Love: Who to Believe, Hallmark or the Bible?

Isn’t love grand? It’s so grand we designate a special holiday for it – Valentine’s Day. (It’s tomorrow, in case you’ve forgotten or need to make some last-minute plans.) We have many symbols for this annual celebration of love: red and pink hearts; cherubic-looking Cupids armed with amorous arrows; beautiful floral bouquets; brightly colored boxes of candy; heartwarming images of couples holding each other close, gazing lovingly into one another’s eyes.

 

Hurray for love! Or as the French say, “Vive l’amour!” But how does one find love, true love? As the old country song lamented, many folks seem to be “looking for love in all the wrong places.”

 

If we believe the ‘love gospel’ according to Hallmark, a good place to start is with a “meet cute.” A seemingly random encounter with an attractive stranger, ranging from a memorable glance or inadvertent touch to something more momentous, like spilling a drink on the other person or knocking important papers out of someone’s hands. In any event, they meet. 

 

The chance connection is soon repeated, bringing two people together whether they like it or not. Typically, they’re as different as country mouse and city mouse, but that’s no obstacle for true love, is it? Hallmark doesn’t think so. There’s conflict, but then there’s liking one another, followed by a lot of liking, and finally, falling head over heels in love – amazingly all within the span of a week or so!

 

Heartwarming scenario, right? But isn’t there – shouldn’t there – be more to love than surging hormones, emotions and physical attraction? As Proverbs 31:30 wisely observes, “Charm is deceptive, and beauty is fleeting, but a woman who fears the Lord is to be praised.” Animal magnetism is short-lived.

 

Even a casual search through the Scriptures shows Hallmark’s version of love has little in common with the biblical one. One’s all about “me”: What he/she does for me, makes me feel, gives me what I need. In the Bible, however, love is much more about giving than receiving. A verse many of us have heard again and again, John 3:16, makes this clear: “For God so loved the world that He gave His one and only Son, that whoever believes in Him shall not perish but have eternal life.” 

 

And this wasn’t for just a “cameo appearance,” as the movie folks would call it. He came not only to teach, perform miracles, and serve as a righteous example, but also to perform the ultimate act of love. “But God demonstrates His own love for us in this: While we were still sinners, Christ died for us” (Romans 5:8).

 

Why would Jesus ‘take the rap’ for us? He did nothing wrong; we’ve done many things wrong, so much that Romans 3:10 declares, “There is no one righteous, not even one…no one who seeks God.”  And Romans 3:23 adds, “for all have sinned and fall short of the glory of God.” In other words, not one of us is deserving of God’s love, forgiveness and redemption – ultimately, the promise of life after death and acceptance as members of the Lord’s eternal family. 

 

Nevertheless, in explaining what love is like from His perspective, Jesus said, “Greater love has no one than this, that he lay down his life for his friends” (John 15:13). He made this statement within the context of teaching how we’re to love others:

“As the Father has loved Me, so I have loved you. Now remain in My love. If you obey My commands, you will remain in My love, just as I have obeyed my Father’s commands and remain in His love…. My command is this: Love each other as I have loved you” (John 15:9-12).

 

This doesn’t sound like the warm, gushy, sentimental type of love that’s promoted on Valentine’s Day, does it? No, it’s about selflessness and sacrifice.

 

Another passage that powerfully describes what God’s love looks like is found in 1 Corinthians 13:4-13, a passage often used as part of wedding ceremonies. It says, “Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud…not rude…not self-seeking…not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres. Love never fails….”

 

Wow! Some of us have a difficult enough time demonstrating the Hallmark kind of love. The others-oriented, humble kind of love presented in the Scriptures doesn’t seem difficult – it seems impossible.

 

From a human perspective, this is true. But the good news, for those of us who have committed our lives to Christ, is we don’t have to muster up the biblical form of love on our own. God never expects us that of us. Earlier in His explanation about love, Jesus made this clear. He said, “I am the vine; you are the branches. If a man remains in Me and I in him, he will bear much fruit; apart from Me you can do nothing” (John 15:5).

 

In talking about “fruit,” the Lord wasn’t referring to peaches or apples. Galatians 5:22-23 details what it calls “the fruit of the Spirit,” and the very first of these cited is…love.

