Like Arrows in the Hands of Warriors

What would you think of a shooting instructor that commanded his students, “Ready! Fire! Aim!”? Sounds ridiculous, doesn’t it? Because anyone who’s ever held and fired a gun knows you get ready first, then you determine your target and carefully aim at it, and then you fire the weapon. 

Unfortunately, many parents today seem to operate in the fire-first, aim-later mode. They carry out their parenting responsibilities with a reactive approach rather than being proactive. Tyrannized by the urgent rather than being guided by the important. They might have vision for how they’d like their kids to turn out but fail to do the hard work of pointing them in the right direction and getting them to the “target.”

 

The Bible relates the mission of parenting to a kind of “target practice,” but instead of using a gun as a metaphor (they didn’t exist back then) it uses a bow and arrow. Psalm 127:3-5 says:

“Behold, children are a gift of the Lord, the fruit of the womb is a reward.

Like arrows in the hand of a warrior, so are children of one’s youth.

How blessed is the man whose quiver is full of them. 

They will not be ashamed when they speak with their enemies at the gate.”

 

We might not often think of parenting in terms of warfare – except possibly when dealing with a headstrong, rebellious child. But perhaps being warriors going to war is a fitting comparison for our times today. Parents in every generation may have felt this way to some degree, but it seems the challenges we’re facing are greater than at any time in the past. 

 

With the pressures and distractions of technology, influence of social media, and society’s constant attacks on traditional values, our calling for raising responsible, productive, God-fearing children is confronted with more obstacles than ever. Parenting can’t be treated as some side-hustle while focusing on other things.

 

Why the analogy of children to “arrows in the hand of a warrior”? To be honest, I’ve never shot a competition-quality bow and arrow. I only played with toy bows and arrows when I was a boy. But I know enough to understand that whether you’re preparing to shoot an arrow, fire a gun, or set a course for your career, an old saying applies: “If you aim at nothing, you’ll hit it every time.”

 

Too often parents opt for nothing and abdicate their own responsibilities, presuming they can rely on schools and the church to provide the necessary training. Unfortunately, much of what is being taught in many schools contradicts what the Lord instructs in His Word, so we can’t trust them to do the job. As for church, even the best ones only have our kids a couple hours each week, so the positive impact they can have is small compared to the influences surrounding our kids every day.

 

This is why the teaching of Proverbs 22:6 is so profound: “Train up a child in the way he should go, even when he is old he will not depart from it.” This isn’t a guarantee that children will grow up to be devout followers of Jesus and be recognized as godly leaders. However, it’s our responsibility to teach them what’s right and true and reinforce that by serving as consistent examples of what a person with a heart after God should look like.

 

Training our children effectively requires time, effort and intentionality. A well-accepted goal-setting guideline is to ask and answer three important questions: “Where are we going? How are we going to get there? How will we know when we’ve arrived?” These also are good questions to consider in formulating a strategy for raising children who will know the way they should go – and when they’re old, won’t depart from it.

 

Granted, we don’t have complete control over how our kids will ultimately turn out. God does much of the work, drawing them to Himself and molding their hearts, often using life’s circumstances to get their attention. And kids, especially once they become teenagers and older, must make many of their own decisions. Some of which we might not agree with. But then, didn’t we learn to make good decisions – by sometimes making bad decisions?

 

However, just as the Lord makes us stewards (managers) of the material resources He entrusts to us, we’re also stewards of the children He’s given to us. Like it or not, we’re to serve as trainers for our youngsters. They’re not going to become model citizens automatically.

 

Remember “show and tell” when you were in elementary school? In a sense, parenting also is a show-and-tell endeavor: We show how to do things the right way, including living a life of faith in Christ. This includes praying with our kids and praying to the Lord for them. We tell them what God says in His Word, and show we believe what it says by living accordingly.

 

Deuteronomy 6:5-7 admonishes us, “Love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your strength. These commandments that I give you today are to be upon your hearts. Impress them on your children. Talk about them with you sit at home and when you walk along the road, when you lie down and when you get up.”

 

Clearly, God has made raising our children – teaching and showing them the way they should go – a primary responsibility. If we don’t do our job, someone else will do it by proxy. And we might not like the target at which they’re aiming.

In Praise of Moms

The feminist movement – also once known as the women’s liberation movement – accomplished a lot of good. It raised the social standing of women, afforded them access and opened doors they never had before, and erased some damaging gender stereotypes. But I think an unfortunate byproduct of feminism was diminishing the value and importance of motherhood.

Certainly becoming a mother is optional, and not every woman has that desire – or opportunity, at least biologically. But in some quarters there has been the notion that there’s something wrong with being “just a mom” or a “homemaker.” As if, to become fully realized and successful, a woman must do something more than that.

I have great respect and admiration for women in all areas of endeavor, whether in the business world, media, education, entertainment, athletics, medical professions, politics, the arts, or other vocations. Where would our world be without the Florence Nightingales, Amelia Earharts, Mother Teresas, Madame Curies, Margaret Thatchers, Oprah Winfreys, Carol Burnetts and Althea Gibsons that have left such indelible marks with their lives and work?

My mom, Helen.

