A Humbling Look at What (and Who) Really Matter

As a society, we’re enthralled with the rich and famous, the accomplished and powerful. Yet are those people the ones that are truly important, whose lives matter to us over the long run?

 

The 'Peanuts' gang
(Wikipedia image)

Many of us remember Charles Schulz, creator of the iconic “Peanuts” comic strip in 1950. Schulz died in 2000, but the humor and wisdom of Charlie Brown & Co. are enjoyed to this day through syndicated reruns. A famed individual himself, the cartoonist put things into perspective when he said, “The people who make a difference in your life are not the ones with the most credentials, the most money, or the most rewards. They simply are the ones who care the most.”

For proof, Schulz suggested doing something like the following: Name the five wealthiest people in the world. The last five Heisman Trophy winners. The last five winners of the Miss America pageant. Name 10 people who have won the Nobel Prize or the Pulitzer Prize. The last half-dozen Academy Award winners in the best actor/best actress categories. The last decade’s Cy Young winners in baseball.

 

Were you successful in naming these acclaimed individuals? Even half of them, or just a handful? We might have recognized them at the moment they were being honored, but awards are soon forgotten. Their names are replaced by the ones who succeed them, as their own will the next year. As for the wealthy, when was the last time you saw a hearse pulling a U-Haul trailer?

 

King Solomon, who had more than his share of fame, wealth, and power, observed perhaps cynically, “There is no remembrance of men of old, and even those who are yet to come will not be remembered by those who follow” (Ecclesiastes 1:11). 

 

Reflecting on his many accomplishments, Solomon added this personal appraisal: “Yet when I surveyed all that my hands had done and what I had toiled to achieve, everything was meaningless, a chasing after the wind; nothing was gained under the sun” (Ecclesiastes 2:11).

 

Getting back to Charles Schulz and his “reality check” on who and what are genuinely important, he also suggested compiling a different set of lists: List a few teachers who contributed to your journey through school and/or college. Name three friends who have helped you through a difficult time. Name five people who have taught you something worthwhile. Think of a few people who have made you feel appreciated and special. Think of five people you enjoy spending time with. 

 

I’m guessing names of people in the second group came to your mind with little hesitation, right? Teachers who made a difference in our lives; friends who readily responded when needed; individuals who pointed us to important truths. These are the truly important people, the ones who have mattered to us. As Schulz said, “the ones who care the most.”

 

My wife and I have been watching “American Idol.” It’s interesting to watch talented young people displaying their vocal chops in hopes of fame and fortune. And yet, over its 22 seasons, how many winners can you name? Who were the first five to be named “Idol”? Who were the last five? What about the runners-up – how many of those can you name without Googling them?

 

There’s nothing wrong with setting lofty goals and striving for excellence. But it’s wrong to confuse fame and acclaim with importance. Aside from entertaining you, what has your favorite singer really done for you? Your favorite athlete – how has he or she made your life better?

 

But think of that person who faithfully pointed you to Jesus Christ. Or the individual who was instrumental in your spiritual growth. Or that friend whose shoulder you cried on during a particularly difficult time in your life. Or that someone who saw something special in you that you didn’t see in yourself. Those are the folks who are really important – at least for you.

 

Proverbs 17:17 says, “A friend loves for all times, and a brother is born for adversity.” We all need people like that in our lives, mutually beneficial relationships in which we can “spur one another on toward love and good deeds,” as Hebrews 10:24 describes it.

We should all seek out – and seek to become – people who are not remembered for fleeting accolades and fading headlines, but for godly lives and their enduring impact in the lives of others. As Solomon also wrote, maybe when he was in a better frame of mind, “The fruit of the righteous is a tree of life, and he who wins souls is wise” (Proverbs 11:30). 

There are ‘Friends’ – and Then There Are Friends

How many friends do you have? If you’re on Facebook, as so many of us are, you might have hundreds of Facebook “friends.” If you’re in the workplace and on LinkedIn, you may dozens – even hundreds – of more connections. If you engage in other social media, like Twitter, Instagram or Snapchat, you might have myriad other “friends” as well. But are they really friends?

Friends come in many different varieties.

Recently on his radio program, Dr. David Jeremiah noted most of us can classify our “friends” into one of four categories: 

• Contact friends, people we say hello to at the gym, grocery store, or neighbors we see only in passing; 
• Casual friends, those we might join for a round of golf, a school project, or even a Bible study; 
• Close friends, perhaps those we collaborate with at work or go to lunch with, close enough to share some personal information we don’t care to have widely disseminated; 
• Committed friends, folks we can depend on in good times and bad. Especially the bad times when they’re needed most.

We have some family members who have never met a stranger and seem to be friends with just about everyone they meet. Most of us, however, are more discriminating in our selection of friends – at least the close and committed ones.

Since I’m basically an introvert, and seem to be more introverted the older I get, there’s only so much room in my life for real friends. Yes, I’ve got lots of the Facebook variety, whether old school chums or people I know from church or places I worked, or those with whom I trade puns. (Only the highest caliber people engage in plays on words, don’t you know.)

There are a number of men that I stay in touch with that I was in discipling/mentoring relationships with over the years. After meeting weekly or at least a couple times a month, seeing one another grow in our walk with the Lord, it’s pretty common to develop bonds you want to maintain long after the scheduled meetings have ended.

But friends of the close and committed variety, I’ve got just a handful. And that’s okay. I’ve only got so much emotional capacity to go around, and once it’s been expended on my family members, it’s in kind of short supply.

