Searching for Unity in the Midst of Hatred

Do you ever wonder what we would call our nation today if it were just being founded? On Sept. 9, 1776, the Continental Congress chose to name the country “the United States of America,” replacing the commonly used term, “United Colonies.” Even though there was not uniform agreement on every issue, the leaders and citizens of the new land were united enough on their desire for independence, to be freed from British rule.

These days, our nation seems not so much united as it is untied, even hopelessly divided, with opposing factions not only unable, but also unwilling to work toward any semblance of unity, or even compromise. But that’s to be expected, since both sides seem to harbor extreme dislike for each other. This is one of the reasons it’s so sad our culture has widely chosen to discount, even disparage, biblical teachings on how we’re supposed to get along with one another. 

Deep-seated animosity is hardly a 21^stcentury invention – although these days people seem intent on perfecting it. King Solomon, in his timeless collection of wise observations, wrote, “Hatred stirs up dissension, but loves covers over all wrongs” (Proverbs 10:12).

Everywhere we look, from the halls of the White House to hyper-vocal protesters on the streets, we see hatred manifested in abundance. The love part of the proverbial admonition, however, is conspicuously absent. It’s hard to promote unity without at least some commonly shared sense of respect and cordiality.

Here we can see why teachings of Jesus Christ were so revolutionary for His day – and remain unprecedented today. In His well-known “sermon on the mount,” Jesus offered this challenge which must have elicited a collective “Say what?!” from His hearers:

“But I tell you who hear me: Love your enemies, do good to those who hate you, bless those who curse you, pray for those who mistreat you. If someone strikes you on one cheek, turn to him the other also…. Do to others as you would have them do to you” (Luke 6:27-31).

This flew in the face of Old Testament teachings that advocated vengeance and retaliation, such as, “if there is serious injury, you are to take life for life, eye for eye, tooth for tooth, hand for hand, foot for foot, burn for burn, wound for wound, bruise for bruise” (Exodus 21:23-25).

Jesus had not forgotten this; nor did He choose to ignore it. Instead, He acknowledged past teachings and practices, urging His followers to embrace a different path: “You have heard that it was said, ‘Eye for eye, and tooth for tooth.’ But I tell you, do not resist an evil person…” (Matthew 5:38-39).

Not much has changed over 2,000 years, has it? Hatred and vitriol are spewed with incredible zeal, even from some who can quickly quote the biblical declaration that “God is love.” It’s just as hard for us to love our enemies, to show kindness to those we perceive as evil, as it was for those who were listening to Jesus speak in person.

This was not a misquote, or a statement He made that was reported out of context. In fact, Jesus expanded on what He had said so there could be no misunderstanding:

“If you love those who love you, what credit is that to you? Even ‘sinners’ love those who love them. And if you do good to those who are good to you, what credit is that to you? Even ‘sinners’ do that. And if you lend to those from whom you expect repayment, what credit is that to you? Even ‘sinners’ lend to ‘sinners,’ expecting to be repaid in full. But love your enemies, do good to them, and lend to them without expecting to get anything back. Then your reward will be great, and you will be sons of the Most High, because he is kind to the ungrateful and wicked. Be merciful, just as your Father in merciful” (Luke 6:32-36).

Loving our enemies? Doing good to people who scheme against us? Performing acts of kindness for people in no position to ever return the favor? Who can do that? Who wants to do that? And yet, that’s exactly what Jesus expected of His followers then – and still does now. 

As He said in John  14:15, “If you love Me, you will keep My commandments.” Based on our attitudes and actions toward those with whom we disagree, whose beliefs and values seem diametrically opposed to our own, do we truly love Jesus? Would there be enough evidence to convict us?

What if we took His admonitions to heart and started putting them into practice? Now that would be revolutionary!

Wanting What We Want – and Mad When We Don’t Get It

This Phillip Martin illustration shows conflict at its
worst - two people determined to get what they want.

My friend Brad, an attorney, specializes in mediation and conflict resolution. Factors that contribute to conflict are complex and diverse, but in many cases he has found a singular, common cause – people don’t get what they want.

