Every Day Should Be Mother’s Day

As I write my posts a couple weeks in advance, I try to look ahead to special events and annual holiday observances. However, this year’s Mother’s Day has already come and gone – I failed to address it in advance. Not by intention. Truth be told, I think every day should be Mother’s Day.

 

In our extended family we now have 10 women who are mothers: My wife, four daughters, one daughter-in-law, three granddaughters and a granddaughter-in-law. As I observe each of these ladies in action, I can’t help but marvel in admiration, how devoted they are to those God has entrusted to their care. 

A mom’s mission begins about nine months before baby is ready to make its initial public appearance. Being a male, there’s no way I can understand or relate to the childbearing process. The excitement and anticipation are great, I know, but so are the discomfort and pain. What makes it all worthwhile is the magical moment when the doctor or nurse declares, “It’s a boy!” or “It’s a girl!” and the contractions come to an end. But then the real work begins.

 

The roles of mother and father are equally important, but they’re not the same. Moms have unique relationships with their children, as they should. After all, they did get that nine-month head start on dad. When a child falls and suffers a scratch, they typically cry, “I want my mommy!” When cameras pan the sidelines of college football games, players often turn and shout, “Hi, Mom!” Some dads might wonder, “What am I, chopped liver?”

 

In today’s society, the responsibilities of motherhood in many cases are greater than ever. In the vast majority of single-parent homes, it’s the mother who carries the load, serving as housekeeper, chef, breadwinner, money manager, chauffeur, nurse and many other duties. I frankly don’t know how single moms do it. 

 

We could talk about the tragedy of broken homes and why an intact family with both mother and father present is preferable. As Ecclesiastes 4:9-10 tells us, “Two are better than one, because they have a good return for their work: If one falls down, his friend can help him up….” This is true for practically any pursuit, whether starting a business, undertaking a project – or raising a family. But that doesn’t diminish in the slightest the invaluable role of being a mother.

 

We see many positive references to motherhood in the Bible. Eve was the first mother and experienced great sorrow with her first two sons, Cain and Abel, the former becoming a murderer and the latter his victim. But she had a third son, Seth, who apparently lived a good, long life and established a long line of descendants.

 

The Old Testament book of Genesis also gives us the stories of women like Sarah, Rebecca, Rachel and Hannah, who prayed many years for children before God fulfilled their desires. The first chapter in the New Testament tells us about Mary, the first person to receive the announcement that she would become the earthly mother of the promised Messiah. Her cousin Elizabeth, another woman who was barren until her later years, became the mother of the child who became John the Baptist, the herald of Jesus Christ.

 

In the Scriptures we see the mission of motherhood as being much more than managing the household and nurturing their offspring. Mothers also help to lay the spiritual foundation for their children. As the apostle Paul acknowledged to his protégé, Timothy, “I have been reminded of your sincere faith, which first lived in your grandmother Lois and in your mother Eunice and, I am persuaded, now lives in you also” (2 Timothy 1:5).

 

The apostle also referred to the role of mothers as he described the process of teaching and discipling young believers: “…we were gentle among you, like a mother caring for her little children. We loved you so much that we were delighted to share with you not only the gospel of God but our lives as well, because you had become so dear to us” (1 Thessalonians 2:7-8).

 

I hope every mother reading this enjoyed celebrating Mother’s Day and that fathers honored their wives appropriately. But the moms in our lives deserve such recognition every day of the year, not just a single appointed holiday. We couldn’t do without them!

Time to Recapture Good Reasons for Father’s Day

Sunday marks the commemoration of another Father’s Day, sometimes known as “the other parent’s day.” Each May we lavish attention on Mother’s Day, and rightly so – moms basically start their work nine months before the dads, and when kids suffer their inevitable bumps, bruises and heartaches, the painful lament is usually, “I want my Mommy!”

There are a number of reasons for this, one being that despite arguments to the contrary, a mother is typically a better nurturer than a father. Again, perhaps because she had a nine-month head start. But there’s more to it than that; sadly, not for good reasons. 

 

In too many homes we have disinterested or distracted dads, dedicated to careers or hobbies or favorite sports, but unwilling to make their children a priority. We have absent dads, guys who are away at work so much that their kids barely recognize them when they do come home. At one time, I was among those. 

