What’s This Thing Called Love Really All About?

With another Valentine’s Day upon us, thoughts of love seem to be swirling everywhere. Which prompts us to wonder, what’s this love thing really all about?  

The old Burt Bacharach tune told us, “What the World Needs Now Is Love Sweet Love.” Aww! The Beatles seconded the motion with their song, “All You Need Is Love.” We had TV shows in days gone by, like “The Love Boat” and “Love: American Style”? The modernized versions are “The Bachelor,” “The Bachelorette,” and a slew of copycat productions. Everyone desperately in search of love. 

 

Love’s a simple four-letter word, yet so complex, with a broad range of meanings. In fact, the ancient Greeks understood the intricacies of love so well they created a number of words for it. For one, there was “eros,” referring to romantic love or sexual passion. The TV love shows, the Hallmark genre of movies, and theatrical rom-coms are mostly about this form of love – or lust.

But the Greeks understood there’s more to love than just hormones and touchy-feely emotions. “Philia” was used to describe deep friendship – brotherly love. “Storge” referred to love and affection, especially between parents and children. And then there was “agape,” the unconditional, selfless, sacrificial love that is central to the life of Jesus Christ and the Gospel.

 

There were other Greek words for other manifestations of love, but suffice it to say, there’s a whole lot more to love than warm fuzzies and physical attraction.

 

I’ve cited it before, but perhaps the best biblical description of love is found in 1 Corinthians 13. After declaring that without love we can seem like a “resounding gong” or “clanging cymbal,” that without love we are nothing and gain nothing, the passage explains what genuine love is:

“Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. It is not rude, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres. Love never fails…. And now these three remain: faith, hope and love. But the greatest of these is love” (1 Corinthians 13:4-13).

 

As we read this list, we don’t find a love based on what someone can do for us; it’s about what we do on behalf of the person who’s the object of our love – demonstrating patience and kindness, selflessness, protection, trust, hopefulness, perseverance. Things like envy, pride, rudeness, anger, bitterness and holding grudges don’t qualify.

 

Ultimately, this love – agape – is manifested by the God we worship and serve. “We love because He first loved us” (1 John 4:19). Jesus expressed it this way: “Greater love has no one than this: to lay down one’s life for one’s friends” (John 15:13). Then He proceeded to do just that, willingly giving His life on the cross to become the atoning sacrifice – the “propitiation,” theologians term it – for our sins.

 

When we read “God is love” (1 John 4:16), it embodies a lot more than the image of a grandfather-like deity looking down from on high, loving and accepting us no matter what. Because His love takes into account His holiness and righteousness, as well as all that it cost the Lord to extend His grace and mercy, forgiveness and adoption, to us. And as the passage from 1 Corinthians states, love doesn’t delight in evil but rejoices with the truth.

 

This isn’t to say Valentine’s Day and the romantic aspect of love should be discounted. Not at all. Or as the apostle Paul would have phrased it, “May it never be!” Looking at my wife, I still see my girlfriend, the beautiful woman who first caused my heart to flutter and skip beats so many years ago. I’m all about flowers, candy hearts, cute little cupids, and other happy traditions. 

 

However, our decades of marriage have taught us that enduring love, the kind that survives crises and disagreements and adversity in many forms, is more like 1 Corinthians 13 than the closing scenes of your favorite movie romance would have us believe.

 

If we want to know what love is really all about, we need to look to the God of the Bible. May we never forget, “For God so loved the world that He gave His one and only Son, that whoever believes in Him shall not perish but have eternal life” (John 3:16). In that simple yet profound sentence, just two dozen words or so, we find the greatest “Valentine” gift ever offered!

It’s Time to Celebrate Love – But What Is Love, Really?

Today is Valentine’s Day, also known as the day for love. Red and pink hearts, bouquets of flowers, boxes of candy, shimmering jewelry, and even engagement rings will dominate – all in the name of love. But when all is said and done, do we really understand what true love is?

 

Our culture insists love is all about emotions, warm, fuzzy feelings we get when looking at that “special person.” It’s discovering your “soulmate,” finding “chemistry,” or as Hallmark romance movies put it, the “magical” moment when you realize that “he’s (or she’s) the one.” We “fall in love,” but people often fall out of it, too. Maybe love should have seatbelts to keep us from falling? 

There is nothing wrong with romantic love. Thankfully, my wife and I have enjoyed that for more than 47 years, and as they say about fine wines, love can get better with age – if you’re willing to invest the time and energy to keep it alive. Sadly, too many people aren’t so willing. Rather than experiencing a love strong enough to endure hardships and adversity, as well as joys and good times, their relationships wind up in Cupid’s junk yard, faint remembrances of what could have been.

