Love Demonstrated in Discipline

When I was growing up, discipline was a daily part of my life. As a little boy I learned that talking disrespectfully – what we now call “acting out” – or disobeying what I had been asked to do or not to do, soon resulted in a meeting with the “board of education.” As I got older, paddling no matter made sense. After all, I was a head taller than my mom. But one look from her would quickly convict me that I’d done something wrong.

 

This was not unusual in those days. Just about every kid I knew experienced discipline in some form. We were taught to respect our elders, teachers, anyone in a role of authority – and also were expected to act accordingly. 

 

Things seem to have changed a lot since my ‘olden days.’ Teachers, even those impassioned by their desire to teach and have a positive influence on young minds, are burning out quickly and resigning. This is often because their classrooms have turned into chaos. A variety of factors have contributed to this, but one of the big ones is that discipline too often isn’t taking place in the home, so young people haven’t been taught to behave in proper ways and be respectful in school.

 

Classrooms aren’t the only places where this occurs. I’ve observed toddlers in grocery stores and other public places totally out of control, and all their parents do is shrug their shoulders. To them, little Jasper’s or Josie’s misbehavior is nothing more than their efforts at self-expression. They’re expected to make their own choices about how to act.

 

It’s interesting that in the book of Proverbs, discipline is a recurring topic. It seems important, a matter close to the heart of God. To parents who think their 2- and 3- and 5-year-olds are wise enough to make their own decisions, Proverbs 22:15 states, “Foolishness is bound up in the heart of a child; the rod of discipline will remove it far from him.”

 

As I’ve observed with my own children and grandchildren, to tell them not to do something because it’s in their best interest is often a sure-fire way for seeing them attempt to do it. Wisdom is acquired from time and experience; foolishness is something we’re born with.

 

For that reason, discipline is crucial if we desire to see our children grow up to be responsible adults and become good decision-makers. This doesn’t mean beating a child or responding to their wrong behavior in unrestrained anger. That’s abuse. But discipline – the parent’s desire to guide the child in doing what’s right and proper – is actually a manifestation of love. Proverbs 13:24 tells us, “He who withholds his rod hates his son, but he who loves him disciplines him diligently.”

 

We’re all born with what the Bible calls a “sinful nature” (Romans 7:25, 8:3, Colossians 2:11 and many other passages). This means having a rebellious spirit – against God and anyone in authority. Some might term it, ‘doing what comes naturally.’ How do we combat that, in ourselves as well as in our children?

 

Ultimately, it’s through the power of Jesus Christ, with His Holy Spirit working in us. In 2 Corinthians 5:17 we’re told that everyone who places their faith in Christ becomes “a new creation.” But as parents we also have the responsibility for teaching and helping children to discern right from wrong. As Proverbs 29:15 points out, “The rod and reproof give wisdom, but a child who gets his own way brings shame to his mother.”

 

I think as parents and grandparents, most if not all of us have a primary desire to see our children prosper, live happy and fulfilling lives, and avoid the dire consequences of sin as much as possible. Loving, godly discipline is one of the tools for working toward that goal: “Correct your son, and he will give you comfort; he will also delight your soul” (Proverbs 29:17).

 

Even when children are young, there’s an urgency, as Proverbs 22:6 admonishes, to “Train a child in the way he should go, and when he is old he will not turn from it.” If we don’t provide instruction and guidance in how they should live, we can be assured someone else will. This is why Proverbs 19:18 warns, “Discipline your son while there is hope, and do not desire his death.” Discipline can serve a warning sign: Danger Ahead!

As preacher John MacArthur has pointed out, “Early childhood teaching requires both parental discipline, including corporal punishment, and balanced kindness and love.” If we truly love our children, discipline is part of the package, even though it might be difficult at times. To withhold discipline when warranted is to fail in loving them properly. 

Spending Time with My Father – and My Father

My father died while I was still a young man. Over the years since, I’ve often wished I could have had more time with him. Because of his own background my dad wasn’t the most engaging, nurturing guy, but I never doubted his affection for me. Unfortunately, as a self-conscious, self-absorbed teenager, my focus was primarily on myself. I never thought much about getting to know and understand my father in a deeper way. 

Then college and career took me hundreds of miles away from home. There were no cellphones back then (can you imagine?), so I couldn’t just pick up the phone to talk with Dad. Long-distance calls cost money, and my job as the editor of community newspapers didn’t provide me with much of that. So, our communications were limited. 

Of course, in those “olden days” there was no texting, and no one had heard of email either, so we couldn’t exchange notes that way, even though Dad was an excellent writer. (I suppose I got my interest in writing from him.)

 

As a result, I missed out on learning important things about my father I would greatly value now. For instance, what his childhood was like, and what were his most memorable experiences growing up, including the Great Depression. He was a decorated soldier during World War II, receiving two Purple Hearts and a Bronze Star among other honors, but he never talked about what combat was like. I wish I could have talked with him about these things. 