 

Then there are the deadbeat dads, fellows who were there for conception but haven’t been seen since. They contribute little or nothing financially for the support of their offspring, and their physical absence has left an unfillable void. 

 

In the United States we take pride in being a world leader, but in one category, that’s nothing to brag about: For decades, the percentage of children living in a single-parent home has been on the increase, and today nearly a quarter (23%) of U.S. children under age 18 live with one parent and no other adults. That, according to the Pew Research Center, is the highest rate of any nation. The world average for single-parent homes is 7%. 

 

Bringing fatherhood into consideration, it’s even more concerning. In 2021, the U.S. Census Bureau reported that out of approximately 11 million one-parent homes with children under 18, nearly 80 percent of them were headed by single moms. And about one-third of those families are living in poverty.

 

So, it’s no wonder that Father’s Day doesn’t receive the hype Mother’s Day does. But perhaps that’s more reason we should intensify the spotlight on this and any other celebration of fathers. We need to recapture the honor and privilege of being a devoted dad.

 

The Church should take a central role in this “resurgence,” even though statistics indicate the single-parent family arrangement statistics vary little between Christian and religiously unaffiliated homes. Yet from the time God created humankind, He formed both man and woman to jointly populate the earth with people who would be His image-bearers. 

 

In the opening chapter of Genesis we read, “So God created man in His own image; in the image of God He created him; male and female He created them. Then God blessed them, and God said to them, ‘Be fruitful and multiply, fill the earth and subdue it’” (Genesis 1:27-28). 

 

In response, Adam and Eve begat not only ill-fated Abel and his vindictive brother, Cain, whom we’re most familiar with, but also Enoch and Seth. Enoch must have been one special son, because it says that he “walked with God; then he was no more, because God took him away” (Genesis 5:24).

 

Certainly, the Bible includes many examples of flawed fathers. Many central figures in the Scriptures, including Noah, Abraham, Jacob, Samuel, David and Solomon, had undeniable shortcomings as dads. At the same time, the Scriptures make clear the standards and expectations God has for fathers as they relate to their children.

 

It’s time to revisit and embrace again the pivotal roles men should play as partners with their wives in raising children. As pastor Troy Walliser observed recently, “Wholesome, healthy masculinity, as defined in the Bible, is that which provides for and protects women and children.”

 

Recognizing the roles and responsibilities God assigns to fathers in His Word doesn’t diminish the importance of mothers. It underscores the truth of Ecclesiastes 4:9, which reminds us, “Two are better than one, because they have a good return for their work.” Any way you look at it, parenting is tough, albeit also very rewarding. A father and mother working together as a team can’t help but lighten the load.

 

Ephesians 6:4 states very plainly, “Fathers, do not exasperate your children; instead, bring them up in the training and instruction of the Lord.” The New Living Translation expresses it this way: “Fathers, do not provoke your children to anger by the way you treat them. Rather, bring them up with the discipline and instruction that comes from the Lord.” 

 

Fathers are to exercise discipline to train their children, not to abuse or incite them to anger. As Proverbs 22:6 teaches, “Train up a child in the way he should go, and when he is old he will not depart from it.” We’re called to lovingly guide them, helping them to follow their God-given, natural “bent” as uniquely created individuals – hopefully ones who will grow to love and serve the Lord.

 

Colossians 3:21 admonishes, ““Fathers, do not embitter your children, or they will become discouraged.” Thinking of so many young people – especially boys – growing up in homes without fathers, could this be a significant factor in such social ills as gang warfare, gun violence and rampant drug abuse? Desperate for the love, protection and provision of a father, young men search in vain to fill that emptiness.

 

The Old Testament book of Deuteronomy also emphasizes the invaluable role of father: “Only be on your guard and diligently watch yourselves, so that you do not forget the things your eyes have seen, and so that they do not slip from your heart as long as you live. Teach them to your children and grandchildren” (Deuteronomy 4:9).

 

In similar fashion, Deuteronomy 11:18-19 exhorts fathers to, “Fix these words of mine in your hearts and minds…. Teach them to your children, talking about them when you sit at home and when you walk along the road, when you lie down and when you get up.” As spiritual leaders in the home, God’s desire is for men not only to train them up in the way they should go, but also to point them to Him.

