Trying to Put Pain in Its Proper Perspective

We just observed another Thanksgiving Day, thinking of numerous things for which to be thankful. But as I mentioned in an earlier post, how many among us could pray with sincerity, “Thank you, Lord, for the pain I’m going through”?

 

For most of us, pain would fall to the very bottom of the list of things for which to be grateful – if on the list at all. In fact, a book by author Philip Yancey is titled, Pain: The Gift Nobody Wants. (Yancey is probably among the minority in being able to be thankful for pain, since a number of his best-selling books focus on that subject.)

 

I’ve been thinking about pain a fair amount lately, since I’ve got a torn meniscus in one of my knees that will require repair work very soon. It’s been reminding me of one of my personal mottos: I wouldn’t mind pain…if it didn’t hurt so much. 

 

Pain’s no stranger to any of us. If not physical suffering, we’ve had to deal with pain in other forms: Divorce, depression, loss of beloved family members and friends, having to watch helplessly as others endure serious illness, unexpectedly losing a job, coping with major expenses that weren’t in the budget. The list could go on.

 

As we go through such circumstances, we might wonder: What’s the point? Is there purpose behind the pain? We can debate to what extent God actually causes pain to occur, but He obviously allows it to come into our lives. Does He have reasons behind the pain we experience?

 

Author and Christian apologist C.S. Lewis wrote in his book, The Problem of Pain, “God whispers to us in our pleasures, speaks in our conscience, but shouts in our pains: it is his megaphone to rouse a deaf world.”

 

What Lewis said is true. When things are going well, when we’re reveling in our successes and good fortune, we have a tendency to feel that we don’t need God. ‘I’ve got this!’ He might be speaking to us, but we’re not paying attention. But in the throes of pain, we often turn to Him. ‘Lord, I don’t think I’ve got this!’

 

The Bible declares that pain is part of our ‘job description’ as followers of Jesus Christ. As the apostle Paul wrote in Philippians 3:10, “I want to know Christ and the power of His resurrection,” which sounds great, but then he adds, “and the fellowship of sharing in His sufferings, becoming like Him in His death.” Wait…what? “Sharing in His sufferings”?

 

Another apostle, Peter, made a similar statement about our journey with Christ: “Dear friends, do not be surprised at the painful trial you are suffering, as though something strange were happening to you. But rejoice that you participate in the sufferings of Christ, so that you may be overjoyed when His glory is revealed” (1 Peter 4:12-13).

 

In his devotional book, My Utmost for His Highest, Oswald Chambers writes, “In the history of the Christian church, the tendency has been to avoid being identified with the sufferings of Jesus Christ. People have sought to carry out God’s orders through a short cut of their own. God’s way is always the way of suffering – the way of the ‘long road home.’... We never realize at the time what God is putting us through – we go through it more or less without understanding. Then suddenly we come to a place of enlightenment and realize – ‘God has strengthened me, and I didn’t even know it!’”

 

Studying the Scriptures we find the Lord can – and does – use the pain in our lives in many ways. For instance, circumstances beyond our control reveal need for Him. “It was good for me to be afflicted, so that I might learn your decrees” (Psalm 119:71).

 

Going through various kinds of suffering can be part of God’s process for transforming us into the people He wants us to be. “Consider it pure joy, my brothers, whenever you face trials of many kinds, because you know that the testing of your faith develops perseverance. Perseverance must finish its work so that you may be mature and complete, not lacking anything” (James 1:2-4). We find the same idea in Romans 5:3-4, “…And we rejoice in the hope of the glory of God. Not only so, but we also rejoice in our sufferings, because we know that suffering produces perseverance; perseverance, character; and character, hope.”

 

Another purpose for pain in our lives can be to cultivate humility, as Paul recognized: “To keep me from becoming conceited because of these surpassingly great revelations, there was given me a thorn in my flesh, a messenger of Satan, to torment me. Three times I pleaded with the Lord to take it away from me. But He said to me, ‘My grace is sufficient for you, for My power is made perfect in weakness.’... That is why, for Christ’s sake, I delight in weaknesses, in insults, in hardships, in persecutions, in difficulties. For when I am weak, then I am strong” (2 Corinthians 12:7-10).

