Unforgiveness – Sentence to Self-Imprisonment

“I just can’t forgive.” Have you ever heard someone say this? Maybe you’ve said it yourself – or at least thought those words? If so, you’re not alone. In one way or another, we’ve all suffered pain inflicted by others that seems beyond our capacity to forgive.

 

There are wrongs that have been committed on a grand scale, things such as slavery, not only here in the United States but also in many parts of the world. There’s the Holocaust, in which the Nazis killed millions of Jews all in the name of an insane ideology. Many of us will never forget the heinous terrorist acts on Sept. 11, 2001, which took the lives of more than 3,000 people and destroyed the iconic Twin Towers at New York City’s World Trade Center. Who could forgive such atrocities?

 

On a more individual level, each of us has experienced mental, emotional or physical injury, often inflicted by people we loved. Sometimes the wrongdoing was cumulative, occurring over a span of time. Or it might have resulted in a single moment of betrayal, anger, recklessness or abuse. Either way, haunted by experiences of being deeply hurt, it’s understandable for someone to adamantly insist, “I just can’t forgive.”

 

The truth is, however, it’s not that we can’t forgive. It’s that we don’t want to forgive. We could offer a variety of reasons for this: Memories of the pain inflicted are too vivid. We refuse to let the offending person (or persons) off the hook and act as if what they did never happened. We insist on justice being exacted for the wrongs we’ve suffered. 

 

Each of those reasons – and others – seems justifiable. How can we forgive and move forward as if everything’s okay when it’s not? 

 

And yet in reality, failure or refusal to forgive many times results in more and prolonged pain for the one unwilling to forgive. We hold onto the grudge, grinding the axe of persistent pain. Sadly, that’s tantamount to pouring out poison for the other person and then drinking it ourselves.

 

That’s not to discount or minimize the consequences we’ve endured from someone else’s wrongdoing. It’s just that after a while, unforgiveness affects us more than the object of our bitterness. Sometimes the offenders are unaware of the pain they’ve caused, don’t realize it still lingers, or just don’t care. I’ve heard of folks refusing to forgive people who have passed from this life. What’s their unforgiveness accomplishing then, other than sentencing themselves to an emotional prison?

 

In the Scriptures we find the subject of forgiveness discussed a lot. When Jesus introduced what we know as “the Lord’s prayer,” He included these words: “Forgive us our debts [trespasses] as we also have forgiven our debtors [those who trespass against us]” (Matthew 6:12). Then He added, “For if you forgive men when they sin against you, your heavenly Father will also forgive you. But if you do not forgive men their sins, your Father will not forgive your sins” (Matthew 6:14-15).

 

These are hard words to hear – and to apply – but the Lord is saying that if we as broken, fallible human beings aren’t willing to forgive the wrongdoings of others, why should we expect the perfect, infallible God to forgive us?

 

While meeting with His closest disciples, Jesus presented His guidelines for confronting a believing brother or sister who had sinned against them. Pursuing the subject further, Peter challenged Jesus: “‘Lord, how many times shall I forgive my brother when he sins against me? Up to seven times?’ Jesus answered, ‘I tell you, not seven times, but seventy-seven times’”(Matthew 18:15-22). Some translations say, “seventy times seven.”

 

Jesus wasn’t instructing His followers to keep an exact count – “Aha! You’ve sinned against me 78 times – no more forgiveness for you!” He was asserting that just as we expect God in His grace to offer unlimited, unconditional forgiveness for our own sins, how can we not extend the same grace to those who sin against us?

 

“But that’s so hard!” we complain. And it is. “A price must be paid!” we want to argue. We desire retribution. Apart from Christ, such forgiveness may indeed be impossible. However, think of the example of Jesus Himself on the cross when He prayed, “Father, forgive them, for they do not know what they are doing” (Luke 23:34). Especially since the Roman soldiers and Jewish leaders thought they knew exactly what they were doing.

 

Writing to believers in ancient Colossae, the apostle Paul admonished them, “Bear with each other and forgive whatever grievances you may have against one another. Forgive as the Lord forgave you” (Colossians 3:13).

