Addressing Unhealthy Fixation with Self

We’re citizens of a society obsessed with self. Self-esteem. Self-realization. Self-actualization. Self-gratification. Self-determination. Self-awareness. Self-interest. Bookstores report their most popular departments are self-help and self-improvement.

 

Social media are littered with “selfies” people have taken of themselves. Modern-day speech is replete with self-oriented phrases like “It’s all about me,” “Look out for No. 1” and the “Me Generation.” Perhaps more than ever before, ‘self’ holds preeminent status in the lives of many.

 

Someone might say, “What’s wrong with that? If you don’t look after yourself, who will?” It depends on your worldview – how you perceive your world. If you’re firmly planted at the center of your world, focus on self becomes a natural byproduct. To borrow the phrase from the old beer commercial, we’ve got to “grab the gusto” because we can’t expect anyone else to do it for us.

 

This statue in St. Patrick's
Basilica in Vatican City depicts
how Jesus Christ denied
self to die for our sins.

If our conviction is that this life is all there is so it’s incumbent upon ourselves of maximize the experience, self-centeredness seems justifiable. But for those of us who profess to be followers of Jesus Christ, we can’t keep self in first place.

Jesus addressed this with His disciples and the crowds gathering around Him in a straight-forward, uncompromising way. “Then He said to them all: ‘Whoever wants to be My disciple must deny themselves and take up their cross daily and follow Me’” (Luke 9:23). This statement also appears in Matthew 16:24 and Mark 8:34. 

 

The gospel of John records a similar declaration, likely expressed in a different setting. “Anyone who loves their life will lose it, while anyone who hates their life in this world will keep it for eternal life. Whoever serves Me must follow Me; and where I am, My servant also will be. My Father will honor the one who serves Me” (John 12:25-26).

 

These are heavy words, particularly for our 21^st century ears. Doesn’t sound much like self-realization or self-gratification, does it? To “deny self” conjures up images of refusing to take a second helping at a restaurant buffet or not partaking of the dessert table. But it’s of far greater gravity than that. Because Jesus says we’re to “take up [our] cross daily” and follow Him. 

 

People in Jesus’ time were painfully familiar with the cross, where criminals and enemies of the Roman government were executed. They had no idea Jesus would be experiencing this Himself a short time later, but the sense was clear – following Him required death to self.

 

The apostle Paul, who willingly endured adversity in more ways than most of us could imagine, referred to this when he wrote to the church in Corinth, “I die every day – I mean that, brothers and sisters – just as surely as I glory over you in Christ Jesus our Lord” (1 Corinthians 15:31).

 

We might say Paul didn’t have to go through his many hardships, but in his own words, he had no choice: “For Christ’s love controls [compels] us, having concluded this, that one died for all, therefore all died” (2 Corinthians 5;14).

 

In Jesus we have the ultimate example of denying self and taking up one’s cross. God incarnate, He came to die for the sins of humankind; to be the once and for all atonement for our redemption. He could have decided, ‘No, I’m not going to do that. Let them die in their sins,’ as did the residents of Sodom and Gomorrah, as well as the victims of the global flood before that. But that was not His purpose or plan. 

 

Offering to become our Savior and Lord, Jesus’ attitude wasn’t ‘do as I say, not as I do.’ Just the opposite. As the apostle Peter wrote, “To this you were called, because Christ suffered for you, leaving you an example, that you should follow in His steps” (1 Peter 2:21). Following Christ means bringing the exaltation of self to an end.

 

One of my favorite old hymns, Charles Wesley’s “Rock of Ages,” offers a convicting perspective. The third verse starts, “Nothing in my hand I bring, simply to the cross I cling.” Very different from a ‘Look at me. Aren’t I something?’ point of view. The hymn goes on, “naked, come to Thee for dress; helpless, look to Thee for grace; foul, I to the fountain fly; wash me, Savior, or I die.”

 

This is recognition that no matter how lofty our view of ourselves might be, there’s nothing we can bring to prove our worth to God. As Jesus said, “apart from Me you can do nothing” (John 15:5). To follow Christ, self must take a backseat. 

