What’s in Your Bucket?

Have you ever walked along, carrying a bucket (or even a cup) containing liquid – maybe water – and stumbled, or it got bumped, spilling some of the contents on the ground, or even onto your pant leg or shoe? A bit annoying, maybe, but not a big problem, right?

The credit card commercial asks,
"What's in your wallet?" Better yet,
what's in your bucket?

Imagine, however, if the bucket had contained hydrochloric acid, or lye, or perhaps smelly, spoiled milk. That would have presented much more of an issue for you, wouldn’t it?

Most of us don’t spend a lot of time carrying around buckets or pails, but we each tote around an inner “bucket” we wherever we go. This bucket is filled with attitudes, emotions and feelings that swirl just below the surface of our consciousness. Most people observing us never know what’s there – we might not either – until we get “bumped” and the contents of our inner bucket comes cascading out.

When my friend’s neighborhood homeowners’ association decided to make some changes to enhance safety, one of the residents didn’t respond in a very neighborly manner. Upon hearing about what was being done, this woman called my friend, who heads the association, repeatedly, berating him for implementing changes she didn’t like.

My friend tried to remain patient and cordial, but it was obvious this “neighbor” had no interest in being conciliatory. The neighborhood changes had bumped her “bucket,” spewing its caustic contents out over the phone.

Who knows what set this lady off? Maybe it was something other than the safety changes; they might merely have been the camel-breaking straw that released a bucket full of pent-up anger. Observing what’s happening in our society today, it seems many inner buckets are being bumped with all manner of vitriol spilling out.

Over time I’ve learned to be more even-keeled, but if there’s anything undesirable in my “bucket,” it’s likely to come sloshing out while sitting behind the wheel of my car in traffic, surrounded by folks who seem to have learned to drive just yesterday. Even then, that’s no excuse for losing control emotionally. So how can we avoid being like “Angry Agatha” who verbally abused my friend?

The secret, as the Scriptures teach us, is to make certain we’re filled not with negativity, but with the fruit of God’s Spirit. As Galatians 5:22-23 tells us, “the fruit of the Spirit is love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness and self-control.” If this “fruit” – evidence of God living in us spiritually – fills us, even when adverse circumstances arise, these are what spills out.

Rather than exploding in anger when a child makes a mess, we’ll be more disposed to respond with kindness and understanding. We’ll treat people that annoy us with gentleness and love, not hatred, ire and disrespect.

We’re also instructed to “be filled with the Spirit, speaking to one another with psalms, hymns, and songs from the Spirit” (Ephesians 5:18-19). Another passage expresses it this way: “Do not let any unwholesome talk come out of your mouths, but only what is helpful for building others up according to their needs, that it may benefit those who listen” (Ephesians 4:29).

Ultimately this is only possible through a daily, deepening relationship with the Lord that results in “out with the old, in with the new.” Ephesians 3:17-19 speaks of the desire, “that Christ may dwell in your hearts through faith. And I pray that you, being rooted and established in love, may have power, together with all the saints, to grasp how wide and long and high and deep is the love of Christ, and to know this love that surpassed knowledge – that you may be filled to the measure of all the fullness of God.”

Just as fighting fire with fire is futile, attempting to battle the angry world around us with anger is also pointless. Instead, we can have the greatest impact when we reflect the character and qualities of the God we know and serve. “And so we know and rely on the love God has for us. God is love. Whoever lives in love lives in God, and God in them” (1 John 4:16).

Let’s make certain that the next time our buckets get bumped, as they certainly will, what pours out is the love and grace of God, rather than something else.

Buyer – or Viewer – Beware!

Just as you can’t judge a book by its cover, it seems we can’t judge a movie by its previews. A few weeks ago, I took one of my grandchildren to a “sci-fi” movie. Judging from the previews, it promised to be a fun, lighthearted, even cartoonish film he’d like. Parts of it were indeed funny, even silly. It had a wise-cracking raccoon, a goofy-looking Gumby-like creature, and assorted other weird characters. All the ingredients for an enjoyable, family-oriented movie.

Sometimes the PG in "PG-13" can
stand for "pretty gross."

This film had earned the highest gross revenues for its opening week. Critics largely gave it two thumbs up, so I thought it would be a safe bet for a grandpa-grandson outing. Uh-uh.

I discovered the writers and directors saw fit to add some other “ingredients” – dashes of profanity (totally unnecessary), along with splashes of sexual innuendo, some not very subtle. Once it became evident these had been sprinkled throughout the production, we left.

It’s hard to figure out why the Hollywood elite think vulgarity equates with sophistication, enlightenment, and “coolness.” In my view, it’s a reflection of puerile thinking, a desperately low-level worldview. Makes me wonder whether these folks start their mornings by gargling used toilet water.

I’m not naïve. I understand we live in a world where most folks don’t use words like “golly,” “gosh,” “darn” and “drat” to express their most base emotions. And leaving profane language out of many adult movies probably would make them seem unrealistic to many viewers. However, had the cussing and sexual references been omitted from this film, it would have been no less entertaining. In the world of Hollywood, why bother with bright, imaginative writing when four-letter words can easily fill the gaps in dialogue?