 

The best thing about my relationship with my dad was the example he set by how he lived. He was a very hard worker, devoted to providing for his family, a man of faith, and always a person of high integrity. He taught me by action rather than words. Even in his quiet way, he fulfilled the words of Proverbs 4:1-6:

“Listen, my sons, to a father’s instruction; pay attention and gain understanding. I give you sound learning, so do not forsake my teaching…. Get wisdom, get understanding; do not forget my words or swerve from them. Do not forsake wisdom, and she will protect you; love her, and she will watch over you.”

 

Yes, the days of being able to talk with and learn from my earthly father passed much too soon for me. However, I am more than blessed to be able to spend as much time as I desire each day with my other Father – my Heavenly Father – as I read and study His Word. From that perspective, Proverbs 4 and many other passages from the Scriptures have even more significance. They teach me about God’s heart, His character, His perfect values, His love for me, and so much more.

 

Repeatedly in Proverbs we read phrases like, ”Listen, my son, to your father’s instruction…” (Proverbs 1:8), “My son, if you accept my words and store up my commands within you…” (Proverbs 2:1), “My son, do not forget my teaching, but keep my commands in your heart, for they will prolong your life many years and bring you prosperity” (Proverbs 3:1-2). Although they are written as advice from an earthly father to his offspring, being part of the Bible we also know they flow from the heart of God.

 

What a comfort and source of assurance it is to realize that while my earthly father would discipline me when he thought necessary to correct or redirect my behavior, my Heavenly Father does so in even more profound and understanding ways. 

 

As Hebrews 12:9-10 states, “we have all had human fathers who disciplined us and we respected them for it. How much more should we submit to the Father of our spirits and live! Our fathers disciplined us for a little while as they thought best, but God disciplines us for our good, that we may share in His holiness.”

 

Speaking to some of His followers, Jesus observed, “Which of you fathers, if your son asks for a fish, will give him a snake instead? Or if he asks for an egg, will give him a scorpion? If you then, though you are evil, know how to give good gifts to your children, how much more will your Father in heaven give the Holy Spirit to those who ask Him?” (Luke 11:11-12).

While my opportunities to get to know my earthly father were cut short many years ago, I’m so thankful that as long as I have breath I can continue to learn more about and grow closer to my Heavenly Father – and that learning process will continue for all eternity. 

Who Gave Discipline a Bad Name?

Being sports spectators gives us the advantage of being able to admire and appreciate the skills of athletes who have trained countless hours to excel. Watching the recent Summer Olympics, for example, we saw gymnasts performing an array of flips, tumbles, spins and other feats that would leave the rest of us with broken bones and torn muscles.

 

We saw pole vaulters soaring to amazing heights. Discus and hammer throwers hurling heavy weights incredible distances, executing powerful spins that would leave most of us in a dizzy heap. Sprinters blazing at world-record paces, and runners battling through fatigue and pain over distances we wouldn’t even attempt.

 

How do they become so accomplished in their various events? I think of the pro football player who was asked how the pregame practice had gone. “Practice?” the player asked in amazement. “We talkin’ about practice?” Yes, practice – lots of it – is how gifted athletes hone their talents to become champions.

 

However, there’s more to practice than just repetition. Even though it seems to have gone out of fashion in the minds of many, it’s discipline. It’s the determination and resolve to be unrelenting in the pursuit of excellence and mastery. It’s putting in countless hours repeating basic skills so they become second nature, executed without having to think about them. 

 

Consider the virtuoso pianist who, decades after having begun playing, still spends time practicing the scales to maintain finger dexterity and strengthen muscle memory. Many of us marvel, wishing we could play the piano with such skill. But the truth is, which of us would be willing to discipline ourselves to invest the innumerable hours needed to become so skilled?

 

Most of us will never be championship athletes, celebrated musicians, or elite surgeons or scientists. But that doesn’t mean we can’t benefit from discipline in our lives. Somewhere along the line, discipline received a bad name. As if it’s some contagious disease no one wants to catch.

 

Discipline and punishment are often regarded as synonymous, but they’re very different. Punishment is designed to address wrongful behavior; discipline is intended to train and equip people to do what’s right. 

 

These days many parents are reluctant or unwilling to discipline their children, thinking even toddlers have enough sense to recognize right from wrong. The fact is, they don’t. This is why Proverbs 22:6 admonishes, “Train [discipline] a child in the way he should go, and when he is old he will not turn from it.” The role of parents is to love their children and provide for their needs, but also to discipline – correct them when they’re off course and train them in how to live, think and behave properly.

 

But discipline isn’t only for children. It’s something we all need and should embrace. The Scriptures explain it’s one of God’s primary means for guiding and shaping us. In Proverbs, one of the Old Testament’s wisdom books, discipline is often mentioned. One chapter, Proverbs 19, offers three significant references:

“Discipline your son while there is still hope…” (Proverbs 19:18). There may be a time when it’s too late for sound correction. Don’t wait until then.