 

This doesn’t mean offering forgiveness for grievous sins is easy for us to do. But nowhere in the Bible does it say the Christian life is supposed to be easy. In fact, struggle and suffering for Christ followers are presented as more the norm than the exception. 

All we can do is cling to the assurance Paul offered in Philippians 4:13, “I can do everything through Him who gives me strength” – including forgiving the seeming unforgiveable. 

The Day That’s ‘Good’ Because of What Happened Next

Christmas has given us Santa Claus, reindeer, festive lights and candy canes. Easter brings us the Easter Bunny, Easter eggs, beautiful flowers and jellybeans. But what both annual holidays have in common is Jesus Christ. One commemorates His birth; the other celebrates His resurrection. Without the latter, Easter, there would be no reason for the former, Christmas.

 

When I was a boy, my parents would take me to church on Good Friday, where we would sing mournful hymns and hear a somber message. Two days later we’d return to church for Easter, where hymns of joy and triumph would be sung and an uplifting sermon would be spoken.

I vividly recall one Good Friday, I might have been eight or nine, sitting quietly in the pew pondering. If I had been a character in a comic strip, there might have been a question mark hovering over my head. I remember turning to my mother and asking her, “If this is the day Jesus was crucified, why do we call it ‘Good Friday’?” In my mind the thought kept recurring – what’s so good about being crucified?

 

My mom, even though she liked to play albums of hymns by the likes of Perry Como and Tennessee Ernie Ford and proudly possessed a lighted reproduction of Leonardo da Vinci’s famous “The Lord’s Supper,” was hardly a theologian. So, she suggested we ask “the Reverend” after the service was over.

 

That sounded like a good idea. As we slowly shuffled toward the church doors to leave, I knew the minister would be there greeting the congregants as they departed. When we reached the door and he gripped my hand, I popped the same question. 

 

Apparently, he didn’t view this as an important, teachable moment, because I don’t remember him giving me much of an authoritative answer. I know he mumbled something, but he definitely didn’t suggest anything like, “Son, that’s a great question. Why don’t you ask your parents to bring you to my office this week where we can talk about it?”

 

It wasn’t until many years later that I discovered the answer to my youthful question. Good Friday isn’t “good” because a sinless, blameless Jesus Christ was wrongfully scourged, then forced to carry His own cross to be executed in perhaps the most horrific manner ever devised by humankind. It’s good because on that cross He became the propitiation – the absolute substitutionary atonement – for our sins. 

 

The words of 2 Corinthians 5:15,21 express it perfectly: “And He died for all, so that they who live might no longer live for themselves, but for Him who died and rose again on their behalf…. He made Him who knew no sin to be sin on our behalf, so that we might become the righteousness of God in Him.” Try chewing on that for a while.

 

Because of this, the apostle Paul could announce to believers in the ancient church of Rome, “Therefore, there is now no condemnation for those who are in Christ Jesus” (Romans 8:1). As a good friend of mine used to say whenever he spoke, “Jesus took the rap for you and me.”

 

In isolation, the events of Good Friday weren’t good: Angry, spiteful and frightened religious leaders bringing trumped-up charges against an individual who threatened their positions of power and authority. A spineless Roman official, Pontius Pilate, willing to sacrifice his conscience and sense of rightness to appease an increasingly hostile mob. Torture, mocking, and then the crucifixion Jesus endured, the Son of God crying out in His last breaths, “My God, My God, why have you forsaken Me?” (Matthew 27:46).

 

And yet even then, Jesus’ heart of love and compassion could not be defeated. He pleaded, “Father, forgive them, for they do not know what they are doing” (Luke 23:34). Who could do that? Only the incarnate God, in His limitless and unfathomable mercy and grace.

 

If things had stopped at that point, we’d have no Good Friday. Maybe history might have even forgotten that moment. However, on the morning after the Sabbath, the greatest event in the history of the world occurred. 