 

That doesn’t mean we don’t have a responsibility to care for ourselves – to work, eat, be concerned for our health, get enough sleep, and many other things. The difference is ‘self’ doesn’t belong on a pedestal. As Paul wrote, “Do you not know that your body is a temple of the Holy Spirit who is in you, whom you have received from God? You are not your own; you were bought with a price…” (1 Corinthians 6:19). We belong to Him, not to ‘self.’

 

Thinking About Others in a ‘Selfie’ World

We’ve all heard the saying, “There’s no ‘i’ in team.” For sticklers on spelling, that’s true in the most literal sense. But the best teams also seem to be able to minimize the focus on “me” and “I”; players understand that they’re part of something much greater and work to support each other, subordinating their own personal goals.

 

Achieving this might be more difficult than ever in our “selfie” world, with so many people preening and taking photos of themselves from every possible angle with their smartphones. I get it. I’ve done it myself. People like to use photos to chronicle where they are and what they’ve been doing, but this non-stop focus on self can’t be all good.

Recently a friend recalled an observation from a speaker who cited two words we often encounter that do include the letter “i.” In fact, it’s right in the middle of both: Anxiety and pride. I can think of another one: sin. And it’s definitely related to the two others.

 

There’s lots of “I” in the ways we use these words. Like practically everyone else, I’ve experienced anxiety – maybe more than my share – over the past couple of years. I admit that when feeling anxious (yet another word with an “I” right in the middle!) my focus is usually on how I’m feeling, how stresses and uncertainties of living in a pandemic-riddled world are affecting me.

 

Similarly, more often than not, pride puffs up a person. We concentrate on things such as, “What do people think of me?”, “See what I have?” or, “Look at what I have accomplished. Anybody noticing?” Having a measure of self-satisfaction in what we’ve done isn’t wrong, but in excess it can lead to patting ourselves on the back so hard we risk breaking our arms.

 

Throughout human history, long before “selfies” became a thing, inordinate focus on oneself created all manner of problems. The mythical tale of Narcissus provides a classic example. It’s about an impossibly handsome young man who fell in love with his own image when he saw it reflected in a pool of water. We could say this tragic fellow’s thinking was all wet. But to this day we call people narcissists who become obsessed with themselves. Perhaps a few names immediately come to mind?

 

The Scriptures don’t address selfie mania specifically, but they do offer many warnings about the pitfalls of getting controlled by our own interests and desires. When Jesus instructed His followers to “love your neighbor as yourself” (Mark 12:31), He wasn’t giving friendly advice; He was dead serious. He personified that principle by willingly dying on a cross to become the atoning sacrifice for our sins: “But God demonstrates His own love for us in this: While we were still sinners, Christ died for us” (Romans 5:8).

 

Another time the Lord said, “Greater love has no one than this, that a person will lay down his life for his friends” (John 15:13). When His disciples saw Him nailed to the cross, this statement must have echoed loudly in their minds.

 

Thankfully, living and acting contrary to selfie culture doesn’t usually require literally dying for others. We can demonstrate orientation toward others in many ways. Philippians 2:3-4 admonishes, “Do nothing from selfishness or empty conceit, but with humility consider one another as more important than yourselves; do not merely look out for your own personal interests, but also for the interests of others.” That seems to cover just about everything we might do.

 

Years ago, we heard the mantra, “You have to look out for No. 1! If you don’t, who will?” And there’s a measure of truth to that. But biblical admonitions seem to be saying that as we look out for others, even putting their needs and interests above our own, we’re ultimately helping ourselves as well.

 

Many of us remember Jesus’ admonition, “It is more blessed to give than to receive” (Acts 20:35). This is a wonderful virtue on its own, but it also communicates that when we help others, in effect we’re helping ourselves as well.

 

We find this truth affirmed in Proverbs 11:24-25, “One man gives freely, yet gains even more; another withholds unduly, but comes to poverty. A generous man will prosper; he who refreshes others will himself be refreshed.” This doesn’t guarantee a dollar for dollar return on our generosity, but there’s great joy in knowing God is using us to help others.

