What Other People Think is Important, But Not That Important

Do you ever lose sleep wondering what other people think of you? I’m reminded of the sage who advised, “Don’t worry about what people are thinking about you – because most of the time, they’re not thinking about you at all.” (The guy was Hawaiian, so this deserves … a low-ha.)

 

Most of us do wonder what people think of us, at least to some extent. When entering a room, we’d like to make people smile, happy because we’re there, rather than see them turn the other way, or briefly glance toward us and mumble something to each other in hushed tones. We’d like people to think well of us, but how important is that? How important should it be? 

 

The Bible offers numerous examples that help in answering those questions. But one in particular comes to mind. Among the saddest statements in the entire Bible concerns Jehoram, who had succeeded his father Jehoshaphat as king of Judah, which had separated from the other tribes of Israel. First, here’s some context:

 

Of Jehoshaphat, the Scriptures tell us, “He walked in the ways of his father Asa and did not stray from them; he did what was right in the eyes of the Lord” (2 Chronicles 20:32). For the most part it seems he was an upstanding individual, as was Asa before him.

 

However, Jehoram had a very different character, choosing not to build on the righteous legacies of Asa and Jehoshaphat. Instead, “He walked in the ways of the kings of Israel…. He did evil in the eyes of the Lord” (2 Chronicles 21:6). He became Judah’s king at the age of 32 and reigned in Jerusalem for eight years.

 

This is where the sad part comes in. After contracting a terrible, incurable disease, Jehoram “passed away, to no one’s regret.” He was so despised, it says, he “was buried in the City of David, but not in the tombs of the kings” (2 Chronicles 21:20). Unlike what was customary for the rulers of Judah, Jehoram wasn’t given a final resting place with the other kings. 

 

Worst of all, he died “to no one’s regret.” If his grave had a tombstone, the inscription might have read the Hebrew equivalent of “Good riddance!”

 

Many people would agree they’d like to think that when they leave this life, they’ve made the world a better place. In the case of Jehoram, apparently the only way he could make his world a better place was simply to leave.

 

The Bible doesn’t give many other details about Jehoram’s life. We know he married a daughter of Ahab, perhaps the worst king in the history of ancient Israel. Ahab’s described as doing “more to arouse the anger of the Lord, the God of Israel, than did all the kings of Israel before him” (1 Kings 16:33). His daughter wasn’t a positive influence on Jehoram, that’s pretty obvious. Maybe he was more concerned about what Ahab and the daughter thought about him than what the people of Judah thought. He definitely didn’t care what God thought about him.

 

What has this to say for us today? I doubt any of us want our legacy be that we died to no one’s regret. And the Bible teaches that having a good reputation has merit, as long as it’s based on the right things:

“A good name is more desirable than great riches; to be esteemed is better than silver or gold” (Proverbs 22:1).

“The path of the righteous is like the first gleam of dawn, shining ever brighter till the full light of day” (Proverbs 4:18).

“He who pursues righteousness and love finds life, prosperity and honor” (Proverbs 21:21).

 

Wouldn’t it be wonderful to be known as someone whose manner of living is “like the first gleam of dawn, shining ever brighter till the full light of day”? Much better than being known as a dark cloud, for sure. And if living a God-honoring life results in life, prosperity and honor, that’s something we can aspire to.

 

At the same time, the acclaim and commendation of others shouldn’t be our primary goal. For many, that can become a stumbling block. One day Jesus Christ warned His disciples as well as people in a large crowd that had gathered, “Woe to you when all men speak well of you, for their fathers used to treat the false prophets in the same way” (Luke 6:26). To the contrary, He said, “Blessed are you when men hate you, when they exclude you and insult you and reject your name as evil, because of the Son of Man” (Luke 6:22).

 

What’s most important, Jesus was saying, is not what people think of us but how we’re viewed in the eyes of God the Father. “Be careful not to perform your righteous acts before men to be seen by them. If you do, you will have no reward from your Father in heaven” (Matthew 6:1).

 

This affirmed a principle taught in the Old Testament, “To do what is right and just is more acceptable to the Lord than sacrifice” (Proverbs 21:3). The apostle Paul stated it another way: “…Do not think of yourself more highly than you ought, but think of yourself with sober judgment, according to the measure of faith God has given you” (Romans 12:3).

 

Having a good reputation and being viewed favorably by others is desirable, especially since we’re to be “Christ’s ambassadors” (2 Corinthians 5:20). As His representatives, we should exhibit honorable lives. 

Ultimately, however, we’re to be like the virtuoso pianist who performs primarily for an audience of one, his mentor -- not the adoring crowd in the concert hall. If one day we hear the words from our Lord, “Well done, good and faithful servant!” (Matthew 25:21), that will mean infinitely more than all the good things people might have thought about us here. 

Never Underestimate the Value of a Good Name

Recently I took our grandson Mac to a summer camp program at his school. As I was registering him, a teacher handling the sign-in sheet asked if I was Mac’s grandfather. Then he asked if I was his mom’s or dad’s father.  

When I replied that I was the father of Mac’s mom, Sarah, the teacher said something that warmed my heart. “Oh, then you’re also Becca’s dad (another of my daughters). I’ve had both of her daughters in my classes, and they’re really good kids.” (Cue proud smile!)

 

Although I appreciated the compliment, I can’t take the credit. My daughters and their husbands do all the hard work, raising and trying to properly guide their children – our grandchildren, of whom I’m admittedly very fond. Nonetheless, it was nice to hear someone speaking well of our family.

 

Once upon a time, families took great care to ensure the protection of their “good name.” Family members understood their words and actions reflected not only on themselves, but also on the reputation of their parents and siblings.