 

The stone placed across the tomb’s opening to “secure” it had been supernaturally rolled away to reveal what lay inside – no body, only no longer needed burial cloths. As angels proclaimed to the women who had come intending to minister to their Lord’s body, “Why do you look for the living among the dead? He is not here; He is risen!” (Luke 24:5-6).

 

The fact of His resurrection is miraculous enough. But because Jesus lives today, He offers new life to any and all who will put their trust in Him. Amazingly the Scriptures declare, “I have been crucified with Christ and I no longer live, but Christ lives in me. The life I live in the body, I live by faith in the Son of God, who loved me and gave Himself for me” (Galatians 2:20).

Because of the glorious celebration of Easter and all it represents, we also can rejoice in what the Lord did for us on that truly Good Friday. And we can affirm, "He is risen; He is risen indeed!"

A Time for Giving and Forgiving?

‘Twas the day after Christmas, and all through the house, not a creature was stirring – except for those who continued to grouse.

Gifts have been unwrapped, given and received, and for some it’s permission to shed their festive holiday facades and resume their miserable pre-holiday moods. Their inner bah-humbug can finally re-emerge into the open. As if there had been no times for glad tidings and good cheer at all. But does it have to be this way?

Leading up to Christmas we had Black Friday, then Cyber Monday, followed by Giving Tuesday. But why does the giving have to stop with Dec. 25? Perhaps there’s a need to continue giving, long after the ooh’s and aah’s of Christmas have silenced, unwanted gifts returned, and retailers resume scheming about what the hot products will be for next Christmas.

There’s a practical, fiscal reason to start with. Non-profit organizations are preparing to close their annual budgets, hoping to settle into the black as a new year begins. So, having enjoyed the blessings of material giving as both givers and recipients on Christmas morning, it might be good to designate the day after as a time for giving to noble causes we believe in, as well as rack up some last-minute tax deductions.

My wife and I make charitable donations throughout the year to entities whose services we value. These include our local church, a variety of ministries, and several agencies devoted to assisting the poor and needy. But I find it fun to give a little extra just as another calendar is ushered out. 

When Jesus said, “it is more blessed to give than to receive” (Acts 20:35), He wasn’t uttering an idealistic platitude. Being able to share from our resources to enhance others’ lives benefits not only them, but ours as well. This practice helps to shift our attention from ourselves and our wants, responding to the legitimate needs of others.

Can you imagine how God felt when He looked upon a broken, sin-riddled, hopelessly wayward humanity and sent His own Son to serve as the atonement for their grievous sins? I don’t think there’s any way we can fully comprehend what this meant for Him, but we do know, “For God so loved the world that He gave His only Son, that whoever believes in Him shall have eternal life” (John 3:16). Among the many wonderful things our Lord is, He’s a giver. And perhaps we never look more like Him than when we ourselves are giving, freely, unselfishly, even sacrificially.

But there’s another kind of “giving” that many of us would be wise to pursue and apply that could be revolutionary. How about engaging in some healthy, life-changing for-giving? Almost every day we hear about someone who suffered harm of some sort, whether it was inflicted physically, psychologically or emotionally. The damage might have resulted from neglect rather than overt action. Regardless of how it came about, in its wake we find resentment, bitterness, anger, even hatred.

Sometimes wrongs committed seem beyond forgiveness; other times unresolved conflicts fester, escalating far beyond the level of the original damage. Either way, lack of forgiveness has a way of destroying the unforgiver, as well as the unforgiven.

Contrast this to the image of the young man in the news whose unarmed brother was unwittingly killed by a police officer who somehow confused his apartment with her own. Upon her conviction, the surviving brother, rather than spewing words of rage and hatred, actually stepped forward to embrace the clearly distraught woman in a grand and wonderful act of forgiveness. 

This did not bring his brother back to life. Nor did it erase the grief he felt in having lost a beloved sibling. But like chains taken off a prisoner, the young man’s willingness to forgive freed him of the burden of bitterness that was certain to remain if he didn’t.

