We Might Try, But We Can’t Go it Alone

Early in the 17^th century, poet John Donne wrote “No Man Is an Island,” a brief introspecdtion about the universal connectedness of humankind. Here’s a portion of it:

“No man is an island entire of itself;

Every man is a piece of the continent, a part of the main…

Any man’s death diminishes me, because I am involved in mankind….”

 

Donne’s emphasis was not on death, but on the reality that we’re connected to others around us, like it or not. Unless we opt to become hermits and withdraw from society entirely, we can’t help but influence others and have them influence us.

Like many writers, I’m inclined to be an introvert. I could contentedly sit alone at my keyboard all day, letting thoughts flow through my fingers onto the computer screen. However, I’d be diminished greatly without time spent with my wife, family, friends and others God brings into my life.

 

From the first moments when He created humankind, God intended for people to live in relationship, “iron sharpening iron” as Proverbs 27:17 describes it. And perhaps more than ever, in today’s chaotic, totally unpredictable, turbulent world, we need one another.

 

Reports tell about suicide and drug abuse rates soaring, reflecting the despair and discouragement many people are feeling. We all need encouragement – having folks around us able to impart courage to us as we wade together through the hardships and trials of everyday living.

 

The Scriptures address this again and again. One of my favorite passages, Ecclesiastes 4:9-12, declares: 

“Two are better than one, because they have a good return for their work. If one falls down, his friend can help him up. But pity the man who falls and has no one to help him up! Also, if two lie down together, they will keep warm, but how can one keep warm alone? Though one may be overpowered, two can defend themselves. A cord of three strands is not quickly broken.”

 

Whether in raising a family, tackling projects at work, engaging in community improvement endeavors, or competing on an athletic team, we need each other to succeed and excel. When we become weary, feel stuck and unable to proceed, or confront obstacles, it helps tremendously having others around on whom we can lean and find support.

 

For followers of Christ this is especially important as we live in an environment growing increasingly hostile to our faith and the Word of God. This isn’t new; believers in the early Church faced similar challenges. This is one reason the writer of Hebrews admonished: 

“Let us hold unswervingly to the hope we profess, for He who promised is faithful. And let us consider how we may spur one another on toward love and good deeds. Let us not give up meeting together, as some are in the habit of doing, but let us encourage one another – and all the more as you see the Day approaching” (Hebrews 10:24-25).

 

Just as burning coals generate great heat together, but when separated lose their heat and eventually turn cold, we need to be intentional in seeking the fellowship of other like-minded people who share our faith, values and mission, even willing to rebuke us if we go astray. Earlier in the same book we’re told, “But encourage one another daily, as long as it is called ‘Today,’ so that none of you may be hardened by sin’s deceitfulness” (Hebrews 3:13).

 

I often think of the Old Testament prophet Elijah, used by God to perform many miracles, including a spectacular showdown with 450 prophets of the false god Baal. After all that God had done through him, Elijah still panicked and fled when he heard of evil queen Jezebel threatening his life. There were probably many reasons for how he responded, but one was surely because he felt alone. 

 

God twice sent an angel to minister to this pooped-out prophet, providing food and letting him sleep to recuperate from his ordeal. But afterward, when the Lord asked, “What are you doing here, Elijah?” the prophet responded, “I have been very zealous for the Lord God Almighty…. I am the only one left, and now they are trying to kill me too” (1 Kings 19:5-10). Have you ever felt like Elijah, that “there’s nobody but me”?

 

He wasn’t really the only one, because God later revealed, “I have 7,000 in Israel – all whose knees have not bowed down to Baal and all whose mouths have kissed him” (1 Kings 19:18). But can we blame Elijah? Being a prophet of God was often a lonely existence; without anyone to offer encouragement, it easily could descend into a pity party. This can happen even for “non-prophets.”

During this time of year, TV commercials showing images of groups of people frolicking together in Christmas revelry can heighten one’s sense of isolation. “I guess I’m the only one not having any fun.” The remedy for us isn’t to withdraw but to seek out the company of others. And if the Lord shows us someone suffering from aloneness, it’s an opportunity to reach out to them with the love of Christ. That could be the greatest gift we give this season.  

Are We Overlooking the Greater Pandemic?

Can you remember back about two years, when none of us had ever heard of the coronavirus? Thoughts of COVID-19 had never crossed our minds. These days, however, the latest pandemic developments dominate newspaper and TV news coverage. We can’t escape the frightening reports. At the same time, as this global crisis continues, I wonder if there’s an even greater “pandemic” that’s getting no attention.