So, the next time you feel the urge to take a selfie to make a record of where you’ve been, maybe on vacation or attending a major event, or capture a moment with a special person, go right ahead. But we can also keep in mind that an even better “picture” would be of us stepping forward in ways that put the needs and interests of others ahead of our own. 

Worshiping at the Altar of Self

“Self” certainly receives a lot of attention these days. Go into any bookstore, library or newsstand and we’ll find complete sections devoted to “self-help.” Topics range from how to take good photos to cooking to home repairs and renovation. Books and publications also promise to teach us how to become rich, stay healthy, and become fluent in a foreign language in just 30 days.

These days we don’t even need to venture outside the home for self-help assistance. Google and other search engines guide us to whatever self-help information we need. YouTube offers video tutorials of virtually everything, from installing new software to building birdhouses. If you’re facing major surgery, you can even find videos showing what you’re about to go through (if you’re brave enough to look).

We all need help in these or other areas, and after all, doesn’t the Bible say, “God helps those that help themselves”? Uh, no, it does not – but that’s a subject for another day. The point is, we live in a society enraptured with Self, and not just in the self-help sense.

We often hear people talk about self-fulfillment. Speakers talk to us about self-actualization and self-realization. Counselors provide clients with tips for self-determination. Parents fret over protecting their children’s self-image. Hence, “participation trophies” for everyone, whether they did anything of merit or not. We don’t want Jimmy to think he’s not as good as Johnny. Heaven forbid!

Thanks to the convenience of smartphones, “selfies” are only an arm’s length away. I’ve heard people say they enjoy being with only three friends – “me, myself, and I.” There’s even a magazine called Self. Yes, Self seems to be the center of attention just about everywhere we go.

The problem is, the Bible teaches a secret to successfully living God’s way is learning to take the focus off Self. For instance, Philippians 2:3-4 teaches, “Do nothing out of selfish ambition or vain conceit, but in humility consider others better than yourselves. Each of you should look not only to your own interests, but also to the interests of others.” Whoa! Not exactly what Self wants to hear.

It doesn’t stop there. Jesus explained what it requires to be His true follower: “If anyone would come after me, he must deny himself and take up his cross daily and follow me. For whoever wants to save his life will lose it, but whoever loses his life for me will save it” (Luke 9:23-24).

Not long after that, Jesus became the ultimate role model, willingly enduring scorn and ridicule, torture, and then crucifixion, not because of anything He had done or deserved, but because we all owed a great penalty for our sins – a price we couldn’t begin to pay – so He paid the full price Himself, giving His life on our behalf. God incarnate denying self.

The apostle Paul, once as full of Self as anyone who ever walked the earth, understood well the importance of denying self. He declared, “I die daily” (1 Corinthians 15:31), not referring to physical death but death to the desires and demands of self, so that he might serve Christ more effectively and consistently.

To believers in the church in Rome, Paul wrote, “…just as Christ was raised from the dead through the glory of the Father, we too may live a new life…. In the same way, count yourselves dead to sin but alive to God in Christ Jesus. Therefore do not let sin reign in your mortal body so that you obey its evil desires. Do not offer the parts of your body to sin, as instruments of wickedness, but rather offer yourselves to God, as those who have been brought from death to life; and offer the parts of your body to him as instruments of righteousness” (Romans 6:4-13).

Seems God is telling us, if we needing help in how to craft a compelling resume for a new job, hit a golf ball straighter, or bake a special cake for the holidays, by all means seek out all of the self-help we need. However, if our desire is to learn how to love God and others, and to serve Him and those He sends our way, it’s a good idea to shove Self out of the way and let Him take control.

Identifying the Real Enemy

These days it seems we have no shortage of enemies. There’s the network of radical Islamic terrorists motivated by unfathomable hatred. Then there are perpetrators of gun violence that take the lives of thousands each year. If you’re a liberal politically, conservatives are the enemy. And for conservatives, it’s the liberals. For football teams, the enemy consists of the players on the other side of the line of scrimmage.