 

Books written about love can’t be numbered. There are all kinds of “experts” out there claiming to know how to find and sustain love that works and grows. There’s one book, however, that I believe surpasses them all, one that’s passed the test of time – thousands of years, in fact.

 

That book is the Bible, that amazing collection of 66 books (39 in the Old Testament, 27 in the New), written by dozens of different authors but with one consistent, unifying theme: That God, the Creator of all that is, was also the originator of love, starting with Adam and Eve and continuing to the present day. The Scriptures, we might say, are His comprehensive love letter to humankind.

 

The kind of love found in the Word of God, however, is quite unlike anything we’d see on “The Bachelor,” “The Bachelorette,” or any of the other “lust American-style” productions. The love demonstrated in the Scriptures is more about giving than receiving, selfless rather than selfish, unconditional rather than conditional, and sacrificial when necessary.

 

We see this in what’s perhaps the best-known verse of the Bible, John 3:16, where we’re told, “For God so loved the world that he gave his one and only Son, that whoever believes in him shall not perish but have eternal life.” When God gave His Son, Jesus Christ, it was not only for a cameo appearance. It wasn’t just for Him to serve as a role model, although He was that. 

 

It was so that Jesus might Himself provide the greatest gift of all, dying to pay the ultimate price for our spiritual freedom, becoming what theologians call the "propitiation" for our sins. As Romans 5:8 declares, “But God demonstrates his own love for us in this: While we were still sinners, Christ died for us.” 

 

As the Lord told His closest disciples not long before going to the cross to be crucified, “My command is this: Love each other as I have loved you. Greater love has no one than this, that he lay down his life for his friends” (John 15:12-13). Why would the God of all eternity take on human flesh and willingly surrender to an excruciating death – becoming the one and only atonement for sin – unless motivated by a love beyond anything we can fully comprehend?

 

I’ve cited it before, but 1 Corinthians 13, called by some “the love chapter,” describes love in ways you won’t find in the “love” reality shows or the romance films. It declares that “Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. It is not rude, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. Love does not delight in evil but rejoices in the truth. It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres” (1 Corinthians 13:4-7). 

 

When you think of love, do terms like patience, kindness, humility, consideration of others, slow to anger, forgiving, truthful, protecting, trusting, hopeful and persevering come to mind?

 

For many of us, those aren’t loving adjectives that immediately pop into our thoughts. But they should be. Why? Because when we cultivate and embrace a love like this then, as the passage continues, “Love never fails…. And now these three remain: faith, hope and love. But the greatest of these is love” (1 Corinthians 13:8,13).

I hope you’ll be spending this Valentine’s Day with the person – or people – that you love. And I hope your love for them, and their love for you, is more like that of 1 Corinthians 13 than the counterfeit for it depicted in the fantasy worlds of Hallmark and The Bachelor. 

What’s Love Got to Do With It?

Do you know what today is? If you have a spouse or “significant other,” you’re in trouble if you don’t. Because it’s Valentine’s Day, the day appropriated by retailers to help fill the gap until Easter (which some people treat like a springtime Christmas, without a tree), Mother’s Day, Father’s Day, and then the six-month buildup to the next Christmas.

But let’s consider Valentine’s Day for what it’s supposed to be, at least in theory. It’s when we pause for special consideration to the one we love, whether it involves flowers and candy, cards, jewelry, a special dinner, or whatever works best for demonstrating our affection and admiration.

My wife and me in Capri,
Italy last year.

The symbol for the day, of course, is the heart. And we generally agree it’s a celebration of something called “love.” The question is, what exactly is…love? We hear that love is something folks fall into – and out of – even married people. Sounds kind of like emotional gravity: “I’ve fallen into love…oops, something’s tipped, so I’ve fallen out of love. Sorry ‘bout that.”

There’s love according to “The Bachelor” and “The Bachelorette,” only skin-deep, but that’s supposed to be okay. As long as the hormones continue racing, and you don’t have enough time or opportunity to genuinely get to know one another, love can survive.

Then we have the Hallmark Channel view of love: Boy bumps into girl (Hollywood’s “meet cute”); boy dislikes girl and/or vice versa; boy and girl start to build a bit of chemistry, despite obvious differences; they sense a strong attraction, almost to the point of kissing; conflict arises, nearly ending the potential romance; and then, at long last, boy and girl realize they’ve meant for each other, seal it with a kiss, and (presumably) proceed to live happily ever after. All within the span of about a week. (Obviously, I’ve seen enough Hallmark movies to know the script outline!)

But is that what love really is? Just physical attraction and raw emotions – which can alter dramatically over time?

I believe there’s no greater authority to consult about love, even romantic love, than the Scriptures. Especially the passage often used during wedding ceremonies that hardly anyone really listens to; it sounds nice, it’s found in the Bible, so let’s include it. I’m talking about 1 Corinthians 13:4-13, what some have termed “the love chapter.” We could all use a refresher, so here it is:

“Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. It is not rude, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres. Love never fails…. And now these three remain: faith, hope and love. But the greatest of these is love.”