 

I’m referring to a problem that actually began building long before the first words about the virus were uttered – the pandemic of loneliness. One example is social media and how it has come to dominate many of our lives. They have created an artificial environment when we can have hundreds – even thousands – of “friends” and still be desperately lonely because we have no one with whom to talk and confide on a deep, personal level.

 

We’ve been bombarded by the statistics about COVID-19 deaths and the millions of other confirmed cases. But the realities about the impact of shutdowns, work stoppages and social isolation have not received nearly as much notice. People who regularly received support and fellowship from church, as well as other social activities, have understandably felt alone, even abandoned.

Suicides, drug overdoses, domestic violence and emotional breakdowns have escalated dramatically. It would be overly simplistic to blame those solely on the pandemic, but experts confirm it has been a very significant factor in the alarming increase of these and other social ills.

 

From the first moments of creation, God has underscored the importance of relationships. Referring to the eternally existing Trinity, Genesis 1:26 says, “Then God said, ‘Let us make man in our image, in our likeness, and let them rule over the fish of the sea and the birds of the air, over the livestock, over all the earth….’” And soon after He formed the first human, the Lord said, “It is not good for the man to be alone. I will make a helper suitable for him” (Genesis 2:18).

 

Granted, some people are more sociable than others. Extroverts, by nature, need to be around people to remain energized while introverts – like me – prefer our interactions with others in smaller doses. But we all need to be around other folks to remain mentally, emotionally and even spiritually healthy.

 

Social media can be useful, but only to a limited degree. According to Facebook, I have more than 1,000 “friends,” but most of them I’ve never met in person. I could probably pass many of them on the street and not recognize them. And I wouldn’t want to have 1,000 real friends with whom I interact on a regular basis – who has time for that?

 

But we do need friends, including but not limited to family members. Ecclesiastes 4:9-12 tells us, “Two are better than one, because they have a good return for their work: If one falls down, his friend can help him up. But pity the man who falls and has no one to help him up!... Though one may be overpowered, two can defend themselves. A cord of three strands is not quickly broken.”

 

Proverbs 27:17 expresses a similar sentiment: “As iron sharpens iron, so one man sharpens another.” Imagine attempting to sharpen a knife blade without something to hone it. Some of my most enjoyable times at work occurred when a small group of us gathered and engaged in creative friction.

 

The need to do whatever we can to escape the plague of loneliness is even more critical spiritually. One of my favorite passages concerning this is Hebrews 10:24-25, which admonishes, “And let us consider how we may spur one another on toward love and good deeds. Let us not give up meeting together, as some are in the habit of doing, but let us encourage one another – and all the more as you see the Day approaching.” 

 

During His earthly ministry, Jesus probably could have been a loner, walking from town to city by Himself, but He chose to select followers. This was in part to train them for carrying on His work after His death, resurrection and ascension. However, being both fully God and fully man, I suspect even Jesus needed the companionship and daily interactions. He often recruited them by simply saying, “Come and you will see” and “Follow Me” (Matthew 1:35-51).

 

It's important to recognize our own need for personal interactions that go far deeper than comments and “likes” on social media, even during a global health crisis that has impeded many of us from spending time with one another as we have in the past. We should also be sensitive to the needs of others, especially folks in places like nursing homes and hospitals, who might feel forgotten and unwanted. 

Recently I found an apt observation by Charles Ringma in his book, Dare to Journey with Henri Nouwen. He writes, “We are called to serve the world in which we live. Such serving is not simply a matter of techniques. It is also a matter of personal encounter. It is a matter of drawing close. It is a matter of care.” Think about that. 

Life Is a Collaborative Effort

The older I get, the more convinced I become that we can’t get to where we want to be alone. When we’re in school, teachers help us not only to learn but also encourage us. The best teachers have the discernment to point students in the right direction, in terms of their interests and abilities.

In the workplace, even the most talented individuals must rely on others for help in reaching their goals and objectives. The person who believes, “I got to where I am all by myself,” is self-deluded. Even the one who has reached the top of the corporate ladder still needed someone to build the ladder, and others to hold the ladder while he or she was climbing.

