Conquering the Conundrum of Discontentment

Have you ever been invited into a friend’s home for the first time and marveled with envy at their house and its design? Or gotten out of your 10-year-old car just as your neighbor drove up with a new SUV and you thought, ‘Wow, I’d like to have a car like that’? Maybe you’ve felt jealous of someone who had a better job than you – or a better income?

 

To be honest, there have been times when feelings like that have crossed my mind. I suspect this is one of the reasons “you shall not covet” (Exodus 20:17) is included among the Ten Commandments. In our materialistic world, we’ll always find someone having something we’d like to have ourselves. It might be the pool in their backyard, the photo-perfect vacations they take each year, their wardrobe, or their seemingly ideal marriage. We can become preoccupied with thoughts of, ‘I wish…. I want…. If only….’

 

On top of that, we’re bombarded daily with TV, radio and movie ads, billboards and other messages designed to develop in us a sense of discontentment. The ads might not say it in so many words, but subtly they’re telling us, “Your life isn’t complete unless you buy this.” Or, “This is what you can’t do without.” It gets to the point where it’s hard to distinguish between our genuine needs – and our wants.

 

Of course, these impulses aren’t new. That’s why God commanded all of us not to covet “your neighbor’s house. You shall not covet your neighbor’s wife, or his manservant or maidservant, his ox or donkey, or anything that belongs to your neighbor.” I don’t know anyone who’s confessed to coveting his neighbor’s ox or donkey, but that’s beside the point.

 

We might say the antithesis of coveting is contentment, being satisfied with whatever we have and wherever we are at the moment. Writing to his protégé, Timothy, the apostle Paul offered this perspective: “…godliness with contentment is great gain. For we brought nothing into the world, and we can take nothing out of it. But if we have food and clothing, we will be content with that” (1 Timothy 6:6-8).

 

I remember an old friend I hadn’t seen in a long while. When I asked how he and his family were doing, he responded, “Well, we have a lot of wants, but don’t have any needs.” How many of us can say that and mean it? And yet, the Scriptures exhort us over and over to strive for contentment.

 

After thanking Christ followers in ancient Philippi for their support of his mission work, Paul added, “I am not saying this out of need, for I have learned to be content regardless of my circumstances. I know how to live humbly, and I know how to abound. In any and every situation I have learned the secret of being filled and being hungry, of having plenty and having need. I can do all things through Christ who gives me strength” (Philippians 4:11-13). That is the key – through Christ.

 

While we might feel envious or jealous of other people’s life circumstances, most often our “coveting” is directly to money or things money can buy. The unidentified writer of Hebrews pointed this out: “Keep your lives free from the love of money and be content with what you have, for God has said: ‘Never will I leave you, never will I forsake you’” (Hebrews 13:5). In essence, coveting what someone else has is like saying to the Lord, “You haven’t given me enough!”

 

King Solomon, whose vast wealth was coveted by leaders of other nations, ironically concluded from his own experience that discontentment – never being satisfied with what one already has – leads to vain pursuits: “He who loves money is never satisfied by money, and he who loves wealth is never satisfied by income. This too is futile” (Ecclesiastes 5:10).

 

One of Jesus’ favorite topics during His earthly ministry was money and material possessions – but not seeking to accumulate them. Instead, He admonished us to concentrate on things that won’t become damaged or lost. “Do not store up for yourselves treasures on earth, where moth and rust destroy, and where thieves break in and steal. But store up for yourselves treasures in heaven, where moth and rust do not destroy, and where thieves do not break in and steal” (Matthew 6:19-20).

 

Jesus made this declaration during His so-called “Sermon on the Mount,” but had more to say on the subject: “Therefore I tell you, do not worry about your life, what you will eat or drink; or about your body, what you will wear. Is not life more important than food, and the body more important than clothes?... But seek first His kingdom and His righteousness, and all these things will be given to you as well” (Matthew 6:25,33).