“Listen to counsel and accept discipline, that you may be wise the rest of your days” (Proverbs 19:20). Rejecting well-intended discipline and godly counsel often leads to foolish decisions and regretful actions.

“Cease listening, my son, to discipline and you will stray from the words of knowledge” (Proverbs 19:27). Many a hard-headed individual has ignored discipline and correction and later had to face hard consequences.

 

Sometimes when we encounter adversity, we feel confused or angry. ‘Why is God doing this to me? Why’s He allowing this to happen?’ Before jumping to the conclusions that we’re being punished or that the Lord is mad at us for some reason, we need to consider what the Scriptures say about how He uses discipline in our lives:

 

“My son, do not make light of the Lord’s discipline, and do not lose heart when He rebukes you, because the Lord disciplines the one He loves, and He chastens everyone He accepts as His son. Endure hardship as discipline; God is treating you as His children. For what children are not disciplined by their father? If you are not disciplined – and everyone undergoes discipline – then you are not legitimate, not true sons and daughters at all. Moreover, we have all had human fathers who…disciplined us for a little while as they thought best; but God disciplines us for our good, in order that we may share in His holiness. No discipline seems pleasant at the time, but painful. Later on, however, it produces a harvest of righteousness and peace for those who have been trained by it” (Hebrews 12:5-11).

 

Sometimes a parent will deny a child something he or she wants; other times the parent will insist that they do something they don’t want to do. “I’m doing this for your good. It’s because I love you,” the parent will say. At the time the child may think, ‘Yeah, right,’ only to realize later the parent in fact did it for his or her good. Sometimes the best demonstration of love is discipline.

 

God loves us far more than any parent could. He gave His one and only Son to die on a cross to redeem us from our sins (Romans 5:8). If that’s true, why shouldn’t we trust that when He disciplines us, it’s for our very best – part of His process for training and transforming us into the people He wants us to be.

 

And if we also desire to become who the Lord wants us to be, we must learn to discipline ourselves. There are many good ways of doing this, but one of the best is devoting consistent time to reading, studying, meditating on, memorizing and applying the Word of God. Like the professional athlete who practices until certain skills become second nature, we need to make the Scriptures central to our everyday lives so that over time they become second nature for our thinking and behavior.

 

Sometimes Good Might Not Be As Good As It Feels

“If it feels good, do it!” How many times have you heard this? It’s often repeated in our culture, and we might have said it ourselves or heard it from friends. As one popular song years ago declared, “How can it be wrong when it feels so right?”

The problem is, acting solely based upon how things feel can easily get us into trouble. Feelings can cloud our judgment or distort our thinking. Many years ago, I amassed a sizable credit card debt, largely the result of impulsive spending decisions that made me feel good. Then the bills started coming in. It took years to recover from the damage of being guided by my feelings.

 

I was on the interstate recently, driving the speed limit at a reasonable distance from other vehicles. Suddenly, a sportscar zoomed past me, moving at least 30 miles faster than I was going. The driver might have been feeling good, exhilarated by traveling at such a high rate of speed. But this was not the German autobahn, and the highway was filled with cars. If the driver’s delight in speed had resulted in a terrible accident, or even a costly citation, his or her feelings would have changed dramatically.

 

Leadership consultant Tim Kight has observed on social media: “Not everything that feels good is good for you. Not everything that is good for you feels good.” Lots of wisdom in a handful of words.

 

If a person struggles with alcohol, having “just one drink” might feel good, but it will probably lead to many more, along with undesired results. The sexual revolution of the 1960s became a major catalyst of the “if it feels good, do it” philosophy, but the negative consequences of casual one-night stands and “hooking up” have been immeasurable.

 

The second part of Kight’s statement is one we often overlook: Not everything that is good for you feels good. There’s perhaps no better example than discipline, whether it’s in learning a skill, military training, improving one’s health, or raising a child. 

 

If a person decides to get fit physically, a first step might be to adopt a training regimen and plan regular trips to the gym. I’m not a top athlete by any means, but following my open-heart surgery in 2006, I began a cardiac rehab program and have tried to maintain a consistent workout program ever since. My motto is, “I hate to exercise – but I love to have exercised.” Exercise always looks better in past tense.

 

Have you ever said something like, “I wish I could play the piano,” or “I’d love to learn how to paint in watercolor”? A reason many people can’t do things like that is because they don’t feel like going through the tedium of spending many hours practicing or learning the craft.

 

Discipline seems to have become a neglected aspect of parenting. Rather than giving their children guidelines for behavior and then enforcing those when necessary, a mom or dad might decide instead to let little Buddy or Suzy make their own choices, even though they might not be old enough to determine what’s best for themselves. 

 

In the Bible, however, we find that discipline is not optional – it’s a mandatory, essential part of growth and training. And the Scriptures clearly acknowledge the reality that discipline often doesn’t feel good, even if it’s good for us.

 

The book of Proverbs alone contains more than 30 verses related to the importance of discipline and correction. Here are some examples:

“He who heeds discipline shows the way to life, but whoever ignores correction leads others astray” (Proverbs 10:17).

