Sometimes Good Might Not Be As Good As It Feels

“If it feels good, do it!” How many times have you heard this? It’s often repeated in our culture, and we might have said it ourselves or heard it from friends. As one popular song years ago declared, “How can it be wrong when it feels so right?”

The problem is, acting solely based upon how things feel can easily get us into trouble. Feelings can cloud our judgment or distort our thinking. Many years ago, I amassed a sizable credit card debt, largely the result of impulsive spending decisions that made me feel good. Then the bills started coming in. It took years to recover from the damage of being guided by my feelings.

 

I was on the interstate recently, driving the speed limit at a reasonable distance from other vehicles. Suddenly, a sportscar zoomed past me, moving at least 30 miles faster than I was going. The driver might have been feeling good, exhilarated by traveling at such a high rate of speed. But this was not the German autobahn, and the highway was filled with cars. If the driver’s delight in speed had resulted in a terrible accident, or even a costly citation, his or her feelings would have changed dramatically.

 

Leadership consultant Tim Kight has observed on social media: “Not everything that feels good is good for you. Not everything that is good for you feels good.” Lots of wisdom in a handful of words.

 

If a person struggles with alcohol, having “just one drink” might feel good, but it will probably lead to many more, along with undesired results. The sexual revolution of the 1960s became a major catalyst of the “if it feels good, do it” philosophy, but the negative consequences of casual one-night stands and “hooking up” have been immeasurable.

 

The second part of Kight’s statement is one we often overlook: Not everything that is good for you feels good. There’s perhaps no better example than discipline, whether it’s in learning a skill, military training, improving one’s health, or raising a child. 

 

If a person decides to get fit physically, a first step might be to adopt a training regimen and plan regular trips to the gym. I’m not a top athlete by any means, but following my open-heart surgery in 2006, I began a cardiac rehab program and have tried to maintain a consistent workout program ever since. My motto is, “I hate to exercise – but I love to have exercised.” Exercise always looks better in past tense.

 

Have you ever said something like, “I wish I could play the piano,” or “I’d love to learn how to paint in watercolor”? A reason many people can’t do things like that is because they don’t feel like going through the tedium of spending many hours practicing or learning the craft.

 

Discipline seems to have become a neglected aspect of parenting. Rather than giving their children guidelines for behavior and then enforcing those when necessary, a mom or dad might decide instead to let little Buddy or Suzy make their own choices, even though they might not be old enough to determine what’s best for themselves. 

 

In the Bible, however, we find that discipline is not optional – it’s a mandatory, essential part of growth and training. And the Scriptures clearly acknowledge the reality that discipline often doesn’t feel good, even if it’s good for us.

 

The book of Proverbs alone contains more than 30 verses related to the importance of discipline and correction. Here are some examples:

“He who heeds discipline shows the way to life, but whoever ignores correction leads others astray” (Proverbs 10:17).

“He who ignores discipline despises himself, but whoever heeds correction gains understanding” (Proverbs 15:32).

“He who spares the rod hates his son, but he who loves him is careful to discipline him” (Proverbs 13:24). 

“Discipline your son, and he will give you peace; he will bring delight to your soul” (Proverbs 29:17).

 

Discipline, the Scriptures teach, is an integral part of God’s spiritual training program for us. It’s also a demonstration of His love. Hebrews 12:9-11 makes the connection between human and divine discipline and correction:

“Moreover, we have all had human fathers who disciplined us and we respected them for it. How much more should we submit to the Father of spirits and live! They disciplined us for a little while as they thought best; but God disciplines us for our good, in order that we may share in his holiness. No discipline seems pleasant at the time, but painful. Later on, however, it produces a harvest of righteousness and peace for those who have been trained by it” (Hebrews 12:9-11).

 

Many times, life’s trials and tribulations serve as a form of discipline, experiences God uses to mold us into the people He intends for us to become. Unfortunately, going through adversity rarely feels good.

