Sunday marks an important day for our society. Father’s Day celebrates the men who arrive home after a long day at work and are greeted by toddlers screaming, “Daddy, Daddy!” It honors those guys who take their sons or daughters to the park, fishing, or toss the baseball or football with them in the back yard. It commemorates the individual whose appearance evokes little attention from teen-aged children, that is until, “Dad, can I borrow the car?” or “Can I have $20 for my date tonight?”
Unfortunately, Father’s Day has little or no meaning in many homes. The United States, according to studies, has the dubious distinction of having the highest rate in the world of children living in single-parent homes, with nearly 25 percent – about 23 million kids – living in these families.
The vast majority of these are father-absent homes, with single mothers having to carry the full responsibility of providing care for their children economically, physically and emotionally. In 2022, for example, 40 percent of all births in the U.S. were to unmarried women, four times the rate of 1970. The percentage is much higher in African-American homes, nearly 70 percent.
We rightly commend the strength, resolve and courage of single mothers, but what are the consequences for children growing up in single-parent homes? Research has shown that regardless of parents’ race or educational background, their kids are nearly four times more likely to live in poverty, have more difficulty academically, score poorly on tests – especially reading and math – and are more likely to drop out of school, dimming their prospects in adulthood.
Boys living in these environments are more likely to engage in negative social behaviors, and girls often lack confidence and struggle with decision-making. Factions in society might deny or ignore the negative impact of not having both father and mother in the home, but objective consideration of the facts tells us children growing up in intact, two-parent homes have a far greater likelihood of succeeding, enjoying fulfilling lives – and of being able to stay out of trouble.
Ecclesiastes 4:9 says it well: “Two are better than one, because they have a good return for their work.” This applies to finishing a project at work, achieving success in sports, and especially for trying to handle the daunting challenges of raising children in our complex world.
One might argue that not all fathers are people we’d want to emulate. That’s true. But the same can be said of both men and women in any field of endeavor. There are glowing examples – and woeful failures. But this phenomenon of single-parent homes, largely led by moms, has been escalating since the mid-1960s. Starting with those years, divorces became more easily granted. In addition, government regulations and policies, intended or not, in effect encouraged fathers not to remain in the home with their wives and children.
As a result, we have multiple generations of children who have grown up without the influence of an in-home father. It follows that if a boy doesn’t have the example of a caring, devoted father growing up, it’s likely he won’t have a clue about how to become an effective father himself. And girls will have no idea what to seek in a man who is loving, faithful and willing to share the load of parenthood.
The Scriptures commend both fathers and mothers. But God, whom the Bible refers to as Father, indicates fathers have a divinely ordained role for the family. Speaking through Moses to the nation of Israel, a patriarchal society, the Lord commanded, “Love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your strength. These commandments that I give you today are to be upon your hearts. Impress them on your children. Talk about them when you sit at home and when you walk along the road, when you lie down and when you get up” (Deuteronomy 6:4-7).
Without a father in the home, it can be very difficult for a boy to understand what it means to become a godly man, or for a girl to discover what a godly husband and father should look like. If fortunate, they might find a father figure – an uncle, grandfather, good family friend – to provide that example. But from the start, God’s design has been for both father and mother to be present and involved to “Train up a child in the way he should go, and when he is old he will not turn from it” (Proverbs 22:6).
Writing to believers in ancient Thessalonica, the apostle Paul pointed to both fathers and mothers to illustrate his love and concern for them: “…we were gentle among you, like a mother caring for her little children. We loved you so much that we were delighted to share with you not only the gospel of God but our lives as well, because you had become so dear to us…. For you know that we dealt with each of you as a father deals with his own children, encouraging, comforting and urging you to live lives worthy of God, who calls you into His kingdom and glory” (1 Thessalonians 2:7-8,11-12).
The Lord has given me the privilege of being the father of three daughters, a stepson and a stepdaughter, as well as being a grandfather and great-grandfather. I’ve been far from perfect, and if dads were given a “mulligan,” I’d certainly take one in some areas. But together, my wife and I have strived to provide a consistent example of love, commitment, and faith. I would hope and pray that everyone reading this would aim for that as well. Happy Father’s Day!
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