But I hold equal respect, admiration – and amazement – for the moms of this world. When I go into a mall and watch a young mother wrangling two or three toddlers, without complaint shuttling them from place to place, dabbing their tears and responding to their pleas, I am truly amazed.

Dads can do this too, but moms seem specially gifted in this form of “multi-tasking” – seeking out bargains and conversing with friends, while tracking the little ones and warding off whatever dangers lurk around the next corner.

Most of the time when our phone rings, it’s one of our daughters calling for…Mom. She answers their questions, helps solve their problems, talks about their day, and will drop everything at a moment’s notice should a crisis arise. All without murmuring. In fact, if there’s a need, Sally’s jumps at the chance to assist. (I might help as well, but I’ve been known to murmur.)

Three of the moms in our family: Becca, Sarah and Sally.

With four daughters raising a total of seven children, I’ve observed a lot of mothering firsthand. While the dads are at work, battling deadlines and pressures, these women are handling their own job responsibilities, as well as cooking, cleaning, chauffeuring, washing, mediating disputes, wiping noses, and many other tasks somebody has to do – so they do them. Juggling isn’t just a skill for circus performers.

I commend the women that are full-time CEOs, entrepreneurs, physicians, educators, musicians and high achievers in other pursuits. But I don’t believe there’s a more noble, higher calling than being a mom, surviving the everyday challenges of child rearing, from womb through childhood and teens, on to college, marriage and beyond.

There's something unique
about a mother's devotion.
Bryce knows that about
his mom, Amy.

Without diminishing other roles, the Bible holds mothers in high regard. The mother of Moses, for instance, bravely placed her son in a basket of reeds for the pharaoh’s daughter to discover, never imagining the boy would grow up to become God’s man to lead Israel out of Egyptian captivity to the Promised Land.

Before her there was Sarah, wife of Abraham, who at an advanced age became the matriarch of a “great nation, as numerous as the stars” (Genesis 15).

Then there was Mary, who not only gave birth to the Son of God and nurtured Him as a child, but also grieved as He hung from a cross. One of Jesus’ last concerns was to ask His disciple, John, to care for her. “…He said to his mother, ’Dear woman, here is your son,’ and to the disciple, ‘Here is your mother’…” (John 19-26-27).

In a letter to the church in Thessalonica, the apostle Paul reminded the believers, “we were gentle among you…like a mother caring for her little children” (1 Thessalonians 2:7). Clearly, he thought that was a good thing.

So it’s fitting that on Sunday we observe Mother’s Day, a worthwhile celebration if ever there was one. Let’s honor all women who carry out this priceless calling, often overworked, underappreciated and sometimes even unnoticed. Moms, where would we be without you?

Living an Exciting Life

Recently one of our daughters informed my wife and me that we’re “boring”; we don’t do anything “exciting.” Ah, to be young again.

Well, she’s right if she meant we don’t go hang-gliding, skydiving, mountain climbing or bungee jumping (unless you’re referring to the “fiscal cliff”). We do watch the July 4^th fireworks displays every year, sometimes more than once. Doesn’t that count?

Roller coasters don’t excite me as much as they once did – although I still ride them. When we went to Disney World last year, I rode the Tower of Terror – and wasn’t terrified. But to me, that wasn’t “exciting.”

What’s exciting, I believe, depends on your perspective. As you get older, the meaning of “exciting” seems to change. Sally and I have dealt with serious health issues, so awakening to start a new day is exciting. Each day is a gift, filled with surprises and unlimited potential. And having been married to the same person for more than 38 years and still loving each other – when strains on marriage seem stronger all the time, and the institution is sometimes ridiculed – that’s exciting.

Observing our children mature and marry, having children of their own and carving out their own niches in life, is exciting. The fact they share our foundational beliefs and values is exciting. And having grandkids around, seeing them develop and learn, discovering and doing new things all the time, that’s exciting.

My career has enabled us to travel around the country and stay in very nice places. I’ve had the opportunity to travel to Europe twice, as well as Central and South America and the Caribbean, and that’s been great fun. But most exciting of all have been the relationships I’ve been able to form, some of which I maintain to this day.

For me, exciting is creating an article, authoring or collaborating with someone on a book, even posting on this blog – writing about things important to me and hearing what I’ve written was meaningful for someone else. Many people hate their work, so not only enjoying what you do but also knowing without a doubt you’re fulfilling your calling, that’s exciting.

And it’s exciting to invest time with other men in mentoring relationships, helping them to grow personally and professionally. Especially in their faith, understanding what it means in today’s increasingly secularized society to be a follower of Jesus Christ, believing and applying the Bible's eternal truths in everyday life.

As it says in 3 John 4, relating to both biological offspring and spiritual children, “I have no greater joy than to hear my children are walking in the truth.”

It’s all part of building a legacy that’s worth leaving behind.

Most of all, to me “exciting” means having a daily, growing relationship with the God of all creation. Psalm 37:4 says, “Delight yourself in the Lord and He will give you the desires of your heart.” He’s done that for me – and much more.

I’m still not planning to go cliff diving any time soon (the U.S. Congress notwithstanding), but I’m convinced of this: “Exciting” is in the eyes of the beholder.