More Connected Than Ever, But Desperately Alone

Being a career journalist and writer, I’ve always been fascinated by communications. I often marvel in thinking about how much the art of communicating has changed just in my lifetime.

 

For instance, my first memories of the telephone: it was the old-fashioned kind, with receiver cradled on its base, a rotating dial for placing a call, and a simple combination of letters and digits for a phone number. The first one I remember was CH (for Charter) followed by five numbers. We didn’t have an area code yet.

 

For a while we had a “party line,” sharing the same phone line with one or more neighbors. Occasionally we’d pick up the receiver to make a call and hear someone else’s voices on the same line. We’d have to wait for them to hang up before we could use the phone ourselves. When our phone did ring, we had to pick up the receiver and hear the voice to find out who was calling. Can you believe it? 

We’d fret over missing a phone call because there were no answering machines – and nothing vaguely resembling voicemail. Printed telephone books contained the names, addresses and phone numbers of everyone in our town. If the city was large, the phone books were huge. The alternative was to dial ‘0’ and get a real person called an “operator” who could provide needed information and phone numbers. Social media? The only thing remotely akin to that was secretively listening in on a party line conversation.

 

Fast forward to today: Never in the history of civilization have people been more connected. We’ve got phones, email, texting, the Internet, hundreds of TV and cable networks, streaming services, and video communications platforms. Everything literally at our fingertips. And yet, people have never been more isolated.

 

Why do we, surrounded by such a vast communications jungle, sometimes feel so desperately alone? Because no matter how many “friends” we may have on Facebook, Instagram, LinkedIn, Twitter or any other social medium, there’s no substitute for eye-to-eye contact and a human touch.

 

We were created for relationship, first with God and then with one another. In the creation account given in the opening chapter of Genesis, after He created animals, birds, fish and other living things “according to their kinds,” the Lord decided to create humankind. “Then God said, ‘Let us make man in our image, in our likeness…’” (Genesis 1:26).

 

God clearly desired relationships with His foremost creations – man and woman. After all the wondrous but non-speaking living things He designed, the Trinity of God the Father, God the Son and God the Holy Spirit wanted a mutual love relationship with mankind. But after “the Lord God formed the man from the dust of the ground and breathed into his nostrils the breath of life” (Genesis 2:7), the Lord understood the man needed companionship. We might say, someone with skin on.

 

“The Lord God said, ‘It is not good for the man to be alone. I will make a helper suitable for him’” (Genesis 2:18). After introducing Adam to “all the beasts of the field and all the birds of the air,” God determined “for Adam no suitable helper was found…. Then the Lord God made a woman from the rib he had taken out of the man, and he brought her to the man. The man said, ‘This is now bone of my bones and flesh of my flesh….’ For this reason a man will leave his father and mother and be united to his wife…” (Genesis 2:19,22-24).

 

Ever since that time, human history has been an unending saga of relationships, good and bad, healthy and unhealthy. As we were designed, God wanted us to yearn for eye contact, touch, conversation, and even the scent of other human beings.

 

Despite its many benefits, technology can provide no substitute for these needs. That’s why we read declarations such as Proverbs 27:17, “As iron sharpens iron, so one man sharpens another” – as we interact and rub shoulders with one another, we can help each other become better people. 

 

In relationship we can support one another and help in carrying each other’s burdens: “Two are better than one because they have a good return for their work; if one falls down, his friend can help him up. But pity the man who falls and has no one to help him up! Also, if two lie down together, they will keep warm. But how can one keep warm alone? Though one may be overpowered, two can defend themselves. A cord of three strands is not quickly broken” (Ecclesiastes 4:9-12).

 

During the pandemic, many churches were closed, ostensibly for health reasons. But those closures didn’t enhance spiritual vitality. We need one another – followers of Jesus Christ aren’t intended to function in desperate aloneness. This is why we’re admonished in Hebrews 10:24-25, “And let us consider how we may spur one another on toward love and good deeds. Let us not give up meeting together, as some are in the habit of doing, but let us encourage one another….”

Relationships are hard. It’s easier to press “Like” on social media or type a quick reply to someone’s post. But relationships are vital. We need to be intentional, to look up (from our smartphones) not only to smell the roses but also to enjoy and engage in the real relationships all around us. 

Spending Our Time with the Wrong ‘Book’?

Have you ever thought about how much communication has changed over recent decades? Long ago in a land far away – or so it seems – families would gather around dinner tables nightly to review the day. Neighbors sitting on front porches would greet each other as dusk drew near. They’d also enjoy friendly impromptu visits across an adjoining fence.