So, as we celebrate another Valentine’s Day, there’s nothing wrong with physical expressions of love for our spouse or partner. But we should use this day as a reminder of what God says about love. “By this we know what love is: Jesus laid down His life for us, and we ought to lay down our lives for our brothers” (1 John 3:16).  

Taking Time to Consider What Love’s Really All About

Every holiday has its characters. Christmas has Santa Claus, Easter has the Easter bunny, Thanksgiving has the turkey, and with Valentine’s Day upon us, we might be struck by one of Cupid’s amorous arrows. It’s the day, we’re told, that’s all about love.

Love, it seems, is music to our ears. “Love Is a Many Splendored Thing” the classic ballad told us. “All You Need Is Love,” the Beatles assured us. Songstress Whitney Houston declared, “I Will Always Love You.” The Righteous Brothers sang about love’s downside in “You’ve Lost That Lovin’ Feelin’.” And Elvis Presley admitted he, “Can’t Help Falling in Love.”

But when we cut past the fluff and the mush, what is love really all about?

 

I hate to harp on the Hallmark movie romances, but I’ve seen my share of them (probably more than my share, as a loving husband) and feel like a bit of an expert. Their prevailing message is that love is cultivated in an instant, endures a brief flirtation, survives momentary conflict, and then blossoms into mature, eternal devotion. All within the span of a single week, maybe just a few days. (Actually, less than two hours.)

 

But my experience over decades of marriage has taught me that’s not what true love is about. And it’s certainly not what the Bible says love is about. 

 

Love is hard work, compromise, putting the interests of the other person first when necessary, accepting one another flaws, warts and all. Yes, there are the soaring emotional times, but there are also times of wrestling over bills, cleaning the house, trying to fix stuff that’s broken, and realizing what “in sickness and in health” really means. All in the name of love.

 

The tear-jerker film of the late 1960s, “Love Story,” informed us that “love means never having to say you’re sorry.” However, I’ve learned that the words “I’m sorry” can go a long way in strengthening or repairing marriage relationships.

 

What the Scriptures say about love bears little resemblance to the butterflies-in-the-tummy image we receive from Hollywood. Here’s a sampling:

 

Love comes from God. “We have come to know and have believed the love which God has for us. God is love, and the one who remains in love remains in God, and God remains in him. By this, love is perfected with us, so that we may have confidence in the day of judgment…. There is no fear in love, but perfect love drives out fear, because fear involves punishment, and the one who fears is not perfected in love. We love, because He first loved us” (1 John 4:16-19).

 

Love is gracious and understanding. “Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. It is not rude, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs” (1 Corinthians 13:4-5). These words should undergird a marriage, not just serve as a nice-sounding portion of the wedding script.

 

Love is obedient. Explaining what it means to truly love God, Jesus said, “Whoever has My commands and keeps them is the one who loves Me. The one who loves Me will be loved by My Father, and I too will love them and show Myself to them” (John 14:21). How can we love God and refuse to do as He asks?

 

Love doesn’t demand something in return. “If you love those who love you, what credit is that to you? Even sinners love those who love them…. But love your enemies, do good to them, and lend to them without expecting to get anything back…. Be merciful, just as your Father is merciful” (Luke 6:32-36).

 

Love is a commandment. Jesus said, “A new command I give you: Love one another. As I have loved you, so you must love one another. By this everyone will know that you are My disciples, if you love one another” (John 13:34-35).

 

Love is eternal. Through the prophet Jeremiah, God spoke a truth that applies not only to His chosen people, the families of Israel, but also to everyone who is part of His kingdom: “The Lord appeared to us in the past, saying: ‘I have loved you with an everlasting love; I have drawn you with unfailing kindness'” (Jeremiah 31:3).

 

Love can mean dying to self. Jesus told His disciples, “My command is this: Love each other as I have loved you. Greater love has no one than this: to lay down one’s life for one’s friends” (John 15:12-13). Not long after, Jesus did exactly that – laying down His life, dying on the cross as the once and for all atoning sacrifice for all who would receive Him as Savior and Lord.

 

Love means making a choice. Jesus taught that genuine godly love leaves no room for mixed allegiances. “No one can serve two masters. Either he will hate the one and love the other, or he will be devoted to the one and despise the other. You cannot serve both God and money” (Matthew 6:24).

