Fathers – a Vital Foundation for the Family

Sunday marks an important day for our society. Father’s Day celebrates the men who arrive home after a long day at work and are greeted by toddlers screaming, “Daddy, Daddy!” It honors those guys who take their sons or daughters to the park, fishing, or toss the baseball or football with them in the back yard. It commemorates the individual whose appearance evokes little attention from teen-aged children, that is until, “Dad, can I borrow the car?” or “Can I have $20 for my date tonight?” 

 

Unfortunately, Father’s Day has little or no meaning in many homes. The United States, according to studies, has the dubious distinction of having the highest rate in the world of children living in single-parent homes, with nearly 25 percent – about 23 million kids – living in these families.

 

The vast majority of these are father-absent homes, with single mothers having to carry the full responsibility of providing care for their children economically, physically and emotionally. In 2022, for example, 40 percent of all births in the U.S. were to unmarried women, four times the rate of 1970. The percentage is much higher in African-American homes, nearly 70 percent.

 

We rightly commend the strength, resolve and courage of single mothers, but what are the consequences for children growing up in single-parent homes? Research has shown that regardless of parents’ race or educational background, their kids are nearly four times more likely to live in poverty, have more difficulty academically, score poorly on tests – especially reading and math – and are more likely to drop out of school, dimming their prospects in adulthood.

 

Boys living in these environments are more likely to engage in negative social behaviors, and girls often lack confidence and struggle with decision-making. Factions in society might deny or ignore the negative impact of not having both father and mother in the home, but objective consideration of the facts tells us children growing up in intact, two-parent homes have a far greater likelihood of succeeding, enjoying fulfilling lives – and of being able to stay out of trouble.

 

Ecclesiastes 4:9 says it well: “Two are better than one, because they have a good return for their work.” This applies to finishing a project at work, achieving success in sports, and especially for trying to handle the daunting challenges of raising children in our complex world.

 

One might argue that not all fathers are people we’d want to emulate. That’s true. But the same can be said of both men and women in any field of endeavor. There are glowing examples – and woeful failures. But this phenomenon of single-parent homes, largely led by moms, has been escalating since the mid-1960s. Starting with those years, divorces became more easily granted. In addition, government regulations and policies, intended or not, in effect encouraged fathers not to remain in the home with their wives and children.

 

As a result, we have multiple generations of children who have grown up without the influence of an in-home father. It follows that if a boy doesn’t have the example of a caring, devoted father growing up, it’s likely he won’t have a clue about how to become an effective father himself. And girls will have no idea what to seek in a man who is loving, faithful and willing to share the load of parenthood.

 

The Scriptures commend both fathers and mothers. But God, whom the Bible refers to as Father, indicates fathers have a divinely ordained role for the family. Speaking through Moses to the nation of Israel, a patriarchal society, the Lord commanded, “Love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your strength. These commandments that I give you today are to be upon your hearts. Impress them on your children. Talk about them when you sit at home and when you walk along the road, when you lie down and when you get up” (Deuteronomy 6:4-7).

 

Without a father in the home, it can be very difficult for a boy to understand what it means to become a godly man, or for a girl to discover what a godly husband and father should look like. If  fortunate, they might find a father figure – an uncle, grandfather, good family friend – to provide that example. But from the start, God’s design has been for both father and mother to be present and involved to “Train up a child in the way he should go, and when he is old he will not turn from it” (Proverbs 22:6).

 

Writing to believers in ancient Thessalonica, the apostle Paul pointed to both fathers and mothers to illustrate his love and concern for them: “…we were gentle among you, like a mother caring for her little children. We loved you so much that we were delighted to share with you not only the gospel of God but our lives as well, because you had become so dear to us…. For you know that we dealt with each of you as a father deals with his own children, encouraging, comforting and urging you to live lives worthy of God, who calls you into His kingdom and glory” (1 Thessalonians 2:7-8,11-12).

The Lord has given me the privilege of being the father of three daughters, aa stepson and a stepdaughter, as well as being a grandfather and great-grandfather. I’ve been far from perfect, and if dads were given a “mulligan,” I’d certainly take one in some areas. But together, my wife and I have strived to provide a consistent example of love, commitment, and faith. I would hope and pray that everyone reading this would aim for that as well. Happy Father’s Day! 

