Easily Deceived by Outward Appearances

We’re a society obsessed by outward appearances. When planning to go to a special event, many people agonize over what to wear and how they’ll look. On home improvement shows, the first thing prospective buyers consider is “curb appeal.” And those ‘reality’ romance shows? Only for the beautiful or handsome. Our eyes are attracted to whatever shiny, glitzy thing comes along. 

But have you ever discovered how outward appearances can deceive? For instance, that person who catches everyone’s attention when he or she walks into a room, but if you get a chance to talk with them beyond a casual ‘hello,’ you discover they’re either filled with ego or have the IQ of a mushroom. Beware of flashy ‘diamonds’ that turn out to be synthetic.

 

Over the years I’ve had the opportunity to get acquainted with people who could command a speaking platform with their wit and eloquence. However, sometimes what you see isn’t what you get if you have a chance to talk with them one-to-one. Stage presence doesn’t always translate into personal substance.

 

Other times I’ve met people who at first didn’t seem outwardly impressive, but they possessed inner qualities that drew me to them like a magnet. They serve as reminders not to judge people solely upon externals. As God told the prophet Samuel, “The Lord does not look at the things man looks at. Man looks at the outward appearance, but the Lord looks at the heart” (1 Samuel 16:7).

 

Among the endearing realities of the Bible is its candor, revealing people as they truly were. Repeatedly we find examples of folks in the Bible whose outward appearance didn’t align with the kinds of people they were on the inside.

 

Recently, while using a one-year Bible that takes the reader through the Scriptures in a calendar year, with both Old and New Testament readings, I came across two examples of how we can be deceived by outward appearances. The first was King Saul.

 

Reading in 1 Samuel, we find the people of Israel had tired of being led by prophetic judges. "Give us a king to lead us…. We want a king over us,” they declared to the prophet Samuel (1 Samuel 8:6,19). After all, the Israelites reasoned, other nations all had kings. Why shouldn’t they? So, God told Samuel to anoint a fellow named Saul, “an impressive young man without equal among the Israelites – a head taller than any of the others” (1 Samuel 9:2). He seemed outstanding – in the most literal sense.

 

Saul had passed the ‘look test,’ and initially seemed to be a humble individual. When the time came to announce the first king of Israel, we’re told he had “hidden himself among the baggage” (1 Samuel 10:22). But soon the Israelites would learn the truth of the adage, “Be careful what you ask for.”

 

His reign was all downhill from there. He repeatedly ignored God’s commands given through Samuel, and when caught in his sinful disobedience, Saul was quick to cast aside fault, blaming instead the soldiers and people he was chosen to lead. He served as king of Israel for 42 years, but it was a tenure fraught with conflict, jealousy, terrible decision-making, and murder.

 

We find a very striking contrast to Saul in the gospel of John. It’s an unlikely woman Jesus Christ encountered at a well outside the Samaritan city of Sychar. Having been married five times and living with a man who was not her husband, this woman was the face of scandal. To avoid accusatory looks, she would go to the well in the midday heat, knowing no other women would be there.

 

Topping it off, Samaritans were universally despised by Jews. And yet, Jesus – a Jew – chose to honor this disreputable woman with a compassionate conversation that had a surprising outcome, recorded in John 4:4-42. 

 

As she approached the well, bearing the weight not only of her water jars but also her forlorn history, Jesus asked, “Will you give Me a drink?” Looking up at the person speaking to her, she probably thought the Samaritan equivalent of ‘Say what?!’ “You are a Jew and I am a Samaritan woman. How can you ask me for a drink?” she responded, perhaps thinking this individual had forgotten the day’s cultural norms.

 

Jesus countered with a statement that caught her attention: “If you knew the gift of God and who it is that asks you for a drink, you would have asked Him and He would have given you living water.” I suspect hearing about “living water” would have gotten our attention as well.

 

As their interaction unfolded, Jesus revealed He was not only a prophet but in fact the promised Messiah – to her utter amazement. Excitedly, she forgot all about getting water from the well and turned into an unwitting evangelist, rushing to tell the townspeople about the person she had just met: “Come, see a man who told me everything I ever did. Could this be the Christ?”