 

These days, if families gather at all, it’s usually around the big-screen TV. Or accompanied by their ever-present smartphones. Many homes don’t have front porches; instead, we huddle inside, enjoying the air conditioning during the warm months and the heat when it’s cold. Sadly, in many instances we don’t even know our neighbors, let alone call them friends.

 

Speaking of friends, increasingly folks can’t identify more than a few. We have “friends” at work, but those friendships typically don’t extend beyond the workplace. Even in church settings, most relationships go no deeper than, “Hi, how are ya? I’m fine. Good to see you.” 

 

We connect with “friends” via social media, but they’re people we wouldn’t recognize if we passed them on the street, the grocery store or the mall. And yet, we spend countless hours keeping up with social media friends. If we’re not online for very long, we may start to suffer from FOMO – fear of missing out. We don’t want to be the last to know when someone’s on vacation, what they had to eat, a joke they shared, or the emotional rant they posted.

 

If only we possessed the same enthusiasm for communicating with God. In a recent message, our pastor made this sage observation: “These days everyone is on Facebook, when their face needs to be in THE book, the Bible.”

In homes where people profess to be Christians, it would be unusual not to find at least one Bible. Often, there are more than one, even in different translations. But if we were to compare their time in the Word of God with time spent on social media, the difference might be startling.

 

My desire isn’t to shame anyone. I get it. I’m sometimes guilty of it, too. Things happen so quickly these days. The tidbits of information we can gather on Facebook, LinkedIn, Twitter, Parler – whatever your medium of choice happens to be – come at lightning speed. There’s always the temptation to check out the latest. On the other hand, the Bible has pretty much been the same for hundreds of years, except for the occasional “new and improved” translation or paraphrase.

 

But how often have you heard about someone whose life was changed, even transformed, by what they read on social media? On the other hand, I know thousands of people, many that I’ve written about in one way or another, whose lives were turned upside-down after encountering Jesus Christ in the Scriptures.

 

I’d be lying if I said I don’t let a day pass without spending time in the Bible. Sometimes the tyranny of the urgent gets in the way of the important. But I can tell a difference when I haven’t spent time in God’s Word. And it probably shows.

 

Any relationship grows stronger with the more time and energy you put into it, including with the Lord. I used to think spending an hour or so in church on Sunday was sufficient, but that’s no more true than eating one meal a week is enough. Just as we need physical food daily, we also need spiritual food – time with God in the Scriptures, in prayer and meditation.

 

Jesus said, “Blessed are those who hunger and thirst for righteousness, for they will be filled” (Matthew 5:6). And the psalmist tells us, “Blessed is the man [whose] delight is in the law of the Lord, and on His law he meditates day and night” (Psalm 1:1-2). We’re promised that by spending time with God, we will be blessed.

 

Whether we’re going to work, to school, or trying to manage a household, we all want to be successful. Spending time in the Scriptures with our best Friend of all is a big step in that direction. In Joshua 1:8 we’re assured, “Do not let this Book of the Law depart from your mouth; meditate on it day and night, so that you may be careful to do everything written in it. Then you will be prosperous and successful.” Seems like good advice to me.

 

We’re blessed if we have even a handful of good friends, folks we can trust and rely on when needed. The friends we find on Facebook and other social media might be fun to interact with. However, what better friend can we find than the Lord?

 

Jesus said, “Greater love has no one than this: to lay down one’s life for one’s friends” (John 15:13). And that’s exactly what He did for us, willingly giving up His life on the cross to pay the penalty for our sins, to redeem us, and to provide the way for an eternal relationship with God.

So, as we’re spending time communicating with friends we encounter each day, as well as those pseudo-friends we’ve met on Facebook and other social media, it would be wise to make a point of communing with the greatest Friend of all – and His Book. 

Tweet Unto Others As You Would Have Them Tweet Unto You

Social media. I have a definite love-hate relationship with it. Sites like Facebook, LinkedIn and even Twitter have been great for staying connected with people I don’t see on a regular basis, as well as reconnecting with folks I hadn’t seen or talked with for many years. What a way to quickly reach out to old friends! 

 

But the social media also have their dark side. Behind the safety of their screens and keyboards, some people use these forums to say things they would never think of speaking in public, especially face-to-face with their “targets.” No wonder our society has become increasing negative, even snarky. With the flick of a finger, people can bully or demean without fearing repercussions. And social media definitely  aren’t the place to conduct a civil discussion or debate.

Which leads me to the topic for today: Most of us are familiar with the so-called “golden rule.” And I don’t mean the one that goes, “He who has the gold, rules.” I’m referring to what Jesus taught in His “sermon on the mount,” as well as His response when religious leaders challenged Him, asking Him to specify which commandment in Jewish law He considered to be the greatest, or most important. 