Pride Is Good for Lions, Not for People

Have you ever considered the names given to groups of different animals? We know birds and sheep gather in flocks, while we find cattle and buffalo in herds. Fish are probably the most educated of living creatures since they’re always in schools. You can find elephants either in a herd or a parade – especially during holiday celebrations, apparently. Dogs and wolves sometimes travel in a pack, although I’ve never seen one carrying a suitcase.  

Sharks swim in a shiver, even when the water’s warm. Jellyfish can be found in a smack, while whales and dolphins cavort in pods. (Like peas, I guess.) Gorillas and coyotes associate in a band, although no one knows which instruments they play. If you find a bunch of crows together, that’s a murder – but it’s not a felony. Rattlesnakes are found in a rhumba, but beware before dancing with them.

 

Some animals apparently are more organized than others, because cheetahs are found in a coalition, eagles in a convocation, owls in a parliament, baboons in a troop, crabs in a consortium, and alligators in a congregation – although I don’t think I’d try attending that church. Lemurs convene in a conspiracy – at least in theory.

 

Ants, beavers and penguins all are found in colonies, but never in the same place at the same time. Other names for animal groups seem aptly descriptive, like a flamboyance of flamingos, a dazzle of zebras, a crash of rhinoceroses, a streak of tigers, a gaggle of geese, a romp of otters, a scurry of squirrels, a caravan of camels, a cackle of hyenas, and a cloud of gnats. If you find a bunch of pandas together it’s an embarrassment, but I’ve never seen a panda blushing.

 

My favorite name for an animal grouping is a pride of lions. They certainly ought to be proud: The majestic manes that frame the heads of male lions. Their ferocious, fearsome roars. And those huge teeth that would make any dentist giddy with anticipation. 

 

However, while pride is fitting for lions, it’s not such a good thing for humans. It’s fine to be proud of a job well done or some notable achievement. But that’s not so much a matter of pride as it is feeling satisfied or gratified by the outcome of one’s efforts. And speaking of colonies, as the 250^th anniversary of our nation’s founding approaches, it’s not a sin being proud to be an American. Just as people from other countries take pride in their own national heritages.

 

The problem with pride occurs when egotism and self-centeredness enter the picture. It’s easy to identify because it typically carries with it the pronouns “I” and “me” – being used ad nauseum. Pride is also known as hubris, arrogance, and unjustified levels of confidence or conceit. Putting it in spiritual terms, it’s choosing to be one’s own god. We see it being manifested by athletes, entertainers, politicians (on both sides of the aisle) and other people of note. But one doesn’t need to be famous to be prideful.

 

Reading the Scriptures, we find examples of overweening pride from beginning to end. It didn’t take Adam and Eve long to start practicing it. God had said their only prohibition in the Garden of Eden was to not eat from the tree of the knowledge of good and evil. The first couple decided to defy that command, agreeing with Satan – disguised as a serpent – when he said, “…when you eat of it your eyes will be opened, and you will be like God, knowing good and evil” (Genesis 3:5).

 

This self-indulgent, sinful “heredity” quickly presented itself in Adam and Eve’s offspring. When it came time to give an offering to God, younger brother Abel’s was accepted but not Cain’s, the elder. In a fit of prideful, jealous rage, Cain killed his brother, as recounted in Genesis 4:2-12. The entirety of the Bible recounts many instances of this spiritual tug-of-war, humankind’s rebellion proudly facing off against the precepts and principles of a loving but also righteous, just God.

 

A striking example is the account of when Babylonian king Nebuchadnezzar fulfilled a prophecy from Daniel, an exiled Israelite who risen to become one of the king’s chief advisors. One day while walking on the roof on his royal palace the king said, “Is not this the great Babylon I have built…by my mighty power and for the glory of my majesty?” Instantly the king was driven from his people and lived seven years with wild animals, “until you acknowledge that the Most High is sovereign over the kingdoms of men and gives them to anyone He wishes” (Daniel 4:28-37).