“He who ignores discipline despises himself, but whoever heeds correction gains understanding” (Proverbs 15:32).

“He who spares the rod hates his son, but he who loves him is careful to discipline him” (Proverbs 13:24). 

“Discipline your son, and he will give you peace; he will bring delight to your soul” (Proverbs 29:17).

 

Discipline, the Scriptures teach, is an integral part of God’s spiritual training program for us. It’s also a demonstration of His love. Hebrews 12:9-11 makes the connection between human and divine discipline and correction:

“Moreover, we have all had human fathers who disciplined us and we respected them for it. How much more should we submit to the Father of spirits and live! They disciplined us for a little while as they thought best; but God disciplines us for our good, in order that we may share in his holiness. No discipline seems pleasant at the time, but painful. Later on, however, it produces a harvest of righteousness and peace for those who have been trained by it” (Hebrews 12:9-11).

 

Many times, life’s trials and tribulations serve as a form of discipline, experiences God uses to mold us into the people He intends for us to become. Unfortunately, going through adversity rarely feels good.

 

Peter the apostle noted this when he wrote, “In this you greatly rejoice, though now for a little while you may have had to suffer grief in all kinds of trials. These have come so that your faith – of greater worth than gold, which perishes even though refined by fire – may be proved genuine…” (1 Peter 1:6-7).

 

So, the next time you find yourself thinking, “If it feels good, do it,” think again. And if something you’re going through doesn’t feel good, take heart – maybe there’s a good reason for it. 

Discipline Seems to Be Getting a Bad Rap

When you hear the word “discipline,” what comes to mind? 

 

For people in education, the term might relate to foundational teaching disciplines like English, math and science, perhaps social studies. There are other subjects, of course, but good ole readin’, writin’ and ‘rithmetic remain the standards – the essential disciplines – for basic learning.

 

Then there’s the discipline required for high levels of achievement. Even people with great innate talent need great discipline to refine their crafts. I think of virtuoso pianists and violinists who devote countless hours to meticulously repeating the fundamental skills that enable them to perform flawlessly. 

I like what leadership consultant Tim Kight has observed: “It’s said that elite performers are gifted, but that can be misleading. The key factor in performance is the mindset and drive to do the work to build skill. Talent is a gift. Doing the work is a choice. Everyone can build next-level skill – if they are willing to do the work.” He’s talking about discipline.

 

Did you know Michael Jordan, one of the best if not the best basketball player of all time, was cut from his high school basketball team? It helped when he experienced a major growth spurt soon afterward, but it was discipline – spending thousands of hours on a basketball court shooting and dribbling – that propelled him to NBA greatness.

 

But there’s yet another expression of discipline we should consider, the most unpopular kind. It’s the discipline that seeks to discourage wrong behavior and encourage good behavior. The discipline that we sometimes consider synonymous with “don’t.” 

 

For instance, when people painfully admit their BMI (Body Mass Index) is higher than it should be, or their pants fit a bit tighter these days, we can blame it on the pandemic, right? But discipline is what helps them push away from the table, or avoid the chips aisle at the grocery store. Someone struggling with alcohol can turn to discipline for keeping them out of bars or liquor stores. 

 

Many people seem to find the idea of discipline distasteful for parenting. They equate it with “punishing,” even though the intent and results of discipline and punishment are usually very different. The goal of discipline is to correct or guide, helping someone to find and stay on the right path. Punishment works more along the lines of retribution or “pay back” – you did something bad, so now something bad will be done to you.

 

This confusion leads some to shun discipline altogether. A parent might reason, “I don’t discipline my child. I want him (or her) to be independent, a free thinker.” But discipline is what keeps that “free thinker” from running in front of a passing car, or setting the house on fire playing with matches.

 

Discipline is a recurring them in the Scriptures. A well-known verse states, “Train a child in the way he should go, and when he is old he will not turn from it” (Proverbs 22:6). We could interpret this in terms of spiritual convictions, but more accurately it’s talking about discipline, teaching children to follow their natural bent and encouraging them in their unique personality, interests and proficiencies.

 

Proverbs 13:18 states, “He who ignores discipline comes to poverty and shame, but whoever heeds correction is honored.” A verse earlier in the chapter adds to that: “A wise son heeds his father’s instruction, but a mocker does not listen to rebuke” (Proverbs 13:1). Growing into a responsible, mature adult who makes good decisions doesn’t happen by accident. It takes discipline – accepting it and then learning to utilize it.

 

A number of other Bible passages speak to the importance of discipline. Proverbs 13:24 warns, “He who spares the rod hates his son, but he who loves him is careful to discipline him.” This doesn’t mean beating a child, but using careful, loving correction to mold character and behavior.

 

Proverbs 3:11-12 tells us discipline is a vital part of spiritual growth, that God uses it for our good and out of His great love for us: “My son, do not despise the Lord’s discipline and do not resent his rebuke, because the Lord disciplines those he loves, as a father the son he delights in.”