 

These truths are important for us to hold onto, especially with Christmas fast approaching. As if we needed a reminder of this, stores are already displaying Christmas trees and other holiday finery, even though Halloween and Thanksgiving haven’t yet arrived. In the retail world Christmas, what we could call our annual “season of discontent,” can determine the difference between a profitable year and one that finishes in the red.

 

Discontentment is a universal problem, but it’s especially concerning for followers of Christ. As Paul said, “godliness with contentment is great gain” – and a powerful witness to the unbelieving world that’s always grasping for more. In the words of the old hymn, as we “turn our eyes upon Jesus, look full in His wonderful face…the things of earth will grow strangely dim, in the light of His glory and grace.”

The Malicious Myth of the Greener Grass

Have you ever been mowing your yard, glanced over at your neighbors’ lawn, and thought, ‘Why’s their grass so much greener than mine?’ Then a few days later you walk over for a brief visit and notice that up close, their lawn doesn’t look any better than yours? It has weeds and bare patches, too.

 

This tendency to compare what we have with what we don’t isn’t limited to front yard greenery. A friend or coworker might drive up in a new car and suddenly you feel a pang of envy. Your six-year-old sedan or SUV, which has been running perfectly well, doesn’t seem as nice as it did just minutes before. Even if you’ve paid off your car loan while they now have a huge monthly car payment.

 

You go to church as see that picture-perfect couple again. They always look adoringly at each other, their kids are well-mannered, and they just seem to have it all together. By comparison, you feel that with your marriage and family, if you ever had it together you must have forgotten where you put it.

 

Some folks always seem to have it better off than we do. Maybe it’s a more exciting job, or a nicer house, a more prestigious education, or more extravagant vacations. The list could go on. ‘Why them, and not me?’ we might be tempted to ask.

 

This could be why the very last of the commandments God wrote on the stone tablets He entrusted to Moses to pass along to the Israelites – the Big 10 – was a prohibition against coveting: “You shall not covet your neighbor’s house. You shall not covet your neighbor’s wife, or his manservant or maidservant, his ox or donkey, or anything that belongs to your neighbor” (Exodus 20:17).

 

Even if we don’t have manservants, maidservants, oxen or donkeys, that doesn’t keep us from casting an envious eye at other things that someone we know has. ‘Greener grass’ seems everywhere we look.

 

Interestingly, this tendency isn’t limited to the human species. Years ago, I teamed with my friend, Ken Johnson, to co-author a book, Pursuing Life with a Shepherd’s Heart, about experiences he and his family had in raising a small flock of sheep on their little farm outside of Minneapolis/St. Paul, Minn. The focus of the book was to show how much sheep are like people – and vice versa.

Among the insightful illustrations Ken presented was what we could have called “The Case of the Greener Grass.” One summer the region where Ken lived was enduring a severe drought. His sheep had consumed nearly all of the grass in their pasture areas, so he and his family decided to build a temporary fence and let the sheep graze on the spacious yard beside his house.

 

After laboring all morning to make certain the new fence was sturdy and secure, Ken and his family went inside for lunch. Minutes later he looked out a window and saw all of the sheep lined up along the fence, their heads poking through it and straining for the ‘greener grass’ on the other side.

 

The grass just beyond their reach wasn’t any different from the grass they were standing on. To make matters worse, they were ruining the grass beneath their cloven hooves.

 

It seems one of the manifestations of what the Bible terms our “sinful nature” (Romans 7:25, Colossians 2:11) is our propensity to compare and covet what other people possess. Often to the detriment of ourselves and others.

 

Family counselor J. Allan Petersen termed this The Myth of the Greener Grass in his 1984 book, writing specifically about extramarital affairs – people ruining their marriages by the attraction of someone that seems more alluring and exciting. It’s a malicious myth, for sure.