 

In 1 Timothy 6:10, the apostle Paul wrote that “the love of money is a root of all sorts of evil…,” but as brilliant Christian apologist C.S. Lewis observed, pride is at the heart of every sin: lust, greed, coveting, anger, etc.

 

Expressing how God feels about selfish pride, the book of Proverbs offers many contrasts between pride and humility. For instance: 

“When pride comes, then comes disgrace, but with humility comes wisdom” (Proverbs 11:2). 

“The fear of the Lord teaches a man wisdom, and humility comes before honor” (Proverbs 15:33).

“Pride goes before destruction, a haughty spirit before a fall” (Proverbs 16:18).

“The proud and arrogant man – ‘Mocker’ is his name; he behaves with overweening pride” (Proverbs 21:24).

“Humility and the fear of the Lord bring wealth and honor and life” (Proverbs 22:4).

 

Speaking of the importance for younger men to be respectful and submissive to their elders, the apostle Peter admonished, “…All of you, clothes yourselves with humility toward one another, because, ‘God opposes the proud but gives grace to the humble.’ Humble yourselves, therefore, under God’s mighty hand, that He may lift you up in due time” (1 Peter 5:5-6).

 

Moral of the story: If you’re a lion, take pride in that. But if you’re a human, err on the side of humility.

Does Your Everyday Life Even Have a Prayer?

"When all else fails, pray.” We’ve probably all heard someone say that at one time or another. We might have said it ourselves when it seemed like everything we’ve tried to do hasn’t worked. That’s one reason it’s said there are no atheists in foxholes. Bombs falling overhead and bullets zipping past can definitely foster feelings of helplessness.

 

But this “last resort” attitude toward prayer isn’t limited to dangerous, near-death situations. It applies to everyday circumstances as well. Making major decisions like buying and selling houses. Deciding whether to trade in Old Reliable SUV for a new one. Evaluating job and career options. We tend to explore every possible option until we finally hit a wall, at a loss as to what we should do. Then – and only then – do we think maybe it would help to pray.

 

Ironically, this often happens even in churches and ministry situations. Whether it’s preparing a sermon, practicing worship music, planning youth activities, or organizing mission outreach programs, we plunge ahead with our ideas and plans. What does the Lord think about what we’re doing? Well, if necessary, we’ll pause and ask Him.

 

But as we study the Scriptures, we discover prayer should be treated as the first resort, not the last. Adam and Eve didn’t pray about whether to sample the forbidden fruit – and we know what happened as a result. Throughout the Old Testament, the patriarchs and prophets all understood the importance of prayer. Many times they learned this initially by failing to pray and then having to deal with the consequences.

 

We have no better example of the power of prayer than the prophet Elijah, who was remembered by the apostle James. “Elijah was a man just like us. He prayed earnestly that it would not rain, and it did not rain on the land for three and a half years. Again he prayed, and the heavens gave rain, and the earth produced its crops” (James 5:17-18).

 

Jesus Christ during His earthly ministry made prayer a top priority from the onset. After having performed many miracles, He chose to spend time alone in prayer, seeking direction and the strength He needed for the days ahead. “Very early in the morning, while it was still dark, Jesus got up, left the house and went off to a solitary place, where He prayed” (Mark 1:35).

 

At that time, however, Jesus’ disciples didn’t get it. With so much to do, so many people with whom to minister, they might have been wondering why He was “wasting time” praying. “Simon and his companions went to look for Him, and when they found Him, they exclaimed, ‘Everyone is looking for you!’” (Mark 1:36-37). In essence, “We don’t have time to pray!”

 

But Jesus followed this practice repeatedly over the next three years. Just hours before His betrayal, Jesus did what He knew was the very best thing, as recounted in Matthew 26:36-44: He prayed. “Then Jesus went with His disciples to a place called Gethsemane, and He said to them, ‘Sit here while I go over there and pray’…. Going a little farther, He fell with His face to the ground and prayed….” After checking on His disciples overcome with grief and exhaustion, Jesus did this twice more before Judas Iscariot arrived with the religious leaders and Roman officials to betray Him. 

