What’s
become of friendship? These days it seems being a friend just isn’t what it
used to be.
When I
was a boy, we found friends basically in two places – the neighborhood and at
school. Weekends, time after school, and those lazy crazy days of summer were
spent in the physical presence of kids that lived in our subdivision, playing
sports and games or just hanging out around the corner fire hydrant. At
school I also had friendships, although those were limited to classes and the
schoolyard. But we did talk, eye to eye, face to face.
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| We play fast and loose with the term "friendship." Real friendships require commitment and camaraderie. |
Being
friends today, however, has become something different. Friends might gather,
but their noses are stuck in their smart phones, texting and tweeting –
sometimes to the person standing next to them. Why talk when you can text and tweet,
right? And with the explosion of social media, we have an entirely different
collection of friends – some we’ll never meet in person.
We have
LinkedIn contacts, Twitter followers, and Facebook “friends,” some of whom we
connect with through other friends, whether they live in our city or somewhere in
cyberspace. Used to be a friend was someone you’d shake hands with, or if so
inclined, even share a friendly hug. (With guys, that’s usually a quick
embrace, two pats on the back, and then release.)
There are
other forms of social media as well, but being the basic introvert that I am,
there’s only so much “social” that I can handle. The point is, just because
someone comments on your social media posts, exchanges barbs with you
occasionally, or “likes” a link that you “share,” does that really make them a
friend?
In fact,
sometimes a dilemma arises: When should you “un-friend” someone? In the olden
days, when friends were really friends, friendships did end – over arguments,
changing schools, moving to a different city, or simply no longer having things
in common. But as someone recently wondered on Facebook, when’s it time to cut
cyber-ties with someone that doesn’t act friendly?
He asked: “So do you un-friend somebody who repeatedly speaks
harshly to and about your religion or do you just ignore them and keep them so
that they can see your posts?”
Good question. In times past, we engaged in face-to-face
discussions, debates or arguments. Now, cloaked in the guise of online
anonymity, people can criticize whatever you post, be downright mean if they
choose. Hence the dilemma: To “friend” or not to “friend”?
Overall I enjoy social media and appreciate its
benefits. I’ve been able to reconnect with old friends from years ago, and get
acquainted (as much as social media allows) with people I'd never have
encountered otherwise. But in many cases, calling them friends is a stretch.
Which leads to another question: What is a friend, in the
truest sense? We all have opinions about that. We can have golf or tennis buddies,
a friend that does our taxes, someone we chat with at the sports bar while
watching the game, or friends we see only at church. But to me, being a friend requires
more.
I like what the Bible says about friendship. For example: “A friend loves at all times, and a brother
is born for adversity” (Proverbs 17:17). If your “friend” is there when
times are good, but flees at the first hint of hardship, you might be justified
in questioning the quality of the friendship.
Proverbs 18:24 asserts, “A
man of many companions may come to ruin; but there is a friend who sticks
closer than a brother.” A friend is someone that’s there no matter what –
loyal, dependable, faithful.
But perhaps the greatest definition of friendship, in my
view, is what Jesus said: “Greater love
has no one than this: to lay down one's life for one's friends” (John 15:13). War sometimes fosters such friendship. Occasionally
we hear of someone putting their life on the line for loved ones. Jesus himself
provided the ultimate example.
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