 

Addressing a large crowd of His disciples, as well as many curious onlookers, Jesus was teaching about relationships, especially with those they would regard as enemies. He taught that instead of responding to their unkind or even evil treatment with the same kind of behavior, instead they should pray for them and, whenever possible, do good to them.

 

He said, in the King James translation I heard as a young person, “Do unto others as you would have them do unto you” (Luke 6:31). That’s clear enough, but I like the way a popular paraphrase, The Message, expresses it: “Here is a simple, rule-of thumb guide for behavior: Ask yourself what you want people to do for you, then grab the initiative and do it for them” (Matthew 7:12).

 

Jesus also stated this principle another way. After asserting that the greatest commandment of all is, “Love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your mind,” He added, “the second is like it: ‘Love your neighbor as yourself’” (Matthew 22:37-39).

 

Imagine for a minute if, before they impulsively texted something hurtful, sent a nasty email, or crafted a nasty response to someone on a social medium like Facebook or Twitter, everyone paused long enough to consider, “Is this the kind of thing I would like others to say to me? Is this the way I’d want other people to treat me?” 

 

They could also check themselves by self-inquiring, “Is what I’m preparing to post (or text) a reflection of the love I have for myself – and what I’d like others to demonstrate to me?”

 

As I’ve read through the book of Proverbs, I’ve found many passages that concern how we communicate with one another. For instance: “Put away perversity from your mouth; keep corrupt talk far from your lips” (Proverbs 4:24). And Proverbs 11:12 states, “A man who lacks judgment derides his neighbor, but a man of understanding holds his tongue.” 

 

Proverbs 12:18 affirms, “Reckless words pierce like a sword, but the tongue of the wise brings healing.” I could cite dozens of other passages, in both the Old and New Testaments, but the one I think sums it up is Ephesians 4:25, “Do not let any unwholesome talk come out of your mouths, but only what is helpful for building others up according to their needs, that it may benefit those who listen.”

 

Maybe, for communication’s sake, we should rephrase the Golden Rule to, “Tweet unto others as you would have them tweet unto you.” And if you think I’m preaching, even meddling, please know my No. 1 audience is myself.

Salvaging Our World of Words

Another old year shoved to the basement, we begin our 365-day ascent toward the apex of whatever the new year holds. Along this trek, we’ll be carrying baggage from the past, along with supplies to sustain us for the future. Much of those “supplies” will consist of words we’ll employ, sometimes for good – and sometimes not.

The year just concluded had more than its share of words, written and spoken. An inordinate measure of them seemed connected to the name “Trump,” many times not in good ways. Having no interest in using my first post of the year to dabble in that topic, it seems more appropriate to contemplate how we’ll utilize words in the coming days.

Not everyone is a “writer,” although nearly all of us write, even if it’s just via texts, email or social media. So, we’ve all the opportunity to use words as tools – or weapons. It’s a choice we all must make.

We not only choose which words to use – and how – but also have the option of not using words at all. That’s where I’d like to focus. It was humorist and social commentator Will Rogers who said, “Never miss a good chance to shut up.” He departed from this life in 1935, more than 80 years ago, but the wisdom of this witticism seems as apropos as ever.

It was not Rogers, however, who originated the novel idea that just because you think it, you’re not obligated to share it for all who will hear it. President Abraham Lincoln is reported to have said, “Better to remain silent and be thought a fool than to speak and to remove all doubt.” Certainly many other wise observers have expressed similar cautions through the centuries, since the tendency to give someone a piece of one’s mind they can’t afford to lose seems universal.

This is underscored in the Scriptures, which offer dozens of admonitions about the virtues – and evils – of what we say and write. The closest to the statements above is Proverbs 17:28, which declares, "Even a fool is thought wise if he keeps silent, and discerning if he holds his tongue.”

There are others worth noting. Here’s a sampling:

• “He who guards his mouth and his tongue keeps himself from calamity” (Proverbs 21:23).
• “A man of knowledge uses words with restraint, and a man of understanding is even-tempered” (Proverbs 17:27).
• “Pleasant words are a honeycomb, sweet to the soul and healing to the bones” (Proverbs 16:24).
• “The tongue that brings healing is a tree of life, but a deceitful tongue crushes the spirit” (Proverbs 15:4).
• “Reckless words pierce like a sword, but the tongue of the wise brings healing” (Proverbs 12:18).

Then there’s my personal favorite, one I need to remind myself of often. I still have memory lapses, too many, but it’s steered me from trouble many a time: “When there are many words, transgression is unavoidable, but he who restrains his lips is wise” (Proverbs 10:19).