 

Concerning this, in the midst of his sufferings and responding to his friends’ not-so-helpful advice, Job declared, “I have made a covenant with my eyes not to look lustfully at a young woman” (Job 31:1). Refusing to look and compare can prevent a lot of unnecessary pain.

 

What’s the best safeguard against being seduced by the myth of the greener grass, whatever the context might be? I can’t think of anything more fitting than the counsel of 1 John 2:15-16, “Do not love the world or the things in the world. If anyone loves the world, the love of the Father is not in him. For all that is in the world, the lust of the flesh, the lust of the eyes and the boastful pride of life, is not from the Father, but is from the world.”

 

This is excellent counsel. The alternative is to be like the sheep, trampling the healthy ‘grass’ right where we are – our marriages, families, careers, our very lives – in the pursuit of the ‘greener grass’ that’s beyond our reach.

That Pesky Root of Lots of Things

There’s a misconception that the Bible declares “money is the root of all evil.” That’s not exactly true, although that is pretty close to how it’s rendered in the King James Version. The KJV stipulates evil is rooted in “the love of money.” The way most translations express it is, “the love of money is a root of all kinds of evil” (1 Timothy 6:10). 

Mankind has devised many kinds of evil that have nothing to do with money – at least directly. But love for money definitely has resulted in countless forms of evil thinking and behavior. One doesn’t have to look very closely at the realms of business, politics, entertainment and even education to confirm that.

Over my years of discipling and mentoring other men, I’ve observed an interesting phenomenon. Within these very personal, trusting relationships, men have confided in me about all manner of things – marital struggles, various forms of addiction, uncontrolled outbursts of anger, infidelity, and other behaviors they had never shared with anyone else. However, almost unanimously, the one topic that has been off-limits even within the secure confines of a discipling or mentoring environment has been money.

I remember a time when a man had just told me about difficulties he was experiencing in his marriage. We talked about those for a while, and I expressed some observations. I don’t tell people what I think they should do, but do offer perspectives they might find helpful. Then – and I don’t recall exactly why – I asked him about his income. He hesitated, and then said something like, “Well, I really don’t talk with people about money. That’s personal, you know.”

Trying to keep from laughing, I thought, “Wow! This guy has just given me some candid information about his relationship with his wife, but a simple question about money is ‘personal’?” It wasn’t like I was trying to hit him up for a loan. But I’ve learned this is not unusual; it’s more the norm than the exception.

Maybe this is why, according to theologians who analyze such things, Jesus spoke more about money in the Scriptures than any other topic – including heaven, hell, and eternal life. Someone has calculated more than 2,300 verses in the Bible concern money and material wealth. One of Christ’s most convicting statements on the subject is Matthew 6:21, “For where your treasure is, there your heart will be also.”

This doesn’t mean money – or any form of wealth – is inherently evil. Whether it was in the ancient times of the Bible or today, a means of exchange has always been necessary to acquire basic needs, pay bills, meet emergency expenses, and such. But money has a way of commanding our attention, for some becoming an object of worship.

How do you feel when your pastor begins a sermon about giving? Do you reach protectively for your wallet or purse? If we buy a new house or a new car, we proudly show off the fruit of our labors. But if someone were to ask, “How much money do you make, anyway?” would you feel offended, or think, “That’s none of your business”?

In the Ten Commandments, the last commandment is, “You shall not covet…” (Exodus 20:17). In other words, don’t envy or lust for other people’s stuff. When a reporter asked one wealthy business magnate, “How much is enough?” he purportedly responded, “Just a little bit more.” So even within the so-called “one percent” of society, there’s no limit to fascination with money and what it can supply.

Many years ago, industrialist R.G. LeTourneau, a devoted follower of Jesus Christ, practiced a “reverse tithe.” The tithe, as the Bible defines it, is 10 percent of one’s income. LeTourneau flipped that around, giving 90 percent of his income to charitable causes and keeping just 10 percent for his personal use. Another businessman, Stanley Tam, took similar steps, drawing up legal papers making God a literal partner in his business, eventually giving Him full ownership, not just a percentage of the profits.