On the cross, Jesus in the throes of deadly pain, said an incredible thing: “Father, forgive them for they do not know what they are doing” (Luke 23:34). Those who had wrongly convicted Him of crimes He had not committed knew they were ridding themselves of a “problem,” but hardly realized the magnitude of their murderous scheming: That they were seeking to kill God incarnate, who had come to redeem fallen and unreconcilable humanity.

In 1 John 2:12, the apostle declares, “I write to you, dear children, because your sins have been forgiven on account of his (Jesus’) name.” In His so-called Lord’s Prayer, Jesus provided an example when He prayed, “and forgive us our sins, as we have forgiven those who sin against us” (Matthew 6:12). When God has forgiven us for so much, who are we not to forgive others – no matter what they have done?

So if, as echoes of Christmas frivolity begin to fade, you find yourself wallowing in unforgiveness, give yourself one more gift: the gift of forgiveness. Not only for the one who has offended or harmed you, but also for yourself. This world is so filled with pain – why inflict yourself with more of it? After all, we might rightly say that Christmas is for giving and forgiving.

Old Testament, New Testament: Saying the Same Thing?

I’ve heard there’s a movement – even some popular preachers – to diminish, if not flat-out discard, the Old Testament from common Bible teaching. “Let’s forget about God’s dealings with the Jews and let’s just focus on the good stuff, the Jesus stuff,” they seem to be saying. What a sad state that would be!

This came to mind just this morning as I was reading in the Scriptures. I’d never noticed it before, but foundational passages from both the Old Testament and the New Testament – Genesis 1:1-5 and John 1:1-5 – say virtually the same thing.

For comparison’s sake, let’s look at the two passages together:

“In the beginning God created the heavens and the earth. Now earth was formless and empty, darkness was over the surface of the deep, and the Spirit of God was hovering over the waves. And God said, ‘Let there be light,’ and there was light. God saw that the light was good, and he separated the light from the darkness. God called the light ‘day,’ and the darkness he called ‘night.’ And there was evening, and there was morning – the first day” (Genesis 1:1-5)

“In the beginning was the Word, and the Word was with God, and the Word was God. He was with God in the beginning. Through him all things were made; without him nothing was made that has been made. In him was life, and that life was the light of men. The light shines in the darkness, but the darkness has not understood it” (John 1:1-5).

It’s hard to miss the many parallels. The first three words of both passages, of course, are “In the beginning.” But then they go on to introduce the first moments of Creation, and in John 1:3 we discover that the Orchestrator of it all was “the Word” – which John 1:14 later explains, “The Word became flesh and made his dwelling among us.” It was Jesus, way back when God created a wonderful “something” out of absolute nothing, and when the Lord took on human flesh – came to bring light and life – to rescue humankind from the prevailing darkness and death.

Years ago a ministry founded by Dr. Bruce Wilkinson, called Walk Thru the Bible, made its mission to teach the Bible and to show how Jesus is presented in each of the 66 books of the Bible. Wilkinson later authored a book, Talk Thru the Bible, to help readers capture this understanding. Even in the least known of the Old Testament books, we can find Jesus there.

So it puzzles me – and perplexes me – when I hear of those who would seek to set aside the Old Testament as if the God it portrays is no longer the God we seek to know, worship and serve today. As Hebrews 13:8 assures us, “Jesus is the same yesterday and today and forever.” He hasn’t changed over the vast span of time since this world – and the universe – were created. Why would we disregard how He is represented in the Old Testament, just because its emphasis seems to be on the law, our need to be obedient, and God’s righteous justice for those who insist on disobedience and rebellion?

Recently I’ve been working my way through the “major prophets” – Isaiah, Jeremiah, Daniel and Ezekiel. And I have to admit, it’s sometimes difficult trudging through the chapters filled with gloom and doom. It’s more fun reading Jesus’ teachings about love and grace and forgiveness. But as Genesis 1 and John 1 clearly communicate, the God of the Old Testament and the God of the New Testament are one and the same. He hasn’t changed; He doesn’t have a split personality.

We worship and serve a God of love, grace and mercy. But that same God is also one of justice and judgment, hating sin every bit as strongly and perfectly as He loves His children. It’s not multiple choice. We don’t get to choose which characteristics or attributes of God we want and ignore the rest. 

