Adoption – the Oft-Overlooked Option

This time of the year is very special for our family. The hubbub of the holidays has subsided, and we pause to celebrate the birthdays of several of family members, including two adopted grandsons. It’s an annual reminder of the courageous, selfless decisions of their birth mothers to bring them into this world and then, because they were not able to raise them, to entrust them to loving adoptive parents.

 

In the ongoing “pro-choice/pro-life” debate, often overlooked is the option of adoption, instead of abortion. If we “follow the science,” as we’ve been admonished so many times, we know that inside a pregnant woman’s womb is a living being – a human being – patiently waiting for the time it can enter the world and live without a sustaining lifeline called the umbilical cord. So, despite the arguments, abortion is the taking of a life. 

 

Sadly, many times women become pregnant and are unable or unwilling to take on the responsibility for raising a child – or another child, if they already have one or more. The alternative, some in our society insist, is abortion. But adoption – ironically the juxtaposition of two letters – is the better option, what we could term a win-win, for the birth mom, the baby, and the parents who adopt him or her.

 

Which brings us to our family. In addition to our two adopted grandchildren, we also have a son-in-law, now in his 50s, a highly successful entrepreneur who employs 60-80 people in his businesses, and is devoted to serving hundreds of clients. He’s also the father of two daughters and now the grandfather of a little boy. The lives of many hundreds of people have been positively affected the brave decision of a birth mother whom he was blessed to meet for the first time several years ago.

 

Abortion, therefore, isn’t simply a “personal decision” for a pregnant woman. Taking a long view, it literally is a life-changing decision for countless people, continuing many years into the future. Of course, adoption isn’t a simple, inexpensive option. To adopt a child often carries a cost that could total well into thousands of dollars. But how do you put a price on a life?

 

Rather than writing what might seem like a strident pro-life editorial, I’d like to offer a very different view on adoption – one presented in unequivocal terms in the Bible. Because it states that every person who is a child of God, who has been “born again,” as Jesus explained in John 3:3-8, has been adopted by the Lord.

 

Romans 8:15 declares, “For you did not receive the spirit of bondage again to fear, but you received the Spirit of adoption by whom you cry out, ‘Abba, Father’” [literally, “Daddy.”] Eight verses later we read, “…even we ourselves groan within ourselves, eagerly waiting for the adoption, the redemption of our body.”

 

The apostle Paul writes more about this elsewhere, as in Galatians 4:4-5, “But when the fullness of the time had come, God sent forth His Son, born of a woman, born under the law, to redeem those who were under the law, that we might receive the adoption as sons.”

 

Perhaps the strongest statement of all is found in Ephesians 1:4-5, which declares, “just as He chose us in Him before the foundation of the world, that we should be holy and without blame before Him in love, having predestined us to adoption as sons by Jesus Christ to Himself, according to the good pleasure of His will.”

 

Earlier I mentioned the considerable expense of adopting a human child. But that cost, however high, could never approach what it cost God the Father to adopt us as His spiritual children. Romans 5:8 states, “But God demonstrates His own love toward us, in that while we were still sinners, Christ died for us.” 

 

To make provision for our adoption as His children cost the sacrifice of His own Son, Jesus Christ. So that Paul could write in Ephesians 1:7-8, “In Him we have redemption through His blood, the forgiveness of sins, according to the riches of His grace which He made to abound toward us in all wisdom and prudence.”

 

Across our nation, many thousands of childless couples would love to have the opportunity and blessing of adopting an unwanted child. Many other families with children would generously open their homes to adopt additional children. If only we could hear that option explained and advocated more often as this great social debate continues.

 

From the moment each of our grandsons was welcomed into our family and adopted, our lives were changed forever. Now we can’t imagine what our lives would be like without them. And for the birth mothers, they had the peace of mind knowing they had made the right sacrifice, seeing to it that the infants they carried into this world would grow up in safe, loving homes.

But even more, think of the countless men, women, and children whom God longs to adopt – for all eternity – because of the priceless sacrifice He has already made. If you’re reading this, you’re probably already spiritually oriented. But the question every one of us must answer is, “Have I been adopted? Have I truly accepted God’s invitation to become a member of His everlasting family?” If not, this could become the day of your own adoption! 

