Forgiveness, the Ultimate Gift We Can Give – to Ourselves

“That young man, I forgive him. I forgive him because it was what Christ did.”

 

Erika Kirk offers forgiveness at her
husband's memorial service.

That was the unexpected, maybe unfathomable statement voiced by Erika Kirk, widow of Charlie Kirk, the Conservative activist and Christian apologist assassinated two weeks ago while speaking on the campus of a university in Utah. Her words were directed to the 22-year-old alleged assassin. 

More than 60,000 people heard her speak those words in person in the jammed Phoenix, Ariz. stadium for Charlie’s memorial service Sept. 21, and millions saw her say them on TV and in videos over the days that followed. Responses ranged from awe and amazement to disbelief, and some even felt anger. How could she forgive someone who killed her husband?

 

Everyone who saw the broadcast couldn’t help but react in some way. Erika’s words brought the concept of forgiveness front and center into public discourse. And rightfully so. Because in our angry world, where hateful words and vitriol are so prevalent, forgiveness seems in short supply. And not just at colleges, the halls of government, and the ubiquitous, high-volume media.

 

Every day, millions of people carry crushing grudges against people who have hurt them – physically, verbally, emotionally. Like a relentless cancer, refusal to forgive others takes a grim toll, not only on those who’ve not been forgiven but also on those who refuse to consider or extend forgiveness.

 

On one level this is understandable. When someone has harmed us grievously, the last thing we want to say is, “I forgive you.” What we want is for them to suffer consequences. We don’t want them to feel freed or think they’ve ‘gotten away’ with wrongdoings or wrongful words. We want them to ‘pay’ for what they’ve done to us.

 

However, to forgive does not mean to forget. Nor does it mean, as in the case of the assassin, that justice won’t be served. Because it must. To forgive does not mean to exonerate. What forgiveness does most of all is free us from suffering as perpetual victims, being haunted and wounded repeatedly by memories of how we were hurt.

 

Someone has said that refusal to forgive is tantamount to drinking poison and expecting the other person to die. Or as author Lewis B. Smedes observed, “To forgive is to set the prisoner free and discover that the prisoner was you.”

 

There’s an even greater, infinitely more profound reason for forgiving another person, regardless of what they’ve done. It’s as Erika Kirk said, “I forgive him because it was what Christ did.”

 

Hanging on the cross, having undergone false accusations, mocking and taunting, excruciating scourging, and experiencing the most hideous form of execution, Jesus managed to utter these words: “Father, forgive them, for they do not know what they are doing” (Luke 23:34). The Son of God imploring the Father to forgive the truly unforgiveable.

 

This was not a singular, out of character moment for Jesus Christ. He spoke often about forgiveness and the importance of being able to forgive wrongdoing – whether committed by others or ourselves.

 

In what is commonly known as the “Lord’s Prayer,” teaching His disciples how to pray Jesus included these words: “…Forgive us our sins, for we also forgive everyone who sins against us…” (Luke 11:4, also Matthew 6:12). Other translations use the words “trespasses” or “debts” instead of sins, but the meaning is the same.

 

Forgiveness, Jesus was explaining, must be a hallmark of His followers. Because being able to truly forgive, no matter the magnitude of the offense, is possible only through the power of Christ. As He stated in Matthew 6:14-15, “For if you forgive men when they sin against you, your heavenly Father will also forgive you. But if you do not forgive men their sins, your Father will not forgive your sins.” Jesus offered no exceptions to this admonition.

 

Once the disciple Peter, always pressing the point with Jesus, asked, “Lord, how many times shall I forgive my brother when he sins against me? Up to seven times?” To which Jesus responded, “I tell you, not seven times, but up to seventy times seven” (Matthew 18:21-35). In explaining this, He was basically saying there is no limit to forgiveness.

 

Most important to consider is how much the Lord has forgiven us. If we’re honest, we know we’re just as sinful, just as broken, as anyone else. As we’re told in Psalm 103:10-12, “He has not dealt with us according to our sins or repaid us according to our iniquities. For as high as the heavens are above the earth, so great is His loving devotion for those who fear Him. As far as the east is from the west, so far has He removed our transgressions from us.”

 

In other words, through God’s mercy and grace we’ve not received what we deserved but rather, what we definitely haven’t deserved. The apostle John gave us this reminder: “If we confess our sins, He is faithful and just to forgive us our sins and to cleanse us from all unrighteousness” (1 John 1:9).

 

Jesus underscored the importance of forgiveness in another way: “Do not judge, and you will not be judged. Do not condemn, and you will not be condemned. Forgive, and you will be forgiven” (Luke 6:37). Forgiveness, in a very real sense, is a gift we give to ourselves.

 

This doesn’t mean terrible crimes should be absolved of guilt. Our God of love is also just and righteous God. To forgive doesn’t mean release from consequences. This is why the Lord established the system of justice we utilize in our nation. We should always remember, “For we know him who said, ‘It is mine to avenge; I will repay,’ and again, ‘The Lord will judge his people’” (Hebrews 10:30).

 

It is with this confidence that an Erika Kirk can say, despite her grief, “That young man, I forgive him. I forgive him because it was what Christ did.”