 

Theologian J.I. Packer offered this perspective: “Perhaps He means to strengthen us in patience, good humor, compassion, humility, or meekness by giving us some extra practice in exercising these graces under difficult situations.”

 

I needed an MRI to confirm the cartilage tear in my knee; lying with my leg completely still for 20-25 minutes caused pain more intense than I ever experienced. To shift my focus, I thought about Jesus having endured scourging and then hanging on the cross not for minutes but for hours, nails piercing his hands and feet. My appreciation for what He went through for all who believe in Him was heightened more than I could have imagined.

 

No one likes pain and suffering. But what a privilege it is to know, “To this you were called, because Christ suffered for you, leaving you an example, that you should follow in His steps” (1 Peter 2:21).

Salvaging Victory Out of the Jaws of Adversity

Buckeye players grasp the 2024 national championship trophy.

One of the things I enjoy most about watching sports is they serve as a microcosm for what we experience in everyday life. ABC’s Wide World of Sports called it, “The thrill of victory and the agony of defeat.” Exhilarating ups and devastating downs, sometimes back-to-back. 

A recent example was the Ohio State Buckeyes’ 34-23 triumph over Notre Dame for the college football national championship Monday night. Regardless of whether you’re an OSU fan, a fan of college football, a sports fan in general, or have no interest in sports, that game – and what led up to it – have lessons for us all.

 

Ohio State’s resounding victory came just seven weeks after a humiliating defeat against archrival Michigan. Despite being more than 20-point favorites to win, the Buckeyes had lost, 13-10. For those passionate about the Scarlet and Gray, it was tantamount to having their identity stolen or seeing their new car driven off a cliff.

 

If it was painful for so-called Buckeye Nation, it was even more so for head coach Ryan Day and the players who had devoted the preceding 365 days preparing for that game. Some crazed fans called for Day’s firing. However, the team rallied around one another – and especially their embattled coach. They hit the Pause button for a moment, then hit Fast Forward.

 

The Buckeyes turned this adversity, their own agony of defeat, into unwavering resolve. In The Wright Brothers, a biography about the famous brothers of flight, author David McCullough observed that adversity “often can be exactly what you need to give you a lift higher.” This proved true for Ohio State.

 

One underlying factor was the faith in Jesus Christ many of them embraced. Leading up to the season, several of the players led a revival service attended by several thousand OSU students, not just athletes. Numerous attendees declared first-time professions of faith. Some were even baptized.

 

During the season, players regularly gathered for chapel services and Bible studies. When interviewed, a number of them boldly proclaimed their faith in Christ – not for victories but for enabling them to endure and overcome the rigors of a demanding season. So, when the team suffered its highly improbably loss in arguably the greatest rivalry game in sports, rather than losing heart the Buckeyes circled the wagons and rededicated themselves to preparing for the post-season.

 

Their hard work, commitment, camaraderie – and faith – culminated in playoff victories over Tennessee, Oregon (which had narrowly defeated Ohio State at home early in the season), and Texas, and then the  championship win over the Fighting Irish. Afterward, many of the Buckeyes were quick to “give glory to God” and express their gratitude to Jesus Christ for the opportunities they experienced.

 

Ohio State had salvaged the ultimate victory in college football out of the jaws of adversity. As we learn from the Scriptures, adversity is an integral part of personal and spiritual growth. 

 

In Romans 5:3-5 the apostle Paul, no stranger himself to adversity, stated, “…we also rejoice in our sufferings, because we know that suffering produces perseverance; perseverance, character; and character, hope. And hope does not disappoint us, because God has poured out His love into our hearts by the Holy Spirit….”

 

We find a similar declaration from another apostle, James, who wrote, “Consider it pure joy, my brothers, whenever you face trials of many kinds, because you know that the testing of your faith develops perseverance. Perseverance must finish its work so that you may be mature and complete, not lacking anything” (James 1:2-4).

 

Many other passages affirm the importance of adversity for becoming the people God wants us to be. Adversity isn’t something to be avoided, but to be embraced. Because as Romans 8:28 promises, “…we know that in all things God works for the good of those who love Him, who have been called according to His purpose.”