That seems to be a key to overcoming the insidious root of evil that money can become: Holding what we have – all that we have – with an open hand and giving the Lord full access to it, without reservation. Is that easy to do? Not in my experience. But one passage in particular serves as a reminder whenever we feel the need to hold tightly to “my money.” 

As 1 Chronicles 29:11-12 in the New Living Translationtells us, “Yours, O Lord, is the greatness, the power, the glory, the victory, and the majesty. Everything in the heavens and on earth is yours, O Lord, and this is your kingdom. We adore you as the one who is over all things. Wealth and honor come from you alone, for you rule over everything. Power and might are in your hand, and at your discretion people are made great and given strength.”

This says that rather than owners, we’re merely stewards of what God entrusts to us. So to avoid the potential evils money can tempt us with, rather than wondering, “What should I do with my money?” a better question might be, “Lord, how would You like me to use Your money today?”

Replacing 10 Lines With 17,000 Pages?

Whenever we are confronted by a complex, convoluted problem, there’s always a danger in trying to offer simplistic solutions for them. At least solutions that seem simplistic. But recently I came across a profound quote that made me think, “That pretty much sums it up!”

Have you ever heard of Ravi Zacharias? If you haven’t, you ought to get acquainted with his work – his messages and books. Zacharias is an Indian-born, Canadian-American Christian apologist, a wise thinker and defender of biblical teachings. I’ve never met the man, but have discovered that listening to one of his messages for even a few minutes will provide you with more wisdom than you could glean from watching a month of commentaries on CNN, MSNBC and Fox News, 24/7 .

You can Google him and find dozens of his quotations, but here’s just one example – the one that speaks to the conundrum we’re facing today as a society. He said: “The reason we have 17,000 pages in our law books is because we cannot follow 10 lines in a tablet made of stone.”

The stone tablet he’s referring to is the one God gave to Moses bearing the Ten Commandments. I have no idea where Zacharias got the number 17,000, since it seems more laws are being written and enacted every day. There have to be more pages than that. But the point is clear: When the Lord gave us the Ten Commandments, He was saying in essence, “Keep it simple, stupid!”

Like the ancient Pharisees, who took great pride in inventing new laws and adding onto old ones, we seem to have laws governing just about everything. But they don’t keep us from behaving badly. I’m not sure there’s any regulation about blowing bubbles with bubble gum, but I suspect now that I’ve mentioned it, someone will write one.

The sad reality is, if our lives depended upon being able to recite the Ten Commandments – regardless of which version of the Bible we chose – most of us would composing our final farewells. Including many who profess to be followers of Jesus.

For a refresher, here they are, straight from Exodus 20 (and Deuteronomy 5):

1. “You shall have no other gods before Me.”
2. “You shall not make for yourself an idol (graven image)….”
3. “You shall not take the name of the Lord your God in vain (misuse His name)….”
4. “Remember the Sabbath day, to keep it holy….”
5. “Honor your father and your mother….”
6. “You shall not commit murder.”
7. “You shall not commit adultery.”
8. “You shall not steal.”
9. “You shall not bear false witness (give false testimony) against your neighbor.”
10. “You shall not covet…anything that belongs to your neighbor.”

Actually, God made the commandments even simpler. When asked what was the greatest or most important commandment, Jesus replied, "“You shall love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your mind and with all your strength. The second is this: ‘You shall love your neighbor as yourself.’ There is no other commandment greater than these” (Mark 12:30-31). In other words, that’s all God asks of us. If we can keep just those two laws, no sweat!

The problems with this – and the reason we have many thousands of pages of laws – are obvious. Simple as they are, the Ten Commandments and the two greatest commandments cut against the grain of sinful humanity. For instance, there are so many other gods to choose from. Not only the imaginary ones for whom idols and statues are made, but also things like money, our careers, our children, our favorite sports teams – even ourselves. 