We could list many other “enemies” worth considering, but I can’t help but wonder: Are we failing to focus on the real enemy, the one that lurks in our own back yards?

In a “Pogo” comic strip from years back, the namesake possum declares, “We have met the enemy and he is us.” The context for the ironic quip, used for Earth Day both in 1970 and 1971, was mankind’s self-inflicted environmental problems. However, we could apply this reasoning to other aspects of life as well.

Many people suffer from health problems brought on by their own bad habits – smoking, excessive consumption of alcohol, chemical abuse, unhealthy diets, lack of proper exercise. Yes, it’s sad when they encounter disease and chronic illness, but in many cases, they were their own worst enemies.

Plenty of individuals find themselves weighed down by great emotional distress brought on by bitterness, anger, unwillingness to forgive, jealousy, envy, fear and anxiety. These reactions to life’s circumstances are understandable to an extent, but when we harbor destructive feelings, embracing them like dear friends, then whose fault is that? We’ve found the enemy – it’s us.

Throughout the Bible one of the undergirding messages is the consequence of focusing on self. It started with Adam and Eve, the first – but hardly the last – humans to declare, “I want what I want – and I want it NOW!” They also were the first in attempting to protect “self.”

When God discovered they had ignored His instructions and sampled fruit from the tree of the knowledge of good and evil, Adam became the first “buck-passer.” Confronted by God about this act of disobedience, Adam quickly replied, “This woman you put here with me – she gave me some fruit from the tree – and I ate it” (Genesis 3:12). He not only blamed Eve, but in essence he was telling God that He was responsible. “It was that woman You created, God! Don’t blame me.”

Then Eve, quickly grasping the blame-game strategy herself, told God, “The serpent (Satan) deceived me, and I ate” (Genesis 3:13). Long before the Flip Wilson character, Geraldine, uttered the words, Earth’s first woman was declaring, “The devil made me do it!”

Many years later, not much has changed. We still wrestle grandly with admitting mea culpa, Latin for “it’s my fault.” Or as younger people say in their vernacular, “My bad!” We see it in high-ranking politicians, who deny knowledge of any wrongdoing when scandals arise or accuse the opposing party of disabling their good intentions.

Business leaders, celebrities, star athletes and others follow the same tactics when caught in ethical, legal or moral failures. “I didn’t do it!” they say in their own defense, knowing full well that yes, they did.

But we don’t have to be headliners to wrangle with this pernicious enemy that will never go away – self. Marriages die and families are destroyed because spouses decide they must have what they want, even if it exacts a great cost on everyone else involved. Even among so-called followers of Christ, we often hear the excuse, “I know God wants me to be happy.” Where, exactly, does it say that in the Scriptures? (Unless you subscribe to the Bible as interpreted and twisted by the health-and-wealth, prosperity evangelists.)

In fact, again and again God in His Word affirms, as Pogo discovered, “We have met the enemy – and he is us.” This is why we’re repeatedly exhorted to deny the insistent demands of self. Jesus told His followers, “If anyone would come after me, he must deny himself and take up his cross daily and follow me” (Luke 9:23). In other words, be willing to die to ourselves, our selfish desires and determination to have it our way.

The sixth chapter of Romans explains it’s not a matter of seeking to repress our self-oriented motives, but rather to surrender them entirely and exchange them for the new spiritual life we’re offered through Jesus Christ: “We were therefore buried with him through baptism into death in order that, just as Christ was raised from the dead through the glory of the Father, we too many live a new life” (Romans 6:4), and “In the same way, count yourselves dead to sin but alive to God in Christ Jesus” Romans 6:11).

Whether it’s an Islamic extremist making the arrogant, horrific decision to take the lives of innocent “infidels,” a political leader resolving to do anything – whatever it takes – to attain a desired elective office, or a husband or wife opting to cast sacred vows aside in their “pursuit of happiness,” ultimately there’s one common enemy: Self.

Sadly, as I’ve learned so well in my own life, self doesn’t die easily. But if we’re wishing to experience the fulfilling, fruitful life God promises and desires for each of us, the only way is to die daily to self and appropriate the life we have in Christ.