 

Following Ohio State’s championship victory, a sports commentator made another observation. He pointed to the selflessness displayed by Buckeye players and coaches. They all seemed willing to share the spotlight, even sacrifice playing time when necessary for the best interests of the team and their fellow players. The commentator cited a statement by Jesus Christ in Luke 14:11, “For those who exalt themselves will be humbled, and those who humble themselves will be exalted.”

 

About the eagerness of numerous Buckeyes to proclaim their faith in Jesus Christ, it’s heartening to see a growing openness among many, not only in the sports world but also in entertainment, politics, business and other arenas, to serves as witnesses for Christ. As His followers, that’s an important part of our calling.

 

Notably in 1 Samuel 2:30 God says, “…those that honor Me I will honor….” Giving honor and glory to the Lord doesn’t guarantee victory or success, and it shouldn’t be the motivation for doing so. But reading the story of Joseph in the book of Genesis, how God raised him up to positions of authority after going through great adversity, I saw this principle underscored.

 

Sold into slavery by his brothers, Joseph was bought by a high-ranking Egyptian officer. Over time Joseph earned the officer’s trust and was put in charge of his entire household. “The Lord blessed the Egyptian’s house because of Joseph” (Genesis 39:5). Later, after being imprisoned for a false accusation, Joseph gained the favor of the prison warden, who gave him authority over all the prisoners. We’re told, “…the Lord was with him, and the Lord made everything that he did successful” (Genesis 39:23).

 

Finally, after God enabled Joseph to interpret Pharaoh’s troubling dream, the Egyptian king declared, “Since God has made all this known to you, there is no one as intelligent and wise as you. You will be over my house, and all my people will obey your commands” (Genesis 41:39-40). In one way or another, the Lord promises to honor those who honor Him.

Needed: A Hefty New Supply of True Grit

Years ago, not long after a friend of mine had relocated to the South, he went to a local restaurant for breakfast. “Would you like some grits?” the server asked him. A bit puzzled, my friend responded, “I’ve never had grits, so I don’t know if I’d like them. Could I just have one grit?”

 

Suffice it to say, this wasn’t a fellow who had experienced a gritty lifestyle. At least in the Southern sense of the word. But there’s a vast difference between grits and grit. These days it seems grits are in much greater supply than grit.

 

One of the classic western films, at least for John Wayne fans, was the original “True Grit,” released in 1969, about a rough-and-tumble U.S. marshal named Rooster Cogburn and a determined orphan girl, Mattie Ross, who wants Cogburn’s help in apprehending her father’s killer. Over the course of the film, both Cogburn and Mattie display an amazing amount of “true grit” in overcoming many difficulties.

 

What is grit, anyway – and why do we need it? One dictionary says grit is “firmness of character, indomitable spirit; pluck.” Wikipedia defines it as “…an individual’s perseverance of effort combined with the passion for a particular long-term goal or end state…the overcoming of obstacles or challenges that lie on the path to accomplishment.” 

When we think of individuals who have made the greatest contributions to our world, whether through invention and innovation, leadership, or other forms of exceptional achievement, the presence of grit has typically been prominent in their lives.

 

Recently I saw the film “Greater,” about Brandon Burlsworth, a former walk-on whose grit and determination resulted in his becoming a three-year starter and All-American for the Arkansas Razorbacks football team. Although he died in a car crash just days after being drafted by the NFL’s Indianapolis Colts, Burlsworth’s life remains a source of inspiration to this day.

 

Grit has been a singular American trait throughout its history, but judging from what we see in some segments of our society, it has become conspicuously absent. College students fleeing to “safe zones” to avoid being confronted with ideas that don’t align with their own. People expecting handouts rather than expending the necessary effort to get what they want. Individuals consistently playing the “victim card,” refusing to accept responsibility for their own actions.

 

Who’s to blame for this? Speaker and leadership coach Brian Kight points to adults failing to teach and model gritty qualities for younger people. He says, “Want ‘grittier’ kids? Show them grit. Show it to them in all your actions. They’re watching you. Teachers expect grit from students, but then complain about changes from the school district. Coaches expect grit from players, but then complain about refs calls. Parents want grit from kids, but then complain about taxes, traffic, and their boss. If grit is so powerful, prove it.”