The same God who said, “I will display my glory among the nations, and all the nations will see the punishment I inflict and the hand I lay up on them” (Ezekiel 39:21) is the same incarnate God who said on the cross, “Father, forgive them, for they do not know what they are doing” (Luke 23:34).

Is this easy for us to comprehend? Perhaps it is for you, but it’s not for me. Nevertheless, it’s right there, in black and white (and red, if you have one of those Bibles). If we’re to believe the Scriptures we must believe ALL of them, not just the parts that make us feel comfortable and unchallenged.

As 2 Timothy 3:16 instructs, “All Scripture is God-breathed and is useful for teaching, rebuking, correcting and training in righteousness.” If we need any reminders about why we need rebuking, correcting and training in righteousness, all we need to do is turn to the Old Testament and read about how hard-headed and wayward were God’s chosen people, the Israelites. And if we’re honest, we’ll admit that those of us who have been grafted into the tree of Israel (Romans 11:23) aren’t much different from them.

Keep Your Grudge in the Garage

Sometime ago, someone asked a country bumpkin if he had a grudge. “Sure do!” he replied with pride. “It’s big ‘nuf fer two cars, ‘cept that’s where I keep my four-wheeler and lawn tractor.”

Garage, “grudge.” Same thing, right? Unfortunately, no. I like having a garage, especially since I have an aversion to getting into an icy car that’s been sitting out in the freezing cold all night. Not my favorite way of “chillin’ out.” But having a grudge – better yet, nursing one – rarely, if ever, has any positive value.

Most of us know what it is to hold onto a grudge. Perhaps someone stung us with harsh words, or has treated us disrespectfully. When we’ve been wronged at work, we’re tempted to harbor a grudge for the offense. Maybe a neighbor has done or said something particularly annoying, maybe more than once. Why not hold a grudge against them for that? In sports, it’s common for rival teams to hold grudges against each other, attitudes that foment into hatred and hostility. 

Even in our churches, individuals or families refuse to speak to one another for some reason. Jesus said, “A new commandment I give you: Love one another. As I have loved you, so also you must love one another. By this everyone will know that you are my disciples, if you love one another” (John 13:34-35). But apparently some people don’t think that applies to circumstances that justify mutual antagonism.

That’s not to minimize the emotional and relationship impact of being wronged. Wounds inflicted by others, whether by people close to us or strangers, are often slow to heal. Resentment and anger are normal responses to being hurt. However, clinging to a grudge and refusing to release it can do much harm – even to ourselves.

On his radio program a while ago, Dr. David Jeremiah suggested there are four different things to do with a grudge: Curse it. Rehearse it. Nurse it. Or reverse it. And we’ve probably done each of these at one time or another. 

We curse a grudge every time we see the offending party and feel a renewed surge of negative emotions. We rehearse it by reminding ourselves of the harm done, what happened, when it happened and by whom, and how it felt. We nurse it by treating the grudge as some cherished possession, refusing to let it go for fear the wrong won’t somehow be avenged.

Or we can reverse it, recognizing that hanging onto a grudge typically brings more harm to ourselves than to the one we feel is deserving of our wrath. In presenting His model prayer – what we know as “the Lord’s Prayer” – Jesus instructed us to ask God to “forgive us our trespasses as we forgive those who trespass against us” (Matthew 6:12).

He also said, a few verses later, “For if you forgive men their trespasses, your Heavenly Father will also forgive you. But if you do not forgive men their trespasses, neither will your Father forgive yours” (Matthew 6:14-15). 

When I read those words, I want to respond, “But Lord, You don’t understand. After what they did (or said) to me, how can I offer forgiveness?” Then I remember Jesus on the cross, enduring the most cruel, excruciating form of execution, and yet being able to say of His executioners, “Father, forgive them, for they do not know what they are doing” (Luke 23:34).

In harboring ill will toward those who have offended or harmed us, our behavior mirrors theirs. As Dr. Jeremiah said, “Our enemy overcomes us when we become like our enemy.”