 

Peter the apostle noted this when he wrote, “In this you greatly rejoice, though now for a little while you may have had to suffer grief in all kinds of trials. These have come so that your faith – of greater worth than gold, which perishes even though refined by fire – may be proved genuine…” (1 Peter 1:6-7).

 

So, the next time you find yourself thinking, “If it feels good, do it,” think again. And if something you’re going through doesn’t feel good, take heart – maybe there’s a good reason for it. 

Caution: If You Follow Your Heart, Where Will It Take You?

Watch any romance movie, especially those of the happily-ever-after Hallmark genre, and somewhere along the way one of the central characters is sure to receive this well-worn advice: “Follow your heart.” Sounds great, right? This fits along with the ever-popular, “If it feels good, do it!”

But is this really good advice? Can we always trust our hearts – essentially, our emotions – for guiding us to wise, well-considered decisions? If we’re to believe what the Scriptures say, and I am among those who do, that’s not always a good idea.

Talking about the heart, as it frequently does, the Bible isn’t referring to that amazing pumping muscle that sends blood coursing through our veins non-stop, minute after minute, year after year. It speaks of the emotional dimension of the brain, where fickle feelings govern love, anger, envy, jealousy, and all manner of other emotional responses to our circumstances past, present and future.

I can remember a few times when my “heart” told me to quit my job because I was unhappy with how things were going. Random thoughts popped up: “You’re better than this!” “They don’t appreciate you!” “You don’t have to put up with this!” Fortunately, rather than letting the whims of my heart rule, I chose to follow reason and logic instead, and realized how foolish and unproductive quitting would have been. Because I didn’t “follow my heart,” things worked out far better than I could have anticipated.

Many marriages have ended because one or both spouses decided to follow their heart, causing irreparable damage to their families. And often leaving a trail of regret and remorse. It might have been because their mate didn’t meet their expectations, they somehow “fell out of love,” or found someone else more appealing. Regardless, the result was typically more “heart trouble” than they imagined.

One of the worst times to simply follow your heart is when considering a costly purchase, whether it’s a house, a car, or even a major appliance. Even if “it feels so right,” it’s advisable to give yourself a cooling off period, allowing time for your head to catch up with your heart and bring facts and level-headed thinking into the equation. Sometimes you’ll arrive at the same decision – but sometimes you won’t.

It's useful to consider some of the things God says about the heart and why it’s so unpredictable and unreliable. For instance, sometimes we can fool ourselves and fail to comprehend why we’re so set on doing – or not doing – something. “The heart is deceitful above all things and beyond cure. Who can understand it?” (Jeremiah 17:9).

The heart – our innermost emotions – serves as the seat for our motivations, the rationale for our thoughts and actions. We can justify what we intend to do, but according to the Scriptures, God is as concerned about why we’re doing something as He is about what we’re actually doing. This is a truth Proverbs states repeatedly:

“All a man’s ways seem right to him, but the Lord weighs the heart” (Proverbs 21:2).

“All a man’s ways seem innocent to him, but motives are weighed by the Lord” (Proverbs 4:23).

“The crucible for silver and the furnace for gold, but the Lord tests the heart” (Proverbs 17:3).

In reformed theology, one of the central principles is called “total depravity,” meaning everything we think and do is tainted by sin, just as a single drop of poison would taint a glass filled with our favorite beverage. So it’s wise to be wary of impulsive, emotion-based decisions. “Who can say, ‘I have kept my heart pure; I am clean and without sin’?” (Proverbs 20:9).

Knowing the fallibility of our hearts and our motives, the Scriptures warn us to safeguard our attitudes and thinking, seeking to ward off words and actions we would later regret, sometimes bringing about devastating results. If we don’t fling open the door to temptation, it’s less likely we’ll succumb to the sins that follow. “Above all else, guard your heart, for it is the wellspring of life” (Proverbs 4:23).

What I’ve learned over the years is before determining to “follow my heart,” it’s best to pause first and pray about it, seeking to determine whether my heart is aligned with God’s will. As my life verses often remind me, “Trust in the Lord with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding; in all your ways acknowledge him, and he will make your paths straight” (Proverbs 3:5-6).