 

We can’t find the word “grit” in the Scriptures, but its qualities are expressed in many ways. The apostle Paul probably had grit in mind when he wrote, “…we also rejoice in our sufferings, because we know that suffering produces perseverance; perseverance, character, and character, hope” (Romans 5:2-3). Having experienced more than his share of adversity, Paul knew about this firsthand.

 

James 1:2-4 offers similar sentiments: “Consider it pure joy, my brothers, whenever you face trials of many kinds, because you know that the testing of your faith develops perseverance. Perseverance must finish its work so that you may be mature and complete, not lacking anything.” 

 

There’s a tendency for us to choose paths of least resistance, the easy way that demands minimal effort and sacrifice. But that’s not the option for followers of Christ. Jesus said, “Enter through the narrow gate. For wide is the gate and broad is the road that leads to destruction, and many enter through it. But small is the gate and narrow the way that leads to life, and only a few find it” (Matthew 7:13-14). The so-called “Christian life” is one of grit, perseverance and sacrifice.

 

As Kight observed, if we expect our children and even younger people we influence to develop these traits, the onus is upon us to demonstrate them in action. This is why Paul the apostle boldly declared, “Whatever you have learned or received or heard from me, or seen in me – put it into practice” (Philippians 4:9). The disclaimer, “Do as I say, not as I do,” had no place in his lifestyle.

 

A tree develops its hardest wood during times of adversity that require grit. A moth emerges from a cocoon prepared to fly through grit. And achievements are most satisfying not when they’re handed to us, like participation trophies in youth sports, but when they have been attained via the proverbial blood, sweat and tears. The sooner we learn that – and in turn, teach it to others – the better.

Scars Can Be Badges of Honor, Rather Than Marks of Despair

For some reason I’ve been thinking about scars. They’re not a common conversation topic, but we all have them – whether they’re visible or not. What kind do you have? 

Even though I haven’t had a “hard life,” I’ve managed to accumulate my share of scars. On both hands, behind my index fingers, I have nearly identical scars. I remember “earning” one many years ago when my right hand scraped the sharp edge of a metal door as I carried something out of a retail store. I have no recollection, however, of where the other one came from.

I’m not a “sickly” person, but have had a number of surgeries during my lifetime, and some have helped to expand my scar collection. I have the vertical “zipper” from my open-heart surgery more than 13 years ago. (One of the first things people who have undergone such procedures hear in recovery is, “Welcome to the zipper club!”) I have a small scar from having a torn meniscus repaired on my left knee, and “souvenirs” from a few other surgical procedures. I could have auditioned for the role of “Scar” in “The Lion King,” but I didn’t have the “lion eyes” they were looking for.

You might also bear marks from past operations. Even if you don’t, undoubtedly you carry other types of scars that hearken to various life experiences, maybe even from early childhood: A banged-up knee from a playground outing; an injury sustained while competing in a sport; a cut incurred during a carpentry project, or even stretch marks from significant weight loss, or a pregnancy. 

Many scars can’t be seen with our eyes: Harsh, insensitive words still resonating in our memories. Household conflicts hard for our young minds to understand. Abuse – physical or verbal – suffered through unhealthy relationships. Disappointments and failures we won’t forget.

A whole segment of people carry psychological and emotional scars classified as PTSD (Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder): Veterans who fought in various wars; first responders to horrendous events like 9/11 or fatal traffic accidents; law enforcement officers forced to use lethal force. 

By definition, physical scars are marks left where fibrous connective tissue has developed as wounds, burns or sores were healing. Scarring is a natural part of the healing process, mentally and emotionally, as well as physically. The question is, what do we do with our scars? Even if they serve as reminders of difficulties from our past, they don’t need to define us.

A surgical scar, for instance, often serves as visible proof of not just surviving, but overcoming some type of physical pain or struggle. A mark remains, but we’re still here. What about invisible scars of emotional pain? They remain as memories, but needn’t shape our future.

