What Makes a Marriage Work Long-Term?

When I was a lot younger, I would see news articles about couples celebrating their 50^th anniversaries and marvel. As a newspaper editor, I even wrote about some of them myself. But I would often wonder, ‘How do folks stay married that long?’

 

Well, surprise! Last year my wife and I joined that elite and increasingly rare company, and now we’ve started our second half-century together. How can that be? We’re not that old! 

Despite spending more than five decades together, we’re not ‘experts.’ We’re imperfect people and have had our share of struggles, just as everyone does – health, financial, family. Thankfully, they’ve ultimately served to strengthen our relationship, and by trusting in God and His grace, our marriage has survived and thrived.

 

There are many reasons why “golden anniversary” couples are so uncommon. People are getting married much later in life – if they marry at all. If folks get married in their late 20s, early 30s or even after that, their likelihood of arriving at the big 5-0 diminishes considerably. Just do the math.

 

But an even greater reason for not seeing marital longevity is too often married couples bail in the face of difficulties, rather than determining to work through them together. It’s said, ‘Whatever doesn’t kill you makes you stronger,’ but too often folks think it’s easier to quit and get a divorce than weather the challenges that can forge strong marital bonds.

 

There’s no ‘secret sauce’ to making the union between a man and a woman succeed, but I think a good formula is found in a Bible passage that’s often included in wedding ceremonies but not always taken seriously. It’s 1 Corinthians 13:4-8, which says:

“Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. It is not rude, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. Love does not delight in evil but rejoices in the truth. It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres. Love never fails….”

 

These words are easy to recite during the rite in which a man and a woman become husband and wife. But they are very difficult to live out. Because in our ‘Me, me, me,’ self-focused world, this passage exhorts us to put the needs and interests of the other person first.

 

Being patient means setting aside our agendas and timing when things don’t seem to be going our way. Kindness is directed toward the other person, often sacrificially; it’s needed even when we might not want to extend it. Envy, boasting, pride, rudeness and self-seeking – all involve putting oneself ahead of the other, which doesn’t serve to honor or uplift the marriage partner. 

 

We might be able to justify anger, but a reasonable husband or wife learns to control how it’s expressed, constructively or destructively. And just as it’s wise to avoid becoming hysterical, it’s also good to refrain from being historical. Harboring resentment and withholding forgiveness over past wrongs serves no good purpose.

 

Focusing on truth and rejecting evil in any of its myriad forms are foundational for a healthy marital relationship. And love in its truest form seeks to protect, maintains trust, has high hopes for the other person, and determines to persevere. That’s why the words “in sickness and in health, for richer or for poorer” are included in many wedding vows. The covenant of marriage is the commitment to stay with one another no matter what. Love, in spite of adversity, is to be permanent, unfailing.

 

When we reflect on the passage in 1 Corinthians 13, we see these qualities best exhibited in the life, death and resurrection of our Lord, Jesus Christ. John 3:16 familiarly reminds us, “For God so loved the world that He gave His one and only Son, that whoever believes in Him shall not perish but have eternal life.” And as He looked toward the cross, Jesus said, “Greater love has no one than this: to lay down one’s life for one’s friends” (John 15:13). 

 

Can you imagine a greater love than what we see demonstrated by the Father and the Son? “But God demonstrates His own love for us in this: While we were still sinners, Christ died for us” (Romans 5:8).

 

Many places in the Scriptures describe the relationship between the Lord and His Church ias a marriage, with the universal body of believers being His bride. Jesus’ first miracle took place at a wedding (John 2:1-11), and the culmination of His work also involves a wedding: “Let us rejoice and be glad and give Him glory! For the wedding of the Lamb has come, and His bride [the Church] has made herself ready…. ‘Blessed are those who are invited to the wedding supper of the Lamb!’” (Revelation 19:7,9).

What’s our takeaway? Marriage is hard work. It’s sacrificial. But the rewards for persevering and learning to love unconditionally are priceless – and eternal. 

Finding Value in ‘Refrigerator Verses’

Almost like it was yesterday, I remember memorizing my first Scripture verse. (Actually, it was more than 40 years ago.) I’d been familiar with several Bible passages for years, but the first one I learned word for word, including its ‘address’ – where it’s found in the Bible – was 1 Thessalonians 5:17, “Pray without ceasing.” Another translation says, “Pray continually.”

 

If you want to have early success in the skill of Scripture memorization, that’s a great verse to start with. The one that precedes it is even shorter – “Rejoice always.” There you go, two verses you can commit to memory, consisting of five words in all.

 

Depending on which Bible translation you use, the only that’s shorter is John 11:35, “Jesus wept.” But that’s not a verse people cite a lot. The ones about always rejoicing and praying continually are simple, yet practical and profound, the perfect starting point for novice verse memorizers.

 

A while back I heard a speaker refer to “refrigerator verses,” brief Bible passages sometimes printed on refrigerator magnets. These can also serve as handy reminders of truths that are foundational for our faith. 

 

Consider one we occasionally see displayed on a sign someone’s holding up in the end zone bleachers at a football game – John 3:16. It might be the most well-known verse of all: “For God so loved the world that He gave His one and only Son, that whoever believes in Him shall not perish but have eternal life.” 

 

That one sentence encapsulates the limitless extent of God’s love; what Jesus Christ did on our behalf; and what we must do in response. It’s not as short – more than 20 words – but I’ve known quite a few kindergarten-age youngsters who can recite it by heart.

 

Many other Scripture passages could be good “refrigerator verse” candidates. Maybe a few come to your mind immediately. But someone might ask, “Why bother?”

 

Think of it this way: Whether we’re aware of it or not, we memorize lots of stuff – phone numbers, birthdates and anniversaries, addresses, the Pledge of Allegiance (at least we used to), song lyrics, times when our favorite shows are on TV.  If we can do all that, why’s it so hard to store some meaningful Bible verses into our memory banks? 

 

In striving to grow in our faith, whether we’re new believers or have been followers of Jesus for decades, wouldn’t it make sense to “hide God’s word in our hearts,” as King David declared in Psalm 119:11?