I’ve read this passage many times, in different translations, and not once has it mentioned things we typically associate with love – warm and fuzzy feelings, getting all giddy and giggly, not being able to stop thinking about how the other person makes us feel. It does, however, emphasize things like patience, kindness, humility, selflessness, forgiveness, goodness, protection, contentment, being slow to anger, truthfulness, trust, and perseverance.

This isn’t to say that emotions, or physical and sexual attraction, aren’t or shouldn’t be part of the love equation. Certainly they should. God inspired an entire book of the Old Testament, The Song of Solomon, about that. But our contemporary notion of love moves too quickly to outward appearances and feelings. We would be wise to first consider “Do I like this person?” before asking, “Do I love this person?” Because as Proverbs 31:30 observes, “Charm is deceptive, and beauty is fleeting, but a woman [or man] who fears the Lord is to be praised.”

Have you noticed in many wedding ceremonies, traditional vows are replaced by the couple’s unique sentiments toward each other? There’s nothing wrong with that. It’s their wedding, after all. But the words, “for better or for worse, in sickness or in health, for richer or for poorer,” serve as an instant reality check. Because the “happily ever after” of fairy tales and Hallmark movies doesn’t translate to real life. 

Successful marriages have lots of good times – as my wife and I can attest after more than four decades. But hard times are also a necessary part of the package, and the sooner we accept that – even as a couple pledges themselves to each other – the better.

Perhaps the most profound Scriptural admonition concerning love is found in Ephesians 5:25, which instructs, “Husbands, love your wives, just as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her.” How did Jesus love the Church – His believers and followers? He died for us, sacrificed everything for our benefit – atoning for our sins to provide redemption and reconciliation with God. 

Being a husband myself, that’s a constant and sobering reminder of how totally I should give myself to my wife. I don’t always succeed – too often I fail. But that’s the goal, the calling the Lord has given to me and to all husbands, one we can only achieve through Him. Happy Valentine’s Day!

What’s Love Got to Do With It?

Today being Valentine’s Day, it seemed appropriate to write something about love. (Not that I’m an expert or anything – although I highly recommend it.)

The question is, what is love – really?

According to the media, entertainment industry, even our nation’s evolving culture, love is all about feeling. Something you fall into or fall out of, depending on your mood, the time of day, or the person you’re with at the moment.

Shows like “The Bachelor” and “The Bachelorette” showcase a couple dozen attractive women (or men) throwing themselves at a willing member of the opposite sex. Everyone “falls in love” countless times during the progressing episodes in the series. If someone catches your eye and you feel a pleasant tingling in your “naughty bits” (as classical singer Katherine Jenkins termed it on “Dancing With the Stars”), you most definitely must be in love.

Of course, this idea’s hardly new. Years ago the TV sitcom “The Love Boat” (I called it “The Lust Boat”) assembled sexy-looking singles and over the course of a several-day cruise, many of them found “love.”

But is that what true love is all about – “You look good, you make me feel good, therefore I love you”?

Years ago I was a newspaper editor in Tomball, Texas. (If you’ve never heard of it, it’s a town about 30 miles north of Houston. Its name actually came from a fellow named Tom Ball.) Anyway, I joined the local Rotary Club to connect with some of the community’s movers and shakers.

One of the members – moving, but no longer doing much shaking – was a engaging old guy named Jimmy Tanner. He was Rotary’s self-proclaimed poet laureate, and every couple of weeks or so he’d regale us with a brief recitation of “poemtry.” One he offered frequently fits Valentine’s Day. According to Jimmy:

A song is not a song until it’s sung;

A bell is not a bell until it’s rung.

Now love wasn’t given in your heart to stay –

For love isn’t love ‘til you give it away.

There’s a lot of wisdom in those few words. Contrary to the prevailing notion that love is something you get, love should be something you give. I suppose that’s why 1 Corinthians 13 is so popular at marriage ceremonies, when idealistic notions of happily-ever-after momentarily overshadow the harsh realities of two becoming one.

The passage talks about love being patient and kind, not envious, boastful, prideful, rude, self-seeking, easily angered or keeping a record of wrongs. ”Love does not delight in evil but rejoices in the truth,” it says. “It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres.”

Elsewhere the Bible instructs, “Husbands love your wives, just as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her” (Ephesians 5:25). What? Give yourself up? How restrictive; how intolerant! “Isn’t love supposed to be all about me – my wants, my needs, my happiness?”

Apparently not, according to the Scriptures. Otherwise it wouldn’t declare, “For God so loved that he gave his one and only Son, that whoever believes in him shall not perish but have eternal life” (John 3:16).

That, it seems to me, is what love is – really.