Recently I heard a praise song in which the vocalist sang he was “thankful for the scars.” This reminds me of Scripture passages that speak of how adversity can prove to be a growing experience. For instance, “…we rejoice in our sufferings, because we know that suffering produces perseverance; perseverance, character; and character, hope” (Romans 5:3-4).

Similarly, the apostle James offered these words of admonition: “Consider it pure joy, my brothers, whenever you face trials of many kinds, because you know that the testing of your faith develops perseverance. Perseverance must finish its work so that you may be mature and complete, not lacking anything” (James 1:2-4).

Romans 8:28 reminds us, “that in all things God works for the good of those who love him, who have been called according to his purpose.” Not all, but some of those “things” leave scars, even when we can discern how the Lord has used them for our good.

When I think of positive effect scars can provide, what stands out foremost are those Jesus Christ carried from the cross. John 20 tells about Jesus showing them to Thomas as proof of His resurrection; those scars remain as an eternal memorial to what He has done for us all: “and He Himself bore our sins in His body on the cross, so that we might die to sin and live to righteousness; for by His wounds you were healed“ (1 Peter 2:24). 

Yes, even though we might have disliked the processes that brought them to us, we can truly be thankful for the scars.

Four P’s of Physical – and Spiritual - Recovery

In 2007, marking the one-year anniversary of my open-heart surgery, I returned to the hospital where the procedure was performed. Thankful I had come through the surgery successfully, I wanted to visit the Surgical ICU where I had begun my recovery.

During that impromptu visit, a hospital staff person invited me to become a “cardiac volunteer,” visiting patients who had just undergone surgeries similar to mine. I didn’t have to ponder this opportunity for long. I remembered the questions I had lying in a hospital bed, feeling post-surgical pain and soreness, and wondering if this was how it was supposed to be. Medical staff, I discovered, are reluctant to be definitive about how you’ll feel, how quickly you’ll recover, etc.

I also thought of the passage in the Scriptures that talks of “…the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ, the Father of compassion and the God of all comfort, who comforts us in all our troubles, so that we can comfort those in any trouble with the comfort we ourselves have received from God” (2 Corinthians 1:3-4). God had indeed comforted me before and after my surgery, and it seemed only right to make myself available to encourage others, sharing my own story and giving them hope that their current pain would only be temporary.

Over the next five years or so, I visited hundreds of fellow open-heart survivors typically feeling, as I had, like a pickup truck had hit them in the chest – then backed up and hit them again. I don’t recommend the experience if you can avoid it. Nevertheless, I could serve as evidence that better days lie ahead.

During these visits I often shared what I called “the 4 P’s of Recovery”: Patience, Perseverance, Positive attitude, and Prayer. Something simple to leave with them as they began their slow and sometimes painful journey toward renewed health and full strength.

Patience is because after any major surgery, healing takes time; it’s a while before you even begin approaching 100 percent again. No sense becoming impatient when you don’t bounce back as quickly as you’d like. Perseverance because during the process, there are things you must do, such as: Taking medications regularly as prescribed. Following the physicians’ counsel regarding physical activity. Engaging in rehabilitation – exercises and therapy – and in most cases, this will continue for weeks, even months.

There’s the need for a Positive attitude – studies have shown that maintaining a positive, optimistic attitude is a key, intangible ingredient for experiencing full recovery. Reminding ourselves that even in the midst of pain and weakness, better days lie ahead. And finally, Prayer – prayer for yourself, as well as having family, friends and other caring folks praying for you. When I’ve had my surgeries, God impressed upon hundreds of people to keep me in their prayers. You can’t quantify this, but there’s no doubting the value of prayers lifted up to God – and His eagerness to answer them.

It occurred to me that at one time or another, many of us must go through another kind of recovery – spiritual – and these same 4 P’s of Recovery apply just as well to our spiritual well-being and progress.

Patience is listed among the “fruit of the Spirit” in Galatians 5:22-23. And the apostle Paul, after describing some of the adversity he had faced as an ardent follower of Jesus Christ, said he was able to endure, “in purity, understanding, patience and kindness; in the Holy Spirit and in sincere love” (2 Corinthians 6:6). As with huge redwoods, spiritual giants are not grown overnight – it takes an entire lifetime.

