We Shouldn’t Underestimate the Importance of the Father

We’re on the cusp of another Father’s Day, a holiday which in the minds of many ranks a distant second to Mother’s Day. And this might be fitting, I suppose, because unless a child is adopted, the mom has had a nine-month head start in building a relationship with young Buddy or Bunny.

When a youngster falls and skins his or her knee, the first word from their mouth is usually, “Mommy!” Also, even though I haven’t seen it as much lately, I recall many televised college football games when, as the camera panned the sideline, players would turn to say, “Hi, Mom!” I can’t remember a single “Hi, Dad!” If Mom and Dad were both running for President, Mom would probably win in a landslide.

 

Nevertheless, Father’s Day is a noteworthy holiday, perhaps one that deserves more attention. I did a little research and found that more than 23 million children in the United States live in single-parent families. And of those, more than 14 million are living in mother-only households. I also learned that one out of every 14 children being raised by grandparents, meaning neither the mother or father is actively involved in the child’s daily life.

 

I have every respect for single moms, most of whom do an incredible job in trying to earn money for food, clothes, someplace to live and other necessities, along with trying to do a job of parenting that was intended from the start to be handled by two people. 

 

As King Solomon wisely observed, “Two are better than one, because they have a good return for their work; if one falls down, his friend can help him up. But pity the man who falls and has no one to help him up!” (Ecclesiastes 4:9-10). And sometimes stumbling and falling, making mistakes, is one of the literal pitfalls of parenting.

 

Some factions in society today would minimize the importance of the father, citing glowing examples of single moms who are doing quite well by themselves. But studies have shown children growing up in single-parent homes face a number of disadvantages. They’re far more likely to grow up in poverty, which typically leads to a host of physical, mental and behavioral health problems. Many children have to cope with the stresses of family instability, and the list of challenges could go on. 

 

But most important is the emphasis God in the Scriptures places on the importance of the father. While the Bible teaches both father and mother have equal value, it calls for the father to serve in primary teaching and disciplinary roles. For instance, “The Lord disciplines the one He loves, as does a father the son in whom he delights” (Proverbs 3:12).

 

This idea is carried into the New Testament, where we read, “Our fathers disciplined us for a short time as they thought best, but God disciplines us for our good, in order that we may share in His holiness” (Hebrews 12:10).

 

At the same time, fathers are warned against being harsh or too demanding. The apostle Paul expresses this in several instances, including Ephesians 6:4, “Fathers, do not exasperate your children; instead, bring them up in the training and instruction of the Lord.” Also in Colossians 3:21, “Fathers, do not embitter [provoke or aggravate] your children, or they will become discouraged.” 

 

Paul affirms the roles of both mother and father in the second of his letters to the ancient church of Thessalonica, drawing examples from parenting to describe his own relationship to the believers there: “…but we were gentle among you, like a mother caring for her little children…. For you know that we dealt with each of you as a father deals with his own children, encouraging, comforting and urging you to live lives worthy of God” (1 Thessalonians 2:7,11-12).

 

We find the father’s responsibility as teacher underscored in Deuteronomy 6:5-7. The head of the family is instructed, “Love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your strength. These commandments that I give you today are to be upon your hearts. Impress them on your children. Talk about them when you sit at home and when you walk along the road, when you lie down and when you get up.” We simply can’t ignore the importance given to fathers in the Scriptures as being fundamental to the family and social structure. 

 

In the Bible, God is always referred to as Father, including in Jesus’ model prayer (also known as the Lord’s prayer): “Our Father in heaven, hallowed be Your name…” (Matthew 6:9). Paul also wrote, “Praise be to the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ, the Father of compassion and the God of all comfort…” (2 Corinthians 1:3).

 

I hope this serves as an encouragement to all who read this, especially for dads, fully knowing their job isn’t easy. The way God created men and women, mothers as a rule are more nurturing, perhaps more sensitive and emotionally supportive. I know it’s been a stretch for me at times in helping to raise our children. I’ve made many mistakes and even now I struggle to get things right with our adult children – and their children. But we’re an important part of the overall equation; our role didn’t end with the moment of conception.

 

So, this Father’s Day, let’s give a shout out to all the dads out there, sometimes stumbling and fumbling along, but invaluable to the process of raising children to become responsible, productive, God-fearing adults.

Time to Recapture Good Reasons for Father’s Day

Sunday marks the commemoration of another Father’s Day, sometimes known as “the other parent’s day.” Each May we lavish attention on Mother’s Day, and rightly so – moms basically start their work nine months before the dads, and when kids suffer their inevitable bumps, bruises and heartaches, the painful lament is usually, “I want my Mommy!”