Sadly, in an age of increasingly fractured families and irresponsible lifestyles, too many kids don’t even know their fathers to honor them. As for the “false witness” part, it’s become the operational standard for too many professions. And coveting, it seems have become the national pastime. We could continue going down the list.

So, nope. Let’s just keep churning out more laws, ones that people will continue to ignore or abuse. What’s a few thousand more we can disregard? Why try to do it God’s way when we can do it our way? 

Pitfalls of Comparing ‘Highlight Reels’

Have you ever looked at another family, comparing them with your own, and thought, ”Why can’t we be like them?” Perhaps there’s a couple you don’t know well, but observing them, they seem so perfect. “Why can’t my (husband/wife) and I be like them?” Or maybe you’ve been inspired by a guest speaker at your church or a Bible conference and you thought, “That person has it so together. What I wouldn’t give to be like (him/her).”

We’ve probably all done this at one time or another. I know I have. The problem is, what we’re doing is contrasting our lives with what I heard one person call the “highlight reels” of other people’s lives. 

You know what a highlight reel is, don’t you? It’s the “best plays of the day” that ESPN at the end of every sports day. It’s the video package a football or basketball prospect puts together to catch the eye of coaches – outstanding runs, catches or tackles, or three-pointers and slam dunks. Judging from those little video snippets, how can one help but be impressed? 

It's similar to that in real life. Except not on reels. We see folks up close and marvel at how ideal they seem. “There are no perfect people,” we reason, “but they sure look pretty darn close.”

Therein lies the problem – or pitfall. Sports highlight reels don’t include the fumbles, dropped passes or missed tackles, the bad shots or fouls. They show only the good plays. That’s usually the case when we’re in public. As my friend Jimmy Lee says, we put on our “Sunday smiles.”

How did I learn to distrust other people’s “highlight reels”? I had the opportunity to see people behind the scenes, when they let their guard down, when they thought no one was watching, or I caught a glimpse of how they acted when the spotlight was turned off.

Those families who seem to in sync, who appear to be oozing with love for each other without a trace of conflict? In real life – rather than reel life – they experience strife just like anyone else. They might present their best at church and other public settings, but they’re just as riddled by sibling rivalry as the rest of us. As the saying goes, they put their pants on one leg at a time just like everyone else.

I recall during my years in parachurch ministry that I would watch couples seemingly in lockstep, totally in one accord as they ministered to others together. Then I would learn that some of them were in counseling, that they were wrestling with demons from their past, or bickering just like any other married couple. Even “perfect people” have flaws.

And those individual who seemed so smart and friendly from the podium? The ones you think, “Wow! If only he were my pastor and I could hear him speak every week”? Or, “She’s so warm, so compassionate. Wouldn't it be something to have her as a friend – or even a mentor”? Over the years I learned that some of them are lightbulbs. They shine when they’re on stage, with all the attention riveted on them. But in private, when the switch is turned off, they’re really introverts. Not nearly as sparkly and engaging as when they’re speaking.

Truly, appearances can deceive. But this isn’t to condemn these folks. It’s just that they’re not super heroes. They’re just like us, people with real joys and real sorrows, facing the same types of struggles and challenges we all do.

Perhaps this is one reason God included “you shall not covet” (Exodus 20:17) among His Ten Commandments. It’s just not wishing we had a house or car like someone has; it can also mean coveting what other people appear to be. Especially because in many cases, that’s not who they really are anyway.

This also might be another application of the apostle Paul’s declaration in Philippians 2:11, “…I have learned to be content whatever the circumstances.” Yes, he was writing from prison, in less than ideal circumstances, and during his ministry had often suffered from near-deprivation. But he had also learned to find contentment wherever he was and whatever situation he found himself in. Thus he emphasized to his protégé, Timothy, that “godliness with contentment is great gain.”