But where’s the vengeance, the making amends, if we willfully relinquish our “right” to harbor what seem to be well-deserved grudges? First of all, God declared, “Vengeance is mine” (Hebrews 10:30). Before we can utter our collective, “Yeah, but…”, we read about those to whom this admonition was originally addressed:

“Remember those earlier days after you had received the light, when you endured in a great conflict full of suffering. Sometimes you were publicly exposed to insult and persecution; at other times you stood side by side with those who were so treated. You suffered along with those in prison and joyfully accepted the confiscation of your property, because you knew that you yourselves had better and lasting possessions [in heaven]” (Hebrews 10:32-34).

If anyone had justifiable cause to nurse a grudge, it was those folks. But God insisted He alone had the right to judge, and avenge if necessary.

There’s one more reason for being willing to release grudges, even toward those who make no secret of their malice toward us. King Solomon made this startling observation: “If your enemy is hungry, give him food to eat; if he is thirsty, give him water to drink. In doing this, you will heap burning coals on his head, and the Lord will reward you” (Proverbs 25:21-22).

Some have said, “Don’t get mad. Get even.” But as followers of Christ, we have a third option: Get free. We don’t have to remain in bondage to destructive feelings; we can release them and entrust them to our just and faithful God.

Crosswords, and Important Last Words

Being the “wordsmith” some people describe me to be, I find doing crosswords an enjoyable pastime. I have smartphone apps that challenge my word skills, and occasionally I work crossword puzzles in the newspaper. But this time of year, a different kind of “crosswords” comes to mind.

As Good Friday and Easter approach, our church presented a series of messages titled, “Crosswords,” exploring words of Jesus Christ linked to His crucifixion. In reviewing the biblical accounts, two “cross words” caught my attention in particular, ones that can be truly life-changing, if only we can grasp their magnitude both for now and for eternity.

         The words are: Forgive and finished.

Despite the excruciating pain and trauma of the cross, Jesus managed to utter several things as He endured His tortuous – and totally undeserved – execution. But in those two words He largely summed up His purpose in willingly enduring the cross.

As He hung from it, surrounded by a mainly angry, blood-thirsty mob spewing venomous insults and epithets, Jesus would have been fully justified in spitting at them, or returning their verbal abuse. Despite incomprehensible pain – coupled with great sorrow in being rejected by so many – He felt compassion instead, and called for grace. “Jesus said, ‘Father, forgive them, for they do not know what they are doing’” (Luke 23:34).

Simple words, “forgive them,” carrying volumes of meaning. Who among us has never yearned for forgiveness for wrongs committed? Sometimes we find it futile even to forgive ourselves. Also, who hasn’t struggled to forgive others for pain they’ve inflicted on us, intentional or not? Yet in saying, “forgive them,” even on the cross Jesus was interceding, asking God the Father to extend mercy, to offer what His enemies – including us today – did not deserve. Forgiveness, once and for all.

With those two words, Jesus was not only assuring each one of us that we can experience forgiveness from the God of all creation, but also was telling us that it’s incumbent upon us all that we, too, forgive. Pastor and author John MacArthur has made the observation, “Never are you more like God than when you forgive.” Many are quick to observe, “God is love,” asserting we should act in kind. But we’re not as fast to recognize the equal truth that God is forgiving – as we should be.

But Jesus was not quite done, even in His dying moments. Upon taking a sip of wine vinegar lifted to his lips on the stalk of a plant, Jesus’ last words were, “’It is finished.’ With that, he bowed his head and gave up his spirit” (John 19:30).

The word “finished” was not referring to the conclusion of His earthly life, but the culmination of His mission, His purpose for being God incarnate – “God with us,” as Matthew 1:23 expresses it. Some saw Jesus as a great teacher, or a prophet. Today some regard Him as a model, an eminent example of right living. But Jesus walked among us for much more than that.

He came to become the Savior of mankind, the propitiation for sins, the atoning sacrifice. John 3:16-17 informs us, “For God so loved the world that he gave his one and only Son, that whoever believes in him shall not perish but have eternal life. For God did not send his Son into the world to condemn the world, but to save the world through him.” He was the promised Messiah who had been prophesied thousands of years before.