There are a number of reasons for this, one being that despite arguments to the contrary, a mother is typically a better nurturer than a father. Again, perhaps because she had a nine-month head start. But there’s more to it than that; sadly, not for good reasons. 

 

In too many homes we have disinterested or distracted dads, dedicated to careers or hobbies or favorite sports, but unwilling to make their children a priority. We have absent dads, guys who are away at work so much that their kids barely recognize them when they do come home. At one time, I was among those. 

 

Then there are the deadbeat dads, fellows who were there for conception but haven’t been seen since. They contribute little or nothing financially for the support of their offspring, and their physical absence has left an unfillable void. 

 

In the United States we take pride in being a world leader, but in one category, that’s nothing to brag about: For decades, the percentage of children living in a single-parent home has been on the increase, and today nearly a quarter (23%) of U.S. children under age 18 live with one parent and no other adults. That, according to the Pew Research Center, is the highest rate of any nation. The world average for single-parent homes is 7%. 

 

Bringing fatherhood into consideration, it’s even more concerning. In 2021, the U.S. Census Bureau reported that out of approximately 11 million one-parent homes with children under 18, nearly 80 percent of them were headed by single moms. And about one-third of those families are living in poverty.

 

So, it’s no wonder that Father’s Day doesn’t receive the hype Mother’s Day does. But perhaps that’s more reason we should intensify the spotlight on this and any other celebration of fathers. We need to recapture the honor and privilege of being a devoted dad.

 

The Church should take a central role in this “resurgence,” even though statistics indicate the single-parent family arrangement statistics vary little between Christian and religiously unaffiliated homes. Yet from the time God created humankind, He formed both man and woman to jointly populate the earth with people who would be His image-bearers. 

 

In the opening chapter of Genesis we read, “So God created man in His own image; in the image of God He created him; male and female He created them. Then God blessed them, and God said to them, ‘Be fruitful and multiply, fill the earth and subdue it’” (Genesis 1:27-28). 

 

In response, Adam and Eve begat not only ill-fated Abel and his vindictive brother, Cain, whom we’re most familiar with, but also Enoch and Seth. Enoch must have been one special son, because it says that he “walked with God; then he was no more, because God took him away” (Genesis 5:24).

 

Certainly, the Bible includes many examples of flawed fathers. Many central figures in the Scriptures, including Noah, Abraham, Jacob, Samuel, David and Solomon, had undeniable shortcomings as dads. At the same time, the Scriptures make clear the standards and expectations God has for fathers as they relate to their children.

 

It’s time to revisit and embrace again the pivotal roles men should play as partners with their wives in raising children. As pastor Troy Walliser observed recently, “Wholesome, healthy masculinity, as defined in the Bible, is that which provides for and protects women and children.”

 

Recognizing the roles and responsibilities God assigns to fathers in His Word doesn’t diminish the importance of mothers. It underscores the truth of Ecclesiastes 4:9, which reminds us, “Two are better than one, because they have a good return for their work.” Any way you look at it, parenting is tough, albeit also very rewarding. A father and mother working together as a team can’t help but lighten the load.

 

Ephesians 6:4 states very plainly, “Fathers, do not exasperate your children; instead, bring them up in the training and instruction of the Lord.” The New Living Translation expresses it this way: “Fathers, do not provoke your children to anger by the way you treat them. Rather, bring them up with the discipline and instruction that comes from the Lord.” 

 

Fathers are to exercise discipline to train their children, not to abuse or incite them to anger. As Proverbs 22:6 teaches, “Train up a child in the way he should go, and when he is old he will not depart from it.” We’re called to lovingly guide them, helping them to follow their God-given, natural “bent” as uniquely created individuals – hopefully ones who will grow to love and serve the Lord.

 

Colossians 3:21 admonishes, ““Fathers, do not embitter your children, or they will become discouraged.” Thinking of so many young people – especially boys – growing up in homes without fathers, could this be a significant factor in such social ills as gang warfare, gun violence and rampant drug abuse? Desperate for the love, protection and provision of a father, young men search in vain to fill that emptiness.

 

The Old Testament book of Deuteronomy also emphasizes the invaluable role of father: “Only be on your guard and diligently watch yourselves, so that you do not forget the things your eyes have seen, and so that they do not slip from your heart as long as you live. Teach them to your children and grandchildren” (Deuteronomy 4:9).