 

Love uses Jesus as the ultimate example. When a husband wonders, ‘How should I love my wife?’ he can find no better teacher than Jesus Christ. “Husbands, love your wives, just as Christ loved the church and gave Himself up for her…” (Ephesians 5:25). Reading the gospel accounts of Jesus, we find Him continually giving of Himself, not exhibiting a sentimental form of love but one of sacrifice and service.

 

You can find much more about love in the Bible. These only scratch the surface. But grasping and applying these truths alone could revolutionize Valentine’s Day. And “What the World Needs Now Is Love, Sweet Love” would never sound the same.

What’s This Thing Called Love Really All About?

With another Valentine’s Day upon us, thoughts of love seem to be swirling everywhere. Which prompts us to wonder, what’s this love thing really all about?  

The old Burt Bacharach tune told us, “What the World Needs Now Is Love Sweet Love.” Aww! The Beatles seconded the motion with their song, “All You Need Is Love.” We had TV shows in days gone by, like “The Love Boat” and “Love: American Style”? The modernized versions are “The Bachelor,” “The Bachelorette,” and a slew of copycat productions. Everyone desperately in search of love. 

 

Love’s a simple four-letter word, yet so complex, with a broad range of meanings. In fact, the ancient Greeks understood the intricacies of love so well they created a number of words for it. For one, there was “eros,” referring to romantic love or sexual passion. The TV love shows, the Hallmark genre of movies, and theatrical rom-coms are mostly about this form of love – or lust.

But the Greeks understood there’s more to love than just hormones and touchy-feely emotions. “Philia” was used to describe deep friendship – brotherly love. “Storge” referred to love and affection, especially between parents and children. And then there was “agape,” the unconditional, selfless, sacrificial love that is central to the life of Jesus Christ and the Gospel.

 

There were other Greek words for other manifestations of love, but suffice it to say, there’s a whole lot more to love than warm fuzzies and physical attraction.

 

I’ve cited it before, but perhaps the best biblical description of love is found in 1 Corinthians 13. After declaring that without love we can seem like a “resounding gong” or “clanging cymbal,” that without love we are nothing and gain nothing, the passage explains what genuine love is:

“Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. It is not rude, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres. Love never fails…. And now these three remain: faith, hope and love. But the greatest of these is love” (1 Corinthians 13:4-13).

 

As we read this list, we don’t find a love based on what someone can do for us; it’s about what we do on behalf of the person who’s the object of our love – demonstrating patience and kindness, selflessness, protection, trust, hopefulness, perseverance. Things like envy, pride, rudeness, anger, bitterness and holding grudges don’t qualify.

 

Ultimately, this love – agape – is manifested by the God we worship and serve. “We love because He first loved us” (1 John 4:19). Jesus expressed it this way: “Greater love has no one than this: to lay down one’s life for one’s friends” (John 15:13). Then He proceeded to do just that, willingly giving His life on the cross to become the atoning sacrifice – the “propitiation,” theologians term it – for our sins.

 

When we read “God is love” (1 John 4:16), it embodies a lot more than the image of a grandfather-like deity looking down from on high, loving and accepting us no matter what. Because His love takes into account His holiness and righteousness, as well as all that it cost the Lord to extend His grace and mercy, forgiveness and adoption, to us. And as the passage from 1 Corinthians states, love doesn’t delight in evil but rejoices with the truth.

 

This isn’t to say Valentine’s Day and the romantic aspect of love should be discounted. Not at all. Or as the apostle Paul would have phrased it, “May it never be!” Looking at my wife, I still see my girlfriend, the beautiful woman who first caused my heart to flutter and skip beats so many years ago. I’m all about flowers, candy hearts, cute little cupids, and other happy traditions. 

 

However, our decades of marriage have taught us that enduring love, the kind that survives crises and disagreements and adversity in many forms, is more like 1 Corinthians 13 than the closing scenes of your favorite movie romance would have us believe.

 

If we want to know what love is really all about, we need to look to the God of the Bible. May we never forget, “For God so loved the world that He gave His one and only Son, that whoever believes in Him shall not perish but have eternal life” (John 3:16). In that simple yet profound sentence, just two dozen words or so, we find the greatest “Valentine” gift ever offered!

It’s Time to Celebrate Love – But What Is Love, Really?

