With Father’s Day
approaching, I fear things aren’t all that great in the world of fathering.
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| Robert Young, with TV wife Jane Wyatt, played a dad worth looking up to. |
You might not be
old enough to remember, but in the 1950s and ‘60s, fathers carried more
respect. Maybe the dads’ segment of the population just had better PR. I recall
many of the TV fathers – guys like Robert Young of “Father Knows Best,” Fred
MacMurray of “My Three Sons,” Andy Griffith and Bill Cosby on their own shows.
These were solid,
stand-up guys. When they spoke, people listened – even their kids. They could solve
any problem, tiny or huge, within their 30-minute time slots. As the late Jean
Stapleton, who portrayed Edith Bunker on “All in the Family,” used to sing with
TV husband (and dad) Archie, “Those were the days.”
The Ozzie Nelsons
and Ward Cleavers weren’t perfect, but seemed to love their wives, care for
their kids, and approached life with wisdom and common sense.
Compare them to the
TV “dads” of today, Homer Simpson of “The Simpsons” probably being the standard
bearer. Fathers depicted in popular culture are confused at best, blithering
idiots at worst. If they’re present at all. Many shows have eliminated “TV dad.”
Moms carry on without them just fine.
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| In the sitcom, "My Three Sons," Fred MacMurray portrayed a sensible widower who directed a trio of sons. |
Even on my favorite
show, “NCIS,” most of the key characters – Gibbs, DiNozzo, Ziva and McGee – have
had troubled relationships with dear old dad. And come to think of it, when was
the last time you watched a college football game and an athlete on the
sidelines turned to the camera and said, “Hi, Dad!”?
As much as I’d like
to attribute the current plight of fathers on the media (can’t we blame them
for everything?), I don’t think we can. Wounds suffered by members of the once-revered
office of fatherhood are largely self-inflicted.
A 2010 government
study revealed more than 70 percent of African-American children were born to
unwed mothers, and statistics for other races and ethnicities weren’t much
better. Apparently, a large proportion of young men believe their “fatherhood”
responsibilities begin and end with impregnating young women.
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| Andy Griffith - "Sheriff Andy" - would not have thought much of fathers failing to care for their children. |
Similarly,
according to the U.S. Census Bureau, less than half of custodial mothers got
all of the child support they were legally entitled to receive. Many biological
fathers seem unbothered about the responsibilities of providing for their
offspring’s material needs.
Often, even dads
that are at home become too consumed with work – or hobbies – to spend ample,
quality time with their children. I’ve been guilty of that myself at times.
As I wrote in an
earlier post, I greatly admire mothers and the tremendous job they do in
juggling work, household duties, caring for their kids, and somehow trying to
still manage some personal time. I don’t know how they do it. But we’re too
quick to dismiss the consequences of absent or inattentive fathers.
Men, for the most
part, don’t cry much. Maybe we’ve been socialized that way. But I can’t count
the number of times I’ve seen men tear up while talking about their dads. As
much as “experts” might argue to the contrary, a man’s relationship with his
father – or lack of one – is a powerful force in his life. And for many of us,
it remains so until we die.
That’s why the
Bible’s perspective on fathers speaks so powerfully. It refers to God as our
heavenly Father, but perhaps for many having had bad relationships with their
earthly fathers, that might not seem helpful. But the apostle Paul takes a
positive, affirming stance: “For you know
that we dealt with each of you as a father deals with his own children,
encouraging, comforting and urging you to live lives worthy of God…” (1
Thessalonians 2:11-12).
Elsewhere the
apostle points out one of the best ways a father can communicate love for his
children: “Husbands, love your wives,
just as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her…. Fathers, do not
exasperate your children; instead, bring them up in the training and
instruction of the Lord” (Ephesians 5:25-6:4).
By demonstrating
genuine, sacrificial love and commitment to their mother, a father shows his
children a love willing to die to self for the benefit of others. And by being
patient and compassionate, rather than responding in haste or anger, fathers
can set the example of what a godly life should look like.
Women tend to be
more naturally relational than men; men tend to focus more on tasks and
outcomes. So the business of fathering, for most of us, is hard, arduous work. When
you’ve met a work deadline, you simply cross that off your list and move to the
next project. But being a father is a job that’s never done – even when the kids
move out of the house. When you’re a dad, you can never say, “Well, I’ve finished
that,” and check it off the list.
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