 

Oswald Chambers, whose powerful devotional messages continue to minister to people all around the world more than 100 years after his death, made this observation: “Prayer does not prepare us for the greater work. Prayer is the greater work.”

 

With no greater example of this than Jesus, the apostles Peter and John admonished that if we’re true followers of Christ we should do as He did: 

“…For you have been called for this purpose, since Christ also suffered for you, leaving you an example so that you would follow in His steps” (1 Peter 2:21). 

“Whoever claims to abide in Him must walk as Jesus walked” (1 John 2:6).

 

More times than I’d like to admit, I’ve charged ahead with whatever task or objective I felt I should be pursuing, including the ministry of the written word, without pausing first to pray and seek God’s guidance. Sometimes I may have figured I already knew what needed to be done and didn’t want to risk asking Him about it. What if the Lord had different ideas?

 

Then, after spinning my wheels and realizing what I was attempting to do wasn’t working after all, I’d stop to pray – also asking forgiveness for being so presumptuous. Time and again I’d be reminded of what the old TV sitcom used to assert: “Father Knows Best.”

 

Perhaps it would be helpful for us to post a sign on our desk at work, on the refrigerator, or even on the bathroom mirror to remind us: “Prayer doesn’t prepare us for the greater work. Prayer is the greater work.” 

Having Faith Is a Tasteful Thing to Do

You had driven past the same restaurant countless times but never seriously thought about stopping to see what it was like. Maybe the exterior wasn’t very inviting, or the name didn’t catch your attention. Then a friend recommended it, so you decided, “Let’s give it a try.” To your surprise, the food tasted great, the service at the restaurant was excellent, and you wondered, “Why didn’t we try this place years ago?”

 

Or you’ve always avoided eating a certain kind of food. Not because you didn’t like it – because you had never even tried it. It just didn’t seem like something that would appeal to your palate. Then someone you were dining with ordered that food and insisted you try it. “Just a taste. You don’t know what you’re missing.” With a shrug you agreed, and instantly your tastebuds started doing a happy dance. After resisting even to try it, you were scratching your head thinking, “I should have tried this long ago!”

 

This was the case for us some years back. We’d driven by a certain pizza place many times but had never made the right turn to sample their menu. We already had a go-to pizza restaurant, so why bother going somewhere else? One day we couldn’t agree on where to eat, so we opted to go there. A friend had often said the food was really good. To our surprise, their salads were excellent and the pies were better than any we’d had anywhere else in town. It quickly became our favorite.

 

Maybe you’ve seen an infant initially balk at opening her mouth and trying a spoonful of new food, but mommy finally successfully gets some in despite tightened lips. Baby’s eyes suddenly get wide with excitement and she’s opening her mouth, eager for another bite.

 

In each case, initial reluctance was overcome by just a taste, a little sampling. That’s all it takes. I’ve experienced this spiritually as well. I’d gone to church for most of my life but had kept my “relationship” with God at an arm’s length at best. Most of the time I just ignored Him altogether, except for moments of crisis when I’d send a few “flare prayers” heavenward. Once the “emergency” had passed, however, I would resume living my life as usual, with no thought of God. 

 

I’d even read the Bible front to back during my senior year of high school purely out of curiosity, but my spiritual life was like glancing as goodies through a bakery window but never going inside to buy anything. Then I started attending a church where the pastor taught the Bible in a way I’d never heard before. For the first time, I took a real “taste.” 

 

The Bible talks about this. Psalm 34:8 says, “Taste and see that the Lord is good; blessed is the one who takes refuge in Him.” And in 1 Peter 2:3 the apostle writes, “Like newborn babies, crave pure spiritual milk, so that by it you may grow up in your salvation, now that you have tasted that the Lord is good.”

 

Unfortunately, many people never allow themselves even the first taste. Like the little kid who turns up his nose at carrots or peas or even mashed potatoes, folks have already decided for whatever reason that giving faith in God a try isn’t something they’re going to do.