 

In similar fashion, Deuteronomy 11:18-19 exhorts fathers to, “Fix these words of mine in your hearts and minds…. Teach them to your children, talking about them when you sit at home and when you walk along the road, when you lie down and when you get up.” As spiritual leaders in the home, God’s desire is for men not only to train them up in the way they should go, but also to point them to Him.

 

As Father’s Day nears, kudos to those dads – and there are many of them – who take their job seriously. As for the growing void felt in father-absent homes, let’s do all we can to encourage fathers to man up, assume their responsibilities, and assist those who aren’t even sure how to get started.

Maybe It’s Time for the Real Fathers to Stand Up

We don’t see it as much these days, but there was a time when cameras would roam the sidelines of college football games and athletes sitting on the bench would turn, wave and smile and say, “Hi, Mom!” I noticed, however, they rarely said, “Hi, Dad!” Maybe because moms are inclined to beam and say, “That’s my boy!” while dads are more likely to respond, “Suck it up, son. Get tough and play ball!”

 

All the attention for mothers is well-deserved, as I’ve noted many times. It’s a shame, however, that we tend to underestimate the importance of the father. We hear much about single moms sacrificing, doing whatever they can to provide for their children, but not nearly as much about dads.

There seems to be a concerted effort in some quarters to even discount the need for fathers. Sadly, in too many scenarios, men have failed to step up and accept parental responsibilities. One search showed that in 2020, there were 11 million single-parent homes, and 8.5 million of them were headed by women. 

 

A 2019 Pew Research Center study revealed nearly one-quarter (23%) of children under the age of 18 were living with one parent, more than three times the average of 130 countries and territories around the world. Moms bearing by themselves the burden of raising children deserve all the credit in the world, but it would make life easier for them – and their kids – if the dad were present to share in the work, and the blessings, of parenthood.

 

I often think about Ecclesiastes 4:9-10, which speaks of the power and synergy of people teaming up to achieve commonly shared goals: “Two are better than one, because they have a good return for their work. If one falls down, his friend can help him up. But pity the man who falls and has no one to help him up.” This can certainly be applied to parenting in many ways – spending time with the children, both quality and quantity; handling household chores; earning a livelihood for the family; providing discipline when needed, and many other aspects of parent-child relationships.

 

The National Center for Fathering estimates nearly 25 million children live absent from their biological fathers. The ramifications of this are many, ranging from a greatly increased likelihood of young people growing up in poverty, experiencing developmental difficulties, and heightened risk for becoming involved in criminal activities.

 

We hear much about young people joining gangs and getting caught up in waves of gun violence. The majority of these are young men, and I believe one reason for this is a deep-seated desire for a father figure, even if it’s a gang leader. Ephesians 6:4 admonishes, “Fathers, do not exasperate your children; instead, bring them up in the training and instruction of the Lord.” The absence of a father can’t help but exasperate a child and his or her instinctive desire for the love and attention, nurturing and training of both a mom and a dad.

 

My own father was far from perfect – as I’ve also proved to be with my own family. But becoming a father and a grandfather has been among the greatest privileges of my life. The thing is, my dad was there, he was hard-working, he was faithful to my mom, he was a man of integrity, and I knew he loved me. These were priceless gifts to me, demonstrating what a real man was like and helping to mold me into the man that one day I would become. Sadly, far too many children never experience this, and I have no doubt our society is the worse for it.

 

The Bible has much to say about the roles and responsibilities of fathers, not diminishing the importance of mothers, but affirming God’s design for a family to consist of both a dad and a mom. It says the father is to serve as the spiritual leader, modeling what it means and looks like to live for God. 

 

Deuteronomy 6:5-7 addresses both parents, exhorting, “Love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your strength. These commandments that I give you today are to be upon your hearts. Impress them on your children. Talk about them when you sit at home and when you walk along the road, when you lie down and when you get up.”

 

Many of us share a concern for the path our nation is on today, and I think here we find keys for making changes in the right direction: To reaffirm the value and significance of the father in the home, and for fathers to stand up, reassuming their God-given duties to raise, teach and nurture their children to know right from wrong, and to live accordingly.

 

An old hymn we rarely hear anymore is “Faith of Our Fathers,” written by Frederick William Faber in 1849. It hearkens to the enduring faith of those who have gone before, including many who were martyred for not renouncing their trust in Jesus Christ. This Father’s Day, we need to review and recapture its repeating refrain: “Faith of our Fathers! Holy Faith! We will be true to thee till death.” And God willing, fathers will lead the way.

