Giving Thanks When You Don’t Feel Thankful

Sometimes blessings seem to be overflowing.
 But what about times when they're not?

Thanksgiving means different things to many people: Pilgrims and native Americans sharing a meal; turkeys – living, or roasted and stuffed; family and friends getting together to stuff themselves; traditional football games; Grandma’s favorite recipes; holiday parades; pecan or pumpkin pie. Some people actually see it as a day for truly giving thanks to God for blessings they’ve experienced over the past year.

But what if the day arrives and you don’t feel thankful? You’ve recently lost a dear loved one; confronted seemingly insurmountable financial problems; dealt with serious health issues; faced intense family conflict; lost a job, or just feel like has dealt you a bad hand in general and there’s no re-deal. How can you be thankful for things such as these?

Years ago I helped my friend, Albert, write a booklet about his life titled, “Saying ‘Thank You’ Even When You Don’t Feel Thankful.” Those who know him understand he’s had many reasons for not feeling thankful.

He grew up in the Netherlands during World War II, enduring great poverty and near-starvation. He and his family subsisted on tulip bulbs and occasional sugar beets. One result of malnutrition was contracting tuberculosis and being confined to a bed for more than three years, 2½ of those in a hospital far from his family.

After immigrating to the United States, Albert worked hard and eventually became a successful entrepreneur, but has endured various vocational setbacks and other illnesses, including cancer. He’s got every reason to not be thankful, whether at Thanksgiving or any other time. And yet, he’s perhaps the most joyful, thankful person I know.

Why? He insists there’s only one reason – his relationship with Jesus Christ and confidence that no matter what happens, God is with him every step along the way, providing comfort, strength and whatever else is needed to endure and overcome his adversities.

Albert explains, “God is in control of all things. When you accept Christ, your life is going to be totally changed. One of those changes is that you realize everything is going to be all right, no matter what.

“I have seen God prove this in my life many times,” he says. “I’ve had half of a lung removed because of a faulty biopsy report. One night I was riding in a car on the German Autobahn. Suddenly a car stopped directly in front of us. We struck it going about 95 miles an hour, yet I was able to walk away from the accident. And I’ve had many ups and downs in business.

“God never promises things will be easy when you become a Christian, but He does promise He will take care of you no matter what the circumstances may be.”

For Albert, reflecting on his life’s highs and lows, one passage from the Bible sums up the hope – confident assurance and earnest expectation – that has sustained him during his adult life: “Be joyful always; pray continually, give thanks in all circumstances, for this is God’s will for you in Christ Jesus” (1 Thessalonians 5:16-18).

Having known Albert for more than 30 years, I know these are not empty words or platitudes, but the heartfelt expression of a man who has walked intimately with God and wouldn’t trade his life with anyone or for anything.

I hope when Thanksgiving Day arrives this Thursday, you’ll find much for which to be thankful. If not, I hope that like my friend, you’ll have the faith to give thanks even if you don’t feel thankful. 

The Great Thing about Grace

On Thanksgiving Day, just before we dive into the turkey and fixings (I like that term, “fixings” – sounds like something was broken), in many of our homes a designated pray-er person will “say grace.” This practice comes in various forms and is meant in different ways.

Some prayers will have a “to whom it may concern” tone to them, directed to some nebulous “supreme being” or “the Man upstairs.” Others might sound something like Rickie Bobby (the Will Ferrell character in the movie, “Talladega Nights”), who insisted on praying to “little baby Jesus.” I’ve always chuckled at the guy whose honest “prayer” consisted of “Good food, good meat, good God, let’s eat!”

In many homes, however, saying grace will have a little more focus as families and friends, at least momentarily, cease from the festivities to pray to the God of the Bible.

Author Anne Lamott, who became a believer despite being raised in an atheistic home, recently commented in an article about this tradition of saying grace. She observed:

“I think we’re in it for the pause, the quiet thanks for love and for our blessings, before the shoveling begins…. We’re acknowledging that this food didn’t just magically appear…. We savor these moments out of time, when we are conscious of love’s presence, of Someone’s great abiding generosity for our dear and motley family, these holy moments of gratitude.”

I like her term, “the pause…before the shoveling begins.” How true. And how important this pre-feasting hesitation is; yet how nonchalantly we treat it. Too often we regard it, Lamott writes, as a “pro forma blessing,” a mere formality that’s a requirement of the holiday ceremony.

But if it’s true thanksgiving we’re after, perhaps it deserves more thought and attention. I’m not suggesting a pre-dinner sermon or some sanctimonious monologue, but a heartfelt acknowledgement to the Giver for whose provision we give thanks.

There’s one more thing that’s significant about this “saying grace.” Biblically, the word “grace” means unmerited favor, receiving from God what we didn't deserve and couldn't earn.

“For it is by grace you have been saved, through faith – and this not from yourselves. It is the gift of God” (Ephesians 2:8). Being “saved” – becoming a member of God’s family – isn't based on performance or worthiness, but solely based on His acceptance, freely offered.

“For you know the grace of our Lord Jesus Christ, that though he was rich, yet for your sakes he became poor, so that you through his poverty might become rich” (2 Corinthians 8:9). This isn’t referring to material wealth, but rather to the richness of a meaningful life.

The point is this: Even though most of us would consider ourselves fairly good people, we’re not deserving to even mention the Lord’s name, let alone be a part of His eternal family. And when we gather with family and friends around the Thanksgiving table, we can be thankful for the gift of life; the minds, talents and skills we have; the relationships we’ve enjoyed; and for love – given and received.

Everything beyond that is gravy, icing on the cake, whipped cream on the pie.

What did we really do to deserve such blessings? If we’re honest, we’ll admit we didn’t do anything. It’s grace. And perhaps that the greatest reason of all for “saying grace.”