Recognizing the Myth of the Greener Grass

Have you ever felt envy toward someone – a friend, a neighbor, a coworker, maybe a member of your church? If you can honestly say you haven’t, I’m envious of you. I suspect we’ve all envied others from time to time. Maybe they seem more successful, their car or home seems nicer than ours, their marriage seems picture-perfect, their kids always seem well-mannered, they take more exciting vacation trips, or many other reasons we can think of.

There’s even an adage that describes this common problem of feeling envious toward others: “The grass is always greener on the other side of the fence.” Actually, it might be better stated, the grass always seems greener….” Because more often than not, seems is the key word. Appearances don’t always represent reality.

 

One of the first books I co-authored, with my friend Ken Johnson, was Pursuing Life with a Shepherd’s Heart. Ken shared experiences he and his family had while managing a “hobby farm” in Minnesota. The primary animals on the farm were sheep, and they were curious critters. There was even a time when they got caught in the greener grass trap.

 

One summer had been particularly dry and all the little farm’s pastureland had been used up. Ken, his wife and kids collaborated in building a temporary fence that ran near the side of their house. Once the fencing was completed, they let the sheep into the area to munch on the untouched grass. The family retreated to the house for lunch.

 

Not long afterward, Ken glanced out the window to check on how the sheep were doing. What he saw was all of the sheep lined up along the fence, heads stuck through it and straining to reach the grass on the other side. Ironically, in the process, they were ruining the grass right underneath their hooves.

 

This is a funny story, but it illustrates that fixation on “greener grass” is no laughing matter. J. Allen Petersen actually wrote a book about it, entitled The Myth of the Greener Grass. In his book Petersen focused on how to “affair-proof” a marriage, emphasizing how the temptation to look yearningly outside one’s marriage is flirting with disaster. Marriages often fail because one or both spouses deceive themselves by thinking how much better things would be if they were out of the marriage or married to someone else.

 

God understood this tendency when He gave us the Ten Commandments. The last of His “top 10” was, “You shall not covet your neighbor’s house. You shall not covet your neighbor’s wife…or anything that belongs to your neighbor” (Exodus 20:17). Even though the commandments were given to Moses thousands of years ago, human nature hasn’t changed with the passage of time.

 

Maybe the ‘greener grass’ isn’t someone other than one’s spouse. But as Gilda Radner’s character on Saturday Night Live, Roseanne Roseannadanna, used to say years ago, “It’s always something!” We might feel envious when a colleague receives a promotion and we don’t. We attend a party at someone’s house and find ourselves envying their furniture, giant-screen TV, or beautiful deck overlooking the valley. Or we arrive for Sunday worship after fussing over something in the car and we see the couple that seems to have everything all together. ‘Why can’t we be like them?’

 

This is one reason the Lord gave us the commandment about not coveting what others have. Being envious or jealous accomplishes nothing, it greatly diminishes our appreciation for what we do have, makes us want things that may not be as they appear, and leaves us feeling miserable and discontented.

 

Writing to believers in ancient Philippi, the apostle Paul wasn’t referring to a shiny chariot someone else had or a more stress-free lifestyle. He had more pressing matters to command his attention, including being wrongfully imprisoned. However, after expressing gratitude for people concerned about his well-being, he wrote:

“…I have learned to be content whatever the circumstances. I know what it is to be in need, and I know what it is to have plenty. I have learned the secret of being content in any and every situation, whether well fed or hungry, whether living in plenty or in want. I can do everything through [Christ] who gives me strength” (Philippians 4:11-13).

 

That indeed is the secret – trusting in Jesus Christ and being grateful for whatever He sees fit to give us. And not wallowing in self-pity over what He hasn’t chosen to provide. 

 

As another apostle, Peter, wrote, “[God’s] divine power has given us everything we need for a godly life through our knowledge of Him who called us by His own glory and goodness” (2 Peter 1:3). The Lord knows better than we do what we need – and what we don’t. So, if we should find ourselves gazing longingly at the ‘greener grass’ nearby, whatever it is, we need to remember He indeed has given us “everything we need for a godly life” and be content with that.

Finding the No-Complaint Department

A guy in my morning exercise class, whenever he’s asked, “How are you?” often responds, “Can’t complain. No one wants to hear it anyway.” He’s right, of course. We don’t want to hear other people’s complaints. We have enough of our own.

Take the weather, for example: Too hot. Too cold. Too wet. Too dry. Or the government: Too big, too involved, or too controlling. Except when we want highway potholes fixed, relief following disasters, or various services provided when we need them. Then we can’t get enough government.

We complain when our favorite teams and players under-perform. We complain when spouses, family members and friends fail to meet our expectations. We complain when we go shopping: Unable to find a sales associate when we need one. Or feeling harassed when a sales associate hovers nearby. (Admittedly a rare occurrence these days.)

We complain about aches and pains, major and minor. Especially as we get older. It’s almost a contest: “Any complaint you can make, I can make better!”

Even at church we complain: The music’s too fast, too slow, too loud, too contemporary, too old. The sermon wasn’t entertaining enough. Not enough multi-media to hold our attention. The service ran too long, disrupting our mealtime plans. And when we do go out to dinner, we complain about the food and the service.

So it surprised me recently when I spotted a sign in an antique store that read:

“Too blessed to complain.”

Even at its best, this life leaves us discontented,
feeling like there should be more.

When was the last time you felt that way? Have you ever felt that way? In our society, discontent is viewed as a virtue. Marketing people make it their solemn duty to keep us dissatisfied with what we have and where we go. According to them, nothing can be worse than status quo. So it seems unnatural to feel “too blessed to complain,” doesn’t it?

To the contrary, the motto of our materialistic world is, “too much is never enough.” No matter how much we’ve got, we can always complain about wanting or needing more.

This is one reason I’ve marveled at the apostle Paul’s declaration: “for I have learned to be content whatever the circumstances. I know what it is to be in need, and I know what it is to have plenty. I have learned the secret of being content in any and every situation, whether well fed or hungry, whether living in plenty or in want” (Philippians 3:11-12).

This is a striking statement, particularly when you consider where he was writing from – prison. No “woe is me”; no “life isn’t fair”; no “why me and not so-and so?” How could Paul avoid grumbling and complaining in confinement? How could he claim to be “content” in jail?

The secret, I believe, was his perspective. Paul remembered what life was like before encountering Jesus Christ, and knew his life with Christ was far better. Even though “before” he had been somewhat of a religious celebrity, and “after” he was treated as a pariah by the religious establishment. Paul recalled during his self-righteous, zealous persecution of those that followed Jesus, his victims demonstrated an inner peace he’d never known – until he, too, met Jesus.

Paul understood by refusing to complain, followers of Christ set themselves apart from people around them. That’s why he wrote, “Do everything without complaining or arguing, so that you may become blameless and pure, children of God without fault in a crooked and depraved generation” (Philippians 2:14-15).

And Paul knew that no matter how bad his life on earth got, another life – a far better life beyond comprehension or imagination – awaited him. So, most likely the apostle often thought, even if he might not have used the exact words, he was “too blessed to complain.”

I’d like to be able to say that – and mean it. How about you?