Fathers: Unsung, Underrated, Sometimes Heroes

Who needs fathers? That’s a question – or an assertion – some people are presenting these days. Single moms rightfully receive much praise. Working, raising kids and managing a household alone are nearly impossible tasks. But with Father’s Day coming this weekend, it’s time to revisit the worth of the father.

When I was growing up, just about everyone I knew had both a mom and a dad at home. Nobody’s family was perfect, but there were two adults around every day to share in caring for, protecting and disciplining us “young ‘uns.”

A child's time with his or her dad -
it's positively priceless.

Census figures from 1960 showed only nine percent of children lived in single-parent homes; today, four out of every 10 children have been born to unwed mothers. Out of 12 million single-parent households in 2016, according to the U.S. Census Bureau, more than 80 percent were headed by single mothers. One in four children under the age of 18 – an estimated 17.2 million – are being raised without a father. For some ethnic groups, that proportion is much higher.

Somewhere along the line, someone decided fathers aren’t necessary for families. Except for the moment of conception. And sometimes not even then, thanks to medical advances. We’ve smiled at college football players on the sidelines turning to the camera and saying, “Hi, Mom!” But when was the last time you saw one shout, “Hi, Dad!”?

Today, we see fathers on TV typically portrayed either as incompetent buffoons, or as cruel and heartless beings. We need to rethink what it means to be a father – and the impact actively involved, committed, loving dads can have on families and the well-being of their children.

Ecclesiates 4:9 tells us, “Two are better than one, because they have a good return for their work.” That’s true in the business world, for most sports, on a farm – and in a home. When both husband and wife, father and mother, shoulder the burden of household duties together, work gets easier, there’s more time to give the attention everyone needs, and a happier environment can result.

But it’s more than simply sharing the workload. Many times I’ve seen grown men – strong, high-achieving, non-emotional types – get choked up, even shed tears, when talking about their fathers, whether those relationships were good or not. Numerous men I’ve mentored confess they never heard their dads say the words, “I love you, son,” or “I’m proud of you.” There’s something inside every male that desires, even needs, to hear his father express those feelings. What Mom thinks and demonstrates matters a lot, but sons – and daughters – blossom in their dad’s affirmation.

The Bible refers to God as our heavenly Father. For those who’ve had negative experiences with their earthly fathers, that could be misinterpreted, “as bad as my dad, only bigger.” But over and over, the Scriptures reveal our Father as one who offers unconditional love, mercy and grace to His children, who will exceed anything we could ever ask or imagine (Ephesians 3:20).

Many men are less relational and nurturing than women, so biblical commands about raising children are commonly directed to dads. “Fathers, do not exasperate your children; instead, bring them up in the training and instruction of the Lord” (Ephesians 6:4). Speaking of Abraham, patriarch of the nation of Israel, God said, “For I have chosen him, so that he will direct his children and his household after him to keep the way of the Lord by doing what is right and just” (Genesis 18:19).

In Deuteronomy 6:6-7, we read God has ordained the father to serve as spiritual leader in the home, a role too many men ignore or abdicate: “These commandments that I give you today are to be on your hearts. Impress them on your children. Talk about them when you sit at home and when you walk along the road, when you lie down and when you get up.”

Unfortunately, many dads have fallen short of the biblical model for fathering. Engrossed in work or hobbies, pursuing the brass ring of success, or selfishly deciding not to exert the necessary effort to care for our children, we’ve failed to do our part. Knowing our tendency to want to check things off our “to-do lists,” and that building of relationships should never be reduced to a “to-do” item, God offers this caution: “Fathers, do not embitter your children, or they will become discouraged” (Colossians 3:21).

We see the image of the faithful, always loving, ever-forgiving father portrayed in Jesus’ parable of the lost son, found in Luke 15. We often focus on the prodigal who, after squandering the inheritance he demanded of his father, cowers home in defeat. But consider the reaction of the father racing to restore the wayward son to the family: “…while he was still a long way off, his father saw him and was filled with compassion for him; he ran to his son, threw his arms around him and kissed him” (Luke 15:20). And then the dad threw an impromptu welcome-home party. I can’t help but imagine that’s what the Lord desires to do for each of us.

Let’s stop downplaying the father’s vital role. In my opinion, much of the malaise afflicting our nation – and the world – can be attributed in part to the absence of fathers in the home, physically or emotionally, or their refusal to fulfill their God-ordained roles.

So just as we celebrated last month the priceless contributions of moms to their families, and society, let’s affirm the impact a father can – and should – have in his own home, and indirectly, in our communities, our nation, and the world.