 

I remember a story about Dawson Trotman, founder of The Navigators and an enthusiastic advocate of Scripture memory. A frequent traveler, sometimes it wasn’t convenient for him to pull out his Bible, or it wasn’t readily available. Especially in parts of the world hostile to Christianity. However, having “hidden God’s word in his heart,” Trotman could readily recall the passages he’d committed to memory.

 

Many of the verses in my blog posts are ones I have memorized over the years, not only through rote repetition but also by often referring to them when circumstances dictated. For instance, when I find myself fretting over something that’s beyond my control, the admonition of 1 Peter 5:7 might come to mind: “Casting all your cares upon Him, because He cares for you.”

 

If I’m particularly concerned and need more to lower my anxiety level, I also consider Philippians 4:6-7, “Do not be anxious about anything, but in everything, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God. And the peace of God, which transcends all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus.” Admittedly, that might be a bit long for a refrigerator magnet, but it’s an amazing assurance.

 

I’ll never forget the time a friend of mine, Pete George, who’s now with the Lord, gave the evening message at a conference. During his talk he cited at least 50 Scripture verses, not to show off his keen memory but to undergird the principles he sought to convey. Not once did he glance at his Bible or notes. Those verses had become part of the spiritual fabric of his being. Quoting them was as natural as breathing.

 

Have you ever tried Scripture memory? There are numerous plans available. However, I’ve found the best approach is when you read a particular verse that resonates with you, especially one that seems to address a situation you’re facing, take a few moments to write it down on an index card. (They still have those, right?) Then review it every day, whether you’re in your car (stopped at a light, not while you’re driving); at your desk at work, or even taped to the mirror in your bathroom.

As the apostle Paul exhorted his protégé, Timothy, “All Scripture is God-breathed and is useful for teaching, rebuking, correcting and training in righteousness, so that the man of God may be thoroughly equipped for every good work” (2 Timothy 3:16-17). When we memorize Scripture, we can file those verses in our spiritual filing cabinet and God through His Spirit can enable us to access them when needed. Even without a refrigerator. 

Can’t Have Christmas Without a Cross

When we think of Christmas, many images immediately come to mind: Santa Claus. Flying reindeer. Christmas trees. Brightly wrapped and ribboned gifts around the tree. The traditional Nativity scene featuring Mary, Joseph, the Christ Child, shepherds, barnyard animals, maybe some Magi (aka wisemen). 

Increasingly, for me a cross must be included among these images – because if it weren’t for the cross of Christ, there would be no Christmas. No need for it.

 

If I were a painter, or even a sketch artist, I’d figure out a way to present a shadow of a cross cast across the makeshift crib in which the infant lay. Even if it seems a bit crass, especially in light of romanticized imagery of the humble surroundings for Jesus’ birth, His foremost purpose in taking on human form wasn’t not to teach, provide a living example, or perform miracles. It was to die.

 

The Gospel of John clearly presents the good news that was initiated with the birth of the Son of God. We’re told, “The Word became flesh and made His dwelling among us” (John 1:14). Another gospel, Matthew, expands upon that truth: “‘The virgin will be with child and will give birth to a son, and they will call Him Immanuel’ – which means, ‘God with us’” (Matthew 1:23).

 

But a baby’s arrival the usual human way was just the start of what we understand by the term “God incarnate” – God in the flesh. If that’s all it amounted to, He could have simply arranged for snapshots to be taken that we could share and enjoy. Just as the birth of any child marks its emergence into the physical world, the birth of Jesus represented just the start of what’s been called by some, “the greatest story ever told.”

 

In John 3:16 we read the famous declaration, “For God so loved the world that He gave His one and only Son, that whoever believes in Him shall not perish but have eternal life.” However, this love – and this gift – meant much more than the Lord being able to understand human existence. 

 

Because in another New Testament book we’re told, “But God demonstrates His own love for us in this: While we were still sinners, Christ died for us” (Romans 5:8). This did not come as a surprise to God. In fact, it was part of His divine plan from time immemorial. 

 

We find this prophecy from thousands of years earlier: “But He was pierced for our transgressions; He was crushed for our iniquities” (Isaiah 53:5). From the very beginning of time, humankind has had a tremendous problem – a sin problem. One for which we had no remedy. 

 

Romans 3:23 presents the bad news, “For all have sinned and fall short of the glory of God.” Our sins have separated us from God, and we have no capability for doing anything about that. But a subsequent verse, Romans 6:23, tells us there’s hope: “For the wages of sin is death, but the gift of God is eternal life in Christ Jesus our Lord.”

 

Returning to the Gospel of John, we discover more about this gift. It says, “Yet to all who received Him [God’s gift], to those who believed in His name, He gave the right to become children of God” (John 1:12). Any gift, regardless of its worth, must be received to be of any benefit. The same is true for this greatest of all gifts. It is available to all who will both receive and believe.

 

Imagine showing up for the family Christmas gathering and while gifts are being exchanged, someone folds his or her arms and smugly says, “I don’t want it.” The gift had been thoughtfully planned; effort was extended to acquire it; the cost was fully considered. It was perfect. Yet the chosen recipient refused to accept it, not even bothering to see what it was.

 

This, sadly, is what many people do with the offered gift of salvation, forgiveness, redemption and eternal life. They may glance fondly at the quaint and serene Nativity scene, but refuse to consider the cross and its immeasurable cost to God. That is the tragedy of all tragedies.

 

Perhaps this Christmas, as we gather in our churches to sing “Away in a Manger,” it would be fitting also to sing the words of “The Old Rugged Cross.” Because without it, the babe in a manger in a small, inconspicuous town in ancient Judea wouldn’t even be a footnote in history. 

 

But there was a cross. The Cross. Because of it we have this promise: “And He died for all, that those who live should no longer live for themselves but for Him who died for them and was raised again” (2 Corinthians 5:15). Christ was born – and He died – so that we might live. Live for Him. That’s why we can truly have a merry and joyous Christmas! 

Giving Gifts in Response to the Incomparable Gift

During the Christmas season, besides the traditional carols, my favorite song is “The Little Drummer Boy.” It may be in part because I’ve been a bit of a drummer boy myself for much of my life, but that’s not the only reason.