Right now I’m wrapping up work on a book project that I’ve been involved with for more than two years. The writing is finished, but before finalizing the manuscript for publication, we have several sets of eyes on it to proofread and edit. As the adage goes, a writer is his own worst editor. So it’s necessary for others to spot the annoying typos, misspellings, and grammatical and punctuation errors I’ve overlooked. The writer sees what is supposed to be there; the good editor sees what is there and recognizes when changes and corrections are needed.

This applies for any endeavor in life. We just had a badly clogged kitchen sink, and two plumbers came to our rescue to fix the problem. This was not a case of one working and the other watching. They worked collaboratively to locate the pesky clog and get rid of it. It took them together about an hour. One person working alone could have taken all day, and might not have been able to remove the clog at all.

One of my favorite passages in the Bible related to this is Ecclesiastes 4:9-12. I’ve mentioned it in previous posts, but it’s always good to review. It says: 

“Two are better than one, because they have a good return for their work: If one falls down, his friend can help him up. But pity the man who falls and has no one to help him up! Also, if two lie down together, they will keep warm. But how can one keep warm alone? Though one may be overpowered, two can defend themselves. A cord of three strands is not quickly broken.”

Consider parenting and raising a family. Single parents do courageous, incredible jobs, but caring for and nurturing children, along with earning an income and operating a household, is so much easier when both a husband and wife – a mother and father – are present to share in the joys, struggles, decision-making, and daily responsibilities.

It's been this way since the beginning. When God created Eve, it was after He had observed Adam and understood his need for companionship and partnership. So the Lord declared, “It is not good for the man to be alone. I will make a helper suitable for him” (Genesis 2:18). Who knows? Adam might have had a faithful dog to keep him company first, but that was clearly not enough. The first man needed another human to collaborate with him on the adventure we all know as “everyday life.”

The spiritual life also is intended as a collaboration. We each should seek to spend time every day alone with God, in prayer, reading and studying the Scriptures, and meditating on Him and His truth. But as Proverbs 27:17 tells us, “As iron sharpens iron, so one man sharpens another.” When I consider what this says, I visualize two pieces of metal clashing against each other, at times generating sparks. The result is not to cause damage, but to hone and sharpen for more effectiveness.

I’m so thankful for the many people the Lord has brought into my life to sharpen me, not only personally and professionally, but also spiritually. I still need people like that. We never outgrow our need for “sharpeners,” and I actively look for people to engage with on a regular basis, trusting that as they are sharpening me, I’m also being used by God to sharpen them. 

We live in an age when more and more people are becoming isolated, even alienated from society. They have replaced genuine relationships with social media “friends” and connections. For them, video games and the Internet have assumed the role activities like tennis, golf, fishing, playing cards, board games, and just casual conversation historically have had in the lives of most of us. They lack someone to look them in the eyes, who cares enough to build them up when they’re feeling down and also to challenge or rebuke them when the need arises. And it always does – for all of us. 

Yes, we can exist without healthy connections with others. But why would we want to do so? Your computer can’t give you a warm hug when you need it; or make eye contact and recognize when you need someone to talk to, laugh with, cry with or pray with. Life is best lived in collaboration with others. As God declared when time began, it is not good to be alone.

Who do you have in your life that is helping to sharpen you? Are you available to be used to sharpen others in their own journey? If there is no one there right now, are you willing to pray and ask the Lord to send someone your way?

For Relationships, Are Emojis Enough?

“Hi, I’m Emoji. You know me. I’m the happy face, or frown, people use to express their emotions, attitudes or moods on Facebook, a text, or an email. I’m a whole lot more fun to look at than ‘LOL’ or ‘smh’ or ‘:-).’ I like to consider myself an assistant – I help folks convey feelings when trying to communicate only with words through electronic technology. I also help to save people the trouble of having to interact face to face, eye to eye, and engaging in that bothersome activity called ‘relationships.’”

Thanks, Mr. E, for your cameo appearance today. You’ve certainly become the face of social media. We’ll let you know when we need you. See ya!

How did we ever survive
without emojis - emoticons?

Did you know that only seven percent of all communication is verbal – actual spoken words? That means 93 percent of communication is non-verbal – tone of voice, eye contact, body language, pace of speech, general appearance, and other factors. Trying to effectively communicate electronically can be like trying to hammer a nail with one hand. Not easy. Hence, the emergence of emojis (emoticons) for expressing thoughts and feelings visually. If people can’t see us, how else will they know whether we’re happy or sad, angry or hurting, bored, dead serious – or just kidding?