Thinking of Those Who Will Never Know Their Mothers

Another Mother’s Day is just a few days away, giving us another opportunity to express and demonstrate our appreciation. Not only to our moms, but also to the mothers of our own children, and all women who offer such devotion and sacrifice in caring for their sons and daughters. Thank you all, so very much!

But as the “pro-choice” vs. pro-life debate continues to ramp up, I can’t help but think of the millions of infants who will never celebrate a Mother’s Day, those unborn persons whose “moms” chose to end their lives in the womb.

Admittedly I have “skin in the game” when it comes to this: We have two grandsons whose birth mothers made courageous, selfless choices by bringing their babies to term and then, unable to take on the responsibility of raising a child, surrendered these little boys for adoption. We also have a son-in-law who, more than 50 years ago, was born to a teen-aged birth mother who also released him to be adopted, refusing to terminate her pregnancy.

How our lives would have been different if any – or all – of these birth moms had chosen to kill their babies before they were born. And because of these brave, noble decisions, two women unable to conceive biologically have had the joy and privilege of becoming “Mommy” or “Mom” to their sons.

I know terms like “kill” and “murder” for some are the equivalent of waving a red flag in front of a bull. Fighting words. Civil discourse and common sense are so lacking in this crucial issue. While it’s difficult to dissuade the opposition, the rights of the unborn must be defended.

Before one of our granddaughters arrived on the scene, we were delighted to see her ultrasound photo. The image of pre-born Brynn was at 23 weeks, still in her second trimester. Clearly she already had all of her parts – her head, body and limbs were formed. She just wasn’t ready for life outside the womb. No doubt, even at that stage of development, she was a baby, fully human, not fetal tissue just floating around in amniotic fluid.

It’s reported that abortion centers are reluctant, and often refuse, to show pregnant women ultrasounds of their unborn babies. When I’ve shown pro-abortion friends the ultrasound image of my granddaughter, they have looked away. Why do you think that is? 

Brynn was born five weeks premature, at 35 weeks, necessitating a stay in the NICU (neonatal intensive care unit) of Children’s Hospital. Even at that point, according to recent legislation, had she been born in states like New York or Virginia, she would have been eligible for “termination.” Looking at her lying in the incubator, tubes attached, growing slowly and gathering strength for going to her new home, it was hard to imagine how anyone could authorize ending such a tender, promising life.

Today that same little girl, now 2, is attending preschool, singing along with her favorite songs, learning colors, and brightening the room with her mischievous smile. 

Some would argue that since I’m a man, what right do I have to tell women what they should do with their bodies? To an extent, I understand such thinking. A pregnant woman is, after all, “inconvenienced” for nine months during gestation. And if she doesn’t want a baby, or lacks the resources to care for one, isn’t it more “humane” to end the pregnancy in the womb? 

Nothing, I believe, would have been humane about not allowing a little one like Brynn – or any child – to be born and be able to experience the opportunities of this wonderful world. Or begin to fulfill the potential of God’s unique design for them. 

As Psalm 139:13-16 beautifully expresses it, “For you [Lord] created my inmost being; you knit me together in my mother’s womb; I praise you because I am fearfully and wonderfully made; your works are wonderful, I know that full well…. All the days ordained for me were written in your book, before one of them came to be.”

This isn’t the only place where the Bible talks about the life of the unborn. In the gospel of Luke, we see the response to Jesus by prenatal John, who would become known as John the Baptist: “…Mary got ready and hurried to the town in the hill country of Judea, where she entered Zechariah’s home and greeted Elizabeth [her also-expectant relative]. When Elizabeth heard Mary’s greeting, the baby [John] leaped in her womb, and Elizabeth was filled with the Holy Spirit” (Luke 1:39-41).

How can we read such passages and assert the Bible says nothing about the personhood of the unborn or aborting them?

Even more tragic, in many cases there’s more than one victim of an abortion. In 2017, the Journal of American Surgeons and Physicians published a study of 1,000 women showing that for the vast majority of them, abortions had not made their lives better; many needed post-abortion counseling. 