Perseverance is critical, because anyone can start well. Tragically, comparatively few finish well. And one reason for this is they are unwilling to persevere, to hold fast to their resolve when the inevitable trials, testing and hardships come. This is why Paul wrote, “…we also rejoice in our sufferings, because we know that suffering produces perseverance; perseverance, character; and character, hope” (Romans 5:3-4). The apostle James seconded the motion, admonishing us to “Consider it pure joy, my brothers, whenever you have trials of many kinds, because you know that the testing of your faith develops perseverance. Perseverance must  finish its work so that you may be mature and complete, not lacking anything” (James 1:2-4).

The impact of a Positive attitude cannot be overstated, for both physical and spiritual recovery and maintenance. Rather than focusing on the gathering darkness and chaos around us, we can be “fixing our eyes on Jesus, the author and finisher of our faith” (Hebrews 12:2). To avoid lapsing into negativity and despair, we can heed Paul’s advice: “Finally, brothers, whatever is true, whatever is noble, whatever is right, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is admirable – if anything is excellent or praiseworthy – think about such things” (Philippians 4:8). “Accentuating the positive,” so to speak, enables us to avoid dwelling on the negative.

Finally, Prayer is simply talking to God – sharing from our hearts, but also taking the time to listen to Him, whether in reading His Word, hearing a strong, Bible-based message, or listening to wise counsel from a trusted friend who also is a believer.

The apostle Paul actually asked people to pray for him, can you believe it? “Pray also for me, that whenever I open my mouth, words may be given me so that I will fearlessly make known the mystery of the gospel…. Pray that I may declare it fearlessly, as I should” (Ephesians 6:19-20).

We are not asked, but commanded, to uphold one another in prayer: “Therefore confess your sins to each other and pray for each other so that you may be healed. The prayer of a righteous person is powerful and effective” (James 5:16). 

In the final hours before His kangaroo court trial and crucifixion, even Jesus wanted others to pray with Him. Confronting His sleepy disciples after going off to pray alone, Jesus said to Peter, “Could you men not keep watch with me for one hour?... Watch and pray so that you will not fall into temptation. The spirit is willing, but the body is weak” (Matthew 26:40-41).

There you have it – if you want to experience healing and growth, both physically and spiritually, be patient, persevere, remain positive, and pray. These are key ingredients in God’s recipe for an abundant, fruitful life.

Thankful, Yes – But for Everything?

As we look toward another Thanksgiving Day celebration a few days from now, we can usually think of things for which we can be thankful: A car that runs, if we have one. A roof over our heads, especially if it doesn’t leak. A selection of clothes to wear, hanging in our closets. A job that enables us to pay the bills. Loved ones and close friends that mean so much to us. But what about things we can’t feel thankful for?

This presents a bit of a problem for those of us who follow Jesus Christ, because three consecutive verses in the Bible seem to assert that when it comes to thankfulness and gratitude, there should be no exclusions, no exceptions.

In 1 Thessalonians 5:16-18, we’re told, “Rejoice always; pray without ceasing; in everything give thanks, for this is God’s will for you in Christ Jesus.” The words “always,” “without ceasing,” and “everything” seem all-encompassing. That’s because they are. But that doesn’t mean they’re easy to implement. Nor does it mean they should be.

I think of a book I helped my friend, Mike Landry, to get published, called Advancing Through Adversity. In it he recounted a series of trials he and his family endured over an 18-month period some years ago. The hardships they faced were difficult – and unwarranted. They suffered through many sleepless nights. Answers to their “why” questions weren’t forthcoming. 

Ultimately, the problems were resolved and they could look back at the circumstances and realize how God’s presence had never left them alone in their circumstances, even when they seemed most dire. Through this time, when they had no choice but to turn to Him and trust that He would work things out according to His perfect purposes, they found Him unflinchingly faithful.

If we had the option, we probably have something (or things) we’d like to eliminate from our lives: Serious financial pressures. Severe health problems that have lingered and appear without remedy. A difficult marriage. Struggles a family member is going through that are beyond our capacity for bringing any relief. Grieving over the loss of a loved one. The day-to-day realities of aging. The list could go on. Does the Bible really mean we’re to be thankful for these?