Today is Valentine’s Day, also known as the day for love. Red and pink hearts, bouquets of flowers, boxes of candy, shimmering jewelry, and even engagement rings will dominate – all in the name of love. But when all is said and done, do we really understand what true love is?

 

Our culture insists love is all about emotions, warm, fuzzy feelings we get when looking at that “special person.” It’s discovering your “soulmate,” finding “chemistry,” or as Hallmark romance movies put it, the “magical” moment when you realize that “he’s (or she’s) the one.” We “fall in love,” but people often fall out of it, too. Maybe love should have seatbelts to keep us from falling? 

There is nothing wrong with romantic love. Thankfully, my wife and I have enjoyed that for more than 47 years, and as they say about fine wines, love can get better with age – if you’re willing to invest the time and energy to keep it alive. Sadly, too many people aren’t so willing. Rather than experiencing a love strong enough to endure hardships and adversity, as well as joys and good times, their relationships wind up in Cupid’s junk yard, faint remembrances of what could have been.

 

Books written about love can’t be numbered. There are all kinds of “experts” out there claiming to know how to find and sustain love that works and grows. There’s one book, however, that I believe surpasses them all, one that’s passed the test of time – thousands of years, in fact.

 

That book is the Bible, that amazing collection of 66 books (39 in the Old Testament, 27 in the New), written by dozens of different authors but with one consistent, unifying theme: That God, the Creator of all that is, was also the originator of love, starting with Adam and Eve and continuing to the present day. The Scriptures, we might say, are His comprehensive love letter to humankind.

 

The kind of love found in the Word of God, however, is quite unlike anything we’d see on “The Bachelor,” “The Bachelorette,” or any of the other “lust American-style” productions. The love demonstrated in the Scriptures is more about giving than receiving, selfless rather than selfish, unconditional rather than conditional, and sacrificial when necessary.

 

We see this in what’s perhaps the best-known verse of the Bible, John 3:16, where we’re told, “For God so loved the world that he gave his one and only Son, that whoever believes in him shall not perish but have eternal life.” When God gave His Son, Jesus Christ, it was not only for a cameo appearance. It wasn’t just for Him to serve as a role model, although He was that. 

 

It was so that Jesus might Himself provide the greatest gift of all, dying to pay the ultimate price for our spiritual freedom, becoming what theologians call the "propitiation" for our sins. As Romans 5:8 declares, “But God demonstrates his own love for us in this: While we were still sinners, Christ died for us.” 

 

As the Lord told His closest disciples not long before going to the cross to be crucified, “My command is this: Love each other as I have loved you. Greater love has no one than this, that he lay down his life for his friends” (John 15:12-13). Why would the God of all eternity take on human flesh and willingly surrender to an excruciating death – becoming the one and only atonement for sin – unless motivated by a love beyond anything we can fully comprehend?

 

I’ve cited it before, but 1 Corinthians 13, called by some “the love chapter,” describes love in ways you won’t find in the “love” reality shows or the romance films. It declares that “Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. It is not rude, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. Love does not delight in evil but rejoices in the truth. It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres” (1 Corinthians 13:4-7). 

 

When you think of love, do terms like patience, kindness, humility, consideration of others, slow to anger, forgiving, truthful, protecting, trusting, hopeful and persevering come to mind?

 

For many of us, those aren’t loving adjectives that immediately pop into our thoughts. But they should be. Why? Because when we cultivate and embrace a love like this then, as the passage continues, “Love never fails…. And now these three remain: faith, hope and love. But the greatest of these is love” (1 Corinthians 13:8,13).

I hope you’ll be spending this Valentine’s Day with the person – or people – that you love. And I hope your love for them, and their love for you, is more like that of 1 Corinthians 13 than the counterfeit for it depicted in the fantasy worlds of Hallmark and The Bachelor. 

‘I Love You”: The Familiar Phrase With So Many Meanings

“I love you.” When you hear that, what comes to your mind? When you say it, what do you mean?

 

In a few days we’ll be celebrating Valentine’s Day, the annual event dedicated to love. (In the case of retailers, it’s the love of money – the result of increased sales of flowers, candies, jewelry, and anything else someone can think of that represents their affection for another.) We see commercials with the Valentine’s theme, and the Hallmark channels use it as an excuse for more of what they do – show movies about schmaltzy, sentimental love.

However, thanks to the multi-tasking nature of the English language, when someone says, “I love you,” we almost need to ask, “What do you mean by that?”