 

There’s a huge difference between an enthusiastic “Hey, look, here come the McDougals!” and, “Uh-oh, here come the McDougals!” Our reputations precede us.

 

But is a good name all that important? Does it really matter what people think of us and our families? The Bible says it matters a lot. For instance, Proverbs 22:1 declares, “A good name is more desirable than great riches; to be esteemed is better than silver or gold.” 

 

King Solomon, who wrote much of Proverbs and is widely regarded as the author the book of Ecclesiastes, also asserted, “A good name is better than fine perfume…” (Ecclesiastes 7:1). Perhaps this is because you can always buy silver, gold or fine perfume; you can’t purchase a good name.

 

So, how do we earn – and maintain – a good name? It’s not a one-time thing. We have to be consistent, steadfast in our resolve to speak words and do things that reflect positively on who we are. Proverbs 25:9-10 offers this caution: “If you argue your case with a neighbor, do not betray another man’s confidence, or he who hears it may shame you and you will never lose your bad reputation.” 

 

Since one’s reputation and good name are so closely linked, the same can be said of both: It takes a lifetime to build a solid reputation (and good name), but they can be destroyed in a single moment of foolish or reckless behavior. 

 

We need to have a clear understanding of those values we hold dear and the principles that dictate how and why we do and say what we do. Acting like one type of person in one setting but behaving like someone entirely different in a different environment is no way to build a good name – or solid reputation. Social chameleons aren’t known for their good names.

 

We’re advised in Proverbs 3:4, “Let love and faithfulness never leave you; bind them around your neck, write them on the tablet of your heart. Then you win favor and a good name in the sight of God and man.” (Proverbs 3:4). 

 

The psalmist presents us with this wise observation: “How can a young man make his way pure? By living according to [God’s] word…. I have hidden Your word in my heart that I might not sin against You” (Psalm 119:9-11). Interestingly, King David of Israel, who wrote many of the psalms, apparently didn’t always keep this admonition in the forefront of his mind, given his tragic moral lapses.

 

So, it seems a good name is something we should always be striving to establish and protect, but there’s no time to let down our guard. The junkyard of reputations has been filled by folks who seemed to be living upright lives – until the time they didn’t.

 

Putting the interests of others is one powerful means for avoiding calamitous stumbles. As the apostle Paul wrote, “‘Everything is permissible’ – but not everything is beneficial. ‘Everything is permissible’ – but not everything is constructive. Nobody should seek his own good, but the good of others” (1 Corinthians 10:23-24). If we can succeed at doing this consistently, our good name mostly likely will remain secure.

What’s in a Name?

The other day I was reading an article that said biblical names are declining in popularity. Aha. That’s why I haven’t heard of any babies lately being named Mephibosheth, Absalom, Hophni, Jereboam or Eliphelet! And given the ruthless reputation of Queen Jezebel (1 Kings 18-21), it’s no wonder that’s not a name of choice in maternity wards around the nation. Who would want their child associated with such an evil person?

There’s no question a name can have tremendous impact. For instance, when you hear the name Ponzi, what comes to mind? If you’re not familiar with it, Charles Ponzi was a businessman and con artist who in 1920 swindled trusting investors out of $20 million by promising spectacular returns on their investments. Today, his name is often associated with similarly devious schemes.

We can think of other names throughout history that immediately conjure negative images – Hitler, Genghis Khan, Benedict Arnold, Tokyo Rose. But names also can carry great positive meaning. If you think of a favorite relative, or someone you’ve worked with that was greatly admired, chances are that person’s name always brings a smile to your face and lifts your spirits.

This is why Proverbs 10:7 states, “The memory of the righteous will be a blessing, but the name of the wicked will rot.” Another verse reinforces that idea: “A good name is more desirable than great riches; to be esteemed is better than silver or gold” (Proverbs 22:1).

For a brief time, Charles Ponzi accumulated “silver and gold” at the expense of others, but to this day, his name is rotting, spoken with disdain and scorn.

It’s a sobering thought to wonder how people react when they mention or hear our own name. Do they utter it fondly, in a trusting or loving manner? Or do they want to spit it out, like a spoonful of bitter medicine?

So how can we gain – and maintain – a name worthy of being spoken? One way is by pursuing and seeking to uphold human virtues that most people value, such as integrity, humility, sincerity and compassion.

Galatians 5:22-23 offers a list of traits that would attract us to anyone. Having cited an array of distasteful behaviors, including sexual immorality, hatred, jealousy, fits of rage and selfishness, the passage declares, “But the fruit of the Spirit is love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness and self-control….”

Most of us would agree these are worthwhile qualities, but we’d also be quick to admit they’re not easily lived out. “I’d like to be like that, but I fail to do so more times than I can count!”

The following verses offer the “secret” for being able to manifest those qualities in a consistent manner. “Those who belong to Christ Jesus have crucified the sinful nature with its passions and desires. Since we live by (Christ’s) Spirit, let us keep in step with the Spirit” (Galatians 5:24-25).

What this tells me is that when it comes to living the so-called “Christian life,” holding to the standard of life God calls us to live, the reality is we can’t do it – not in our own strength. It’s beyond the capacity of what the Bible terms our “flesh,” our “sinful nature.” Instead, we have to rely on the power of Christ in us, agreeing with the apostle Paul when he wrote, “…I no longer live, but Christ lives in me” (Galatians 2:20).

This is a simple truth – but one that demands an entire lifetime to learn, and relearn, and learn again. I know, because I’m still very much in the midst of the learning process.

Thankfully, I also have the assurance Paul cited in Philippians 1:6, “being confident of this, that he who began a good work in you will carry it on to completion until the day of Christ Jesus.” According to this, even when I mess up – which is often – God is saying, “Don’t worry, you’re right on schedule.”