Caution: If You Follow Your Heart, Where Will It Take You?

Watch any romance movie, especially those of the happily-ever-after Hallmark genre, and somewhere along the way one of the central characters is sure to receive this well-worn advice: “Follow your heart.” Sounds great, right? This fits along with the ever-popular, “If it feels good, do it!”

But is this really good advice? Can we always trust our hearts – essentially, our emotions – for guiding us to wise, well-considered decisions? If we’re to believe what the Scriptures say, and I am among those who do, that’s not always a good idea.

Talking about the heart, as it frequently does, the Bible isn’t referring to that amazing pumping muscle that sends blood coursing through our veins non-stop, minute after minute, year after year. It speaks of the emotional dimension of the brain, where fickle feelings govern love, anger, envy, jealousy, and all manner of other emotional responses to our circumstances past, present and future.

I can remember a few times when my “heart” told me to quit my job because I was unhappy with how things were going. Random thoughts popped up: “You’re better than this!” “They don’t appreciate you!” “You don’t have to put up with this!” Fortunately, rather than letting the whims of my heart rule, I chose to follow reason and logic instead, and realized how foolish and unproductive quitting would have been. Because I didn’t “follow my heart,” things worked out far better than I could have anticipated.

Many marriages have ended because one or both spouses decided to follow their heart, causing irreparable damage to their families. And often leaving a trail of regret and remorse. It might have been because their mate didn’t meet their expectations, they somehow “fell out of love,” or found someone else more appealing. Regardless, the result was typically more “heart trouble” than they imagined.

One of the worst times to simply follow your heart is when considering a costly purchase, whether it’s a house, a car, or even a major appliance. Even if “it feels so right,” it’s advisable to give yourself a cooling off period, allowing time for your head to catch up with your heart and bring facts and level-headed thinking into the equation. Sometimes you’ll arrive at the same decision – but sometimes you won’t.

It's useful to consider some of the things God says about the heart and why it’s so unpredictable and unreliable. For instance, sometimes we can fool ourselves and fail to comprehend why we’re so set on doing – or not doing – something. “The heart is deceitful above all things and beyond cure. Who can understand it?” (Jeremiah 17:9).

The heart – our innermost emotions – serves as the seat for our motivations, the rationale for our thoughts and actions. We can justify what we intend to do, but according to the Scriptures, God is as concerned about why we’re doing something as He is about what we’re actually doing. This is a truth Proverbs states repeatedly:

“All a man’s ways seem right to him, but the Lord weighs the heart” (Proverbs 21:2).

“All a man’s ways seem innocent to him, but motives are weighed by the Lord” (Proverbs 4:23).

“The crucible for silver and the furnace for gold, but the Lord tests the heart” (Proverbs 17:3).

In reformed theology, one of the central principles is called “total depravity,” meaning everything we think and do is tainted by sin, just as a single drop of poison would taint a glass filled with our favorite beverage. So it’s wise to be wary of impulsive, emotion-based decisions. “Who can say, ‘I have kept my heart pure; I am clean and without sin’?” (Proverbs 20:9).

Knowing the fallibility of our hearts and our motives, the Scriptures warn us to safeguard our attitudes and thinking, seeking to ward off words and actions we would later regret, sometimes bringing about devastating results. If we don’t fling open the door to temptation, it’s less likely we’ll succumb to the sins that follow. “Above all else, guard your heart, for it is the wellspring of life” (Proverbs 4:23).

What I’ve learned over the years is before determining to “follow my heart,” it’s best to pause first and pray about it, seeking to determine whether my heart is aligned with God’s will. As my life verses often remind me, “Trust in the Lord with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding; in all your ways acknowledge him, and he will make your paths straight” (Proverbs 3:5-6). 

A Goal Worth Pursuing for a Month – or More

Have you made any New Year’s resolutions yet? Have you broken any yet? Perhaps, if you’re like me, you formulate goals for the new year instead. I much prefer goals over resolutions, since once they’ve been broken, resolutions are done. Finis. Kaput. Finito. Goals, however, can be ongoing – works in progress.

If you’ve procrastinated and are still in the process of goal-setting or resolution-making for this year, I have a suggestion: How about aiming to read one chapter of Proverbs, the number of which matches the day’s date, for a month? Better yet, for at least two months? 

By doing that – for instance reading chapter 1 of Proverbs on Jan. 1, the second chapter on Jan. 2, and so on – you’ll be reading the entire book from the Bible twice. I guarantee, you’ll discover a fountain of wisdom that might leave you in amazement.

While writing this, I was reading through the 17^th chapter of Proverbs. It was filled with pithy statements that are deserving of being taken to heart and letting them guide our thoughts and actions. Here are some examples:

“Better a dry crust with peace and quiet than a house full of feasting, with strife” (Proverbs 17:1). Living in an environment with continuous conflict does more than unsettle one’s stomach. It would probably be better having humble provisions with tranquility than to possess lavish provisions amid great turmoil.

“The crucible for silver and the furnace for gold, but the Lord tests the heart” (Proverbs 17:3). Just as precious metals are refined by intense heat, sometimes God turns up the “heat” of our circumstances not only to see what’s in our hearts (innermost motivations), but also to shape them into what He desires for them to be.

“Children’s children are a crown to the aged, and parents are the pride of their children” (Proverbs 17:6). This gives us a double-pronged view, noting the joy grandparents can feel once their own children have grown and they can enjoy the next generation of offspring. At the same time, the godly influence of parents who have espoused lofty virtues but strived to live up to them leaves an indelible impact.

