What would you think of a shooting instructor that commanded his students, “Ready! Fire! Aim!”? Sounds ridiculous, doesn’t it? Because anyone who’s ever held and fired a gun knows you get ready first, then you determine your target and carefully aim at it, and then you fire the weapon.
Unfortunately, many parents today seem to operate in the fire-first, aim-later mode. They carry out their parenting responsibilities with a reactive approach rather than being proactive. Tyrannized by the urgent rather than being guided by the important. They might have vision for how they’d like their kids to turn out but fail to do the hard work of pointing them in the right direction and getting them to the “target.”
The Bible relates the mission of parenting to a kind of “target practice,” but instead of using a gun as a metaphor (they didn’t exist back then) it uses a bow and arrow. Psalm 127:3-5 says:
“Behold, children are a gift of the Lord, the fruit of the womb is a reward.
Like arrows in the hand of a warrior, so are children of one’s youth.
How blessed is the man whose quiver is full of them.
They will not be ashamed when they speak with their enemies at the gate.”
We might not often think of parenting in terms of warfare – except possibly when dealing with a headstrong, rebellious child. But perhaps being warriors going to war is a fitting comparison for our times today. Parents in every generation may have felt this way to some degree, but it seems the challenges we’re facing are greater than at any time in the past.
With the pressures and distractions of technology, influence of social media, and society’s constant attacks on traditional values, our calling for raising responsible, productive, God-fearing children is confronted with more obstacles than ever. Parenting can’t be treated as some side-hustle while focusing on other things.
Why the analogy of children to “arrows in the hand of a warrior”? To be honest, I’ve never shot a competition-quality bow and arrow. I only played with toy bows and arrows when I was a boy. But I know enough to understand that whether you’re preparing to shoot an arrow, fire a gun, or set a course for your career, an old saying applies: “If you aim at nothing, you’ll hit it every time.”
Too often parents opt for nothing and abdicate their own responsibilities, presuming they can rely on schools and the church to provide the necessary training. Unfortunately, much of what is being taught in many schools contradicts what the Lord instructs in His Word, so we can’t trust them to do the job. As for church, even the best ones only have our kids a couple hours each week, so the positive impact they can have is small compared to the influences surrounding our kids every day.
This is why the teaching of Proverbs 22:6 is so profound: “Train up a child in the way he should go, even when he is old he will not depart from it.” This isn’t a guarantee that children will grow up to be devout followers of Jesus and be recognized as godly leaders. However, it’s our responsibility to teach them what’s right and true and reinforce that by serving as consistent examples of what a person with a heart after God should look like.
Training our children effectively requires time, effort and intentionality. A well-accepted goal-setting guideline is to ask and answer three important questions: “Where are we going? How are we going to get there? How will we know when we’ve arrived?” These also are good questions to consider in formulating a strategy for raising children who will know the way they should go – and when they’re old, won’t depart from it.
Granted, we don’t have complete control over how our kids will ultimately turn out. God does much of the work, drawing them to Himself and molding their hearts, often using life’s circumstances to get their attention. And kids, especially once they become teenagers and older, must make many of their own decisions. Some of which we might not agree with. But then, didn’t we learn to make good decisions – by sometimes making bad decisions?
However, just as the Lord makes us stewards (managers) of the material resources He entrusts to us, we’re also stewards of the children He’s given to us. Like it or not, we’re to serve as trainers for our youngsters. They’re not going to become model citizens automatically.
Remember “show and tell” when you were in elementary school? In a sense, parenting also is a show-and-tell endeavor: We show how to do things the right way, including living a life of faith in Christ. This includes praying with our kids and praying to the Lord for them. We tell them what God says in His Word, and show we believe what it says by living accordingly.
Deuteronomy 6:5-7 admonishes us, “Love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your strength. These commandments that I give you today are to be upon your hearts. Impress them on your children. Talk about them with you sit at home and when you walk along the road, when you lie down and when you get up.”
Clearly, God has made raising our children – teaching and showing them the way they should go – a primary responsibility. If we don’t do our job, someone else will do it by proxy. And we might not like the target at which they’re aiming.
