Facing – and Embracing – the Inevitable

I heard somewhere that researchers have discovered a key element for living a long life: Keep having birthday parties. And be sure to be in attendance.

The alternative is to depart from the scene and have other people continue to commemorate your birthday, as we do with George Washington, Elvis and others, even though they’re no longer around to join the celebration.

But the reality is, if you live long enough, aging is inevitable. It’s something to face – and hopefully, to embrace. This should be the case even though our society seems fixated on youth. Every year newer and fresher starlets are trotted out. Many advertisers tend to direct their messages toward teens and 20-somethings. Out with the old and in with the new, as they say.

Jennifer Lawrence, star of the “Hunger Games” trilogy, “American Hustle,” “Silver Linings Playbook” – and it seems about half of the movies being released by Hollywood these days – is the current darling of the younger set in the world of entertainment. She’s 24 and right now, the poster child for America’s youth movement. But for us all, time continues its relentless march and before we know it, Ms. Lawrence will start sporting the occasional wrinkle and find herself headed down the same path as another Jennifer – Aniston – who, believe it or not, lacks just a few years from qualifying for AARP membership!

I think Irish playwright George Bernard Shaw summarized many of our sentiments when he said, “Youth is a wonderful thing. What a crime to waste it on children.”

My aunt and uncle, Barbara and Joe Tamasy, shown
with a relative during a visit to Veszprem, Hungary,
were examples of embracing the aging process. 

Being a young person is filled with its awkward moments, encountering experiences for the first time and figuring out what to do with them. But it’s the same for those of us who are aging. We’ve never been this way before. The spring in our step isn’t the same, we’re not as agile, we can’t jump as high or fast – and dare not do it anyway, for fear of breaking or straining something.

There’s a whole array of products out there we never needed before, but now we examine them with interests – ointments, medications, cushions, sight and hearing aids. Our physicians tell us how well we’re doing “for our age.” As the late Phyllis Diller said, “Maybe it's true that life begins at fifty. But everything else starts to wear out, fall out, or spread out.”

But again, aging shouldn’t be something we face with regret and trepidation. It’s to be embraced. Poet Robert Browning wrote, “Grow old with me! The best is yet to be.” We’ve never been here before, so we don’t know what great adventures still lay ahead.

For one thing, most older people possess a treasure of wisdom they lacked in their earlier years. Wisdom, someone has said, comes from making good decisions. And being able to make good decisions came from making bad decisions – which we all have made in abundance!

Then we have decades of accumulated experiences we can continue to enjoy and benefit from. Author Madeleine L’Engle expressed it this way: “The great thing about getting older is that you don't lose all the other ages you've been.”

Most of all, the Bible affirms aging should be regarded as a gift, not a consequence of living a long time. Romans 12:2 says we’re to “be transformed by the renewing of your mind. Then you will be able to test and approve what God's will is--his good, pleasing and perfect will.” And as a wise friend of mine pointed out, this includes the aging process.

The Scriptures tell us that in one sense, “50 shades of gray” is a desirable state: “The glory of young men is their strength, gray hair the splendor of the old” (Proverbs 20:29).

And the wisdom acquired through the passage of years can pay rich dividends, as Proverbs 24:3-4 affirms: “By wisdom a house is built, and through understanding it is established; through knowledge its rooms are filled with rare and beautiful treasures.” Just as Rome was not built in a day, neither is a full, noble and rewarding life.

So if you, like myself, are wadding through this uncertain stage of life called aging, welcome it with enthusiasm. And if you’re still a young person with no clue what the aging process is like, be patient – you’ll get there soon enough! 

Fascination With Youth

Have you ever found interesting things while looking for something else? You’re digging through a drawer, searching for a receipt, screwdriver, or spool of thread, and find a totally different item you misplaced long ago. Maybe you forgot about it – until you found it.

Spanish explorer Ponce de Leon did something like that in the early 1500’s. It’s said he was searching for the “Fountain of Youth,” hoping to cure his aging. He’d heard stories of vitality-restoring waters, so he went looking for the rumored reservoir. Instead, de Leon discovered what’s now known as Florida.

The Fountain of Youth remains the stuff of folklore, but thanks in part to the adventurous explorer, millions of older people have found in Florida a place to go after their cherished youth has faded. Kind of a newer wrinkle on the old quest.

Ponce de Leon died nearly 600 years ago, but our fascination with youth lives on. The entertainment world exalts youth, trotting out new, fresh-cheeked stars and starlets every year. Actress Jennifer Lawrence, just 23, currently stands tall among celebrated young thespians. This is her day in the sun. Tomorrow, who knows?

My grandfather, Samuel Tamasy, passed
away when I was a boy. I still wish I
could learn from his insights about life.

In the sports world, champion gymnasts rarely compete past their teenage years; swimmers typically hang up their Speedos in their 20’s; football and basketball stars risk being perceived as relics upon entering their 30’s.

Even in the news media, with the onset of gray hair and age lines, veteran broadcasters and commentators find themselves deferring to younger replacements. Youth must be served!

It seems the modern Church isn’t immune either. Recently I read about an unemployed worship leader who was passed over, apparently because a congregation wanted a younger face leading music and directing the choir – someone more appealing for attendees in their teens through early 30’s. In a separate account, older church musicians were displaced by younger performers better able to connect to the teen and 20-something “market” their congregations were targeting.

As an early enlistee of the so-called Baby Boomer generation, I understand drawbacks of aging. Aches and pains don’t go away as quickly. And you discover aches and pains in places you didn’t even know you had! But I think youth is considerably overrated, sadly wasted on the young.

Recently I found encouragement in author Brennan Manning’s view:

“Youth is not a period of time. It is a state of mind, a result of the will, a quality of the imagination, a victory of courage over timidity, of the taste for adventure over the love of comfort…. A man grows old when he deserts his ideal. The years may wrinkle the skin, but deserting his ideal wrinkles his soul…. You will remain young as long as you are open to what is beautiful, good and great; receptive to the messages of other men and women, of nature and of God….”

I like Manning’s observation that not only is youth a state of mind, but also a product of the will and imagination, courage winning over timidity. Energy may ebb, but zeal for those things that fire our passions can be as strong. We might not be as physically resilient, but can strive to remain mentally agile. Ideals can stimulate and motivate.

As Proverbs 20:29 says, ”The glory of young men is their strength; gray hair the splendor of the old.” We’ve lived hard, worked hard, played hard. We’ve survived adversity in its various forms. Gray hair is like a crown, a badge of honor. We’ve earned it.

One of the drawbacks of youth is you can’t teach experience. We older folks have experience galore – perfect for sharing with those who lack it. And one of the best things we can share is what it means to walk consistently with God. Psalm 71:18 states it this way: “Even when I am old and gray, do not forsake me, O God, till I declare your power to the next generation, your might to all who are to come.” The wisdom and insights we’ve gained through the years aren’t to be hoarded – pass them along and let others benefit as well.

We’re all going to get old if we live long enough. The alternative is to do what Marilyn Monroe, Elvis and JFK did, die relatively early. They found a “fountain of youth” of sorts – they’re perpetually young in historic photos and videos, and in our memories. But none of us would favor that approach for retaining our youth.

How about this idea: Rather than the elders staring at the young with envy, and the young viewing those older with disdain, why not strive to learn from one another? We all have much to offer each other. And when the young become old, they’ll also have something to offer the next generation.