I’m not opposed to communicating via text, email or social media. Being a communicator, I utilize these resources a lot. They’re useful for reaching out to people far away, and have also helped me reconnect with old friends and former classmates. But electronic communication – even with availability of emojis – has shortcomings. It does little to enhance real-life relationships; in some respects, it can impede relationship-building.

We’ve all seen young people in malls, their eyes fixed on their smartphones, texting – sometimes to people standing next to them! Couples spend romantic evenings in restaurants, staring at their devices rather than conversing or gazing meaningfully into one another’s eyes. (Admittedly, my wife and I have done this on occasion.) On social media, even a shy, reserved person that never speaks up in public can seem the life of the party.

People are finding it harder to make – and maintain – eye contact, one of those ingredients for non-verbal communication cited above. People have become accustomed to looking down. How can one sustain a conversation while constantly checking to see what someone’s posted on Twitter, Instagram, Snapchat, or Facebook? An alert for an incoming message can quickly interrupt meaningful personal interaction.

As I’ve said before, it’s not my intent to denigrate electronic communication. It has its place. But God designed us for relationships, real relationships; not ones formed around bits and bytes, symbols and abbreviations. In the first chapter of Genesis, after the Lord created animals, birds, fish, other living creatures, and then mankind, there’s no indication He wrapped up His work by creating the “emoji.”

We see a premium on relationships in the Old Testament, whether it’s Joseph mending fences with his spiteful brothers; Moses prepping Joshua to lead the Israelites; Elijah mentoring Elisha to be his prophetic successor; David and Jonathan, and other examples.

We see this emphasis throughout the New Testament as well. After beginning His earthly ministry, the Scriptures tell us Jesus “appointed twelve that they might be with him and that he might send them out to preach” (Mark 3:14). He enjoyed hanging out with them.

And while providing on-the-job training to His followers for ministering to others, Jesus didn’t send them out alone. “After this the Lord appointed seventy-two others and sent them two by two ahead of him to every town and place where he was about to go” (Luke 10:1). They didn’t go with iPhones or PDAs.

Maybe the reason Jesus came to earth 2,000 years ago was because when He gave His “sermon on the mount,” His audience wouldn’t be distracted by texting or video games. He had their undivided attention.

The apostle Paul underscored the value of relationships he’d established, writing how important they had become to him: “I thank my God every time I remember you. In all my prayers for all of you, I always pray with joy because of your partnership in the gospel from the first day until now” (Philippians 1:3-5). Even though he was limited to the written word during his imprisonment, Paul wanted his own followers to understand the devotion to them, something that couldn’t have been conveyed through emojis – even if they had existed back then.

Despite the conveniences of electronic media, there’s no substitute for person-to-person, eye-to-eye, side-by-side communicating. In these challenging days, when our world seems in such turmoil, our need for mutual support and encouragement is perhaps greater than ever. The happy face of a living, breathing someone standing in front of me is always better than one appearing on a computer screen, a text, or a Facebook post.

Proverbs 27:17 gives us this reminder: “As iron sharpens iron, so one man sharpens another.” Just as a blade is sharpened only by contact and necessary friction, we require direct, personal contact to become sharpened spiritually. When we need honing and sharpening for life, emojis just won’t do.

A Successful, Satisfying Day

How do you measure what a successful day
looks like to you?

Margaret Thatcher, the first female prime minister of Great Britain, died recently after suffering a stroke. Serving from 1975 to 1990 as the leader of the nation’s Conservative Party, she earned the nickname, “Iron Lady,” for her personal and political toughness.

After her passing, some of her best-known quotations circulated, but this one caught my eye: “Look at a day when you are supremely satisfied at the end. It’s not a day when you lounge around doing nothing; it’s when you’ve had everything to do and you’ve done it.”

There’s great wisdom in that simple statement. Certainly there’s a time for relaxing, for what some people call “chilling,” but satisfaction is most often derived from a sense of having done something – and having done it well.

Mrs. Thatcher’s quote reminded me of a time when my friend, Ed Thompson, asked a group of men he was meeting with, “How do you measure what a successful day looks like to you?”

How would you answer that question?

Each of us likely would have a very different response, given our unique interests, abilities, passions and opportunities available to us. But in light of the reality that we share one thing in common – every day consists of 24 hours, no more and no less – our challenge is how we intend to use those hours.

