What If It’s Not All About Me?

Someone has surmised that being a narcissist must be the most stressful job in the world. Because it’s so hard to keep the universe revolving around oneself!

There's a bit of Narcissus in each of us.

You know the story of Narcissus, don’t you? He was the fantastic-looking guy in Greek mythology who caught his reflection in a pond one day; Mr. Handsome became so captivated by it, he couldn’t look at anything else. He wasted away while acting as his own mutual admiration society. Seems our own society is infested by lots of Narcissus wannabes.

Years ago we heard a lot about the so-called “Me Generation,” which many have identified as the Baby Boomers. (That’s my generation, by the way.) Out of this arose the mantra, “It’s all about me,” leading to a subsequent generation known as the Millennials that has sometimes been termed the “Me Me Me Generation.” Today, doting parents – many of them products of this mindset – are overindulging their children, leading them to believe they comprise the center of the universe. 

Now we’re hearing about college students staging protests, or requiring “safe zones” to protect them from anyone invited to speak on their campuses that espouse viewpoints differing from their own. It doesn’t take long watching TV commercials to see the focus there, too, is often on “me.” We’re told we should have things, ranging from cars to lavish vacations, because we “deserve” them. The question is, what exactly is it that we did to be so deserving?

Do you remember how, in his inaugural address in 1961, President John F. Kennedy famously stated, “My fellow Americans, ask not what your country can do for you – ask what you can do for your country”? As a nation, it appears we’ve drifted a long way from that kind of thinking.

We even find this narcissistic/”Me” philosophy insidiously infiltrating churches and worship services. I’m not opposed to contemporary praise music, but if you listen to many of the songs’ lyrics – after you get past the endless repetition of phrases – they sound a lot like, “God and me, me and God, God loves me….” If these are worship songs, are we certain about who’s the object of worship?

Sometimes we act as if Jesus said something like, “Greater love has no man than…to immerse himself in self-love.” But of course, that’s not what He said. Not even close. He did say, “Greater love has no one than this: to lay down one's life for one's friends” (John 15:13). Then Jesus proceeded to provide the ultimate example of this by surrendering His own life on the cross for our sins.

Before Jesus stepped into the public arena, John the Baptist had attracted quite a following. People thronged to see this curious fellow dressed in camel’s hair and eating locusts, making bold statements about the coming Messiah. He probably appeared on the cover of Jewish People magazine numerous times. But once Jesus appeared, John quickly recognized he no longer needed to be the center of attention. “I indeed baptize you with water…but He…will baptize you with the Holy Spirit and fire” (Matthew 3:11).

When someone asked Jesus what was the greatest commandment, the notion of “it’s all about me” was conspicuously absent in His response. Instead, He replied, “Love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your mind. This is the first and greatest commandment. And the second is like it: ‘Love your neighbor as yourself.’ All the Law and the Prophets hang on these two commandments” (Matthew 22:37-40).

Jesus wasn’t condemning a healthy esteem for oneself. If we hold a low view of ourselves, it’s hard to express much love and concern for others. As the apostle Paul wrote to the church in Ephesus, “After all, no one ever hated their own body, but they feed and care for their body, just as Christ does the church” (Ephesians 5:29). 

But if we’re truly following the Lord, our focus should be outward, not inward. Not, “What’s in it for me?” but rather, “What can I offer to others?” As we’re told in Philippians 2:3-4, “Do nothing from selfishness or vain conceit, but in humility consider others better than yourselves. Each of you should look not only to your own interests, but also to the interests of others.”

It’s not wrong to appreciate God’s goodness and faithfulness to us, or to rejoice in His loving care and provision. I could never recount how many times and the many ways my family and I have experienced those things from Him. But as we read the Scriptures, it seems the model for praise is to concentrate on who God is, with worship, wonder and awe, and consider what He wishes to do through us – not just to marvel at what He can do for us.

Jesus declared, “By this all men will know you are My disciples, if you have love for one another” (John 13:35). The world continues to insist, “It’s all about me!” But we can truly stand apart and reflect Christ’s work in us by demonstrating our conviction that it’s not about me (or us), but instead, about serving God and caring for the people with whom we can have influence and a positive, meaningful impact.

Worshiping in All the Wrong Places

Having the right object of worship can help us learn to focus
on people and their interests, rather than our own.

A social media post recently declared that in the United States “we need to put the worship of the almighty dollar aside, and take care of people first.” I agree, to a point. Capitalism, consumerism and materialism seem to have converged, resulting in obeisance to money and things, at the expense of concern for the needs of people.

These days we think and talk a lot about not only those suffering from abject poverty, but also people working hard, often with more than one job, who still can’t seem to get ahead. Too much week, or month, always remaining at the end of their pay.

So the solution, it seems, is simple: Cease the mindless worship of the so-called almighty dollar and instead, start doing unto others as we would have them do unto us. Alas, like most simple solutions, it just ain’t that easy.

For those who do worship money, whose answer to “How much is enough?” is “Just a little bit more,” they’re going to need more motivation than a simple plea to “stop!” Their response is likely to be something like, “Why? Why should I even care? Ya gotta look out for number one. I’ve got mine, so go get your own.”

For most us, if we were to hear that kind of reaction, we’d recoil in horror: How insensitive! How uncaring! How selfish! And yet, our society constantly tells us, “it’s all about me” – so why should we worry about the needs of others? We reply, because it’s the right thing to do! According to whom? If we’re nothing but products of mindless, purposeless evolution, why should we have any concern about one another? Survival of the fittest and all that.