So who – or what – should we be looking for in choosing our close and committed friends? I have some opinions, but as with many areas of life, I’ve found biblical wisdom a much better guide for making such important selections. There are sound principles regarding friendship in the Bible from front to back, but the book of Proverbs alone gives us enough to consider:

To begin with, we’re told who not to select as close or committed friends. In fact, we’re to run, not walk from unsavory company: “Do not set foot on the path of the wicked or walk in the way of evil men. Avoid it, do not travel on it; turn from it and go on your way” (Proverbs 4:14-15). Another verse presents a similar warning: “A righteous man is cautious in friendship, but the way of the wicked leads them astray” (Proverbs 12:26).

Wisdom can be contagious – along with its opposite. So if we’re going to “catch” something from our friends, wisdom is always the better alternative: “He who walks with the wise grows wise, but a companion of fools suffers harm” (Proverbs 13:20). “Stay away from a foolish man, for you will not find knowledge on his lips” (Proverbs 14:7).

The same holds true for people who possess characteristics we wouldn’t put on our wish lists. The less influence they have on us, the better: “Do not make friends with a hot-tempered man, do not associate with one easily angered, or you may learn his ways and get yourself ensnared” (Proverbs 22:24-25). “Listen, my son, and be wise, and keep your heart on the right path. Do not join those who drink too much wine or gorge themselves on meat, for drunkards and gluttons become poor, and drowsiness clothes them in rage” (Proverbs 23:19-21).

There are other passages we could cite from Proverbs alone, but here are two that distinguish between “close” friends and “committed” friends: “A friend loves for all times, and a brother is born for adversity” (Proverbs 17:17). “A man of many companions may come to ruin, but there is a friend who sticks closer than a brother” (Proverbs 18:24).

So if you were to assess your friends today, which categories would you have the most? We all need friends, but being selective in who we spend most of our time can make a big difference.

Compassion – or ‘Catch and Release’?

I’m not a fisherman. Three times in my life I’ve taken fishing rod in hand, and caught nary a thing. If survival were based on my fishing skills, my family and I would have perished . I went deep-sea fishing once in Florida. Apparently, I fed a lot of fish because my bait kept disappearing, but didn’t catch any.

As a result, I’ve never engaged in “catch and release.” In case you’ve not heard of it – which means you’re also not a fisher-person – it’s when a fish is caught, reeled in, admired (maybe with a souvenir photo), and then tossed back into the water, whether it’s a pond, river, sea or ocean. A humane practice, I’m told: the fisherman experiences the thrill of the catch, and the fish lives to swim another day.

Film presents powerful lessons
about "catch and release."

Catch-and-release may be humane – unless those being released are humans. This came to my mind while viewing the excellent film, “Same Kind of Different as Me.” It presents several compelling story lines – including healing a broken marriage, rebuilding a strained father-son relationship, and an affluent couple’s decision to serve homeless people at an inner-city shelter.

Based on a true story, the couple in the film (Ron and Debbie Hall) meet a homeless black man, nicknamed “Suicide.” True to his moniker, with ball bat in hand he appears a dangerous individual, but the husband and wife attempt to befriend him nonetheless.

One evening Ron invites the man, whose real name is Denver Moore, to dinner. Over the meal, Denver weighs whether he wants to be Ron’s friend. He observes, “You white folk do something you call ‘catch and release,’” acknowledging the practice seems curious to him. Growing up as an orphan and raised by poor relatives working as sharecroppers, Denver recalls times he went fishing with his brother. When they would catch a fish, the last thing they wanted to do was let it go.

Then he asks Ron if that’s what he intends to do if they become friends. Would Denver become a hobby of sorts for a time, then released when something else comes along to catch Ron’s attention?

This is a profound question, particularly when serving others in the name of Jesus Christ. It’s easy to make a brief foray into ministry, whether it’s working with children, doing a project for an elderly person, discipling a younger believer, mentoring someone, or even a short-term mission trip. We feel good about our deeds, but then we “catch and release,” moving onto something that seems more interesting.

A friend calls this “mercy tourism.” We spend a little time with people, maybe talking with them about Jesus or performing some benevolent acts, and then we leave, never to return. It’s not to say this is wrong, but most of the time long-term effects of our service are minimal. People are still poor, still homeless, still living in desperate circumstances after we retreat to our comfortable lives.

Real, transformational spiritual impact in the lives of others requires more than a cameo appearance. Perhaps that’s why the book of Proverbs offers several admonitions about true friendship. For instance, it states, “A friend loves for all times, and a brother is born for adversity” (Proverbs 17:17). No bailing when the going turns tough.

Another verse, Proverbs 27:10, states, “Do not forsake your friend or a friend of your family… better a neighbor nearby than a relative far away.” Proverbs 18:24 adds, “One who has unreliable friends soon comes to ruin, but there is a friend who sticks closer than a brother.”

Throughout the Scriptures we see examples of enduring, devoted friendships – David and Jonathan; Barnabas and Saul/Paul; Paul and Timothy; and of course, Jesus and His closest disciples. Even with fishermen like Peter, Andrew, James and John, the Lord never demonstrated a “catch and release” mindset.

We might argue, “But I only have so much time and energy!” That’s true for all of us. Which puts a premium on where we make our commitments, and with whom. As my favorite devotional writer, Oswald Chambers, points out, a need does not constitute a call. But when God calls us – to an endeavor, or person – He expects us to hang in there. Real compassion means not catching and releasing.