 

Because expressions of love can mean just about anything. We can love our dog, our car, our job, our favorite TV show, a warm, sunny day, or our favorite sports team. Each use of love carries very different meaning. We can love our spouse (or significant other), and love our children – our love can be just as intense, but it doesn’t mean the same and the way we demonstrate it is different. And love for God has a meaning all its own.

 

We read a lot about love in the Bible, but the ancient Greeks had numerous words for love that covered a broad range of meaning. “Philia” refers to affectionate regard, or friendship. The city of Philadelphia got its name from this word. “Storge” refers to affection, particularly between parents and children. “Eros” was the word for sexual passion; we get the word “erotic” from this. But most commonly used is “agape,” which typically refers to selfless, sacrificial, unconditional love.

 

The latter usage is the focus of 1 Corinthians 13, that favored passage often inserted into marriage ceremonies, sometimes with serious intent and other times to confer a sanctified tone. But it says: 

“Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. It is not rude, it is not self-seeking; it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres.”

 

After declaring that, “Love never fails,” this passage concludes, “And now these three remain: faith, hope and love. But the greatest of these is love” (1 Corinthians 13:4-13).

 

We often hear the phrase, “What the world needs now is love.” And so it does. But what it – and we – need is not the warm, fuzzy, mushy kind of love, but the kind described above, that intentionally and determinedly puts others first, setting personal agendas aside.

 

As for Valentine’s Day, which is the best kind of love to have? Friendship, affection, sexual passion, or sacrificial, unconditional love? How about all of them? They’re all important, invaluable parts of the whole, one being incomplete without all of the others. Sealed with love for God and His love for us, they cannot be conquered.

 

After all, as John 3:16 emphatically declares, “For God so loved the world that He gave his one and only Son, that whoever believes in Him shall not perish but have eternal life.” Imagine divine love so deep, and so wide, that even the outstretched arms and hands of Jesus Christ – on a crude, cruel cross on a desolate hillside in Jerusalem – couldn’t begin to contain its measure! 

Valentine’s Day: Good Time to Revisit What Love Really Means

Valentine’s Day. It’s about that time again. When the holiday comes around, what do you think of? Hearts, flowers, boxes of candy, sentimental cards, romantic dinners? LOVE? But what do we mean when speaking about “love,” anyway? What comes to your mind when you hear the word?

If we’re to believe Hollywood, it’s about being all starry-eyed, hearts a-fluttering, and uttering profound words like, “You complete me” or, “You had me at ‘hello’.” (Yes, I’ve seen the movie, “Jerry Maguire.”) TV, commercial films and books insist it’s about animal attraction, “chemistry,” or believing “it can’t be wrong when it feels so right.” Right? Even super-sappy Hallmark movies preach, “You’ll know it when he/she is the one!” 

But is that what love’s really about – being all mushy, gushy toward each other? An emotional state that’s so easy to fall into – and fall out of, when the novelty wears off?

I’d like to think not. After more than 45 years of marriage, through the good and the bad, sickness and health, poorer and richer (comparatively speaking, that is), we’ve discovered that for love to last, it’s going to require lots more than fickle feelings.

So, getting back to the earlier question, what is love really all about? To put it another way, what should love be all about? To find the answer, there’s no better source than a very familiar passage from the Bible’s New Testament, one you’ve probably heard more than once at weddings you’ve attended. You might even have used it at your own.

The passage? It’s 1 Corinthians 13:1-13, particularly verses 4-7. 

It opens with a description of what our actions might look like in the absence of love: 

“If I speak with the tongues of men and of angels, but have not love, I am only a resounding gong or a clanging cymbal. If I have the gift of prophecy and can fathom all mysteries and all knowledge, and if I have a faith that can move mountains, but have not love, I am nothing. If I give all I possess to the poor and surrender my body to the flames, but have not love, I gain nothing” (1 Corinthians 13:1-3).

Those words alone are convicting. For instance, I might believe I can recognize the truth of a situation, but when I offer my perspective, I’m lacking the sensitivity, compassion and love needed for conveying my message.

Are you old enough to remember “The Gong Show”? Contestants on that show knew the resounding gong wasn’t the sound they wanted to hear. And having performed in the percussion section of my high school marching and concert bands (as they say, “back in the day”), I learned a thing or two about clanging cymbals. ‘Nuf said!