 

It doesn’t matter whether it’s the iconic version by the Harry Simeone Chorale, the Pentatonix acapella rendition, or the rousing, multi-percussion presentation by For King and Country. They all stir up strong emotions, not only through the melody but also by its simple yet profound message amid all the “pa rum pum pum pums.”

 

You’re probably familiar with the lyrics, but maybe you haven’t spent much time thinking about them. Here are some of them:

Come they told me
Pa rum pum pum pum

A newborn king to see
Pa rum pum pum pum

Our finest gifts we bring
Pa rum pum pum pum

To lay before the king
Pa rum pum pum pum…

 

Then the little drummer boy in the song laments, “Little baby…I am a poor boy too…. I have no gift to bring…that’s fit to give our king….” So true. What worthy gift can you give to the King of all creation, even as an infant? Then the little boy asks, “Shall I play for you?... I played my drum for him…. I played my best for him.”

 

The closing thought in the song sums up the impact of the simple yet heartfelt “gift”: “Then he smiled at me…me and my drum.”

 

The birth of the Christ Child – called “Immanuel” in Isaiah 7:14, which means “God with us” – carries so much meaning that libraries of books have been written about it. As I’ve noted in previous posts, John 1:14 encapsulates this by stating, “The Word became flesh and made His dwelling among us.” 

 

But Jesus Christ’s life and teachings wouldn’t have the magnitude they do without His death and resurrection. That’s why the promise of John 3:16, familiar to many of us, is so powerful: “For God so loved the world that He gave His only begotten Son, that whoever believes in Him shall not perish but have eternal life.”

 

If that’s not clear enough, Romans 5:8 declares, “But God demonstrates His own love for us in this: While we were still sinners, Christ died for us.” That, ultimately, is the incomparable gift – God in the flesh going to the cross and giving His life as the atoning sacrifice for our sins. “God made Him who had no sin to be sin for us, so that in Him we might become the righteousness of God” (2 Corinthians 5:21).

 

Which brings us back to the Little Drummer Boy and his lament. Where can we find a gift that’s fit to give our King? I would suggest the “gift” we can – and should – give is what God has already given to us. In several New Testament books – notably Romans, 1 Corinthians, 1 and 2 Timothy, and 1 Peter, we read about the “spiritual gifts” bestowed by God on each of His children. What better gift to the Lord than to use these for His glory and to serve others?

 

There is some debate about exactly how many different spiritual gifts there are, but they definitely include divinely empowered traits such as wisdom, faith, teaching, prophecy, exhortation, giving, leadership, administration, and service. There are numerous “spiritual gifts tests” designed to help people identify their specific gift – or gifts. The key is, they’re intended to enhance the body of Christ, not for our own benefit.

 

Revelation 4:10 tells about, “the 24 elders [who]…lay their crowns before the throne and say, ‘You are worthy, our Lord and God, to receive glory and honor and power’….” I don’t fully understand what that means, but I believe in a similar manner, whatever spiritual gifts we have received from God can be returned to Him through our lives and our service to others. As another passage admonishes, “There are different kinds of gifts, but the same Spirit. There are different kinds of service, but the same Lord…. Now to each one the manifestation of the Spirit is given for the common good” (1 Corinthians 12:4-7).

In “The Little Drummer Boy,” the little boy humbly offers his drumming to the baby Jesus. After playing his best, “Then he smiled at me….” Similarly, if we offer to the Lord whatever gifts and abilities He has given to us, I believe He smiles at us too. 

Three More Words That Make the World Go Round

What do you think is the greatest word of all time – the “GWOAT”? Any ideas? According to a poll conducted by Dictionary.com, it’s a word we’ve all come to know and love: LOVE. There were other words that received votes, but apparently folks just love “love.”

 

Based on this unscientific study, it would seem reasonable to assume that the same voters would favor “I love you” as the greatest trio of words of all time. My last post dealt with three words that I believe are the most momentous of all time: “It is finished.” But these other three little words – “I love you” – expressed probably millions of times every day, are nearly as impactful. Who doesn’t like to hear them?

Being a writer, I think about words a lot. It strikes me that even in its simplicity, “I love you” carries a host of connotations. “Love makes the world go round,” the old pop tune told us, but what do we really mean when we say that?

 

Because we can love our spouse or significant other. We can love our children. We can love our dog (or cat if that’s your preference). We can love our job or career. We can love our house or the neighborhood in which we live. We can love seeing a brilliant sunrise or a spectacular sunset. We can love our favorite sports team. We can love travel. But the “love” we reference in each situation is different from all of the others.

 

Some languages, like Greek, manage to separate the meanings of a word like love, using terms like eros, agape, philia, storge and others to clarify what one loves and in what ways. In English, however, we basically have just one word – love – whose meaning is largely determined by context.

 

Even when someone says, “I love you,” we can’t always assume we know what they mean. Because it’s rarely a stand-alone phrase. We might mean, “I love you because…” – because of how someone makes us feel; what they do for us; how they look, or a variety of other reasons.

 

Someone saying “I love you” might mean “I love you if…” – if we do what they ask of us; if we behave in a certain way; if we meet their expectations, or many other things. This “love” is largely performance-based. The same holds true for the form of “I love you” that really means “I love you when….” It also is largely conditional.

 

As I’ve pored over the Scriptures through the years, I’ve found God saying to us, “I love you” in a very different way. It’s not based on “if” or “because” or “when.” He says, “I love you…period.” No conditions or expectations attached.

 

When we read, “For God so loved the world that He gave His one and only Son, that whoever believes in Him shall not perish but have eternal life” (John 3:16), Jesus’ declaration didn’t include any conditional words such as if, because, or when.

 

In fact, another verse makes it all the more clear that God’s love is unconditional. Romans 5:8 tells us, “But God demonstrates His own love for us in this: While we were still sinners, Christ died for us.” Chronologically speaking, not one of us had committed our first sin when Jesus died on the cross – because we hadn’t been born yet. Not even a gleam in anyone’s eye at that point. We know the Lord wasn’t waiting for us to clean up our act first.

