Words: Inspiring or Inciting, Wonderful or Woeful?

“Sticks and stones may break my bones, but names will never hurt me!” When I was a kid, this old saying would be repeated over and over. One problem: it wasn’t true.

 

My boyhood had its share of cuts and scrapes. Even though I didn’t have a belligerent personality, I got into a scuffle or two. But I can't recall any of those injuries in detail. I can, however, remember harsh or unkind words that were directed to me and my fragile self-image as a youth. If I tried hard enough, some of those insults could still echo in my mind.

 

Perhaps this is one reason the Bible is replete with verses and passages that deal with the power of words, citing their capacity of uplifting and inspiring, as well as damage it can incite when misused.

 

In fact, the New Testament book of James clearly warns of the potential dangers of the tongue when not wisely restrained or controlled: “The tongue also is a fire, a world of evil among the parts of the body. It corrupts the whole person, sets the whole course of his life on fire, and is itself set on fire by hell…no man can tame the tongue. It is a restless evil, full of deadly poison” (James 3:6-8).

Of course, we don’t need to be speaking directly to someone, or even on the phone, to inflict damage with our words. We have resources like social media, text messaging and emails to insult, demean, bully, antagonize and disparage. In fact, hiding behind the curtains of cyberspace, cowardly individuals have given an entirely different meaning to “bully pulpit.”

 

Used with grace, words – spoken or written – have the power to inspire; they can be wonderful tools of encouragement. But misused, words can deflate, even destroy. This is why we read such admonitions in the book of Proverbs as:

“The mouth of the righteous is a fountain of life, but violence overwhelms the mouth of the wicked” (Proverbs 10:11).

“He who guards his lips guards his life, but he who speaks rashly will come to ruin” (Proverbs 13:3).

“A gentle answer turns away wrath, but a harsh word stirs up anger” (Proverbs 15:1).

“The tongue has the power of life and death, and those who love it will eat its fruit” (Proverbs 18:21).

 

When uncontrolled, one’s tongue inevitably strays into dangerous territory, so we find this admonition to speak with extreme caution: “When there are many words, transgression is not avoidable, but he who restrains his lips is wise” (Proverbs 10:19, NAS). The NIV translates it this way: “When words are many, sin is not absent, but he who holds his tongue is wise.” 

 

President Abraham Lincoln is reputed to have said, “Better to remain silent and be thought a fool than to speak and to remove all doubt.” We find a similar declaration that was made many centuries earlier in Proverbs 17:28, “Even a fool is thought wise if he keeps silent, and discerning if he holds his tongue.”

 

All this is not to diminish the value of words, whether spoken or written. Proverbs 15:28 offers this contrast: “The heart of the righteous ponders how to answer, but the mouth of the wicked pours out evil things” (Proverbs 15:28). And we find this observation in Proverbs 17:27, “A man of knowledge uses words with restraint, and a man of understanding is even-tempered.” 

 

These days it’s so easy to dash off an email thoughtlessly, failing to consider its impact on the recipient. Or to key in a derogatory comment on Facebook or Twitter. Perhaps, like a bit in the mouth of a horse, we need sound communication principles to keep our thoughts reined in. We find some in the 4^th chapter of the New Testament book of Ephesians.

 

As we prepare to speak or write something sensitive to another person, it would be helpful to pause and make certain that we are “…speaking the truth in love,” as Ephesians 4:15 phrases it.

 

A bit further into the chapter we find what we could term the “command for effective communicators: “Do not let any unwholesome talk come out of your mouths, but only what is helpful for building others up according to their needs, that it may benefit those who listen” (Ephesians 4:29).

Selfless, sacrificial love should be our primary motivation behind everything we do, according to the Word of God, including interpersonal communications. Passages like those above could serve as safeguards for everything we say and write. Being a writer who regularly uses an abundance of words in a variety of settings, I need the counsel of these verses as much as anyone. 

Conflict and Clashing Cymbals

Have you ever noticed in the Bible how God used dreams to reveal Himself and communicate His will to others? 

There was Jacob, dreaming of angels ascending and descending a ladder to Heaven. Joseph was freed from prison in Egypt when God enabled Him to correctly interpreted a series of dreams. Daniel rose to a position of high authority in Babylon after interpreting a troubling dream the king had. Mary’s husband, Joseph, was told in a dream not to divorce her even though she was pregnant with God’s Son. And Peter received the revelation through a dream that the gospel of Christ was for gentiles as well as Jews/

God doesn’t often speak to me directly, but recently I awoke in the middle of the night with a brief message I believe was from Him. I don’t know if it was a dream, or just a thought, but what He said was simple.