But the next several verses really get to the crux of the true meaning of love. These are the words that will probably ring a bell with you: “Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. It is not rude, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres. Love never fails…” (1 Corinthians 13:4-8).

Wow! Each of those descriptors deserve an entire chapter in a book: Patient. Kind. Not envious. Not boastful or proud. Not rude. Not self-seeking. Slow to anger. Doesn’t get “historical” by refusing to forget past wrongs. Shuns evil. Cherishes the truth. Protects. Trusts. Hopes. Perseveres.

Do these sound like the qualities emphasized in our culture? Probably not. Because our culture insists, “It’s all about me.” Being patient, kind, humble and trusting requires being focused toward the other person.

Being rude, self-centered, quick to become anger, suspicious, and eager to give up when the going gets difficult are easier to do, because we’re doing what comes naturally. But if we keep in mind the one Person who embodied love, maybe we can resist the natural impulses.

As Hebrews 12:3 instructs us, “For consider Him who endured such hostility from sinners against Himself, so that you will not grow weary and lose heart.” And Jesus Himself, before putting these words into action, underscored the sacrificial, selfless qualities of genuine love: “Greater love has no one than this, that one lay down his life for his friends” (John 15:13). It can’t be said any better than that.

What’s Love Got to Do With It?

Do you know what today is? If you have a spouse or “significant other,” you’re in trouble if you don’t. Because it’s Valentine’s Day, the day appropriated by retailers to help fill the gap until Easter (which some people treat like a springtime Christmas, without a tree), Mother’s Day, Father’s Day, and then the six-month buildup to the next Christmas.

But let’s consider Valentine’s Day for what it’s supposed to be, at least in theory. It’s when we pause for special consideration to the one we love, whether it involves flowers and candy, cards, jewelry, a special dinner, or whatever works best for demonstrating our affection and admiration.

My wife and me in Capri,
Italy last year.

The symbol for the day, of course, is the heart. And we generally agree it’s a celebration of something called “love.” The question is, what exactly is…love? We hear that love is something folks fall into – and out of – even married people. Sounds kind of like emotional gravity: “I’ve fallen into love…oops, something’s tipped, so I’ve fallen out of love. Sorry ‘bout that.”

There’s love according to “The Bachelor” and “The Bachelorette,” only skin-deep, but that’s supposed to be okay. As long as the hormones continue racing, and you don’t have enough time or opportunity to genuinely get to know one another, love can survive.

Then we have the Hallmark Channel view of love: Boy bumps into girl (Hollywood’s “meet cute”); boy dislikes girl and/or vice versa; boy and girl start to build a bit of chemistry, despite obvious differences; they sense a strong attraction, almost to the point of kissing; conflict arises, nearly ending the potential romance; and then, at long last, boy and girl realize they’ve meant for each other, seal it with a kiss, and (presumably) proceed to live happily ever after. All within the span of about a week. (Obviously, I’ve seen enough Hallmark movies to know the script outline!)

But is that what love really is? Just physical attraction and raw emotions – which can alter dramatically over time?

I believe there’s no greater authority to consult about love, even romantic love, than the Scriptures. Especially the passage often used during wedding ceremonies that hardly anyone really listens to; it sounds nice, it’s found in the Bible, so let’s include it. I’m talking about 1 Corinthians 13:4-13, what some have termed “the love chapter.” We could all use a refresher, so here it is:

“Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. It is not rude, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres. Love never fails…. And now these three remain: faith, hope and love. But the greatest of these is love.”

I’ve read this passage many times, in different translations, and not once has it mentioned things we typically associate with love – warm and fuzzy feelings, getting all giddy and giggly, not being able to stop thinking about how the other person makes us feel. It does, however, emphasize things like patience, kindness, humility, selflessness, forgiveness, goodness, protection, contentment, being slow to anger, truthfulness, trust, and perseverance.

This isn’t to say that emotions, or physical and sexual attraction, aren’t or shouldn’t be part of the love equation. Certainly they should. God inspired an entire book of the Old Testament, The Song of Solomon, about that. But our contemporary notion of love moves too quickly to outward appearances and feelings. We would be wise to first consider “Do I like this person?” before asking, “Do I love this person?” Because as Proverbs 31:30 observes, “Charm is deceptive, and beauty is fleeting, but a woman [or man] who fears the Lord is to be praised.”