When we learn to accept our spouses and families for who they are, rather than some false image of what we think someone else’s is, we grow one step closer to God. When we accept being what the Lord made us to be and to become, rather than wishing we were like another person, we also grow one step closer to Him.

So those “highlight reels” other people are showing us every day? Only their best feet forward? Ignore them. Those are no more genuine than the Wizard of Oz, or Obi Wan Kenobi. 

How Much is Really Enough?

Financial advisors spend much of their time dealing with people who don’t have enough. Maybe they haven’t handled their finances wisely, amassing large amounts of debt. It might be because they’re not earning enough to support themselves and their families. Or it could be attributed to a variety of other reasons, including major, unexpected expenses, such as severe illnesses, or high repair/replacement costs for cars or “big ticket” items like air conditioners, furnaces, and roofs.

It’s tough when you really don’t have enough.

How should we respond when we're
being told too much is never enough?

However, some people have a very different question to answer: How much is enough? That’s something many of us never ask ourselves. Or, if we do, the response is typically the same. Years ago, one of the world’s richest men was reported to have been asked, “How much is enough?” To which he replied, “Just a little bit more.”

That sounds ludicrous, doesn’t it? How could a person with great wealth be dissatisfied with what he or she already has? When that “little bit” is achieved, the target somehow moves just a tad farther out. Makes no sense, right? But we’ve all done it.

We don’t need fabulous wealth to wrestle with this “little bit more” issue. The boss gives us a raise at work, yet within weeks the additional compensation begins to seem inadequate, especially if we learn a coworker also got a pay increase and is earning more than we are. In setting career goals, we reason if we could just arrive at a certain level of income, that would make us happy. But once we get there, it appears we’ve set the bar too low.

And it’s not just about paychecks and bank accounts. We can have a closet full of clothes, yet strolling through a retail store, we can’t help thinking a new dress, shirt, or pair of shoes would really be a nice addition to the wardrobe. That 50-inch high-definition TV we already have is okay, but having a 65-inch model would even be better. We’re feeling satisfied with our five-year old car – until a neighbor drives up with a new one right off the showroom floor, loaded with accessories we didn’t even know were available.

We’ve just finished observing another Thanksgiving Day. For many of us, as we salivated over the array of food set before us, “just a little bit more” was the all-day answer to our “how much is enough” question. Long after we’d appeased our hunger, we were still treating our taste buds.

This is a “normal” human weakness it seems, which might be why God decided the last of His 10 commandments should be “You shall not covet…anything that belongs to your neighbor” (Exodus 20:17). Coveting what others have never leads to uplifting thinking. It may motivate us to work harder so we can have it too, but once we’ve attained “it,” it never seems to be enough. And this puts us at odds with others, the old “keeping up with the Joneses” mentality.

Proverbs 27:20 warns, “Death and Destruction are never satisfied, and neither are the eyes of man.” One translation of Proverbs 30:15 reads, “Greed has twins, each named ‘Give me!’" What the Bible calls “the flesh” – our sinful nature – doesn’t understand what having enough means. It always wants more. 

The solution to this is making a conscious decision about what will be sufficient, what’s “enough,” even when opportunities emerge for us to acquire more. The apostle Paul, who experienced his share of both prosperity and deprivation during his lifetime, stated, “I know what it is to be in need, and I know what it is to have plenty. I have learned the secret of being content in any and every situation, whether well fed or hungry, whether living in plenty or in want” (Philippians 4:12).

Out of that “classroom,” Paul reached an important conclusion: “But godliness with contentment is great gain. For we brought nothing into the world, and we can take nothing out of it. But if we have food and clothing, we will be content with that” (1 Timothy 6:6-8).

Perhaps this is an important principle we all need to keep foremost in our minds, especially since the Christmas season is officially upon us. Over the next several weeks we’ll be bombarded with messages telling us about all the stuff we “deserve” and “need.” Have we learned the secret of being content? Can we distinguish genuine needs from wants? Are we willing to make a determination about how much is really enough?