I had been interacting with a friend, a fellow believer on a theological matter and had sent him a lengthy email about it, citing chapter and verse to support why what I believe is true. What our disagreement concerned doesn’t matter here, but what the Lord spoke to me about it consisted of just two words: “Clanging cymbal.”

In 1 Corinthians 13:1 it says, “If I speak in the tongues of men and of angels, but have not love, I am only a resounding gong or a clanging cymbal.” It goes on to say, “If I have the gift of prophecy and can fathom all mysteries and all knowledge, and if I have a faith that can move mountains, but have not love, I am nothing….”

To me, this says that from God’s perspective, it’s not just what we say – however true it may be – but also how we say it, and why. “Instead, speaking the truth in love, we will grow to become in every respect the mature body of him who is the head, that is, Christ” (Ephesians 4:15).

My natural communication style is to be direct and forthright. The problem with that is, even if what I say is on point, I can offend or hurt someone if I fail to cushion what I say without also communicating the genuine love and concern I have for them. Too often I’ve done just that. So I sent my friend a follow-up email, asking his forgiveness for insensitivity and lack of Christlike love I might have conveyed earlier. His or my rightness or wrongness wasn’t important.

In 1 John 4:16 we’re told, “God is love,” and I’ve thought a lot about that and what it means in an everyday, practical sense. I plan to do even more thinking about it. But one manifestation of it – if it’s true, as the Bible tells us, “it is no longer I who live, but Christ who lives in me” (Galatians 2:20) – is that whether it’s our speech, thoughts toward others, or actions, all should be guided according to the love of Jesus working in us and through us. 

Hence, even if we’re exactly correct in what we’re saying – and I’m not arguing or defending the point I was trying to make with my friend – if we don’t do it with sincere, Christ-centered love toward the other person(s), it’s all for naught.

Today’s society encourages people to vent their feelings, frustrations and fears. “Just let it out.” But much – probably most – of it is rooted in hatred, antagonism and animosity. There’s no love being shown, no desire for reconciliation or working toward mutual accord. This, perhaps more than in any other way, is where followers of Jesus can distinguish ourselves from everyone else. (And if you think I’m pointing a finger at you, keep in mind I’m pointing the other fingers back at me!)

In John 13:35, Jesus said, “By this all men will know that you are My disciples, if you have love for one another." He also said we’re to “love your enemies” (Matthew 5:44, Luke 6:27,35). Why such a big deal about love? Why all this schmaltzy stuff Jesus is talking about, if we’re to win the day, exert our influence, and right the wrongs?

Years ago, a wise man put it this way: “People don’t care how much you know, until they know how much you care.” That’s good advice as we go into the day, governing how we think about others, speak to them and act toward them. Are we speaking and acting with grace, as Colossians 4:6 instructs us, or do we come across as resounding gongs or clanging cymbals?

Crashing cymbals might be useful for marching bands and rock groups, but not for building relationships or creating harmony and unity.

Don’t Be Afraid to Say It!

A basic principle of advertising in any form – whether in print, on TV, radio, billboards, in movie theaters, or online – is the value of repetition. The more times people read or hear something, the more likely the message is to make an impression; hopefully one that prompts them to purchase the product or service.

During my time in the newspaper business, I served as a publisher for about a year. I’d occasionally talk with advertisers who complained because they’d received little response from the ad that had appeared just one time. “You have to run your ad more than once,” I’d explain. “It might take several exposures before people will notice it and decide to be your customers.”

This principle also seems applicable to spirituality, whether for people being drawn to Jesus Christ or believers growing in their faith. Usually it requires hearing something more than once before it sinks in and we start to act on it.

Writing to Christ followers in the city of Philippi, the apostle Paul wrote, “Whatever you have learned or received or heard from me, or seen in me – put into practice” (Philippians 4:9). Apparently, these people had numerous opportunities to hear from Paul and observe how his life aligned with what he preached. They were learning via the power of repetition.

This should serve as motivation for us to eagerly share with others what God has taught us over time, whether we’re speaking to believers, seekers, or even apparently ardent non-believers.

Reflecting over my own spiritual journey, I realize it was a long, cumulative process of being presented with biblical truth, meditating over it, and eventually resolving to implement it into my life. I can remember hearing many stories about Jesus as a boy, and reading the Bible as a young adult, but not until my early 30’s did I start understanding how to relate this to my life.

Recently I had an opportunity to converse with a young man about his education and career plans. His chosen field of endeavor is known for its antagonism toward Christian beliefs, but I commended him for his desire to serve as salt and light in such a challenging environment.