Psalm 118:24 states, “This is the day the Lord has made; let us rejoice and be glad in it.” Understanding God is the author of each day, offering it to us as a gift, how we spend – or invest – the time is a matter of stewardship. Are we going to devote the entire time to reclining on the couch, saturating our minds with inane TV programming, or mastering a video game, or are we going to dedicate the time to something of enduring value?

Again, “something of value” means different things to us all. It could mean working in the yard, painting a room, playing golf or tennis with a friend, visiting a relative, taking a day trip to a place of interest, or even reading a book. (Does anyone still do that?)

Being a writer, for me a successful day often involves one or more writing projects – an article, a blog post, or a chapter in a book I’ve been working on. But even though I’m not a real outdoorsy-type of guy, sometimes mowing the lawn, trimming some bushes or sprucing up the yard in some way also feels “successful.”

For Type-A personalities, checking items off the day’s to-do list can be very fulfilling. But perhaps the most successful days occur in the context of relationships, investing time and energy in the lives of others. The late Ted DeMoss, a man I worked with for years and greatly admired, often observed when it’s all said and done, "all that remain will be the Word of God and people."

It’s been said that no one on his or her deathbed has declared, “I wished I’d spent more time at work.” We can achieve satisfaction from completing projects. But the process of developing and nurturing relationships – with spouses, children, grandchildren, friends, people God has brought into our lives – provides benefits that surpass a daily checklist.

If we can help to make a person’s day better, by offering a listening ear, engaging in stimulating conversation, or simply being there with them, this can pay long-term dividends. And the benefits can be mutual. As Proverbs 27:17 states, “As iron sharpens iron, so one man sharpens another.”

The People You Meet

“Five years from now, you’ll be the same except for the people you meet and the books you read.” The late Charlie “Tremendous” Jones often made that observation, stressing the importance of relationships and of reading.

In an age when many of our written words are presented electronically, I remain a strong advocate for book reading. But that’s fodder for another blog. As for people, it’s indisputable that many individuals I have met through school, work, church, even my neighborhood, have played a big part in shaping my life.

Some time ago I wrote about personalities that became major influences in my life, but even brief encounters can make a huge difference. For instance, I had a neighbor – not a follower of Christ – who challenged me to think more deeply about my faith and seek answers to tough questions. The managing editor of a newspaper where I worked briefly taught the importance of always having a “plan B.”

Speakers I heard at various writers’ conferences challenged me to treat the written word with reverence, respecting its power, appreciating its creativity, and valuing its integrity. Occasionally, complete strangers would appear during low times in my career to offer helpful words of encouragement.

I often write about relating spirituality to the workplace in practical ways. Numerous men and women I met through the years have modeled this for me, demonstrating that to lead, manage and work according to biblical principles is an ideal worthy of pursuit.

At its heart, the Bible is a book about relationships: Our relationship with God, and our relationships with one another. I think that’s why it exhorts, “and let us consider how we may spur one another on toward love and good deed” (Hebrews 10:24). The impact we can have on others is both profound and immeasurable.

That Crazy Thing Called Love

Many of us just observed Valentine’s Day, America’s annual celebration of love. But who knows what “love” really is?

Popular media tell us love consists of emotions and hormones. Take, for example, “The Bachelor”: Two dozen amorous females vie for the eye of Single Guy. Within weeks, with no other male options in sight, the surviving candidates declare themselves “in love” with Mr. Handsome. (By that juncture, they would probably fall in love with a telephone pole if it had biceps and an Adam’s apple.)

Do you remember the old sitcom – “The Love Boat”? Each week during a few days’ cruise, couples would discover the loves of their lives. With all those good-looking, trim and fit people cavorting about, it should have been “The Lust Boat.”

We talk about “falling” in and out of love, as if gravity has something to do with it. Does falling out of love involve a disturbance of gravitational force?

Emotions and hormones are important, but there’s much more to love than that. Shared experiences, conflict, laughter, tears, struggle – and mutual commitment to one another, no matter what – are keys to enduring love.

The Bible, interestingly enough, speaks about romance and sex, but gives other perspectives on love as well. It teaches that love is unconditional and sacrificial: “This is love: not that we loved God, but that he loved us and sent his Son as an atoning sacrifice for our sins” (1 John 4:10).

We have heard 1 Corinthians 13 recited at weddings so often it’s almost a cliché, but still it goes a long way in defining true love. It describes it as patient, kind, humble, selfless, truthful, trusting, hopeful, persevering. It says nothing about love being “sexy” or “hot,” but if those other qualities are present, the hot, sexy part will follow!