 

However, my own experience and that of countless people I’ve gotten to know over the years serve as proof such a choice is a foolish one. It’s not always easy, sometimes downright difficult. But a life of walking with Jesus Christ is infinitely better than insisting on living life without Him.

 

What does it mean to “taste that the Lord is good”? For me it means to read some of the promises in the Scriptures, truths God has revealed about Himself, and act upon them in faith. One of them for me early on was Proverbs 3:5-6, which says, “Trust in the Lord with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding; in all your ways acknowledge Him, and He will make your paths straight.” Never once has He failed to guide me, often far beyond my greatest hopes and expectations.

 

Countless books have been written and sermons beyond number given to explain what happens when people seriously “taste” what the Lord has to offer. Galatians 5:22-23 gives a brief list summarizing just some of the many benefits of having God in our lives: “But the fruit of the Spirit is love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness and self-control….” Who wouldn’t want those in their life?

 

Then there are grace and mercy, freely given even though we all are so undeserving. If we’re honest with ourselves and recognize how our sinfulness is so distasteful to a holy, righteous God, the assurance of receiving complete and utter forgiveness from Him is almost unbelievable. John Newton, a slave trader among other things before his encounter with Jesus Christ, captured this in his well-known hymn, “Amazing Grace.”

 

I’ve read hundreds of books over my lifetime, but none compares with the Bible. Its scope, depth, wisdom and truth surpass anything the mind of man has ever conceived. Just to sample it, giving it an honest taste, is enough to want to make it a part of your daily “diet.” As the psalmist wrote in the longest of the Psalms, “How sweet are Your words to my taste, sweeter than honey to my mouth!” (Psalm 119:103).

The idea of “tasting” God is more than a metaphor. Jesus Christ referred to it as a reality, an invitation to dine with Him in ways no kitchen or restaurant could boast. Jesus declared, “I am the bread of life. Whoever comes to Me will never hunger, and whoever believes in Me will never thirst” (John 6:35). He also said, “Here I am! I stand at the door and knock. If anyone hears My voice and opens the door, I will come in and eat with him, and he with Me” (Revelation 3:20). If you haven’t tried Him, don’t wait another day.

Considering the ‘Math’ of Christianity

Have you ever gone into a grocery store and looked at two different size packages or containers for a product you wanted to buy? Which is cheaper? The answer is simple: Do the math. If 32 ounces of something costs $5.49, but 64 ounces of the same thing costs $8.99, a simple calculation will tell you the larger one costs less per ounce.

 

When making a major purchase, such as buying a new house, new car or even a new TV, “do the math” can be sound advice. What impact will that have on the budget? Can we afford it? There are few things worse than monthly outgo exceeding monthly income. Been there and done that!

 

Interestingly enough, there were times when Jesus Christ asked His disciples to do the math, although not in so many words. We have instances recorded in the gospels when He confounded them by doing what seemed mathematically impossible, except for the fact that “with God all things are possible” (Matthew 19:26). 

 

Mark 6:30-44 recounts a time when more than 5,000 men, women and children gathered to hear Jesus speak. When the disciples pointed out it was getting late in the day and the people were getting hungry, Jesus responded, “You give them something to eat.” To which they responded, “That would take eight months of a man’s wages!” 

 

Rather than telling the disciples to send His eager listeners away to fend for themselves, Jesus asked how much food was on hand. The disciples looked around and found five loaves of bread and two fish, hardly enough to cater a suitable meal for a small group, let alone the assembled throng. But for Jesus that was sufficient. He blessed the food, looking up to heaven and offering thanks for it, then instructed the disciples to start distributing it.

 

Miraculously, everyone had more than enough to eat – with 12 basketsful of broken pieces of bread and fish left over.

 

Another time, recorded in Mark 8:1-10, Jesus did the same with another large crowd that exceeded 4,000. This time He had seven loaves of bread and a few small fish to work with. He again gave thanks before the food was passed through the gathering of men, women and children. Afterward the disciples collected seven basketfuls of broken pieces. When the disciples tried to ‘do the math,’ the task seemed insurmountable. But when God does His multiplication, the impossible becomes possible.