Think about it: Marriages descend into turmoil because one or both spouses insist on getting their own way and become furious when they don’t. Close friends part because expectations aren’t met. They risk destroying loving and long-term relationships because they don’t get what they want.

Churches split because quarreling factions arise, one side set on a certain course and another side insisting on a different way. Professional athletes angrily accuse owners or management of “disrespecting” them because their demands aren’t met. In both scenarios the complaint is much the same: “We’re not getting what we want.”

When we think “conflict,” many of us turn our thoughts almost immediately to Washington, D.C., where Democrats and Republicans choose to take positions of arrogance and stubbornness over compromise and mutual understanding. Leaders of both parties engage in bitter conflict – to the detriment of the American people – all because of the belief they’re not getting what they want.

Of course this is nothing new. Throughout the history of mankind, conflicts of all magnitudes have spawned battles and wars because people didn’t get what they wanted. Look at any major war and you’ll find an element of this to some degree.

Fame and fortune offer no antidotes for conflict. Celebrated comic duos like Abbott and Costello, Jerry Lewis and Dean Martin, Lucille Ball and Desi Arnaz, all experienced intense conflicts, even if not as highly publicized as such clashes are in today’s media. The same has been the case through the years with many of the great musical groups, including the Beatles, and Simon and Garfunkel. So-called “perfect Hollywood couples” announce separations due to “irreconcilable differences.” Translation: “We’re not getting what we want.”

We even find this reality represented over and over in the Bible, which doesn’t sugarcoat such strife. “I want what I want” conflicts started with Cain and Abel. They continued with Abraham and his nephew, Lot; Joseph and his jealous brothers; Samson and Delilah; David and Saul; Barnabas and Paul. And let’s not forget the classic example: Judas Iscariot.

James 4:1-2 tells us, “What causes fights and quarrels among you? Don’t they come from your desires that battle within you? You want something but don’t get it. You kill and covet, but you cannot have what you want. You quarrel and fight. You do not have, because you do not ask God.”

So what’s the solution? Like conflicts themselves, resolving them usually isn’t easy or simple. But the passage above points out an important principle. When we don’t get what we want, we should appeal to God for it rather than trying to get it through our own feeble and faulty efforts.

And if He says no, if our prayers aren’t answered – at least not in the way we want – we should be willing to accept that He knows us better than we know ourselves, and that His plans are better than ours.

After all, as 1 Timothy 6:6 states, “godliness with contentment is great gain.” This might seem unrealistic in our “it’s all about me” culture, which seems to dismiss contentment as foolish, impractical, even weak. But it’s God’s way; and His way is always better.

The Power of a Closed Mouth

There’s a fellow I know who apparently gets up every morning determined to figure out how many different ways he can pick an argument and how many people he can aggravate. He’s the kind of guy who, if you observe that the sky is blue, will insist that it’s really pink.

Every once in a while I run into him, and he seems always ready to poke and prod to elicit a response. I’m not the only one he targets, but he seems to have a fondness for me – maybe because my natural tendency is toward bullheadedness. Since I’m inclined to air my own opinions, he and I have crossed words on more than one occasion.

Recently I arrived for a meeting and sure enough, this man made a comment he knew would get my attention. I tried to offer a light-hearted response rather than accept his invitation to spar verbally, but he would have none of it. He made another snide remark. This time, however, I decided to zip my lip and heed the words of Proverbs 10:19, “When words are many, sin is not absent, but he who holds his tongue is wise.”

I walked away and went about my business. Even though he tossed another zinger my way a few minutes later, I resolved to remain silent rather than fall into the temptation to give him a piece of my mind that I could ill afford to lose.

Elsewhere, the book of wisdom declares, “A gentle answer turns away wrath, but a harsh word stirs up anger” (Proverbs 15:1). I don’t always succeed in following that advice, I’ll admit. But as I grow older and more mellow, I think I’m making steady progress. Hopefully that will continue.