Life Is a Collaborative Effort

The older I get, the more convinced I become that we can’t get to where we want to be alone. When we’re in school, teachers help us not only to learn but also encourage us. The best teachers have the discernment to point students in the right direction, in terms of their interests and abilities.

In the workplace, even the most talented individuals must rely on others for help in reaching their goals and objectives. The person who believes, “I got to where I am all by myself,” is self-deluded. Even the one who has reached the top of the corporate ladder still needed someone to build the ladder, and others to hold the ladder while he or she was climbing.

Right now I’m wrapping up work on a book project that I’ve been involved with for more than two years. The writing is finished, but before finalizing the manuscript for publication, we have several sets of eyes on it to proofread and edit. As the adage goes, a writer is his own worst editor. So it’s necessary for others to spot the annoying typos, misspellings, and grammatical and punctuation errors I’ve overlooked. The writer sees what is supposed to be there; the good editor sees what is there and recognizes when changes and corrections are needed.

This applies for any endeavor in life. We just had a badly clogged kitchen sink, and two plumbers came to our rescue to fix the problem. This was not a case of one working and the other watching. They worked collaboratively to locate the pesky clog and get rid of it. It took them together about an hour. One person working alone could have taken all day, and might not have been able to remove the clog at all.

One of my favorite passages in the Bible related to this is Ecclesiastes 4:9-12. I’ve mentioned it in previous posts, but it’s always good to review. It says: 

“Two are better than one, because they have a good return for their work: If one falls down, his friend can help him up. But pity the man who falls and has no one to help him up! Also, if two lie down together, they will keep warm. But how can one keep warm alone? Though one may be overpowered, two can defend themselves. A cord of three strands is not quickly broken.”

Consider parenting and raising a family. Single parents do courageous, incredible jobs, but caring for and nurturing children, along with earning an income and operating a household, is so much easier when both a husband and wife – a mother and father – are present to share in the joys, struggles, decision-making, and daily responsibilities.

It's been this way since the beginning. When God created Eve, it was after He had observed Adam and understood his need for companionship and partnership. So the Lord declared, “It is not good for the man to be alone. I will make a helper suitable for him” (Genesis 2:18). Who knows? Adam might have had a faithful dog to keep him company first, but that was clearly not enough. The first man needed another human to collaborate with him on the adventure we all know as “everyday life.”

The spiritual life also is intended as a collaboration. We each should seek to spend time every day alone with God, in prayer, reading and studying the Scriptures, and meditating on Him and His truth. But as Proverbs 27:17 tells us, “As iron sharpens iron, so one man sharpens another.” When I consider what this says, I visualize two pieces of metal clashing against each other, at times generating sparks. The result is not to cause damage, but to hone and sharpen for more effectiveness.

I’m so thankful for the many people the Lord has brought into my life to sharpen me, not only personally and professionally, but also spiritually. I still need people like that. We never outgrow our need for “sharpeners,” and I actively look for people to engage with on a regular basis, trusting that as they are sharpening me, I’m also being used by God to sharpen them. 

We live in an age when more and more people are becoming isolated, even alienated from society. They have replaced genuine relationships with social media “friends” and connections. For them, video games and the Internet have assumed the role activities like tennis, golf, fishing, playing cards, board games, and just casual conversation historically have had in the lives of most of us. They lack someone to look them in the eyes, who cares enough to build them up when they’re feeling down and also to challenge or rebuke them when the need arises. And it always does – for all of us. 

Yes, we can exist without healthy connections with others. But why would we want to do so? Your computer can’t give you a warm hug when you need it; or make eye contact and recognize when you need someone to talk to, laugh with, cry with or pray with. Life is best lived in collaboration with others. As God declared when time began, it is not good to be alone.

Who do you have in your life that is helping to sharpen you? Are you available to be used to sharpen others in their own journey? If there is no one there right now, are you willing to pray and ask the Lord to send someone your way?

Just a Little Farther Down the Road

About 15 years ago, I collaborated with my late friend, David Stoddard, to write The Heart of Mentoring. To sum up the book’s message, we wanted to suggest that everyone should be a “mentored mentor.” In other words, each of us should be mentoring someone else, and we should find someone willing to be a mentor for us.

Today much is said and written about mentoring, with good reason. As we trudge along this journey we call life, it helps to have someone to offer wisdom, advice and guidance whenever we encounter occasions of uncertainty. Which we will. Daily life is more complex than ever; competing and often conflicting messages are plentiful. If we’re humble enough to admit it, having someone to show the way – or least assist us in sifting through the alternatives – can be indispensable.