 

Another time Jesus told His followers, “Greater love has no one than this, that he lay down his life for his friends” (John 15:13). This wasn’t some random philosophical statement. At this point in His ministry, Jesus had His sights unwaveringly set on Jerusalem and the sacrifice of His own life for our sins. Again, He added no stipulations or conditions.

 

We must never forget this. When we say, “I love you,” we may mean this in a variety of ways for a number of different reasons. But God’s “I love you” carries with it no caveats, no ifs or maybes.

The apostle John wrote, “How great the love the Father has lavished on us, that we should be called children of God! And that is what we are…” (1 John 3:1). It’s a love available to us all, to any of us, simply by accepting it – without conditions. How great is that? 

Did You Know God Wants Us to Love Him?

Do you own a pet? I’ve never been a fan of cats, in part because of their aloofness. Too independent. You arrive home and their response largely depends upon their mood at the time. Dogs are different. You walk in the door and they’re right there, tails wagging, sometimes barking, jumping up and down. Your own personal canine welcoming committee.

 

Some “experts” claim dogs don’t feel true love, at least as we humans understand it. But you could fool me. The dogs I’ve had communicated lots of love, not only in their “So glad you’re home!” greetings but also their eagerness to sit by your side or on your lap. (That’s why I’ve been partial to small dogs. With large dogs, there’s not enough lap for the dog.)

 

It’s been a few years since we had a dog, but it was always nice to have them demonstrate their affection, no matter how long we had been gone and no matter how bad our day had been otherwise. It’s nice to be loved, isn’t it? Nothing wrong with that.

In a far more profound sense, the love of a child for its mother or father is amazing. When babies are born, the first few days they struggle to focus but once they can, their eyes latch onto another pair of eyes – usually those of mom or dad. Then the parent eagerly awaits the moment of the first smile, the instinctive recognition by the infant of “That’s my Mommy!” or “That’s my Daddy!”

 

It’s been a long time since our children were little, but it still thrills me when we’re babysitting our younger grandkids and their mom or dad comes home. The kiddos rush to the door with delighted cries of “Mommy!” or “Daddy!” with arms outstretched for a hug. Their parents return the inevitable smiles, reveling in the spontaneous welcome. It’s nice to feel loved, right?

 

Have you ever considered that God wants us to love Him in a similar way? The Scriptures are replete with expressions of His love for His children. Probably the best-known is John 3:16, “For God so loved that He gave His one and only Son, that whoever believes in Him shall not perish but have eternal life.” 

 

However, the concept of God’s love for His children didn’t start with the birth of Christ. It also was a key Old Testament truth. The prophet Jeremiah wrote, “The Lord appeared to us in the past, saying: ‘I have loved you with an everlasting love; I have drawn you with unfailing kindness’” (Jeremiah 31:3).

 

Recounting how God delivered the Israelites from bondage in Egypt, Moses spoke numerous times about God’s love. Here are two examples: “Because He loved your forefathers and chose their descendants after them, He brought you out of Egypt by His Presence and His great strength” (Deuteronomy 4:37). And similarly, “…because the LORD loved you and kept the oath He swore to your fathers, He brought you out with a mighty hand and redeemed you from the house of slavery, from the hand of Pharaoh king of Egypt” (Deuteronomy 7:8).

 

Jesus Christ affirmed the depth of God’s love for His children when He said, “Greater love has no one that this, that a person will lay down his life for his friends” (John 15:13). This is exactly what Jesus, God incarnate, did for us on the cross, dying in our place and paying the incomprehensible price for our sins.  

 

However, what about God’s desire to receive our love? Jesus addressed this as well, quoting Deuteronomy 6:4, when He said the greatest commandment is, “Love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your mind and with all your strength” (Mark 12:30). 

 

Of course, He doesn’t want our love expressed out of grudging obedience. But if we take even a few moments to seriously consider all that the Lord has done for us – not only on the cross and, through His resurrection, promising us eternal life, but also the blessings He bestows on us every single day, how can we not give Him our love and gratitude in return?

 

The apostle Paul referred to this when he wrote, “If we are out of our mind, it is for the sake of God; if we are in our right mind, it is for you. For Christ’s love compels us, because…He died for all, that those who live should no longer live for themselves but for Him who died for them and was raised again” (2 Corinthians 5:13-15).

 

Okay, if we accept that God desires to receive our love just as He freely gives His love to us, what does that look like? Much could be said about that, but we find simple guidelines in both the Old and New Testaments. 

Deuteronomy 30:19-20 admonishes, “Now choose life, so that you and your children may live and that you may love the Lord your God, listen to His voice, and hold fast to Him.” The apostle John stated it this way: “This is love for God: to obey His commands. And His commands are not burdensome” (1 John 5:3).

A parent demonstrates love for a child not only through words but also through actions. Love for one’s spouse is expressed in the same way. In like manner, our love for God is to be shown by both our words and our deeds. If we truly understand what He has done for us, that shouldn’t be hard to do. 

Remembering Sacrifices Many of Us Can’t Even Imagine

My father fought on several fronts during World War II, both in Europe and northern Africa. He was wounded twice, for which he received two Purple Hearts, along with a Bronze Star for valor and meritorious service. However, contrary to what theatrical films from the late 1940s and ‘50s seemed to indicate, he didn’t find war a time for forming fond memories. As a friend of mine who served in Vietnam has often said, “John Wayne lied.”

How do I know how my father felt about his military service? First of all, Dad never talked about his wartime experiences. They weren’t things he wanted to spend reminiscing. And second, many times I heard my dad wake up screaming in the middle of the night from some nightmare, probably war-related.

Those days were before the term Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder (PTSD) was created to describe the lingering, devastating effects of taking part in combat. During World War I, they used the term, “shell shock.” “Battle fatigue” was the term utilized during and after the second World War. No matter which term is used, those of us who have never fought in a war can’t begin to understand what it must have been like for those who did.

 

Since 1868, our nation has observed Memorial Day – formerly known as Decoration Day – to honor U.S. military personnel who have died during wartime service. On this federal holiday, many people visit cemeteries and memorials, paying respects and decorating graves to honor and mourn those who gave their lives to protect freedoms and values embraced by our nation.