 

We find that message affirmed in Hebrews 12:5-6, which admonishes, “My son, do not make light of the Lord’s discipline, and do not lose heart when he rebukes you, because the Lord disciples those he loves, and he punishes everyone he accepts as a son.” To me, this means God isn’t like a kindly but passive grandfather who shakes his head at a grandchild’s wrongdoing and simply says, “Kids do the darnedest things.” The Lord loves us the way we are – but loves us too much to let us stay that way.

 

So the next time you find God disciplining you, don’t resist. Just pay attention and receive the lesson to be learned. As Jesus said, “I am the vine, and my father is the gardener. He cuts off every branch in me that bears no fruit, while every branch that does bear fruit he prunes so that it will be even more fruitful” (John 15:1-2).

 

If we could ask a rosebush or some other flowering plant how it felt being pruned, it might respond, “It hurt!” But next growing season, because of that “discipline,” the plant will flourish more than ever. That’s exactly what the Lord has in mind when He engages us to His sometimes difficult disciplinary process.

Why Having Talent Usually Isn’t Enough

Have you ever wondered why some talented people manage to achieve so much, while others with considerable talent seem mired in mediocrity? Sometimes less-talented individuals rise to levels of accomplishment that more-talented peers can only envy.

We see this in every area of life: “Most likely to succeed” high school graduates who never amount to anything out of the ordinary, while largely overlooked classmates rise to prominence. Sometimes even becoming nationally or internationally known in their chosen fields of endeavor. We see this with school teachers, physicians, authors and artists, business executives, military leaders, musicians, athletes, scientists and innovators.

So what’s the difference? What separates the truly accomplished person from talented ones who never fulfill their potential? There can be many contributing factors: finding the right environments for using their talents; inner motivation; effective training and mentoring. Maybe you can think of others. But there’s one factor we usually don’t hear about.

Brian Kight, a noted business consultant and motivational speaker, explained a key reason he has observed for the difference.“Talent is common. Discipline is rare,” he said. “The combination is elite. Discipline produces what talent promises.”

Among Kight’s clients are sports teams, an ideal place for seeing how wide is the gap between talent and achievement. Take, my favorite sport – college football. Every year during the pre-season, pundits study the various rosters – returning starters, four- and five-star recruits, caliber of coaching – and submit their projections for the coming season.

These so-called experts have done their research, devoted many hours to their respective analyses, and submitted their best-educated guesses. Invariably, some of their prognostications fall short, sometimes stunningly so. One reason is that you can’t judge on-field performance based on talent alone.

As Kight has suggested, a key factor for determining success is discipline. Athletes maximizing their talents by spending countless hours in training and conditioning programs; focusing on their respective responsibilities; preparing diligently for upcoming opponents, and working together effectively. Their names also don’t appear on the police blotters for doing things they shouldn’t have been doing.

Discipline is a recurring theme in the Scriptures, as well. When we read about “discipline” in the Bible, it’s not speaking about punishment for wrongdoing, but rather God’s method for correcting and training His children. For instance, Proverbs 3:11 admonishes, “My son, do not despise the Lord’s discipline and do not resent his rebuke, because the Lord disciplines those he loves as a father the son he delights in.”

Another passage, Hebrews 12:5-7, says much the same:

“… ‘My son, do not make light of the Lord’s discipline, and do not lose heart when he rebukes you, because the Lord disciplines those he loves, and he punishes everyone he accepts as a son. Endure hardship as discipline; God is treating you as sons. For what son is not disciplined by his father? If you are not disciplined (and everyone undergoes discipline), then you are illegitimate children and not true sons.’”

Obviously these passages refer to our being disciplined by the Lord, rather than self-discipline. But again, to use the football analogy, a successful coach will discipline players in a variety of ways. At the same time, he expects them to implement discipline in their own lives as well.

Writing to his protégé, Timothy, the apostle Paul instructed him to “Do your best to present yourself to God as one approved, a workman who does not need to be ashamed and who correctly handles the worth of truth” (2 Timothy 2:15). He’s saying that to be a genuine, fruitful follower of Jesus Christ, we can’t be passive. We must be consciously striving, working diligently and with discipline to become the men and women God intends for us to be.

As another passage tells us, “Blessed is the man who perseveres under trial, because when he has stood the test, he will receive the crown of life that God has promised to all who love him” (James 1:12). To persevere means much more than to simply endure or withstand difficult times; it means to courageously face adversity, working through it and seeking to remain true to the goals and purposes we believe the Lord has provided for us.

Paul also liked to use sporting metaphors. Referring to athletic competitions that were common in his day, he wrote, "Everyone who competes in the games trains with strict discipline. They do it for a crown that is perishable, but we do it for a crown that is imperishable" (1 Corinthians 9:25). Or as the New Living Translation expresses it, “All athletes are disciplined in their training. They do it to win a prize that will fade away, but we do it for an eternal prize.”

