“If you can’t say something bad about somebody, don’t say
anything at all!”
It seems this twist on a familiar adage unfortunately has become
a motto for many these days, whether on social media, the news media, or even
in casual conversation. Never miss a chance to demean, disparage, denigrate or
diminish. Whatever you do, don’t say anything nice.
Case in point, within hours of Dr. Billy Graham’s passing, a
major newspaper published a feature article about his family, implying that as
he was aggressively preaching the gospel of Jesus Christ in various parts of
the world, he was failing his children at home.
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| Just because we know something, that doesn't obligate us to say it. |
One might explain this as the periodical’s attempt to present an
accurate, three-dimensional portrayal of the famed evangelist, including his
flaws. They certainly had the right to do so, as our Constitution’s First
Amendment guarantees. I have no quibble with this; it was the timing that
troubled me.
Having been a journalist for many years, I know it’s common
practice to prepare obituaries of the famous and infamous well in advance, in
the event of their passing, expected or not. I’ve written some of those myself.
So this “news” story of struggles within the Graham family obviously had been poised
for publication, knowing the preacher’s advanced age and declining health. Even
though these accounts were hardly breaking news, having already been acknowledged
in books by Dr. Graham and several of his offspring, it seemed clear the intent
was to emphasize his feet of clay. (Which we all have.)
This is just one example among many of society’s eagerness to expose
the darker side of any well-known individual, sometimes even before the flesh
has grown cold or the body’s been interred. But one need not hold qualifications
for “Who’s Who” to receive similar treatment.
We’ve all felt dismay about the rise of social media bullying,
individuals verbally pummeling anyone they choose, cowardly acts committed with
computers and smart devices in the safety of their homes. What an curious
practice, seeking to enhance one’s self-image by attacking others.
Technology
has conveniently placed at our fingertips the capacity for demeaning other
individuals – and groups. But it’s hardly a new phenomenon – it’s as old as
humankind. In fact, the Bible has much to say about this timeless form of
antagonism.
Proverbs
12:18 tells us, “Reckless words pierce
like a sword, but the tongue of the wise brings healing.” Elsewhere in the
same chapter we read the antithesis, how encouraging words can have a profound,
uplifting impact on the hearers: “An
anxious heart weighs a man down, but a kind word cheers him up” (Proverbs
12:25).
This
isn’t calling for a Pollyanna perspective on life, ignoring problems, pain and peculiarities.
But it takes little or no talent to identify faults in others – even as we
ignore or minimize flaws of our own. It may take a bit more effort to form
expressions of kindness and compassion, but they can do far more than we might
imagine to help in making our world a better place.
As
Proverbs 16:21 declares, “The wise in
heart are called discerning, and pleasant words promote instruction.” When
we hear juicy reports about others, whether it’s someone we know only through
programs like “Entertainment Tonight” or our neighbor down the street, it’s
easy to rush to a friend so we can let them in on the “news.” But as we’re
cautioned by Proverbs 18:8, “The words of
a gossip are like choice morsels, they go down to a man’s inmost parts.”
Rather
than succumbing to that temptation, it might be far better to remind ourselves
that, “He who covers over an offense
promotes love, but whoever repeats the matter separates close friends” (Proverbs
17:9). There’s something tantalizing about knowing “inside information” we can
share with others, but that doesn’t obligate us to broadcast it to
everyone else. “A man of knowledge uses
words with restraint, and a man of understanding is even-tempered” (Proverbs
17:27).
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