 

In both accounts, the Lord demonstrated His preferred arithmetic operation is multiplication. This idea is consistent throughout both the Old and New Testaments. In the Bible’s opening chapter, after God created Adam and Eve as the first humans, His first command to them was, “Be fruitful and multiply, and fill the earth and subdue it…” (Genesis 1:28).

 

We could cite other examples in the Scriptures of how the Lord multiplied things in a material sense, but most important is that God doesn’t limit His ‘mathematical’ strategies to things like food and wine and oil. His primary focus is to multiply the number of those who become His devoted followers.

 

Within the context of the Creation account, before the command to “be fruitful and multiply” we read, “So God created man in His own image, in the image of God He created him; male and female He created them” (Genesis 1:27). He wanted them to reproduce both physically and spiritually, making more people who would become His image-bearers.

 

Ultimately, what this looks like in Christianity is disciple-making. In His Great Commission, given just before ascending to heaven, Jesus instructed His disciples, “Therefore go and make disciples of all nations…teaching them to obey everything I have commanded you…” (Matthew 28:19-20). This directive was intentional. Mere converts – what the Bible calls “newborn babes” in Christ – aren’t mature enough to reproduce. That’s the responsibility of true disciples – followers, learners and mentors who will become spiritual reproducers.

 

Too often the modern Church focuses on converts, getting folks to pray a salvation prayer or walk an aisle. However, when people begin to grow in their relationship with Christ there’s a ripple effect, an exponential impact that multiplies from one person to another, from one generation to the next.

 

This is why the apostle Paul, writing to his protégé Timothy, admonished him, “And the things you have heard me say in the presence of many witnesses entrust to reliable men who will also be qualified to teach others” (2 Timothy 2:2). In that single verse we see four generations of believers – Paul, Timothy, reliable (or faithful) people, and others.

 

Years ago, a friend showed me an Old Testament parallel to this imagery. Speaking to the Israelites, His chosen people, God declared, “Since you are precious and honored in My sight, and because I love you, I will give men in exchange for you, and people in exchange for your life” (Isaiah 43:4).

 

This promise continues to hold true today. I’ve known many people who have taken it to heart, investing countless hours and pouring their lives into younger believers, helping them to understand and apply the foundational truths of the Scriptures so they can grow in their faith and reciprocate with others the Lord brings into their lives.

 

God can multiply our material resources whenever necessary, fulfilling the assurance of Philippians 4:19, "And my God will supply all your needs according to His riches in Christ Jesus.” Of far greater importance, He desires to do spiritual multiplication, multiplying those who follow Him and will faithfully serve and represent Him to a broken world desperately needing to hear the life-changing Good News of Christ.

From a ragtag group of followers after His resurrection, the Lord has multiplied believers all around the world, millions upon millions. All because of obedience to His command to “go and make disciples.” You can do the math. 

Like Arrows in the Hands of Warriors

What would you think of a shooting instructor that commanded his students, “Ready! Fire! Aim!”? Sounds ridiculous, doesn’t it? Because anyone who’s ever held and fired a gun knows you get ready first, then you determine your target and carefully aim at it, and then you fire the weapon. 

Unfortunately, many parents today seem to operate in the fire-first, aim-later mode. They carry out their parenting responsibilities with a reactive approach rather than being proactive. Tyrannized by the urgent rather than being guided by the important. They might have vision for how they’d like their kids to turn out but fail to do the hard work of pointing them in the right direction and getting them to the “target.”

 

The Bible relates the mission of parenting to a kind of “target practice,” but instead of using a gun as a metaphor (they didn’t exist back then) it uses a bow and arrow. Psalm 127:3-5 says:

“Behold, children are a gift of the Lord, the fruit of the womb is a reward.

Like arrows in the hand of a warrior, so are children of one’s youth.

How blessed is the man whose quiver is full of them. 

They will not be ashamed when they speak with their enemies at the gate.”

 

We might not often think of parenting in terms of warfare – except possibly when dealing with a headstrong, rebellious child. But perhaps being warriors going to war is a fitting comparison for our times today. Parents in every generation may have felt this way to some degree, but it seems the challenges we’re facing are greater than at any time in the past. 