The Scriptures don’t use the word “talent” as much as they do “gifts,” but it’s clear that every believer has at least one spiritual gift that God intends for us to use for His glory. Through devotion and discipline, we can use those gifts in such a way that we will one day hear Him welcome us with, “Well done, good and faithful servant! You have been faithful with a few things; I will put you in charge of many things. Come and share your master's happiness!” (Matthew 25:21). Just to hear this will have made our discipline more than worth any sacrifice it required.

An ‘Outdated’ Virtue We Should Recapture

Although I never served in the military, my father served for more than 22 years, so I’ve always said he served enough time for us both. Growing up as an Army brat, I gained an appreciation for many of the principles that embody effective military service. One of them is discipline.

We’ve all seen on TV or in the movies the images of boot camps where new enlistees are trained to follow orders, whether it’s marching in step, standing at attention, dressing sharply, making their bed every morning according to rigid specifications, and many others. As much as anything, these are designed to teach discipline. In wartime there’s no place for individuality; it’s all for one, one for all.

We see the same on display for championship sports teams. The best teams feature athletes who understand their respective roles and work together. Understanding that the whole is greater than the sum of the parts. Even star players must rely on the support of their teammates, and that calls for discipline.

So it’s sometimes dismaying to see the precipitous decline of discipline in our society today. Parents who refuse to discipline their children, explaining, “I want them to learn to make their own decisions.” When they’re two or three years old? Come on! Seriously? As a result, we see whining kiddos in the grocery store, annoying everyone around them while the parent scans the shelves, apparently oblivious to the commotion “little Billy” is creating.

And it doesn’t get better as they get older. Teachers report about the chaos in their classrooms and inability to manage them because they haven’t learned such things as respect, self-control, attentiveness and being quiet. Judging from video clips I’ve seen of students on college campuses, it only gets worse.

Discipline, we are led to believe, is outdated and restrictive. Certainly not in line with “Me Generation” thinking. However, it’s something the Bible addressed thousands of years ago and I believe it remains crucial for 21^stcentury living. Especially with so many distractions vying for our attention, we desperately need discipline just to keep on track.

For instance, Proverbs 3:11-12 tells us, “My son, do not despise the Lord’s discipline and do not resent his rebuke, because the Lord disciplines those he loves as a father the son he delights in.” Could it be that parents refusing to properly discipline a child are lacking in love, that they would rather avoid the hard work and inconvenience of having to say “No” or insisting that rules be followed?

Another passage, Proverbs 22:6, admonishes parents, “Train a child in the way he should go, and when he is old he will not turn from it.” This doesn’t necessarily say that if we take our children to church regularly and teach them to pray, this guarantees they will be lifelong followers of Jesus Christ. It does literally mean to teach them to follow their natural bent, to determine how God designed them so they can enjoy fruitful, rewarding lives. (Hopefully following Jesus will be a part of that.)

Consider a grapevine that is regularly pruned for greater fruitfulness, and attached to fencing or stakes so it will grow properly. Jesus referred to this when He said, “I am the vine, and my Father is the gardener (vinedresser). He cuts off every branch in me that bears no fruit, while every branch that does bear fruit he prunes so that it will be even more fruitful” (John 15:1-2).

To the uninitiated, the idea of cutting back or pruning a vine, a rosebush, hydrangeas or other plants seems counter-productive. But for experienced gardeners it makes absolute sense because they know the process stimulates future growth and health.

Years ago I heard Dr. Bruce Wilkinson, author of Secrets of the Vine,explain the difference between discipline and punishment from God’s perspective. Both can feel the same, he said, causing discomfort or even some pain, but their purpose is very different. Discipline – pruning – is designed to correct us and cause us to grow the right way spiritually, while punishment is executing judgment for wrongs. 

The writer of Hebrews expressed it succinctly: “My son, do not make light of the Lord’s discipline, and do not lose heart when he rebukes you, because the Lord disciplines those he loves, and he punishes everyone he accepts as a son. Endure hardship as discipline; God is treating you as sons. For what son is not disciplined by his father? If you are not disciplined (and everyone undergoes discipline), then you are illegitimate children and not true sons…. No discipline seems pleasant at the time, but painful. Later on, however, it produces a harvest of righteousness and peace for those who have been trained by it” (Hebrews 12:5-11).

So why don’t we recapture this virtue of discipline, whether for training our children, for mastering a vocation or craft, or most important, for growing into the followers of Jesus Christ that God intends for us to be?

Teachability: the Greatest Growth Ability

What do you think are the most important qualities for someone who desires to grow spiritually? We could list numerous possibilities. But from personal experience – in getting to know people who are living out their faith in incredible ways; striving to mentor and disciple other men, and seeking to grow in my own faith – I would rank teachability at or near the top.

Teachability isn't so much
about teaching as it is
about learning.

I’m not referring to the ability to teach, but rather the ability to be taught; willingness to learn from others. Because not everyone is teachable, and I must admit there have been times when I was among them. Often in the Scriptures we see the term “stiff-necked” to describe such people. 