Do We Really Need More Laws?

When was the last time you heard someone say, “There ought to be a law!” concerning some problem? These days it seems we need more and more laws, to control guns and address escalating violence; restrain people from distracted driving; protect children from all manner of dangers, and many other things that come to mind.

Laws are necessary. If we didn’t have speed limits, what would keep people from driving 100 miles per hour through residential areas? If we didn’t have patents, copyrights and trademark laws, people could steal and capitalize on the hard work of others. If the FDA didn’t monitor food production, how would we know things we buy at the grocery store are safe to consume?

But having laws doesn’t mean those regulations will be obeyed. Some of our largest cities have the most stringent gun laws, yet hundreds die from gun violence there every week. Many states have created legislation prohibiting texting while driving, and yet we often pass someone trying to drive while exchanging texts with friends. Speed limits don’t seem to affect drivers who pass us on 55-mile per hour interstates driving 90 miles an hour or faster.

I have a radical thought: Why don’t we just do a better job of obeying and enforcing the laws we have. And maybe, consider revisiting old laws we’ve cast aside that served humanity well for many centuries.

Take the Ten Commandments, for example. Back in the 1960s, court rulings and legislation began systematically removing all references to God in our public schools and institutions. When I was in school back in the ‘50s and ‘60s, we began each day with a brief reading from the Bible, a short prayer, and I dare say, we might even have made occasional reference to the Ten Commandments. As a result, principals and teachers had to deal with such heinous acts as chewing gum in class, running in the hallways, and throwing spitballs.

Fast forward to today, when certain segments of society have smugly succeeded in eradicating any reference to the Ten Commandments and other biblical teachings, all in the name of political correctness and “tolerance.” Isn’t it scandalous to be taught and reminded of such precepts as “honor your father and mother,” “you shall not murder,” “you shall not steal,” “you shall not give false testimony” (lie), and “do not covet” (harbor envy over other people’s stuff)?

Now nobody worries about gum-chewing, scampering through hallways or tossing harmless wads of paper. Nope, classrooms are in chaos, and even the best-intended teachers find themselves hard-pressed to instruct rebellious students. Drugs, guns, knives and other tools of mayhem are concerns they must confront on a regular basis.

Any teacher worth her or his salt will tell you one of the most effective ways to teach is through repetition. Through consistent review and practice, facts are memorized, principles grasped, and methodologies mastered. Maybe what society needs is an undiluted, steady dose of Exodus 20 and Deuteronomy 5, God’s laws that He established not to be restrictive, but for our own good.

True, the “olden days” of education were hardly perfect. Kids got unruly from time to time, stealing wasn’t unheard of, and an occasional fistfight broke out. But we all shared a common sense of right and wrong. When we did wrong, deep down we knew it.

Laws don’t stop bad behavior; they only consciously inform us of what we already know subconsciously. As Romans 5:20 tells us, “The law was added so that the trespass might increase….” If there’s no posted speed limit, for example, and I drive 90 miles an hour down a street, I already have a sense I’m going too fast. But when I see a sign that says “Speed Limit 35,” that confirms it.

Of course, the biggest problem with the Ten Commandments are the first three, stated in Exodus 20:3-7 and Deuteronomy 5:7-11: “I am the Lord your God…. You shall have no other gods before me. You shall not make for yourself an idol in the form of anything…. You shall not misuse the name of the Lord your God….” These commandments remind us we are to worship and serve the one true God, which irks many of us no end. Who does God think He is, anyway?

But these commandments focus not only on behavior, but also on the condition of our hearts. When someone asked Jesus what He considered the greatest commandment, He replied, “’Love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your mind.’ This is the first and greatest commandment. And the second is like it: ‘Love your neighbor as yourself.’ All the Laws and the Prophets hang on these two commandments” (Matthew 22:37-40). 