 

With the pressures and distractions of technology, influence of social media, and society’s constant attacks on traditional values, our calling for raising responsible, productive, God-fearing children is confronted with more obstacles than ever. Parenting can’t be treated as some side-hustle while focusing on other things.

 

Why the analogy of children to “arrows in the hand of a warrior”? To be honest, I’ve never shot a competition-quality bow and arrow. I only played with toy bows and arrows when I was a boy. But I know enough to understand that whether you’re preparing to shoot an arrow, fire a gun, or set a course for your career, an old saying applies: “If you aim at nothing, you’ll hit it every time.”

 

Too often parents opt for nothing and abdicate their own responsibilities, presuming they can rely on schools and the church to provide the necessary training. Unfortunately, much of what is being taught in many schools contradicts what the Lord instructs in His Word, so we can’t trust them to do the job. As for church, even the best ones only have our kids a couple hours each week, so the positive impact they can have is small compared to the influences surrounding our kids every day.

 

This is why the teaching of Proverbs 22:6 is so profound: “Train up a child in the way he should go, even when he is old he will not depart from it.” This isn’t a guarantee that children will grow up to be devout followers of Jesus and be recognized as godly leaders. However, it’s our responsibility to teach them what’s right and true and reinforce that by serving as consistent examples of what a person with a heart after God should look like.

 

Training our children effectively requires time, effort and intentionality. A well-accepted goal-setting guideline is to ask and answer three important questions: “Where are we going? How are we going to get there? How will we know when we’ve arrived?” These also are good questions to consider in formulating a strategy for raising children who will know the way they should go – and when they’re old, won’t depart from it.

 

Granted, we don’t have complete control over how our kids will ultimately turn out. God does much of the work, drawing them to Himself and molding their hearts, often using life’s circumstances to get their attention. And kids, especially once they become teenagers and older, must make many of their own decisions. Some of which we might not agree with. But then, didn’t we learn to make good decisions – by sometimes making bad decisions?

 

However, just as the Lord makes us stewards (managers) of the material resources He entrusts to us, we’re also stewards of the children He’s given to us. Like it or not, we’re to serve as trainers for our youngsters. They’re not going to become model citizens automatically.

 

Remember “show and tell” when you were in elementary school? In a sense, parenting also is a show-and-tell endeavor: We show how to do things the right way, including living a life of faith in Christ. This includes praying with our kids and praying to the Lord for them. We tell them what God says in His Word, and show we believe what it says by living accordingly.

 

Deuteronomy 6:5-7 admonishes us, “Love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your strength. These commandments that I give you today are to be upon your hearts. Impress them on your children. Talk about them with you sit at home and when you walk along the road, when you lie down and when you get up.”

 

Clearly, God has made raising our children – teaching and showing them the way they should go – a primary responsibility. If we don’t do our job, someone else will do it by proxy. And we might not like the target at which they’re aiming.

Short-Term Gain vs. Long-Term Pain

My decision to exercise regularly began nearly 30 years ago. I’d gone on a two-week trip to Europe and discovered walking’s a primary mode of transportation there. Here in the U.S., we drive practically everywhere, but many European cities and towns are compact and pedestrian-friendly, making walking both efficient and economical. Upon returning home I began power-walking several days a week. 

After open-heart surgery in 2006, I started a cardiac rehab program that I continued for more than a decade. Later I shifted to the YMCA, where I try to work out at least three times a week. I’ve adopted a personal motto: ‘I hate to exercise, but love to have exercised.’ I can always think of things I’d rather be doing than walking on a treadmill, pedaling on an exercise bike or lifting weights. But when finished, I’m glad I did it and believe I’ve done some good.

 

I’m no exercise freak by a long shot, but have learned the truth of the adage, “no pain, no gain.” Athletes know this well, as do virtuoso musicians and folks desiring to grow and excel in various pursuits. There’s even a corollary to this motto: short-term pain, long-term gain. To attain a desired outcome or goal, it’s necessary to put in the hard work to get there.

