming passion to do something, a calling you can’t forget or deny? Then it’s not impossible. Trust that if you delight in Him, He’ll bring it to fruition.