If we don’t already have a mentor, we might be inclined to admit it could be useful to find one. But when challenged to mentor another person, a typical response would be, “Oh, I’m not qualified to mentor anyone. I don’t know enough.” As if being a mentor requires being an expert or recognized authority.

That’s hardly the case. As we stated in The Heart of Mentoring, all that’s necessary is that you be just a little bit farther down the road from the person you’re starting to mentor. You might be a bit older, or a bit more experienced. It doesn’t require a lot. A college student can mentor a high school student. A young married person can mentor a single person. A long-time married person can mentor a newlywed. Someone who’s been on the job for several years can mentor someone that’s newly hired. And anyone can mentor a child or adolescent.

We can mentor others not only by talking about our successes, but also our failures. Why do we have to make all of our own mistakes? We can benefit from hearing about the mistakes others made, and trying to avoid repeating them.

When it comes to mentoring, the demand always exceeds the supply. But as I’ve learned over more than 30 years of mentoring and discipling others, the return on investment can’t be beat. It’s a great example of the principle Jesus taught, “It is more blessed to give than to receive” (Acts 20:35). Because by investing time and a little energy in meeting with someone over time in a mentoring relationship, we receive not only the satisfaction of helping another person, but also learn ourselves – gaining from their perspectives and unique life experiences.

Mentoring might be unpleasant for both parties, as Dave and I acknowledged in our book, if the mentor takes a condescending, “I’m doing you a favor” approach. However, if it’s understood and approached as a mutually beneficial relationship, in which the mentor recognizes he or she can learn from the “mentoring partner,” it becomes not only a good experience – it can be life-changing.

One of my favorite passages from the Scriptures related to this is Proverbs 27:17, which reminds us, “As iron sharpens iron, so one man sharpens another.” As I’ve made myself available to other men, offering to share some of what God and life have taught me, I’ve found them “sharpening” me, too, through their insights and questions.

A great thing about mentoring – or if you prefer, discipling (in a spiritual context) – is that it multiplies. Once someone starts being mentored, they can begin mentoring another individual and before long, the pattern starts repeating itself. As the apostle Paul wrote to his young protégé, Timothy, “And the things you have heard me say in the presence of many witnesses entrust to reliable men who will also be qualified to teach others” (2 Timothy 2:2).

That’s at the heart of what Jesus was commanding when He left His disciples with the Great Commission: “Therefore go and make disciples of all nations…teaching them to obey everything I have commanded you” (Matthew 28:19-20). Jesus expected His followers to multiply – as they have through the centuries, from a mere handful to countless millions around the world. And this has occurred simply by men and women willing to be used by Him to pass along to others what the Lord has given to them.

If you’d like know more about what a mentoring process looks like, I’d suggest getting a copy of The Heart of Mentoring. I assure you it would be money well-spent. But most of all, if you don’t already have a mentor, try to find one. Ask God to direct you to the right person. Also ask Him to identify someone you could start mentoring. In both cases, it will be time well-spent.

No Discounting the Value of Accountability

Years ago when I was a magazine editor, we did a cover story on “accountability.” Personal accountability was a hot topic. Everyone was talking about accountability groups or having accountability partners. We don’t hear the term as much these days, but it’s no less important.

Whether dancing, as this Asheville,
N.C. statue depicts, or struggling
through life, it's usually better
to partner with others.

I recall key principles we presented in that edition of the magazine. One was that the goal of an accountability partner is not to catch the other person doing something wrong, but rather helping that individual to “win” by attaining goals and objectives he or she had agreed upon to pursue. The person being held accountable sets the goals; the accountability partner serves only to provide reminders and encouragement to keep him or her on track.

For that reason, an accountability partner should be someone without a vested interest in the other individual’s performance. Being accountable to a person you report to in a workplace setting, for example, wouldn’t be good, since that individual has a keen investment in what you do – and how you do it. We should be accountable to someone whose apple cart won’t topple if we’re unsuccessful in meeting our goals.

The third important principle I learned is we can’t be held accountable if we're not truly willing to be held accountable. Sounds simple, but that’s foundational. For instance, a person might be struggling with a major issue in his life – perhaps a recurring sin – but if he doesn’t want to submit to being held accountable in that area, any efforts to help will be futile.

Back in 1969, Frank Sinatra’s hit tune “My Way” became an enduring classic, reflecting on our predisposition to “do it my way.” Sinatra, of course, didn’t invent this perspective, but he did give it an enchanting melody. The tune lilts through my mind as I write.