Most of us don’t aspire to ever write motion picture scripts. But we all communicate, and it helps to have guidelines for conveying our messages effectively. I’ve learned basic principles from the Bible can be applied to communications in any of its many forms. Whether writing emails, dashing off texts, having conversations, “tweeting,” speaking at public meetings, sending a letter to the editor, or crafting the next great American novel, these guidelines offer a solid framework for effective, productive expression.

One passage speaks directly to the issue: “Do not let any unwholesome talk come out of your mouths, but only what is helpful for building others up according to their needs, that it may benefit those who listen” (Ephesians 4:29). When we speak, write, text, or comment on social media, is our intention to edify, to build up – or are we seeking to tear down?

Elsewhere the apostle Paul admonished believers in the church at Philippi, “…whatever is true, whatever is noble, whatever is right, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is admirable – if anything is excellent or praiseworthy – think about such things” (Philippians 4:8).

Living in a world that puts less and less stock in virtuous thinking, it can seem difficult to find communications that qualify as true, noble, right and pure. But that doesn’t mean we must respond in kind. As Proverbs 4:23 admonishes, “Above all else, guard your heart, for everything you do flows from it.”

I like how it was presented on a church marquee a friend of mine saw recently: “Tweet others the way you want to be tweeted.” Because our words, whether in a theatrical film or a friendly chat, have power. The power to heal or to harm, to affirm or to attack, to promote or to poison.

Just Too Tough to Tame

We’ve all heard the phrase, “too tough to tame.” It’s been used as a title for numerous books, including romance novels! It’s a description sometimes used of dominating, relentless athletes. Sometimes it’s applied to executives, shrewd businesspeople or wily politicians. NASCAR refers to the demanding Darlington Raceway in South Carolina as “the track too tough to tame.”

But of all things, do you know what’s the toughest to tame? The tongue.

In the New Testament book of James, there’s a whole section subtitled in some Bibles, “Taming the Tongue.” It states, “the tongue is a small part of the body, but it makes great boasts. Consider what a great forest is set on fire by a small spark. The tongue also is a fire, a world of evil among the parts of the body. It corrupts the whole person, sets the whole course of his life on fire, and is itself set on fire by hell” (James 3:3-6). Talk about not mincing words!

The tongue can cause a little spark
that results in a great fire.

The passage notes many kinds of animals, birds, reptiles and sea creatures can be tamed, “but no man can tame the tongue. It is a restless evil, full of deadly poison. With the tongue we praise our Lord and Father, and with it we curse men, who are made in God’s likeness. Out of the same mouth come praise and cursing. My brothers, this should not be” (James 3:7-10).

Isn’t this true? Have you ever been victimized by someone else’s tongue? Have others suffered wounds because of yours?

We see evidence of the untamed, untamable tongue every day: TV and radio talk shows, where biased and bombastic tongues wag out of control. In the news, when the “offending” and the “offended” seem equally outspoken, interested only in self-expression and not with the lost art of listening to others. If there were some proven way to tame the tongue, most political campaigns would have to be disbanded.

Some of us have friends that delight in sharing the latest and juiciest gossip, even if disguised in the form of “prayer requests”: “Please pray for so-and-so, whose wife just ran off with such-and-such.” Runaway tongues meet nimble fingers on social media, where negativity and criticism run without restraint. If you can’t say (or comment) something bad about someone then don’t say anything at all, has become today’s prevailing philosophy.

I’ve been guilty of this myself. Caught up in the fervor of reading social media posts of those that are for or against something, whether it’s a political candidate, cause, or controversy, there’s nothing easier than adding a snide comment either in agreement or opposition. Email is another way of linking tongues with fingertips, expressing feelings in haste, only to realize too late we’ve already leaped when we should have looked.

The Bible was written long before the advent of social media, the Internet and email, but it was already warning against the reckless use of speech, whether pouring directly from the mouth, or in the form of words appearing on a page, smartphone, or computer monitor.

Ephesians 4:29 offers perhaps the soundest advice of all concerning what we say to others:

"Do not let any unwholesome talk come out of your mouths, but only what is helpful for building others up according to their needs, that it may benefit those who listen."

Admittedly, this is an exhortation I need to meditate on – and apply – on a much more consistent basis. As I’ve mentioned before, remembering Proverbs 10:19 has kept me from causing needless harm many times: “When words are many, sin is not absent, but he who holds his tongue is wise.” But there are still times when I slip, when I blurt out words that fit the “unwholesome talk” description. At such times, “Oops!” isn’t a good enough excuse.

So what’s the remedy for a wild, unruly tongue? It can never truly be tamed, but keeping some “words to the wise” in mind can help us avoid a lot of trouble. For instance:

• “Put away perversity from your mouth; keep corrupt talk from your lips” (Proverbs 4:24).
• “A man who lacks judgment derides his neighbor, but a man of understanding holds his tongue” (Proverbs 11:12).
• “Reckless words pierce like a sword, but the tongue of the wise brings healing” (Proverbs 12:18).
• “Pleasant words are a honeycomb, sweet to the soul and healing to the bones” (Proverbs 16:24).

So in these days when verbal assaults seem dramatically and tragically on the rise, perhaps we can do our part to speak – and write – in ways that prove to be sweet to the soul and healing to the bones. Are we seeking to build up and benefit rather than tear down and destroy? Rather than being part of the problem, with judicious words we can become part of the solution.