 

Thankfully, my father wasn’t among those who lost their lives during World War II. I wouldn’t be here if he had. Nonetheless, what he saw, heard and felt in combat left indelible scars on his mind, as has been the case for so many of our veterans who returned home. Some came back with visible physical injuries, but virtually all brought unseen mental and emotional wounds that were slow to heal, if at all.

So, Memorial Day’s a worthy tribute to those who sacrificed their lives on many battlegrounds, from the Civil War onward. Even though most of us wish there was no such thing as war, wishing does not do away with the tragic events that have transpired almost from the start of human history. We dare not forget the high price our valiant soldiers have paid.

 

What if there were a “memorial day” for people in the Bible? We could trace back to Abel, who gave a more acceptable sacrifice of worship to God, only to be killed by his brother, Cain, in a heinous act of sibling rivalry (recounted in Genesis 4:2-16).

 

Many of us know the story of Samson, a very flawed individual whom God gifted with great strength. His weakness for women brought him many consequences. But despite being blinded, Judges 15 tells us he was able to kill many enemy Philistines by destroying their pagan temple – with them inside.

 

Through the centuries, prophets have been killed for faithfully standing up and speaking out for the Lord. In the New Testament we learn that many of Jesus’ closest followers, including John the Baptist, Peter and James, lost their lives for proclaiming Him as the Messiah, the Son of God. Paul once persecuted and participated in the killing of Christians as a zealous Pharisee. He was transformed by a personal encounter with Jesus Christ, became a leader of the early Church, and was executed for the “crime” of preaching salvation grace through faith in Christ alone. 

 

The list could go on, but Christianity does observe one “memorial day,” in which we remember the greatest, most momentous sacrifice of all – the crucifixion of Jesus Christ. We call it Good Friday. As Romans 5:8 declares, “But God demonstrates his own love for us in this: While we were still sinners, Christ died for us.”

 

This fulfilled what Jesus had told Nicodemus, a Pharisee and member of the Jewish ruling council: “For God so loved the world that he gave his one and only Son, that whoever believes in him shall not perish but have eternal life” (John 3:16). Elsewhere, He also said, “For even the Son of Man did not come to be served, but to serve, and to give His life as a ransom for many” (Mark 10:45).

 

This Memorial Day we pause to remember the countless thousands who willingly served and gave their lives on battlefields all around the world, hoping to preserve the rights and freedoms we hold dear. But let’s also remember – not just for one day, but every day – the One who died to set us from the penalty of sin and rebellion against God: “For the wages of sin is death, but the gift of God is eternal life in Christ Jesus our Lord” (Romans 6:23).

The Long Weekend That Changed Everything

Another Easter weekend is upon us, starting with the somber Good Friday observance and concluding with the celebration of Easter. Can you imagine what the world would be like – indeed, what life would be like – if Jesus Christ had not come? If He had not be crucified? If He had not risen from the grave?

Some “what if” ramifications immediately come to mind: There’d be no Christmas. Or Good Friday. Or Easter. Calendars wouldn’t be divided according to B.C. (Before Christ) and A.D. (Anno Domini).

 

But those are just the start. We wouldn’t have Jesus’ teachings, such as the “Golden Rule” – “Do to others as you would have them do to you” (Matthew 7:12, Luke 6:31) – or His declaration of the second greatest commandment, to “Love your neighbor as yourself” (Matthew 22:39, Mark 12:31). Who would have told us, “It is more blessed to give than to receive” (Acts 20:35)?

 

We wouldn’t have His teachings and parables, which not only imparted wonderful life principles but also enriched our language with such common phrases as the “good Samaritan,” “prodigal son,” and “born again.” There would be no references to “walking on water,” “doubting Thomas,” “salt of the earth,” “light of the world,” or “judge not lest you be judged.”

 

Some of the greatest works of art never would have been created – Leonardo da Vinci’s painting, “The Last Supper,” Michelangelo’s “Pieta,” and many others depicting the life and passion of Christ. Crosses, prominently displayed at churches around the world and worn as symbols of faith by Jesus’ fervent followers, likely would have had no meaning.

 

The significance of Jesus’ life is beyond measure: His feedings of the multitudes. Changing water into wine and raising Lazarus from the dead. His unforgettable “sermon on the mount,” including the Beatitudes and its paradoxical declarations that “the poor in spirit…those who mourn…the meek…the merciful…the peacemakers” and others are “blessed.” The name Judas wouldn’t have become synonymous with betrayal. The Virgin Mary wouldn’t be revered by millions around the globe.

 

As impressive as all of these are, they barely begin to answer the question, “What if He had not come?” Because the influence of Jesus’ life, teachings, death, burial, resurrection and ascension transcends the physical world. His most life-changing, transformational impact is found deeply rooted in the unseen spiritual realm. 

 

Countless books have been written about this, but consider the following: Were it not for Jesus, what definitive answers would we have for the problems of sin, guilt, justice, and ultimately, separation from God? Where would we find the capacity for genuine, complete forgiveness? How could we experience the hope (not “hope-so”) of eternal life, the assurance that we’re not moving from the land of the living to the land of the dead, but from the land of the dying to the land of those who live eternally?

 

Central to the Gospel is Jesus’ familiar promise of John 3:16, “For God so loved the world that he gave his one and only Son, that whoever believes in him shall not perish but have eternal life.” As the apostle Paul asserted in Romans 5:8, “But God demonstrates his own love for us in this: While we still sinners, Christ died for us.”

 

But we know that Jesus’ death – commemorated on Good Friday – was not His final act. As each of the gospels confirms, He arose on the third day, as He had promised. When Mary Magdalene and “the other Mary” went to the tomb to anoint Jesus’ body with traditional burial spices, they encountered not a corpse but an angel, who declared, “Do not be afraid, for I know that you are looking for Jesus, who was crucified. He is not here; he has risen, just as he said” (Matthew 28:5-6).

 

How important is this claim? Paul didn’t mince words when he stated, “if Christ has not been raised, your faith is futile; you are still in your sins…. If only for this life we have hope in Christ, we are to be pitied more than all men.” But then he gave an immediate reminder, “But Christ has indeed been raised from the dead, the firstfruits of those who have fallen asleep. For since death came through a man, the resurrection of the dead comes also through a man. For as in Adam all die, so in Christ all will be made alive” (1 Corinthians 15:17-22).

