Love Demonstrated in Discipline

When I was growing up, discipline was a daily part of my life. As a little boy I learned that talking disrespectfully – what we now call “acting out” – or disobeying what I had been asked to do or not to do, soon resulted in a meeting with the “board of education.” As I got older, paddling no matter made sense. After all, I was a head taller than my mom. But one look from her would quickly convict me that I’d done something wrong.

 

This was not unusual in those days. Just about every kid I knew experienced discipline in some form. We were taught to respect our elders, teachers, anyone in a role of authority – and also were expected to act accordingly. 

 

Things seem to have changed a lot since my ‘olden days.’ Teachers, even those impassioned by their desire to teach and have a positive influence on young minds, are burning out quickly and resigning. This is often because their classrooms have turned into chaos. A variety of factors have contributed to this, but one of the big ones is that discipline too often isn’t taking place in the home, so young people haven’t been taught to behave in proper ways and be respectful in school.

 

Classrooms aren’t the only places where this occurs. I’ve observed toddlers in grocery stores and other public places totally out of control, and all their parents do is shrug their shoulders. To them, little Jasper’s or Josie’s misbehavior is nothing more than their efforts at self-expression. They’re expected to make their own choices about how to act.

 

It’s interesting that in the book of Proverbs, discipline is a recurring topic. It seems important, a matter close to the heart of God. To parents who think their 2- and 3- and 5-year-olds are wise enough to make their own decisions, Proverbs 22:15 states, “Foolishness is bound up in the heart of a child; the rod of discipline will remove it far from him.”

 

As I’ve observed with my own children and grandchildren, to tell them not to do something because it’s in their best interest is often a sure-fire way for seeing them attempt to do it. Wisdom is acquired from time and experience; foolishness is something we’re born with.

 

For that reason, discipline is crucial if we desire to see our children grow up to be responsible adults and become good decision-makers. This doesn’t mean beating a child or responding to their wrong behavior in unrestrained anger. That’s abuse. But discipline – the parent’s desire to guide the child in doing what’s right and proper – is actually a manifestation of love. Proverbs 13:24 tells us, “He who withholds his rod hates his son, but he who loves him disciplines him diligently.”

 

We’re all born with what the Bible calls a “sinful nature” (Romans 7:25, 8:3, Colossians 2:11 and many other passages). This means having a rebellious spirit – against God and anyone in authority. Some might term it, ‘doing what comes naturally.’ How do we combat that, in ourselves as well as in our children?

 

Ultimately, it’s through the power of Jesus Christ, with His Holy Spirit working in us. In 2 Corinthians 5:17 we’re told that everyone who places their faith in Christ becomes “a new creation.” But as parents we also have the responsibility for teaching and helping children to discern right from wrong. As Proverbs 29:15 points out, “The rod and reproof give wisdom, but a child who gets his own way brings shame to his mother.”

 

I think as parents and grandparents, most if not all of us have a primary desire to see our children prosper, live happy and fulfilling lives, and avoid the dire consequences of sin as much as possible. Loving, godly discipline is one of the tools for working toward that goal: “Correct your son, and he will give you comfort; he will also delight your soul” (Proverbs 29:17).

 

Even when children are young, there’s an urgency, as Proverbs 22:6 admonishes, to “Train a child in the way he should go, and when he is old he will not turn from it.” If we don’t provide instruction and guidance in how they should live, we can be assured someone else will. This is why Proverbs 19:18 warns, “Discipline your son while there is hope, and do not desire his death.” Discipline can serve a warning sign: Danger Ahead!

As preacher John MacArthur has pointed out, “Early childhood teaching requires both parental discipline, including corporal punishment, and balanced kindness and love.” If we truly love our children, discipline is part of the package, even though it might be difficult at times. To withhold discipline when warranted is to fail in loving them properly.