Studies also have shown abortion can cause future infertility and miscarriage, and other medical studies have found post-abortive women run a higher risk of mental health disorders and substance abuse. These facts, of course, are typically ignored or excluded from the abortion debate.

So on this eve of Mother’s Day, I’d like to again congratulate all moms and wish them a wonderful day. We owe you much gratitude for giving us life. For those birth moms who have unselfishly offered their babies to be adopted by loving parents, thank you! You’ve made someone else’s Mother’s Day. And for women who have undergone abortions and suffered pain in the aftermath, may God grant you peace, comfort, and the restoring power of His grace and mercy.

Adoption: A Most Delightful Word

One of the kindest, happiest words in the English language is adoption – particularly because it’s something we do voluntarily.

We have pet adoption centers, where lost and abandoned animals can find new homes and loving owners. You can “adopt” a highway, contributing financially to support its ongoing maintenance. Churches sometimes adopt a neighboring community, setting out a strategy for serving and ministering to its residents. Cities sometimes adopt a “sister city” in another country, using that connection to conduct meaningful social and cultural exchanges.

And you can adopt a child, whether an adolescent from a troubled home who has been shuttled around the foster care system, an orphan, or an infant whose biological parents either do not wish to raise it or are incapable of doing so.

Cam had his "day in court" last week.

Our family has been the delighted beneficiary of the latter on two occasions – seven years ago when we welcomed Mac into our clan, and just last week, having little Cam legally declared Mac’s adoptive brother after the requisite waiting period. To say they are a blessing would be among the greatest of understatements.

In both cases, the birth moms made the courageous and caring decisions not to pursue abortions to end their unwanted pregnancies. Instead, they determined to find a loving couple to take on the permanent responsibilities of parenting, nurturing and providing for their babies. That couple, in God’s providence, was our youngest daughter and her husband.

The interesting thing about adoption is that while the boys do not carry their parents’ DNA, they are every bit as much their sons as if they had been biological offspring. Our family regards them the same as the grandkids that do carry our genetic imprint. We can’t imagine life without them in our family.

It’s noteworthy that the concept of “adoption” is also important in God’s grand scheme of things, since it’s cited in numerous passages of the Scriptures, particularly the New Testament. It serves as a descriptive for how we become part of His family. 

Cam is one happy little boy.

In Romans 8:15 we’re told, “For you did not receive the spirit of bondage again to fear, but you received the spirit of adoption by whom we cry out, ‘Abba, Father.’ The Spirit Himself bears witness with our spirit that we are children of God.” That term, “Abba,” best translated as “daddy,” showing the tender, intimate relationship we can enjoy with God as chosen members of His eternal family.

Galatians 4:5 states Jesus came, “to redeem those who were under the law, that we might receive the adoption as sons.” And Ephesians 1:4-5 declares, “just as He chose us in Him before the foundation of the world, that we should be holy and without blame before Him in love, having predestined us to adoption as sons by Jesus Christ to himself.”

These and similar passages affirm becoming children of God is not automatic, but a gracious, intentional choice by the Lord, welcoming us into His fold. Even when we don’t feel like members of His family – or if a time should come when we don’t want to be – we remain adopted according to His perfect, unchanging will.

In Christian circles we sometimes hear discussions about the “security of the believer.” Can we mess up so badly that we lose our salvation? Is it like pulling petals off a daisy, “He loves me…He loves me not”? Knowing we have been adopted by God should quell such fears.

Just as our two adoptive grandsons were chosen to join our family, and by court decree can do nothing to undo that, we too have the everlasting assurance of being members of God’s family according to His holy, perfect decree. What the Lord has done, we can’t undo.

As Titus 3:5-7 affirms, “he saved us, not because of righteous things we had done, but because of his mercy. He saved us through the washing of rebirth and renewal by the Holy Spirit, whom he poured out on us generously through Jesus Christ our Savior, so that, having been justified by his grace, we might become heirs having the hope of eternal life.” That, my friends, is what we call “Good News.”