In coming to Earth, Jesus arrived to address an unsolvable, irreconcilable problem confronting humankind: Sin. We don’t often hear people talking about sin these days, even preachers, except in giddy conversation. But to God, there’s no humor in sin; not in the least. Sin was so serious, He took upon Himself its punishment, satisfying His justice and absorbing His wrath, while offering a singular way for men, women and children to experience an everlasting, living relationship with Him.

All that needed to be done was done, except for us to receive the free gift He offered.

Two “cross words” – forgiveness and finished. So, as we contemplate the gathering darkness of Good Friday, and the exquisite jubilation of Easter, let’s keep both in our minds, and on our hearts.

Forgiveness: The Gift You Give Yourself

The response by some family members and friends of the victims of the shootings at Emanuel AME Church in Charleston, along with members of the congregation, has heartened many, confused some, and confounded others.

The response of grieving friends
and family members of Emanuel
AME Church has added another
chapter to its rich story of faith.

One day after the shooter (whom I won’t name, since he’s already gotten enough notoriety) killed nine men and women, despite sitting among them for about an hour at a prayer meeting at the historic church, some surviving family members stated they had forgiven the assailant, despite his merciless and horrendous acts.

A spirited and sometimes agitated discussion and debate resulted, with some people hailing the expressions of forgiveness and other observers commenting it’s too early or perhaps even unwarranted for numerous reasons.

How can you forgive someone who for no cause at all has taken the life of a loved one? How do you forgive the unjustified hatred that would motivate such mayhem? And how can you forgive someone when he has not even shown any evidence of remorse or repentance?

From a purely human standpoint, it’s difficult if not impossible to do. One’s honest, natural response is for justice or vengeance. For some, forgiveness in the face of unthinkable evil seems like repaying the vicious with kindness. And for some it borders precipitously on condoning or excusing the heinous crime.

I can’t say how I would respond – and hope I’ll never have to find out. But I’d like to think my reaction would mirror that of the grieving men and women at that noble African-American church. Because as followers of Jesus Christ, that’s what we’re instructed to do.

For one reason, if we’re to be like Christ, we should act as He did. On the cross, enduring the most excruciating form of execution mankind has ever conceived, He said, “Father, forgive them for they do not know what they are doing” (Luke 23:34). I won’t delve into the theology behind that statement, but not long before His crucifixion Jesus gave His followers a veiled reference when He said, “If anyone would come after me, he must deny himself and take up his cross daily and follow me” (Luke 9:23).

The apostle Peter elaborated on this, stating, “To this you were called, because Christ suffered for you, leaving you an example, that you should follow in his steps” (1 Peter 2:21).

Also, when Jesus made the statement people often quote, “Do not judge, and you will not be judged” (Luke 6:37), in the same breath He continued by saying, “Do not condemn, and you will not be condemned. Forgive, and you will be forgiven.”

Our heads may shouting, “No, I can’t!” along with our hearts. But to that He simply replies, “Do it – because I said so.”

But there’s another good reason for forgiving even the most egregious wrongs. We can do it for ourselves. We talk a lot about the “pursuit of happiness,” and no one has ever found unrestrained anger and bitterness and wrath to be effective paths for becoming happy. All those emotions achieve is misery and multiplied pain. 

The apostle Paul wisely wrote, “In your anger, do not sin. Do not let the sun go down while you are angry” (Ephesians 4:26). He was not saying we don’t have a right to feel angry when wronged, whether the offense is minor or of unimaginable magnitude. He was telling us not to allow our ire – no matter how justified – to control us and fester, like an emotional cancer day after day.

You want to know courage and bravery? We saw in the faces of those men and women in Charleston, looking at the monster who had killed their beloved family members and friends, expressing forgiveness and essentially telling the shooter, “We will not allow you to cause any more death by stealing our joy and peace and hope. Your hatred will not govern our hearts.”