 

No leader of any other religion or belief system could make such a claim. As the old hymn affirms, “Because He lives, I can face tomorrow. Because He lives, all fear is gone.”

 

Best of all, we don’t have to wait until the moment of death to enjoy the benefits of Christ’s death and resurrection. When He ascended from earth, He left His Holy Spirit not only to guide His people, but also to live in them: “He saved us, not because of righteous things we had done, but because of his mercy…through the washing of rebirth and renewal by the Holy Spirit” (Titus 3:5). Paul in Galatians 2:20 expresses it this way: “I have been crucified with Christ and I no longer live, but Christ lives in me. The life I live in the body, I live by faith in the Son of God, who loves me and gave himself for me.” 

Literally hundreds of other Bible passages support and expand on these truths. Some might immediately come to your mind. The bottom line is this: Jesus did come. He was crucified. He did rise from the dead. And to this day, millions of men, women and children can experience the assurance we find in 2 Corinthians 5:17, “Therefore, if anyone is in Christ, he is a new creation; the old has gone, the new has come!” And in response, we can all add a hearty “Hallelujah!” 

It’s Time to Celebrate Love – But What Is Love, Really?

Today is Valentine’s Day, also known as the day for love. Red and pink hearts, bouquets of flowers, boxes of candy, shimmering jewelry, and even engagement rings will dominate – all in the name of love. But when all is said and done, do we really understand what true love is?

 

Our culture insists love is all about emotions, warm, fuzzy feelings we get when looking at that “special person.” It’s discovering your “soulmate,” finding “chemistry,” or as Hallmark romance movies put it, the “magical” moment when you realize that “he’s (or she’s) the one.” We “fall in love,” but people often fall out of it, too. Maybe love should have seatbelts to keep us from falling? 

There is nothing wrong with romantic love. Thankfully, my wife and I have enjoyed that for more than 47 years, and as they say about fine wines, love can get better with age – if you’re willing to invest the time and energy to keep it alive. Sadly, too many people aren’t so willing. Rather than experiencing a love strong enough to endure hardships and adversity, as well as joys and good times, their relationships wind up in Cupid’s junk yard, faint remembrances of what could have been.

 

Books written about love can’t be numbered. There are all kinds of “experts” out there claiming to know how to find and sustain love that works and grows. There’s one book, however, that I believe surpasses them all, one that’s passed the test of time – thousands of years, in fact.

 

That book is the Bible, that amazing collection of 66 books (39 in the Old Testament, 27 in the New), written by dozens of different authors but with one consistent, unifying theme: That God, the Creator of all that is, was also the originator of love, starting with Adam and Eve and continuing to the present day. The Scriptures, we might say, are His comprehensive love letter to humankind.

 

The kind of love found in the Word of God, however, is quite unlike anything we’d see on “The Bachelor,” “The Bachelorette,” or any of the other “lust American-style” productions. The love demonstrated in the Scriptures is more about giving than receiving, selfless rather than selfish, unconditional rather than conditional, and sacrificial when necessary.

 

We see this in what’s perhaps the best-known verse of the Bible, John 3:16, where we’re told, “For God so loved the world that he gave his one and only Son, that whoever believes in him shall not perish but have eternal life.” When God gave His Son, Jesus Christ, it was not only for a cameo appearance. It wasn’t just for Him to serve as a role model, although He was that. 

 

It was so that Jesus might Himself provide the greatest gift of all, dying to pay the ultimate price for our spiritual freedom, becoming what theologians call the "propitiation" for our sins. As Romans 5:8 declares, “But God demonstrates his own love for us in this: While we were still sinners, Christ died for us.” 

 

As the Lord told His closest disciples not long before going to the cross to be crucified, “My command is this: Love each other as I have loved you. Greater love has no one than this, that he lay down his life for his friends” (John 15:12-13). Why would the God of all eternity take on human flesh and willingly surrender to an excruciating death – becoming the one and only atonement for sin – unless motivated by a love beyond anything we can fully comprehend?

 

I’ve cited it before, but 1 Corinthians 13, called by some “the love chapter,” describes love in ways you won’t find in the “love” reality shows or the romance films. It declares that “Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. It is not rude, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. Love does not delight in evil but rejoices in the truth. It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres” (1 Corinthians 13:4-7). 

 

When you think of love, do terms like patience, kindness, humility, consideration of others, slow to anger, forgiving, truthful, protecting, trusting, hopeful and persevering come to mind?

 

For many of us, those aren’t loving adjectives that immediately pop into our thoughts. But they should be. Why? Because when we cultivate and embrace a love like this then, as the passage continues, “Love never fails…. And now these three remain: faith, hope and love. But the greatest of these is love” (1 Corinthians 13:8,13).

I hope you’ll be spending this Valentine’s Day with the person – or people – that you love. And I hope your love for them, and their love for you, is more like that of 1 Corinthians 13 than the counterfeit for it depicted in the fantasy worlds of Hallmark and The Bachelor. 

‘I Love You”: The Familiar Phrase With So Many Meanings

“I love you.” When you hear that, what comes to your mind? When you say it, what do you mean?

 

In a few days we’ll be celebrating Valentine’s Day, the annual event dedicated to love. (In the case of retailers, it’s the love of money – the result of increased sales of flowers, candies, jewelry, and anything else someone can think of that represents their affection for another.) We see commercials with the Valentine’s theme, and the Hallmark channels use it as an excuse for more of what they do – show movies about schmaltzy, sentimental love.

However, thanks to the multi-tasking nature of the English language, when someone says, “I love you,” we almost need to ask, “What do you mean by that?”

 

Because expressions of love can mean just about anything. We can love our dog, our car, our job, our favorite TV show, a warm, sunny day, or our favorite sports team. Each use of love carries very different meaning. We can love our spouse (or significant other), and love our children – our love can be just as intense, but it doesn’t mean the same and the way we demonstrate it is different. And love for God has a meaning all its own.