 

As Father’s Day nears, kudos to those dads – and there are many of them – who take their job seriously. As for the growing void felt in father-absent homes, let’s do all we can to encourage fathers to man up, assume their responsibilities, and assist those who aren’t even sure how to get started.

Fathers: An Underappreciated Resource?

Upon receiving his award for Most Valuable Player in the NBA, Oklahoma City superstar Kevin Durant gave an emotional homage to his mother, who as a single parent raised Durant and his brother. It was a wonderful, stirring tribute to a woman who had toiled and sacrificed mightily to provide a livelihood for her sons. But underlying Durant’s glowing words of gratitude was an unanswered question: Where was their dad?

In no way do I wish to diminish the loving devotion demonstrated by Durant’s mom. She – and all single mothers like her – deserve accolades for the incredible challenge they accept each day in holding down jobs while also raising their children, hoping to build them into responsible, productive adults. The mom of Dr. Ben Carson deserves similar commendation, providing the inspiration and motivation for a young man who came from the ghetto to gain acclaim as an accomplished neurosurgeon, author, speaker and – in the view of some – become a credible candidate for President.

Yet for every wonderful story about a single mother and her family, there’s also a back-story of an father missing in action. In many cases the dad never played much of a role in the lives of his progeny; sadly, in too many cases the biological father was absent from day one.

Having joined my wife in raising our children, and now watching them guide their children (our grandchildren) through the various stages and phases of childhood, I know how difficult the job of parenting is. How a single parent can pull it off successfully is almost beyond my comprehension. Ecclesiastes 4:9 states, “Two are better than one, because they have a good return for their work.” This passage clearly relates to the workplace, but also holds strong meaning for the home and parenthood.

I greatly admire my sons-in-law as I observe their devotion to nurturing their own children. In some cases they’ve made work decisions to ensure they don’t spend too much time away from the kids. Regrettably, I think back to my own career as a newspaper editor and have to admit I spent far too many hours at the office and not nearly enough watching our daughters grow up. If I could do it over again, yes, I would do it differently.

My father, shown with me and my sister, wasn't a man
of many words, but he served as a good example.

My own dad was not a hugging, touchy-feely type of man. Few from his generation were. But he modeled for me the virtues of hard work, integrity and marital fidelity. He, like myself, wasn’t extremely vocal, but his actions spoke loudly and true.

I think of my uncle Joe, my dad’s brother, who in many respects served as a second father. He also built into me a work ethic, a vision of what I could be, and instilled a sense of confidence. Many times after some professional accomplishment, I couldn’t help but wonder, "What Uncle Joe would think about this?”

The Bible speaks extensively about fathers and their importance for society as well as the family. The Scriptures assign fathers the primary responsibility for spiritual training of children, a role too many fathers today have neglected. “Fathers, do not exasperate your children; instead, bring them up in the training and instruction of the Lord” (Ephesians 6:4). They – along with mothers – are told to provide instruction and discipline. “Train them (your children) up in the way they should go (follow their natural bent), and when they are old they will not depart from it” (Proverbs 22:6).

When fathers do wrong, there are consequences. The Bible speaks of the “sins of the fathers” affecting multiple generations of children (Exodus 34:7). This doesn’t mean God holds children responsible for their father’s misdeeds, as other passages make clear, but they often endure “collateral damage.” We see this today with the rise of broken homes and the emotional toll children suffer; abuse in the home, and many other problems resulting from family strife.

But this Sunday, Father’s Day, is a time to focus on the positive, celebrating the vital contribution dedicated, caring dads have in their homes and society.

It’s also a time for remembering the only one we can count on with complete confidence, our heavenly Father – Jehovah God. Jesus assured His followers, “do not worry, saying, ‘What shall we eat?” or ‘What shall we drink?’ or “What shall we wear?’…your heavenly Father knows that you need them. But seek first his kingdom and his righteousness, and all these things will be given to you as well” (Matthew 6:31-33).

Our earthly fathers may have failed us at times, even many times, but the Lord promises He never will. “God has said, ‘Never will I leave you; never will I forsake you”” (Hebrews 13:5). From personal experience, I can attest that’s true.