“He who covers over an offense promotes love, but whoever repeats the matter separates close friends” (Proverbs 17:9). When we were kids, no one liked a tattletale. This holds true even for our adult years, when we confront the temptation to talk negatively about others even to the point of tearing them down in the presence of others.

“Starting a quarrel is like breaching a dam; so drop the matter before a dispute breaks out” (Proverbs 17:14). We live in a time when everyone seems eager to give a piece of their mind they can’t afford to lose. Arguments seldom resolve problems, so a calm spirit and well-controlled tongue can do wonders for preserving the peace.

“A friend loves at all times, and a brother is born for adversity” (Proverbs 17:17). We hear so much about social media “friends,” as well as people whose friendships are restricted to certain activities. It’s a true blessing to have genuine friends we can count on during tough times as well as happy times.

“A cheerful heart is good medicine, but a crushed spirit dries up the bones” (Proverbs 17:22). The problem with everyday life is that it’s so…daily. It can be discouraging and disheartening, especially when hopes, dreams and aspirations remain out of reach. Rather than adding to the gloom, we can do others a good service by offering words to encourage and uplift them.

“Even a fool is thought wise if he keeps silent, and discerning if he holds his tongue” (Proverbs 17:28). As someone has observed, it’s better to be quiet and thought a fool than to open one’s mouth and remove all doubt. Words well-chosen and used with discretion are preferable to abundant words without substance.

These are just eight of the verses from a single chapter. And every chapter of Proverbs is packed with similar wisdom. If you’ve never tried it, I’d recommend reading one chapter from this book every day for a month. Then repeat the process for a second month. You might decide to make it a habit.

Motives Under Question . . . Sometimes?

Whenever a murder, an act of terror, or some other heinous crime is committed, we hear law enforcement authorities are investigating to determine the motives for the act. If people do bad things, we want to know why. But when was the last time (if at all) you heard of an act of extravagant kindness, and someone in authority said, “We’re conducting an investigation seeking to ascertain their motives”?

It seems when evil is committed, there must be some nefarious cause, and we itch to learn what it was. But when good things are done, we typically assume they're performed magnanimously, with hearts of gold. Why is that?

Maybe it’s a belief that when we do good, that’s “normal.” Whether helping an elderly person across the street, volunteering to assist children, the sick or other people with specific needs, serving the homeless, or making a charitable donation, we presume such things is intrinsic to human nature. Why should we question underlying motivations, asking, “Why did he (or she) do that?”

Have you ever received a very nice gift from
someone, and then questioned their motives?

However, even the most generous gestures might be birthed out of ulterior motives. We see this in politics, of course, where people make large campaign donations with expectations they will receive favors or special considerations in the future. The old “I scratch your back, you scratch mine” scenario. Employees sometimes go beyond the call of duty, “smoozing” the boss, thinking that will help them gain a promotion or pay raise – or both.

Academic institutions are littered with educational buildings and dormitories proudly bearing the names of mega-donors. Salespeople bring special gifts to enhance business relationships.

We see it in families, where a relative responds to a pressing need and then proceeds to make that person feeling obligated – “beholdin’” – for a long time afterward. It occurs in churches, where affluent members contribute to major fund campaigns, then “humbly” bask in the adulation for their largesse. Even children quickly learn that one way to gain friends is to do something special so they will like them.

This isn’t to say we shouldn’t seek out situations where we can do good to others. After all, as followers of Jesus we’re instructed to “love your neighbor as yourself” (Matthew 22:39). Also, to “do to others as you would have them do to you” (Luke 6:31). We’re commanded to love even our enemies and be willing to do good to them.

The problem surrounds not what we do, but why. What are our motives for doing good? The Scriptures tell us, “The heart is deceitful above all things and beyond cure. Who can understand it?“ (Jeremiah 17:9). In Romans 3:10 we’re told, “There is no one righteous, not even one.”

We’re also told God, the only true judge of the heart and its motives, is very attentive not just to what good we do, but also to why. “All a man’s ways seem innocent to him, but motives are weighed by the Lord” (Proverbs 16:3). Similarly, Proverbs 17:3 tells us, “The crucible for silver and the crucible for gold, but the Lord tests the heart.”

The book of Proverbs seems especially concerned with our hearts, our motives, being in the right place. It offers this denouncement: “A malicious man disguises himself with his lips, but in his heart he harbors deceit. Though his speech is charming, do not believe him, for seven abominations fill his heart” (Proverbs 26:24-25).

What’s the solution? Should we simply resign ourselves to the conclusion of the prophet Isaiah, who said, “’Woe to me!’ I cried. ‘I am ruined (undone)! For I am a man of unclean lips’” (Isaiah 6:5)?

No, the book of Proverbs offers a better alternative: “Above all else, guard your heart, for it is the wellspring of life” (Proverbs 4:23). We can also pray as did the psalmist, who wrote, “Create in me a pure heart, O God, and renew a steadfast spirit within me” (Proverbs 51:10).

The Word of God tells us we all are afflicted with a heart problem, although for many it doesn’t involve the physical muscle in the chest that beats 100,000 times a day.

Without question, the Lord is calling for us to do good. As much good as possible, as often as possible. That should be part of a believer’s spiritual DNA. But as we’re doing it, we should be diligent to “guard our hearts.” If we suspect our motives are less than noble, we should ask the Lord to create in each of us a pure heart.

Then, if someone were to ask, after we’ve done good to others, “Why did you do that?” we can know we did it out of love for God – the greatest commandment – and love for our neighbor, the second greatest commandment.