Have you noticed in many wedding ceremonies, traditional vows are replaced by the couple’s unique sentiments toward each other? There’s nothing wrong with that. It’s their wedding, after all. But the words, “for better or for worse, in sickness or in health, for richer or for poorer,” serve as an instant reality check. Because the “happily ever after” of fairy tales and Hallmark movies doesn’t translate to real life. 

Successful marriages have lots of good times – as my wife and I can attest after more than four decades. But hard times are also a necessary part of the package, and the sooner we accept that – even as a couple pledges themselves to each other – the better.

Perhaps the most profound Scriptural admonition concerning love is found in Ephesians 5:25, which instructs, “Husbands, love your wives, just as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her.” How did Jesus love the Church – His believers and followers? He died for us, sacrificed everything for our benefit – atoning for our sins to provide redemption and reconciliation with God. 

Being a husband myself, that’s a constant and sobering reminder of how totally I should give myself to my wife. I don’t always succeed – too often I fail. But that’s the goal, the calling the Lord has given to me and to all husbands, one we can only achieve through Him. Happy Valentine’s Day!

Finding Love…By Getting Lost

As another Valentine’s Day approaches, and many of us reflect either on the love we have or the love we desire, I think of an intriguing statement a young woman made about how to find that right person. She said, “A girl should be so lost in the Lord that a guy has to seek Him to find her.”

Today, as has always been the case, people look for the love of their life in a variety of places: In class, if you’re a student, at work, the gym or other athletic activities, in bars, the supermarket; and increasingly, online. Searching, searching, desperately hoping and expecting Mr. or Ms. Right to suddenly pop up out of nowhere.

It's time again to consider
the "affairs of the heart."

But could it be that most people are, to borrow from the Johnny Lee tune featured in the film, “Urban Cowboy,” are “looking for love in all the wrong places”? Perhaps, as the young woman suggested, we all would be well-advised to get “lost” so we can be found?

I didn’t hear how she elaborated on her meaning, but suspect she meant that as we grow more deeply committed to – and in love with – God, men as well as women, He will bring us together with the person best suited for us, one who shares the same beliefs, convictions and motivations. Someone whose life is grounded in the person of Jesus Christ, who enables us to love beyond anything we could imagine.

Most of us are familiar with the biblical declaration, “God is love” (1 John 3:16), but it’s important to understand this within its context: “And so we know and rely on the love God has for us. God is love. Whoever lives in love lives in God, and God in them.” This says to experience true love – not the superficial forms of love we see depicted in the entertainment media that are either sappy and sentimental, or solely sensual – it must be drawn from the Lord, the author and source of love.

Psalm 37:4 offers the assurance, “Delight yourself in the Lord and he will give you the desires of your heart.” In Jeremiah 33:3 we’re told, “Call to Me, and I will answer you, and show you great and mighty things, which you do not know.” And Ephesians 3:20 declares that God is “able to do immeasurably more than all we ask or imagine, according to his power that is at work within us.”

All these tell me that if we’re sincerely seeking love, not the counterfeit we often see portrayed, we’ve got to look to God first. Otherwise we’re indeed looking for love in all the wrong places. This applies to the individual still looking for that right person, because ultimately that right person is the Lord Himself. But it also applies to people caught in a difficult or loveless marriage, as well as those who would consider themselves happily married, but yearning for an ever deeper, more fulfilling love with their mate.

My wife and I are closing in on our 44^th anniversary, and the path hasn’t always been smooth. Lots of bumps have impeded our progress at times. But I can say without question the love we have today far surpasses what we had during those early, euphoric days of “being in love.” The love we have for each other truly is, as Ephesians 3:20 states, immeasurably more that all I could have asked or imagined.

Delighting ourselves in the Lord has in no way diminished our love for one another. It’s deepened and enhanced it, in ways we could never have dreamed.

So, on Valentine’s Day, if you know you’ve succeeded in finding the love of your life, congratulations. But don’t take it for granted – keep working at it to make it even stronger. If you’re still looking, make certain you’re not looking in all the wrong places. As the young woman proposed, get so lost in the Lord so that he (or she) must seek Him to find you.

After all, as the Scriptures tell us, “We love because he first loved us” (1 John 4:9).