Finding Intimacy in a World of Superficiality

Suppose someone asked you to describe our society with one single word. How would you respond? That would probably be a hard assignment, with many possibilities, but I would submit the word, “superficial.”

 

Everywhere we look we can find evidence of widespread superficiality. Social media serve as a prime example. We might have hundreds of “friends” or “followers,” but how many of them do we know personally? If we were to bump into them on the sidewalk or in a shopping mall, would we recognize them? Would they recognize us and know our name?

 

But social media aren’t the only culprit. Work relationships also tend to be superficial, functional only as long as we’re on the job together. When we go home, most of those relationships are forgotten at least until the next workday. If we leave for another position, or if someone else is terminated or finds other employment, the relationship typically ends.

Even when we attend church, how often do we venture beyond the usual, “Hi!” “How are you?” “I’m fine” exchanges? That’s one reason churches – especially large ones – have embraced the use of small groups (or whatever they choose to call them). By meeting together regularly, group members hopefully can probe below the surface. Even then, however, success is hit-and-miss.

 

As followers of Jesus Christ, we’re called to venture far beyond the superficial. We’re called to pursue intimacy, first with God and then our brothers and sisters in Christ.

 

Our society often sees intimacy through a sexual lens, but even physical closeness can remain confined to the superficial – as we often see portrayed on TV and in films. People perceiving one another based on outward appearances or only in terms of how they can benefit one another.

 

Someone has defined the biblical view of intimacy – a cure for superficiality – as “Into Me See.” This is exactly how the Lord approaches relationships with us. We see it expressed in 1 Samuel 16:7 when God tells the prophet Samuel, “The Lord does not look at the things man looks at. Man looks at the outward appearance, but the Lord looks at the heart.”

 

How unlike us, right? We’re all about the outward appearance: Is she pretty? Is he handsome? We evaluate people by how they dress, how they speak, whether they project confidence, what kind of outward success they have achieved. In other words, the superficial.

 

Throughout the Scriptures, we find the Lord isn’t like that at all. The book of Proverbs offers some examples. It says, “All a man’s ways seem innocent to him, but motives are weighed by the Lord” (Proverbs 16:2). Similarly, Proverbs 21:2 declares, “All a man’s ways seem right to him, but the Lord weighs the heart.” His concern is our “inmost being,” described in Psalm 51:6, Psalm 139:13 and other passages.

 

Perhaps the most moving example of all is recounted in John 21:15-23, the exchange Jesus had with Simon Peter along the shore of the Sea of Tiberius, following the Lord’s resurrection. Peter had denied Jesus three times during His trial conducted by the religious leaders. Clearly he still carried the burden of betrayal.

 

After Peter, Thomas, Nathanael and two other disciples had consumed a breakfast Jesus had prepared for them, the Lord took Peter aside and asked him, “Simon son of John, do you truly love Me more than these?” Peter replied, “Yes, Lord, You know that I love You.” Twice more Jesus asked, “Simon son of John, do you truly love Me?”

 

Each time after Peter responded, Jesus said, “Feed My lambs” or “Take care of My sheep.” In effect this was to reinstate the disciple and assure him that his fearful denials were forgiven. Having spent three years, 24/7 with Peter and the other disciples, Jesus emphasized He wanted not superficial allegiance, but total, from the heart devotion in delegating to them the greatest mission of all time.

 

What about us? We understand the Lord wants us to follow Him wholeheartedly, establishing an intimacy with Him that surpasses any other relationship. That’s a challenge for us in itself. But experiencing intimacy with many people, even fellow believers, isn’t just impractical. It seems impossible. That’s why the Scriptures tell us to be careful in choosing our closest friends.

 

We sometimes hear folks describe relationships in terms like, “I’d go to war with him” or “He’s someone I’d want to be with me if I were walking in a dark alley.” These imply a sense of trust. But biblical intimacy calls for even more. Proverbs 17:17 says, “A friend loves for all times, and a brother is born for adversity.” 

 

The contrast between superficiality and intimacy is evident in Proverbs 18:24 which observes, “A man of many companions may come to ruin, but there is a friend who sticks closer than a brother.” 

 

We’re all in a spiritual war for our hearts and souls. “Friends” on social media may entertain us, make us laugh, or even offer inspirational thoughts. But we need a few true intimates we can rely on to stay with us through the proverbial thick-and-thin. Do you have anyone like that?