 

Sadly, many people have taken the opposite approach and suffered its consequences: indulging in short-term gain but then having to endure long-term pain. Early in my walk with Jesus Christ, a friend made a comment that stuck with me: “If sin wasn’t fun, we wouldn’t want to do it.” If you don’t like liver or Brussels sprouts, you don’t have to resist a temptation to eat them. But when a temptation seems enticing, too often we don’t stop to consider what might follow.

 

This short-term gain/long-term pain dilemma takes many forms. Years ago, I had a young friend who loved speed. He proudly boasted of riding his “bullet bike” more than 100 miles an hour down the interstate on numerous occasions. He was never involved in an accident at that speed, but lots of other folks haven’t been as fortunate.

 

For other people, “one-night stands” or illicit affairs have brought about ruination in many ways: Emotional turmoil, unplanned pregnancies, severed marital bonds, children growing up without intact two-parent homes. What might have felt like fun spawned devastating residual effects.

 

Addictions are the regretful outcome of many choices made only with short-term gain in mind, disregarding the potential for long-term pain: Alcohol and chemical abuse, workaholism, pornography, gambling, food addictions, and many other vices. No one has said, “I’m drinking now so I can become an alcoholic.” Or, “Gambling to put myself hopelessly in debt seems like a cool thing to do.”

 

Typically, it’s more like, “Just this once. What’s the harm?” Or, “I don’t have a problem. I can quit any time.” Alcoholics Anonymous, Narcotics Anonymous, Gamblers Anonymous and sister organizations have all been created to address the long-term problems of people who claimed they didn’t have any.

 

Thankfully these recovery services can help people deal with the many unintended consequences of wrong, unwise behaviors. But the best solution is to keep a long-term perspective, weighing the value of a little “gain” with the likelihood of a whole lot of pain.

 

In its candor, the Bible offers dozens of examples of people for whom short-term gain was their only consideration. Adam and Eve didn’t wait long to discover the consequences. They defied God’s prohibition to eat from just one tree in the Garden of Eden. As a result, they were banished from the garden, and every other human since has been suffering from the sinful inheritance they passed on.

 

Their son Cain, furious because God had accepted brother Abel’s sacrifice and not his own, decided to get even. After killing Abel, he was cursed by the Lord to live an unfulfilling, nomadic life, also banned from the idyllic life God had created. And murder is a horrific fact of life to this day.

 

Think of King David, who despite already having multiple wives, found the sight of Bathsheba bathing on a rooftop irresistible. Acting upon a “gotta have it, and gotta have it now” impulse, the king ordered her brought to his quarters. Bathsheba became pregnant, and David attempted to cover up his lustful sin by directing that her husband, Uriah, be put on the front lines of battle to die. 

Even though he was called “a man after God’s own heart” (1 Samuel 13:14) and wrote many beautiful psalms, the king had to deal with one tragedy after another within his family and faced constant opposition to his reign from both within and outside his household.

 

There are many other sad examples, but what’s important is to recognize the short-term gain/long-term pain blinders we all sometimes wear. The adages, “look before you leap” and “think before you act,” should serve as guardrails for our decision-making.

 

The apostle James wisely observed, “When tempted, no one should say, ‘God is tempting me.’ For God cannot be tempted by evil, nor does He tempt anyone; but each one is tempted when, by his own evil desire, he is dragged away and enticed. Then, after desire has conceived, it gives birth to sin; and sin, when it is full-grown, gives birth to death” (James 1:13-15).

 

Temptations are unavoidable. They’re all around us, and what tempts one person might not tempt another. To avoid suffering long-term pain resulting from what seemed like short-term gain, we should heed the warning of 1 Corinthians 10:12-13, “So, if you think you are standing firm, be careful that you don’t fall! No temptation has seized you except what is common to man. And God is faithful; He will not let you be tempted beyond what you can bear. But when you are tempted, He will also provide a way out so that you can stand up under it.” 

 

This “way out” might be as simple as to keep going rather than stop and weigh the options. Rather than go into the bar, keep driving. Rather than enter the donut shop, keep walking. And rather than respond to the flirtatious look or touch, envision what the consequences will be. Pain then gain is good. Gain then pain? Not so good.