Even for those of us who regard ourselves as introverts, communication is an integral, inevitable part of daily living. Using admonitions like those above – embracing them even – can help in our desire to be part of the solution, rather than the problem in our world that’s increasingly infected by hate speech, intolerant tolerance and irrational inventive.

Whether we make New Year’s resolutions, set annual goals, or simply intend to “do better” in the coming year, we’d be well-advised to weigh what not to say, as well as what we should say.

For Relationships, Are Emojis Enough?

“Hi, I’m Emoji. You know me. I’m the happy face, or frown, people use to express their emotions, attitudes or moods on Facebook, a text, or an email. I’m a whole lot more fun to look at than ‘LOL’ or ‘smh’ or ‘:-).’ I like to consider myself an assistant – I help folks convey feelings when trying to communicate only with words through electronic technology. I also help to save people the trouble of having to interact face to face, eye to eye, and engaging in that bothersome activity called ‘relationships.’”

Thanks, Mr. E, for your cameo appearance today. You’ve certainly become the face of social media. We’ll let you know when we need you. See ya!

How did we ever survive
without emojis - emoticons?

Did you know that only seven percent of all communication is verbal – actual spoken words? That means 93 percent of communication is non-verbal – tone of voice, eye contact, body language, pace of speech, general appearance, and other factors. Trying to effectively communicate electronically can be like trying to hammer a nail with one hand. Not easy. Hence, the emergence of emojis (emoticons) for expressing thoughts and feelings visually. If people can’t see us, how else will they know whether we’re happy or sad, angry or hurting, bored, dead serious – or just kidding?

I’m not opposed to communicating via text, email or social media. Being a communicator, I utilize these resources a lot. They’re useful for reaching out to people far away, and have also helped me reconnect with old friends and former classmates. But electronic communication – even with availability of emojis – has shortcomings. It does little to enhance real-life relationships; in some respects, it can impede relationship-building.

We’ve all seen young people in malls, their eyes fixed on their smartphones, texting – sometimes to people standing next to them! Couples spend romantic evenings in restaurants, staring at their devices rather than conversing or gazing meaningfully into one another’s eyes. (Admittedly, my wife and I have done this on occasion.) On social media, even a shy, reserved person that never speaks up in public can seem the life of the party.

People are finding it harder to make – and maintain – eye contact, one of those ingredients for non-verbal communication cited above. People have become accustomed to looking down. How can one sustain a conversation while constantly checking to see what someone’s posted on Twitter, Instagram, Snapchat, or Facebook? An alert for an incoming message can quickly interrupt meaningful personal interaction.

As I’ve said before, it’s not my intent to denigrate electronic communication. It has its place. But God designed us for relationships, real relationships; not ones formed around bits and bytes, symbols and abbreviations. In the first chapter of Genesis, after the Lord created animals, birds, fish, other living creatures, and then mankind, there’s no indication He wrapped up His work by creating the “emoji.”

We see a premium on relationships in the Old Testament, whether it’s Joseph mending fences with his spiteful brothers; Moses prepping Joshua to lead the Israelites; Elijah mentoring Elisha to be his prophetic successor; David and Jonathan, and other examples.

We see this emphasis throughout the New Testament as well. After beginning His earthly ministry, the Scriptures tell us Jesus “appointed twelve that they might be with him and that he might send them out to preach” (Mark 3:14). He enjoyed hanging out with them.

And while providing on-the-job training to His followers for ministering to others, Jesus didn’t send them out alone. “After this the Lord appointed seventy-two others and sent them two by two ahead of him to every town and place where he was about to go” (Luke 10:1). They didn’t go with iPhones or PDAs.

Maybe the reason Jesus came to earth 2,000 years ago was because when He gave His “sermon on the mount,” His audience wouldn’t be distracted by texting or video games. He had their undivided attention.

The apostle Paul underscored the value of relationships he’d established, writing how important they had become to him: “I thank my God every time I remember you. In all my prayers for all of you, I always pray with joy because of your partnership in the gospel from the first day until now” (Philippians 1:3-5). Even though he was limited to the written word during his imprisonment, Paul wanted his own followers to understand the devotion to them, something that couldn’t have been conveyed through emojis – even if they had existed back then.

Despite the conveniences of electronic media, there’s no substitute for person-to-person, eye-to-eye, side-by-side communicating. In these challenging days, when our world seems in such turmoil, our need for mutual support and encouragement is perhaps greater than ever. The happy face of a living, breathing someone standing in front of me is always better than one appearing on a computer screen, a text, or a Facebook post.

Proverbs 27:17 gives us this reminder: “As iron sharpens iron, so one man sharpens another.” Just as a blade is sharpened only by contact and necessary friction, we require direct, personal contact to become sharpened spiritually. When we need honing and sharpening for life, emojis just won’t do.