Years ago, a country song bemoaned, “looking for love in all the wrong places.” I suspect one reason we’ve lost compassion and sensitivity for people around us is because we’ve focused our worship in all the wrong places. MBA programs in the vaunted business schools may teach about the bottom line, maximizing productivity, squeezing the most out of the people working for you, and how to grow one’s unique brand globally, but how many of them spend time on how to selflessly serve the interests of customers, clients and employees?

I referred to this in a recent post, but the decided shift from the sacred toward the secular in recent decades has “freed” decision-makers from wondering, “What does God think about this?” or “What would Jesus do?” as the faddish WWJD bracelets used to remind us. If our god isn’t the almighty dollar, then it’s our own self-interests. When we worship self, it’s a demanding, uncompromising “deity.”

However, when we truly worship the God of all eternity, not with mere lip service but with passion and devotion, “self” has a way of diminishing in our focus. John the Baptist, upon realizing who Jesus Christ was, said, “He must increase, but I must decrease” (John 3:30). Another translation states it this way: “He must become greater; I must become less." There is a direct correlation.

Genuine worship of God doesn’t mean adhering to rigid rituals and regulations, but understanding that part of our purpose, one of the reasons He placed us on this planet we call Earth, is to serve and be of help to others. Jesus stated it this way: “The King will answer and say to them, 'Truly I say to you, to the extent that you did it to one of these brothers of Mine, even the least of them, you did it to Me'” (Luke 10:27).

When God is excluded from our considerations, when we don’t feel bothered to ask or pray about how to properly use our resources, as well as the authority we have in our respective spheres of influence, we certainly aren’t troubled by annoying questions about what He thinks. Which can “liberate” us from feelings of concern about our fellow man, woman or child.

That’s why it’s important, when we remember Jesus’ command to “love your neighbor as yourself,” to also keep in mind His prerequisite to that statement: “Love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your strength and with all your mind” (Luke 10:27). If we love God with everything we are and everything we have, loving our neighbors as ourselves won’t be such a struggle. It may even become a privilege.

It’s ‘All About Me!’ – Or Is It?

The other day I saw a news report declaring 2014, “The Year of the ‘Selfie’” – the fascination so many people have developed for taking photos of themselves in different settings with their smartphones.

Sure, it’s fun to go to a nice place on vacation and take a “selfie” in front of some well-known sight, but people these days are going to extraordinary lengths to put themselves into the picture. At the Tour de France, for instance, spectators jogged just ahead of the competing bikers, arms extended and smartphones angled strategically to prove to all the world, “That’s me. I was there!”

I wouldn’t be surprised to learn about someone taking a “selfie” in Pamplona, Spain while racing to stay a step or two ahead of the charging bulls.

Even as children, we quickly learn
the lesson, "It's all about me!"

You don’t even need to be holding the cell phone. People “photo-bomb” by popping into the mix when photographs are being taken of others, at events ranging from weddings (“See, that’s me with the bride and groom”) to awards ceremonies (“Can you believe that’s me there with DiCaprio?”)

Years ago we heard a lot about the “Me Generation.” We’ve become so me-conscious we don’t even need to use that phrase anymore. It’s assumed. And thanks to the wonders of technology and portability of smartphones, we have ever-improving ways for declaring to the world, “it’s all about me!”

“Me, me, me” is being repeated so often it sounds like the vocal warm-up session preceding an opera or vocal concert.

I’m not stumping for all-out altruism or iron-clad vows of self-denial. No need to get extreme. Not that there’s any real danger of an epidemic of selflessness, anyway. But wouldn’t it be nice to see more people demonstrating more awareness of persons other than “me, myself and I”?

Reading the Bible, it seems evident God isn’t a “selfie” fan. "Unselfish" is the word He’d rather His people emulate. As it states in Philippians 2:3-4, “Do nothing out of selfish ambition or vain conceit, but in humility consider others better than yourselves. Each of you should look not only to your own interests, but also to the interests of others.”

Maybe one reason Jesus Christ came during the time in human history that He did, rather than in the 21^st century, is He didn’t want people flocking to take “selfies with Jesus” and then post them on social media. Quite to the contrary, He instructed His followers, “If anyone would come after me, he must deny himself and take up his cross daily and follow me” (Luke 9:23).

But this isn’t easy, especially in a society that in one way or another constantly insists we must “look out for No. 1.” So how do we overcome this tendency? Is there an antidote for “me-ism”?  Let me offer a few suggestions:

·       Perform an act of kindness – or more than one – for people that can’t possibly repay you. That way you don’t have to examine yourself as much for ulterior motives.

·       Find a local organization or project you believe in and volunteer your time and talents to help advance its mission and help those that will benefit. How about tutoring, mentoring, or working in a soup kitchen?

·       Contribute to a charity or non-profit that provides services to meet urgent needs. And if you’re already contributing, give more – or find additional causes to support.

·       Do something special for a neighbor, even if you don’t know them well. And try to do it anonymously so you won’t be doing it to gain an expression of gratitude or receive a similar gesture in return.

If you do any, or all, of these you might discover Jesus was right when He said, “It is more blessed to give than to receive” (Acts 20:35). And you’ll begin to understand why.