For instance, in Exodus 34:9, Moses speaks to God about his frustration in leading a people determined to live contrary to what they had been instructed: "’Lord,’ he said, ‘if I have found favor in your eyes, then let the Lord go with us. Although this is a stiff-necked people, forgive our wickedness and our sin, and take us as your inheritance.’" Basically, Moses – whom God had appointed to lead the Israelites – is saying, “There’s no teaching these folks!”

King Solomon addressed this a number of times in the book of Proverbs, including willingness to accept correction as a sign of teachability. He admonished, “Do not rebuke a mocker or he will hate you; rebuke a wise man and he will love you” (Proverbs 9:8). Solomon also observed, “He who heeds discipline shows the way to life, but whoever ignores correction leads others astray” (Proverbs 10:17).

There are other important aspects to teachability beyond being willing to receive discipline and constructive criticism. One is determining to put to use what you’ve learned. The writer of Proverbs declared, "Whoever heeds life-giving correction will be at home among the wise" (Proverbs 15:31). Writing to his protégé, Timothy, the apostle Paul instructed, “Whatever you have learned or received or heard from me, or seen in me – put it into practice. And the God of peace will be with you” (Philippians 4:9).

Being teachable means more than simple acquisition of information. Again writing to Timothy, Paul warned of what he termed “terrible times in the last days.” The apostle described people “having a form of godliness but denying its power. Have nothing to do with such people…always learning but never able to come to a knowledge of the truth” (2 Timothy 3:5,7). Seems like this could apply today just as well as it did thousands of years ago. 

The teachable person is someone who doesn’t hoard what he or she has learned, but is eager to pass it along to others. Paul drew a verbal picture of multi-generational discipleship when he told Timothy, “And the things you have heard me say in the presence of many witnesses entrust to reliable men who will also be qualified to teach others” (2 Timothy 2:2). The teachable person is one who in turn resolves to teach others – paying it forward.

And how do we succeed in cultivating a teachable spirit? An indispensable element, I’ve discovered, is an old-fashioned virtue called humility – being humble enough to recognize that we don’t know it all, that we can learn from others, and our lives and the lives of others can be enhanced by what we learn.

Another apostle, James, addressed this when he equated teachability with wisdom: “Who is wise and understanding among you? Let him show it by his good life, by deeds done in the humility that comes from wisdom” (James 3:13).

What’s the moral of this “story”? First of all, we’re never too old to learn. You can teach “old dogs” new tricks, if they are willing to be taught. It can be humbling to have to admit we’ve been wrong about something, or didn’t know as much as we thought we did. But once we’ve learned something important, we also need to be willing to share it so others can benefit and hopefully, grow spiritually as well.

Discipline Isn’t a Dirty Word

When you hear the word discipline, what comes to mind? 

Discipline is a versatile word with a variety of useful meanings. There’s the discipline of a talented musician, practicing for hours daily to refine her talents. Or the discipline gifted athletes use – perhaps a tennis player, ice skater or runner – to refine their skills for competing at a high level. Or the discipline a goal-oriented person uses to stay focused and avoid becoming distracted from the objective.

For some, however, the word “discipline” carries negative connotations, like it’s a dirty word. Take, for example, the parent who says, “I never discipline my children.” This may mean the individual somehow believes parental guidance stifles, that it inhibits a child from discovering his or her uniqueness. I don’t think discipline is detrimental in that respect, but perhaps that’s a subject for a future discussion. 

More likely, the parent equates discipline with punishment. As in addressing wrong or inappropriate behavior with a spanking, withholding something good, isolating them, or some other penalty. However, as we read and trust the Scriptures, it becomes clear discipline isn’t optional. It’s mandatory. In fact, if we’re sincere about following Jesus Christ, discipline should be anticipated – and welcomed.

A trellis "disciplines" roses
to flourish in all their beauty.

Proverbs 19:18 warns, “Discipline your children while there is still hope.” Proverbs 3:12 states, “the Lord disciplines those he loves, as a father the son he delights in.” Hebrews 12:5-11 expresses it most eloquently, observing, “My son, do not make light of the Lord’s discipline, and do not lose heart when he rebukes you, because the Lord disciplines the one he loves, and he chastens everyone he accepts as his son. Endure hardship as discipline; God is treating you as his children. For what children are not disciplined by their father?... No discipline seems pleasant at the time, but painful. Later on, however, it produces a harvest of righteousness and peace for those who have been trained by it.”

What does this discipline look like? Does God sit us in a corner, or put a dunce cap on our heads when we don’t do right? Does He lash out at us in anger to demonstrate His displeasure? We find the answer in Ephesians 6:4, which says, “Fathers, do not exasperate your children; instead, bring them up in the discipline and instruction that comes from the Lord.” The purpose is not to frustrate or discourage.