 

We read a lot about love in the Bible, but the ancient Greeks had numerous words for love that covered a broad range of meaning. “Philia” refers to affectionate regard, or friendship. The city of Philadelphia got its name from this word. “Storge” refers to affection, particularly between parents and children. “Eros” was the word for sexual passion; we get the word “erotic” from this. But most commonly used is “agape,” which typically refers to selfless, sacrificial, unconditional love.

 

The latter usage is the focus of 1 Corinthians 13, that favored passage often inserted into marriage ceremonies, sometimes with serious intent and other times to confer a sanctified tone. But it says: 

“Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. It is not rude, it is not self-seeking; it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres.”

 

After declaring that, “Love never fails,” this passage concludes, “And now these three remain: faith, hope and love. But the greatest of these is love” (1 Corinthians 13:4-13).

 

We often hear the phrase, “What the world needs now is love.” And so it does. But what it – and we – need is not the warm, fuzzy, mushy kind of love, but the kind described above, that intentionally and determinedly puts others first, setting personal agendas aside.

 

As for Valentine’s Day, which is the best kind of love to have? Friendship, affection, sexual passion, or sacrificial, unconditional love? How about all of them? They’re all important, invaluable parts of the whole, one being incomplete without all of the others. Sealed with love for God and His love for us, they cannot be conquered.

 

After all, as John 3:16 emphatically declares, “For God so loved the world that He gave his one and only Son, that whoever believes in Him shall not perish but have eternal life.” Imagine divine love so deep, and so wide, that even the outstretched arms and hands of Jesus Christ – on a crude, cruel cross on a desolate hillside in Jerusalem – couldn’t begin to contain its measure! 

Looking to See Who’s Been Naughty and Who’s Been Nice?

This is the time of year when we’ll be hearing, probably dozens of times, “Santa Claus Is Coming to Town.” I’ve always worried about its ominous admonition: “You better watch out, you better not cry, you better not pout, I’m telling you why – Santa Claus is coming to town. He knows if you’ve been bad or good, so be good for goodness sake.”

As children, at one time or another we probably all sat on Santa’s lap and heard him ask, “Have you been a good boy (or girl) this year?” Funny: If we really believed the message of this familiar Christmas song, we should have responded, “Who are you trying to kid? You already know that, Santa!”

 

Entering adulthood, the grim specter of Santa spying on our activities and evaluating our respective niceness and naughtiness ceases to be a threat. But we still seem to cling to the naughty or nice notion, that we’re good people just as long as the things we do right somehow outnumber or outweigh the stuff we do wrong. 

 

That was my belief for my first 30 years. If you had asked me back then, I would have told you with great confidence that all things considered, I was a pretty good guy, convinced I was spending more time being nice than not. Then I encountered some unsettling Bible passages. They informed me that God and Santa don’t see eye to eye. No matter how much we do, no matter how nice we try to be, that’s not good enough in the Lord’s sight.

 

For instance, Romans 3:23 declares, “For all have sinned and fall short of the glory of God.” Kind of like trying to leap the Empire State Building. No matter how hard you try, even with lots of practice, you’ll never come close. Another verse in the same chapter uses even stronger words: “There is no one righteous, not even one; there is no one who understands, no one who seeks God. All have turned away, they have together become worthless; there is no one who does good, not even one” (Romans 3:10-12).

 

Whoa! That’s a revelation! But it’s not just a New Testament idea. In the Old Testament we’re told, “All of us have become like one who is unclean, and all our righteous acts are like filthy rags” (Isaiah 64:6). Compared to God’s holy, all-righteous requirements, Santa’s nice/naughty guidelines are a piece of cake – or milk and cookies, if you prefer.

 

However, the gospel literally means “good news.” So if it’s true that absolutely no one is righteous – good enough – in God’s sight, where’s the good news? I’m glad you asked.

 

In a season when gift giving is on our minds, Romans 6:23 offers fitting assurance: “For the wages of sin is death, but the gift of God is eternal life in Christ Jesus our Lord.” The gospel of John confirms this declaration: “Yet to all who received him, to those who believe in his name, he gave the right to become children of God” (John 1:12).

 

That’s encouraging. However, if even our very best efforts aren’t good enough, why is God willing to offer this gift to each of us? It goes back to the reason we celebrate Christmas. The familiar verse, John 3:16, tells us, “For God so loved the world that he gave his one and only Son, that whoever believes in him shall not perish but have eternal life.” 

 

This speaks of a limitless, unconditional love we can scarcely comprehend. But the Scriptures are clear: If it weren’t for the sacrificial, atoning death of Jesus Christ on the cross – and His resurrection – there would be no reason to celebrate His birth.

 

Romans 5:8 expands on this: “But God demonstrates his own love for us in this: While we were still sinners, Christ died for us.” And yet another passage underscores the gift aspect: “For it is by grace that you have been saved, through faith – and this not from yourselves, it is the gift of God – not by works, so that no one can boast” (Ephesians 2:8-9).

 

There’s no escaping this truth. Titus 3:4-6 also affirms we can have a genuine, eternal relationship with God only through His gracious gift. ”But when the kindness and love of God our Savior appeared, he saved us, not because of righteous things we had done, but because of his mercy. He saved us through the washing of rebirth and renewal by the Holy Spirit, whom he poured out on us generously through Jesus Christ our Savior.”

 

This goes far beyond the story about a young couple in an obscure village 2,000 years ago given the incredible responsibility of serving as earthly parents for the Son of God. Trusting in the whole counsel of God’s Word, we discover why we care about Christmas at all. 

 

While youngsters around the world fret about whether Santa Claus will find them nice or naughty, that’s not God’s concern. Humanly speaking, we can never be good enough. But according to the Bible, to use today’s language, “not to worry!” 

 

He’s already done everything necessary to make us right with Him – if only we’re willing to receive His free gift of forgiveness and eternal life. We’ll never receive a greater gift than that!

In an Infinite Galaxy, Is It Bad to Be Just One Star?

If you haven’t seen the film, “I Still Believe,” I heartily recommend that you view it soon. Especially if you remain cooped up in your house or apartment due to pandemic restrictions. We all can use an uplifting message during times like these. 