The problem is, as many of us have sadly discovered, “my way” isn’t always the best way. Living life on impulse and in isolation, guided by self-absorbed tunnel vision, can keep us from seeing potential potholes and pitfalls as we advance in our journey through life and work. Becoming accountable to another person – or a small group of people – isn’t a guarantee that we won’t fail, but can help us in avoiding a lot of mistakes while helping us to achieve a lot of positive goals.

A couple of Bible passages address this specifically. Proverbs 27:17 declares, “As iron sharpens iron, so one man (or woman) sharpens another.” Do you have someone “sharpening” you, helping you in your desire to accomplish some things you’d struggle to achieve on your own?

Then there’s Ecclesiastes 4:9-12, which talks about the power in numbers: “Two are better than one…a cord of three strands is hard to break.” Sounds like a small accountability group to me, a handful of men or women that agree to meet on a regular basis with their sole intent being to help one another to win, to work toward meaningful goals and overcome besetting struggles through mutual support, admonition, and a willingness to ask – and be asked – tough questions.

One of my favorite verses in the Scriptures is 1 Corinthians 10:13, which states temptation is common to us all, but God promises to provide a “way of escape” for us. But the preceding verse is a cautionary one: “So, if you think you are standing firm, be careful that you don’t fall!” (1 Corinthians 10:12). A strong, caring accountability partner or two could become that "way of escape," helping us to spot looming danger before we have to suffer the consequences.

Being Inspired to Be What We Could Be

Do you have someone who has inspired you - or is inspiring
you - to become all that you would like to be?

A quote recently hit home with me: “Our chief want is someone who will inspire us to be what we know we could be” – Ralph Waldo Emerson.

I’ve not read much of Emerson’s writings, but isn’t that true? We all have a vision for what we could be, but isn’t it great when – or if – we have someone who affirms what we believe about ourselves or even better, sees something in us that we don’t?

Over the years I’ve been fortunate to have several people who filled that role for me. There was my fourth-grade teacher who told my mother at a PTA meeting that I was “college material.” Since no one in my family had ever gone to college, these words definitely cast a vision for myself that I didn’t have before. During my freshman year in college, an English instructor commended me on my writing ability and urged me to pursue it, even suggesting I enter writing contests – one of which I won.

My uncle, Joe Tamasy, encouraged and challenged me to always reach beyond my comfort zone to try and learn new things. He taught me not to be afraid to fail, helping me to realize failure is sometimes the surest path to success.

More than 30 years ago, after I was hired to become editor and publications director for CBMC, my boss presented my psychological profile that had been prepared while I was a candidate for the job. The evaluation called me a “diamond in the rough,” stating if they were willing to take a risk in hiring me, despite a lack of experience in magazine and book writing – part of my job description – I could prove to be a prized employee. My boss, in hiring me, took that risk and opened the door to many opportunities for me.

And about 13 years ago my friend, Dave Stoddard, pointed out although I’d been a professional journalist for 30 years, he still saw untapped potential in me. He offered, “if you need a place where you can flourish and become all God wants you to be, we have a place for you.”

Who has been that person for you? Have you ever had someone recognize something in you that until then you weren’t even sure was there – or were reluctant to acknowledge for fear of being mistaken?

Maybe it’s for that reason one of my favorite personalities in the Bible is Barnabas. After the conversion of Saul, who changed from being a fierce foe of followers of Christ to one of His more dedicated followers, Jesus’ disciples were reluctant to embrace this radical convert. But Barnabas saw something in this man, later to become known as the apostle Paul, author of many letters in the New Testament. Acting contrary to popular opinion, Barnabas befriended Saul, became his mentor, and they spent years together in fruitful ministry.

Then Paul and Barnabas had a dispute over John Mark, Barnabas’s cousin, who had bailed midway through one of their missionary journeys. Paul labeled John Mark a quitter, someone that lacked the necessary commitment to the cause. Barnabas, however, elected to part ways with Paul and stick by his cousin, again seeing something in him apparently no one else saw.

Years later Paul wrote: “My fellow prisoner Aristarchus sends you his greetings, as does Mark, the cousin of Barnabas. (You have received instructions about him; if he comes to you, welcome him” (Colossians 4:10), and “Get Mark and bring him with you, because he is helpful to me in my ministry” (2 Timothy 4:11). While Paul didn’t admit to misjudging Mark, he obviously had a change of heart – likely because Barnabas took the time and made the effort to inspire Mark to become what he knew he could be.

As it says in Proverbs 27:17, “As iron sharpens iron, so one man sharpens another.”

If you’ve never had someone like that in your life, a person who has inspired you to raise your sights higher, I hope God brings one to you soon. And if you have had someone like that, how about “paying forward” – become that person for someone else. You won’t regret it.