The Greek word for discipline in this passage has several shades of meaning, including training, instruction, chastisement, and correction. But based on what? Another passage, 2 Timothy 3:16, informs us: “All Scripture is God-breathed and is useful for teaching, rebuking, correcting, and training in righteousness.” We’re to use the Bible to “train up a child in the way he should go,” as Proverbs 22:6 explains it.

It’s clear that from God’s perspective, our approach to discipline – whether it’s for our children, someone we’re mentoring, or our own lives – shouldn’t be based on a whim, personal preference, or whatever happens to be the current trend in our society or culture. Discipline should be based on what the Lord reveals and teaches in His Word.

Whenever I think of discipline, I envision a tomato plant tied to a stake to ensure it grows vertically, not horizontally. Or a rose bush climbing a trellis. In both cases, they aren’t being restricted or harmed. They’re being “disciplined” to grow as they should, so they can be most productive.

A jet in flight needs to make course corrections, as does a ship sailing across an ocean. Discipline becomes an effective means for making necessary course corrections in our own lives, as well as those of our children, people who work for us, and even those we mentor and disciple. Our goal is to teach them what they need to know, correct when they’ve veered off course, rebuke wrong thinking and behavior, and train them in the best ways to live. 

A disciplined life is intentional and purposeful, ultimately a life that seeks to serve and honor our God. An undisciplined life, lacking focus and a clear target, never knows when, or if, it’s hitting the mark.

Achieving Success – in 3-D

The recently completed Winter Olympics provided inspiration from athletes who had overcome great obstacles and adversities. Our hearts warmed to see competitors from around the world, representing diverse cultures and speaking unfamiliar languages, united in a spirit of sportsmanship. But most of all, we reveled in victory, the successes of men and women who proved to be the very best at what they do, whether it was skiing, figure skating, speed skating, halfpipe, hockey, bobsledding, ski jumping or curling.

I even conceived a new motto: “You win some, you luge some.” Every victory demonstrated what we could call “the 3 D’s of Success: Diligence, Determination, and Discipline.”

Top athletes start with inherent assets – speed, size, “fast-twitch” muscles, natural ability. Things you can’t teach. But lots of people have those, yet never excel. What separates the winners from the losers – and the “never-even-tried” – are the three D’s.

They weren’t “weekend warriors,” engaging in their sport once a week. They were diligent to work, train and practice every day, often as many hours (or more) as we spend at work. They set goals, ultimately Olympic gold, and were determined not to let anything deter them for achieving them. And they were disciplined, forgoing many things that could sidetrack them from their mission, following rigorous, daily regimens to prepare them for competing with the world’s best.

Most of us will never be Olympians. But wouldn’t it be great if we could become “gold medal winners” as followers of Jesus Christ and His ambassadors? Those same three D’s can play an important role in fulfilling that desire, as the Scriptures tell us.

Followers of Jesus also have a built-in asset: the indwelling Holy Spirit. Colossians 1:27 says each of us has, “Christ in you, the hope of glory.” We’re also told, “…it is no longer I who live, but Christ lives in me; and the life which I now live in the flesh I live by faith in the Son of God” (Galatians 2:20). We’re not called to live the so-called Christian life in our own strength. We have the power of Jesus Christ in us.

But this doesn’t release us from the responsibility of pursuing spiritual growth and maturity, to become true, fruitful disciples of Jesus. We should cultivate the same three D’s of diligence, determination and discipline that serve championship athletes so well. We see these traits emphasized throughout the Scriptures; here are a few examples we can draw from the apostle Paul:

Writing to Timothy, his young protégé, Paul urged him to dedicate himself to mastering the Word of God: “Be diligent to present yourself approved to God as a workman who does not need to be ashamed, accurately handling the word of truth” (2 Timothy 2:15). Paul also instructed Timothy to focus on developing his spiritual gifts: “Be diligent in these matters; give yourself wholly to them, so that everyone may see your progress” (1 Timothy 4:15).

Elsewhere, Paul expressed the singular focus he embraced for his own life: “For my determined purpose is that I may know (Jesus Christ) – that I may progressively become more deeply and intimately acquainted with Him, perceiving and recognizing and understanding [the wonders of His person] more strongly and more clearly…” (Philippians 3:10, Amplified).

Speaking of his resolve to finish well in his life and service to God, Paul told believers in the city of Corinth, “I discipline my body like an athlete, training it to do what it should. Otherwise, I fear that after preaching to others I myself might be disqualified” (1 Corinthians 9:27).

Paul summed it up when he exhorted Timothy, “…discipline yourself for the purpose of godliness; for bodily discipline is only of little profit, but godliness is profitable for all things, since it holds promise for the present life and also for the life to come” (1 Timothy 4:7-8). Nothing wrong with striving for physical fitness and excellence, but spiritual excellence is far better.

We might never step onto a podium on an Olympic stage, but if we pursue the virtues of diligence, determination and discipline, we can experience spiritual success, leading to much gratitude to God, “who always leads us as captives in Christ's triumphal procession and uses us to spread the aroma of the knowledge of him everywhere” (2 Corinthians 2:14).