This Word Can Change Your Life

I’m not a craftsman, handyman, mechanic or anything of the sort. So I don’t identify with the guy (or gal) that goes into a hardware store with great anticipation, much like a child stepping into a toy or candy store. For those skilled at working with their hands, seeing all the tools, machines, gizmos and contraptions must be a source of unlimited delight.

But being a writer, I’m that way with words. For many years libraries or bookstores were my “candy store” – in a word-ly sense. Today the “library” has been brought into the comforts of our homes through the Internet and search engine of choice. But the principle remains the same: We have unlimited access to words, infused with vast power, both for good and for ill.

With a few choice words – or even a single word – we can bring joy or inflict pain, heal or reopen wounds. I’ve been reflecting on a specific word, one that whether spoken or not has the capacity for great healing. The redemptive properties of this word are vast. It’s an amazing word, but one that’s greatly underutilized, underappreciated, and undervalued. And unfortunately, for some people the mere thought of it is as offensive as any four-letter expletive we can imagine. This word I refer to is:

Forgiveness.

There are those that even now are cringing, as if I’d just written some terribly offensive racial or ethnic epithet. Forgiveness has been extracted from their vocabulary, for good reasons – at least in their opinion.

“After what he did to me, don’t talk to me about forgiveness!” “How can we forgive all of the terrible things they did to us?” “Why should I forgive? If anything, she needs to come to me on her knees, begging for forgiveness!”

Because of attitudes like these, forgiveness is not offered; overtures to seek forgiveness are not extended; relationships remain torn asunder; and groups of people stay in states of alienation, all with festering wounds that refuse to heal and scabs repeatedly being ripped open.

In a world that demands justice, even revenge,
forgiveness seems like a forgotten virtue.

Frankly, forgiveness is one of the most difficult of human virtues to practice. Partly because we want justice – even vengeance. When hurt, whether physically, emotionally or both, we want to “get even,” eye for an eye, tooth for a tooth, jab for jab. To forgive is to release the right to revenge, to deny the capacity to return damage.

So when the apostle Paul writes in Romans 12:19, “Do not take revenge, my dear friends, but leave room for God's wrath, for it is written: ‘It is mine to avenge; I will repay,’ says the Lord,” we recoil. We want to be the ministers of justice, not a loving God.

We also refuse to forgive because that means leaving the past in the past – which would require letting go of our hurts. Many people insist on harboring animosity and grudges toward people that are deceased. The offending parties have been laid to rest, while the unforgiving continue to nurture bitterness and anger, developing ulcers over people who couldn’t apologize even if they wanted to do so. Who’s the real victim of an unforgiving spirit now?

The Bible talks about a “root of bitterness” which can cause great harm. “Pursue peace with all men…. See to it that no one comes short of the grace of God; that no root of bitterness springing up causes trouble, and by it many are defiled” (Hebrews 12:15). Bitterness – often the result of the failure or refusal to forgive others – can become like an emotional cancer, devastating mind, body, spirit and relationships.

But the best reason of all for extending forgiveness to others – whether they seek it or not – is because that is what God offers to us.

Talking to His disciples, Jesus taught appreciation for receiving forgiveness from God should be reflected by willingness to forgive others, no matter what they have done. “And when you stand praying, if you hold anything against anyone, forgive him, so that your Father in heaven may forgive you your sins” (Mark 11:25). Even on the cross, despite the anguish of imminent death, Jesus prayed, “Father, forgive them, for they do not know what they are doing” (Luke 23:34).

Perhaps the reason many of us who profess to be followers of Jesus struggle so much with forgiveness is we’ve failed to fully grasp the magnitude of God’s forgiveness for our own sins and misdeeds. Romans 4:7-8 states, “Blessed are they whose transgressions are forgiven, whose sins are covered. Blessed is the man whose sins the Lord will never count against him.”

So is there anyone you need to forgive, regardless of whether they’ve asked for forgiveness – or even want it? If you’re willing, no matter how severe the offense may have been, God will enable you to do so. And you’ll be better for it, without a doubt. It could be life-changing.