I’ve mentioned him before, but my friend, Albert, is no stranger to adversities. He lived through the horrors of World War II. From childhood he has wrestled with health problems. And he’s survived major business setbacks. And yet, he’s been steadfast in trusting God and remaining grateful for the life He has given him. Albert even wrote a booklet about his life called “Saying ‘Thank You’ Even When You Don’t Feel Thankful.”

The overriding lesson he has learned – and has helped many who know him to grasp as well – is that regardless of the challenges we face in life, we can still embrace hope. We can define hope as earnest, confident assurance that God will use even our worst circumstances to carry out His plans. In the process, He will refine us, transforming us into the people He desires for us to become.

That’s why, in Romans 5:3-5, the apostle Paul could write, “…we also rejoice in our sufferings, because we know that suffering produces perseverance; perseverance, character; and character, hope. And hope does not disappoint us, because God has poured out his love into our hearts by the Holy Spirit, whom he has given us.”

The apostle James seemed to second the motion when he wrote, “Consider it pure joy, my brothers, whenever you face trials of many kinds, because you know that the testing of your faith develops perseverance. Perseverance must finish its work so that you may be mature and complete, not lacking anything” (James 1:2-4).

Although they do not use the words thankful or grateful in these passages, they’re clearly implied when the writers admonish us to “rejoice” or “consider it pure joy” when we have to deal with various trials God allows in our lives. So, when Thanksgiving Day arrives and we pause to give thanks, let’s be sure to express our thankfulness to the Lord – even for the things for which we don’t feel thankful.

A Good Wife: One of God’s Greatest Blessings

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This troubadour, accompanied on accordion, provided a wonderful gondola serenade.

"He who finds a wife finds a good thing and obtains favor from the Lord.”

This statement from Proverbs 18:22 was written by King Solomon of Israel, one of the Bible’s most interesting characters. He is called the wisest man who ever lived. In 1 Kings 10:6-8, the queen of Sheba declared, “The report was true that I heard in my own land of your words and of your wisdom, but I did not believe the reports until I came and my own eyes had seen it. And behold, the half was not told me. Your wisdom and prosperity surpass the report that I heard. Happy are your men! Happy are your servants, who continually stand before you and hear your wisdom!”

Despite his acclaim, it seems at times Solomon failed to take his own advice. For instance, the Scriptures tell us he amassed 1,000 wives and concubines during the course of his reign. In most cases, “being in love” wasn’t the issue. He wasn’t a multiple times guest on “The Bachelor.” These were political alliances, even though elsewhere in the Scriptures, God made clear His warning against acquiring numerous wives. Deuteronomy 17:17 says, “(the king) must not take many wives for himself, lest his heart go astray.” Which is exactly what happened to King Solomon, especially during his later years.

Nevertheless, Solomon held high the virtues of a strong, loving marriage. In writing Song of Solomon, the king authored a tribute to romantic love and devotion. And in Proverbs 5:18-19, he exhorted his male readers, “May your fountain be blessed, and may you rejoice in the wife of your youth…may you ever be intoxicated with her love.”

He could just as easily have written, “She who finds a husband finds a good thing.” But of course, Solomon was writing from the standpoint of his experience and perspective as a husband – albeit many times over.

The isle of Capri was one of our favorite stops.

As I read passages such as these, I can’t help but think of how blessed I have been. And how I can identify with the opening verse above. My wife, Sally, and I recently observed our 44^thwedding anniversary. We were in Venice, Italy, and on the eve of our anniversary we had the thrill of being able to celebrate with a gondola ride in the city of canals, serenaded by a talented local singer who was accompanied by a friend on the accordion. 

When I reflect over my teenage and young adult years, wondering who would become my wife, I could not have imagined a better mate. It’s been far more than a four decades-plus love affair. She’s been my best friend, companion, partner and supporter. Sally has followed me around the countryside as I pursued vocational opportunities, put up with my faults and foibles, and patiently let me strive to be the spiritual leader God has called me to be, even at those times when I failed or didn’t successfully communicate the what’s and why’s of decisions I made.