It’s one of those “based on a true story” movies, about Jeremy Camp, who would become one of today’s better-known Christian praise singers and songwriters. I mention this not to promote the movie, but to recount one poignant moment in it. Camp and his soon-to-be girlfriend, then fiancé and wife, Melissa, are in a museum, staring at an illuminated depiction of the universe on the ceiling 

“I’m just one star in an infinite galaxy,” Melissa says in quiet humility. Then the love-struck Jeremy replies, “But some stars shine brighter than others.” (And everybody said, “Awwww!”) Seriously, there’s wisdom in both comments, something worth thinking about.

Because realistically, few of us are ever going to become household names, the kind of folks whose autographs we clamor for, or whose names frequently appear in magazines and maybe even history books. Out of billions of people in the world, we’re each just one of them. But that doesn’t mean we’re not important, that we don’t matter. 

Because when John 3:16 says, “For God so loved the world that He gave His only Son, that whoever believes in Him shall not perish, but have eternal life,” that means you – and me. And God taking on human form – “The Word became flesh and made his dwelling among us” (John 1:14) – not only to teach and live as an example, but also to die for our sins, is no insignificant act.

To continue the astronomy metaphor, our sun is a star, although according to astronomers and other scientists who study the universe, it’s not a very big one. Yet without the sun, life on this earth would be impossible. The galaxies outside of our own may contain much larger and more powerful stars, but the star at the center of our solar system is indispensable.

And yes, some stars do seem to shine brighter than others. In the world of science, for instance, there are Galileo, Copernicus, Newton, Kepler and a host of others whose discoveries proved world-changing. In business, invention and industry, we have Ford, Carnegie, Edison, Tesla, up to visionaries like Jobs and Gates. In the spiritual realm we have folks like Moses, David, the apostle Paul – and of course, Jesus.

But that doesn’t mean the rest of us, stars who don’t shine as brightly, aren’t valuable. Behind every bright, bursting star there are lesser stars that have served as guides, teachers, mentors, supporters and models to assist the brighter ones to excel. 

Anyone who has any familiarity of the Bible knows the apostle Paul, the one-time Christian persecutor who surrendered his life to Jesus and became a leader of the early Church. He also wrote much of the New Testament. But how many people know much about Barnabas? “Mr. B” was the one who sought out Saul after his conversion, became his mentor, and partnered with the apostle on several missionary journeys. Then, when they had a harsh disagreement over John Mark, Barnabas left Paul to become mentor to his nephew. Mark became the fellow who wrote the gospel by the same name.

I hardly consider myself a “bright star,” but I’m thankful for the people who served as stars in my life, including teachers who encouraged me to further my education and become a writer; employers who took chances on me when I had little experience to bring to the job; and many who had a profound impact on my life spiritually, through their living examples, biblical teaching, discipling and writings.

Do you regard yourself as a star – or at least, a moon reflecting the light of Christ? You should, because as Philippians 2:15 declares, “so that you may become blameless and pure, children of God without fault in a crooked and depraved generation, in which you shine like stars in the universe as you hold out the word of life….” Whose life can you help to shine brighter?

When a Gift Ceases to Be a Gift

By now, Christmas has become a distant memory. What were those gifts we received, anyway? Some of us have moved on, already starting to compile a new list of wants for next Christmas. We all enjoy receiving gifts, don’t we? The more the merrier!

But have you ever considered what a gift really is? Or what could possibly happen so that a gift would cease to be a gift?

Some TV talk show hosts, like Oprah Winfrey, Ellen DeGeneres and others, are known for being gift givers. Recipients might be people confronting difficult circumstances; their gifts intended to help them overcome their adversity. Others receiving gifts might be folks engaged in noble causes, working with limited resources to assist people in need. And sometimes, the studio audiences are the beneficiaries, receiving free books, cosmetics, small appliances and, on rare occasions, more extravagant gifts.

But what if an intended recipient, for whatever reason, declined or refused to accept the gift? Would it still be a gift?

One thing is certain: If not accepted, the intent of the gift will never be fulfilled. Why is this important? Because the Scriptures repeatedly refer to salvation – which includes receiving forgiveness for sins and gaining the assurance of eternal life – as a “gift.” 

Case in point: After presenting the bad news, “for all have sinned and fall short of the glory of God” (Romans 3:23), the apostle Paul provides the good news: “For the wages of sin is death, but the gift of God is eternal life in Christ Jesus our Lord” (Romans 6:23).

After explaining how what the Bible calls our “sin nature” became a universal part of mankind’s spiritual heredity because of Adam’s disobedience, Paul writes about the impact of Jesus’ atoning sacrifice on the cross and His resurrection: “But the gift is not like the trespass. For if the many died by the trespass of the one man (Adam), how much more did God’s grace and the gift that came by the grace of the one man, Jesus Christ, overflow for the many!” (Romans 5:15).

And writing to believers in ancient Corinth, reminding them about “the surpassing grace God has given…,” Paul enthusiastically declares, “Thanks be to God for his indescribable gift!” (2 Corinthians 9:14-15).

Other passages speak more about this gift, but two truths about gifts must be recognized, especially God’s gift of eternal life: First, a gift isn’t earned; it’s given freely, not based on merit or performance. As Titus 3:5 states, “[Jesus] saved us, not because of righteous things we had done, but because of his mercy….” And second, the gift must be received. “Yet to all who received him, to those who believed in his name, he gave the right to become children of God” (John 1:12).

Even the most well-known verse in the Bible affirms this: “For God so loved the world that he gave his one and only Son, that whoever believes in him shall not perish but have eternal life” (John 3:16). This passage doesn’t say that everyone is guaranteed eternal life, even though God “gave.” It makes clear this gift applies to “whoever believes in [Christ].” In other words, for those who don’t believe – or refuse to believe – the gift is null and void.

Does this sound exclusive? Perhaps. But consider who is doing the “excluding.” A TV talk show guest, or a member of the studio audience, might correctly state he or she didn’t go home with a gift from the show. But that would only be because they chose not to accept – or receive – the gift. They determined to exclude themselves from the gift.

As I understand it, this is true as well for the ultimate gift – that of eternal life. The gift has been offered, but it still must be received. So the question we must all ask ourselves – or should ask ourselves – is, “Have I received this gift? And if not, why not?”