He was saying, in essence, “Do these two things and you’re good to go.” Until then, we can pass all the laws we want, establish ever more stringent regulations, and we’ll still have to deal with human depravity in all of its depths. As Romans 1:28 declares, “since they did not think it worthwhile to retain the knowledge of God, he gave them over to a depraved mind, to do what ought not to be done.”

Beware of Destination Addiction

When you take a trip, are you a stop-and-smell-the-flowers type, or more like the gotta-get-there, the-sooner-the-better traveler? I’m more the latter. We have a destination, I mentally calculate how long it should take to get there, and we’re on our way. Detours along the route are annoying. If we start the trip with specific stops factored into the itinerary, I’m okay with that. But when trip interruptions are impromptu, I might stop, but I’ll do it grudgingly.

To my detriment, I suppose, it’s all about the destination.

Recently I was reading about another type of destination fixation. The article actually called it “destination addiction,” and involves ephemeral concepts like happiness, or success. It’s “the idea that happiness is in the next place, the next job, or even the next partner. Until you give up the idea that happiness is somewhere else, it will never be where you are.”

Have you ever known someone like that? Have you been someone like that? Are you someone like that now?

I recall seeing a sign years ago that offered simple directions: “You can’t get there from here. You have to go someplace else first.” Too often many of us approach life that way. We’re not happy where we are, so we surmise it’s because happiness just happens to live somewhere else. Maybe it was here for a while, but then it moved. So our solution is to embark on an exhaustive search to find it.

If we don’t leap for joy when it’s time to get up and go to work, instead of trying to determine how to become a better employee, we decide the answer’s in finding a better job. If we’re not enjoying our home the way we once did, we figure there’s no alternative but to move somewhere else. And if our marriage seems to lack the spark it once had, we conclude the answer is to find happiness in someone else. You can’t get there from here, right?

Sadly, the quest for things like happiness and success are like the mirage in the desert. It appears off in the distance, but when you get to where you thought it was, it’s not there.

Repeatedly the Bible speaks to this widespread desire for something else, something better to satisfy our deepest yearnings. It was directly addressed in the Ten Commandments: “You shall not covet your neighbor’s house. You shall not covet your neighbor’s wife…his ox or donkey, or anything that belongs to your neighbor” (Exodus 20:17). God wasn’t intending to be a divine spoilsport; He just understood that no matter where we are or what we have, our sinful nature is to prefer what someone else possesses.

Jesus told a parable about a rich man whose crops were so abundant he lacked space for storing them. So he decided the solution would be to replace his existing barns with bigger ones. Then he’d have plenty of room, no matter how much he could amass. “And I’ll say to myself, ‘You have plenty of good things laid up for many years. Take life easy; eat, drink and be merry.’ But God said to him, ‘You fool! This very night your life will be demanded from you. Then who will get what you have prepared for yourself?’” (Luke 12:13-21).

Contrast that with the apostle Paul, who had one destination in mind and one only. He wrote, “I have learned to be content whatever the circumstances. I know what it is to be in need, and I know what it is to have plenty. I have learned the secret of being content in any and every situation” (Philippians 4:11-12).

Those of us living in the 21^st century, in which contentment is regarded almost as a sin while we’re tugged constantly to pursue more or better or different, Paul’s words seem shocking. But it goes back to certainty about his singular destination, one that didn’t waver according to his mood or feelings at a particular moment: “I press on toward the goal to win the prize for which God has called me heavenward in Christ Jesus” (Philippians 3:14).

We’re all enticed by the “greener grass,” the notion that if we can just get from where we are to what appears more appealing over there, then we will be happy. Then, for sure, we will find love, achieve success, or experience fulfillment.

The only thing is, those already are over “there” are convinced they’d find the same things if they could only be with us over “here.” No wonder we never stop asking, “Are we there yet?”