We’ve gone through tough times. Raising a family, wrestling with financial issues, coping with career changes, facing health struggles, and just the challenge of dealing with everyday life all make tough times a given. But I firmly believe it’s those times that have cemented our relationship, causing it to grow much stronger as a result.

In Romans 5:3-5 it states,“…but we also rejoice in our sufferings, because we know that suffering produces perseverance; perseverance, character; and character, hope. And hope does not disappoint us, because God has poured out his love into our hearts by the Holy Spirit, whom he has given us.” I suspect that many marriages fail because one or both parties give up too soon – they fail to understand or appreciate the benefits of perseverance, how hanging in during those times when going gets tough can help in forging a relationship that can endure any storm. 

So yes, as Solomon wrote, I have found favor from the Lord in finding a good wife. And, if He’s willing, I look forward to continuing to enjoy this favor He has provided for years to come. Because we serve a God “who is able to do immeasurably more than all we ask or imagine” (Ephesians 3:20).

Coping With Crisis – and Crises

With the arrival of Thanksgiving Day, we’re officially in the midst of the holiday season. Time for fun, frivolity, family and friends, we’re told. But what if this time of the year only magnifies feelings of frustration, failure, and even fear? When it seems you have little reason for giving thanks?

Recently I heard a description of the human condition: It seems there are three kinds of people – those who are in crisis, those who have just gotten out of a crisis, and those who are about to get into a crisis (whether they know it or not).

There’s good reason the term “crisis mode” is so widely used. Just when things seem to be going smoothly, and we’re about to proclaim, “life just can’t get any better than this!” some not-quickly-resolved dilemma decides to pop up, placing unavoidable bumps and ruts in the road.

Suddenly, rather than reveling in the ease of living, we’re more apt to agree with Mr. Murphy, whose law insists, “If anything can go wrong, it will.” If this describes your frame of mind right now, when the prevailing holiday mood of “happy, happy, happy” seems to have escaped you, take heart. You’re not alone.

This is why apostles Paul and James felt led to write we’re to “rejoice in our sufferings, because we know that suffering produces perseverance; perseverance, character; and character, hope” (Romans 5:3-4), and “Consider it pure joy, my brothers, whenever you face trials of many kinds, because you know that the testing of your faith develops perseverance. Perseverance must finish its work so that you may be mature and complete, not lacking anything” (James 1:2-4).

In the midst of the struggle, particularly in a season when we’re supposed to feel overflowing happiness, it’s not easy to “rejoice” or “consider it pure joy.” Not quite the words that come to our minds. But if we trust in God and His revealed Word, we’re assured this is exactly what we should do – and can do.

But again, we’re not alone. We’re not the only ones suffering pain inwardly, even if, like us, they force their faces to display happy smiles. And we shouldn’t have to endure our trials and hurts alone, either. We can turn to others for comfort, and thank God as we’re doing it. “Praise be to the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ, the Father of compassion and the God of all comfort, who comforts us in all our troubles, so that we can comfort those in any trouble with the comfort we ourselves have received from God” (2 Corinthians 1:2-4).

Sometimes, in the midst of our own adversity, the best remedy is offering comfort to someone else. It can take our minds off our own troubles. We might discover our difficulties aren’t as bad as we thought. And we may find that giving comfort to another is the greatest Christmas gift we could give, one that gives both ways.

Lastly, and most important, we can turn to Jesus. We’re told, “For we do not have a high priest who is unable to empathize with our weaknesses, but we have one who has been tempted in every way, just as we are -- yet he did not sin (Hebrews 4:15). Having taken on human flesh, enduring all of life’s challenges, He can say, without hesitation, “Child, I understand. I truly do.”

So if Thanksgiving for you is just the beginning of weeks of festive celebration, enjoy it! But if, like many others, the happiness of this season only serves to heighten your personal pain, look to the Lord with hope and confidence, knowing He is using this time in your life – no matter how hard – for your and His ultimate good and purpose.

Believing God is in control, and trusting that He genuinely has your best interests at heart, you then can do as 1 Thessalonians 5:18 exhorts us to do: “give thanks in all circumstances, for this is God’s will for you in Christ Jesus.”