As we talked, I offered some insights I had gained over the years, offering words of caution and a reminder of the importance to commit to God whatever we intend to do. For instance, I cited my life verses, Proverbs 3:5-6: “Trust in the Lord with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding; in all your ways acknowledge him, and he will make your paths straight,” giving examples of how this passage has proved meaningful for my own life.

My goal wasn’t to persuade him to do exactly what I said, but to plant some seeds of biblical truth. This might have been the only time I’ll see this young man face to face, and  was hoping to impart some wisdom I’ve acquired that might be useful for him in the future.

I have a friend who drives for a ride-sharing service and prays every day for opportunities to talk with his passengers about the Lord. In his affable, non-intrusive manner, he’s started numerous conversations by talking briefly about how God has worked in his life. His goal isn’t to “close the deal” evangelistically, but to demonstrate the love of Christ to people whoever they are and wherever they happen to be spiritually.

His hope is that God will use what he says either to move them closer to a life-changing relationship with Jesus, or to help them deepen in their day-to-day walk with Him. My friend realizes he might never cross paths with many of these people again, so he’s intent on “making the most of the opportunity” (Colossians 4:5).

Without question, we need to use wisdom whenever we speak with others about Jesus Christ. Especially strangers. Ephesians 4:15 says we’re to be “speaking the truth in love,” engaging with others out of genuine interest and concern, wanting to share with them the best news we could ever hear.

At the same time, we shouldn’t be timid when God swings open doors of opportunity. To borrow a phrase from the Seals and Crofts tune of the early 1970’s, “we may never pass this way again.” We might never know how the Lord will use the words we share, but if done in the power of His Spirit, we can be assured He will use them!

What I Learned Since I Knew It All

Are you old enough to remember the Encyclopedia Brittanica? How about the World Book Encyclopedia, or Encyclopedia Americana? Funk & Wagnalls, anyone? Once they were the repositories of knowledge, collections of information that, if nothing else, looked impressive and scholarly.

This classic Brockhaus Encyclopedia, photo courtesy
of Wikipedia, was an early storehouse of knowledge.

Today the only people owning these factual stockpiles call them collector’s items. No one knocks on your door anymore trying to sell you a set of encyclopedia. The reasons are simple: We have Google and other search engines that provide everything we need to know ligerally at our fingertips. And the information’s current. To keep encyclopedias up to date, they produced annual volumes to review what had transpired and was learned over the past 12 months. And even those were outdated before they got off the presses.

Of course, long before encyclopedias were even invented, there was another all-knowing resource. It was – and still is – called the “teenager.” If you’ve raised teenagers, or remember what it was like to be one, you realize young people have a special gift. Or maybe a curse: They know it all – or think they do. I’ve been a know-it-all teen, and have been a parent to teens, so I’ve experienced this complex condition. Maybe it’s instinctive to becoming independent, but they go to sleep one night agreeable and compliant, and the next morning wake up thinking they’ve acquired the wisdom of the universe.

The know-it-all syndrome doesn’t necessarily end when the teen years do, however. I recall numerous times as an adult – and probably many more that I’ve forgotten – when I was quick to make people aware of how much I knew. In retrospect, I’ve discovered I haven’t always known as much as I thought I did.

A little bit of knowledge can be a dangerous thing. In fact, knowledge – even truth – used recklessly turns into a lethal weapon. Because my style for communicating face to face tends to be direct, even off the cuff, there have been many occasions when I came to regret not being more tactful.

Someone might say, “The truth hurts,” but it doesn’t have to; it’s always better when the truth (at least as we understand it) is conveyed in a context of sensitivity and compassion, whenever possible. That’s why I often ponder some of the principles the Bible teaches about our eagerness to “tell the truth.” For instance, Ephesians 4:15 admonishes, “Instead, speaking the truth in love, we will grow to become in every respect the mature body of him who is the head, that is, Christ.”

If that doesn’t seem clear enough, the ancient book of Proverbs offers this warning for those of us prone to be know-it-alls: “The wise don’t make a show of their knowledge, but fools broadcast their foolishness” (Proverbs 12:23).

The writer of Proverbs apparently was well-acquainted with the perils of verbose know-it-alls, because he offered more insights: “Reckless words pierce like a sword, but the tongue of the wise brings healing” (Proverbs 12:18). “He who guards his lips guards his life, but he who speaks rashly will come to ruin” (Proverbs 13:3).

And there’s my all-time favorite, sound advice for reining in someone like me who’s always ready to tell others what I know – even when they haven’t asked my opinion: “When there are many words, transgression is unavoidable, but he who restrains his lips is wise” (Proverbs 10:19)

So if you, or someone you know, has a teenager stealthily hiding within, itching to demonstrate how he or she is like a walking, talking encyclopedia, these passages might be good ones to use as reference.