 

The upshot of this story is that many people in Sychar became believers in Christ, some through the woman’s testimony and others after talking with Him directly, curious because of what she had said. 

 

Isn’t it interesting how an outwardly impressive man who became king could turn out to be such an adject failure, while a woman who’d lived such a sorrowful life could be used by God for such a life-changing impact on many people in her community?

 

What a powerful reminder not to limit ourselves to the first impressions people make on us. It’s also encouraging to know that even if we’ve never been the center of attention or voted most likely to succeed, the Lord can still accomplish great things through us.

Covering Up What’s On the Inside

Every year when Halloween rolls around, I have mixed feelings. The prevalent focus on things like witches, zombies and vampires seems disturbing, but not surprising, given our society’s fascination with evil, the paranormal and the occult. However, what’s wrong with seeing little girls dressed up in sky-blue gowns like Elsa in “Frozen,” or little boys disguised like Jack Sparrow of “Pirates of the Caribbean”?

Shops spring up in vacant retail spaces, marketing all manner of festive and frightening attire. Some adults also enjoy costume parties, donning masks and sometimes complete costumes to disguise their identities. All in good fun for the most part, although TV murder mysteries this time of year often take place at adult Halloween parties. So, beware!

But this idea of hiding our true identities is hardly new. Dramas dating back to the ancient Greeks and Romans featured masked characters scheming to hoodwink protagonists and antagonists. Shakespeare did the same, although customs of the day required that males portray even females. In those days, apparently, a woman’s place was in the audience.

But even for the many of us who have no performing aspirations, who will never be welcomed into any thespian society, we know all about acting. For instance, engaging in a heated argument on the way to church but, the moment we exit our car in the parking lot, donning Sunday smiles and acting as if nary a contrary word was uttered.

We adopt a public persona. It might be on the job, speaking from a podium, or campaigning for office, seeking to delude those seeing and hearing us from knowing who we truly are and how we truly behave in private. And we didn’t even attend Miss Polly’s School for Acting!

There is one person, however, who can’t be deceived by our outward posturing. In 1 Samuel 16:7 we read, “For God sees not as man sees. Man looks at the outward appearance, but the Lord looks at the heart.” We don’t have X-ray vision and can’t discern someone’s inner character, so we’re easily duped, especially by those adept at presenting personal facades. God doesn’t have that problem. Just as He expertly saw which of Jesse’s sons – David – was fit to serve as king of Israel, He’s equally skilled at perceiving our inner thoughts and motives.

The Lord is right on the spot in diagnosing our “heart problems,” As Proverbs 21:2 declares, “All a man’s ways seem right to him, but the Lord weighs the heart.” And Proverbs 16:2 concurs, “All a man’s ways seem innocent to him, but motives are weighed by the Lord.” If only we had such ability.

As the verses above assert, we not only mask our inner selves from others, but there are also times when we manage to self-delude. We can convince ourselves that we’re right, that our motives couldn’t be more pure. Even when they’re not. So it’s important to perform a self-heart check to make certain we’re not hiding inside costumes year-round, not just at Halloween time.

How do we do that? The Scriptures serve as a great mirror for reflecting our inner selves. Hebrews 4:12 explains, “For the word of God is living and active. Sharper than any double-edged sword, it penetrates even to dividing soul and spirit, joints and marrow; it judges the thoughts and attitudes of the heart.” How do our lives stack up against what we see in God’s Word?

As James 1:22-24 admonishes, “Do not merely listen to the word, and so deceive yourselves. Do what it says. Anyone who listens to the word but does not do what it says is like someone who looks at his face in a mirror and, after looking at himself, goes away and immediately forgets what he looks like.” 

Halloween can be a fun, harmless, once-a-year diversion. But God desires for us to devote our lives of service to Him and His people as we truly are, sans “costume.” A term that describes this is integrity. It seems to have largely fallen out of favor in our society, but that doesn’t mean it’s not important. Proverbs 11:3 asserts, “The integrity of the upright guides them, but the unfaithful are destroyed by their duplicity.”

In other words, if we’re diligent to be genuine, the people we present ourselves to be, we need not fear being exposed as pretending to be someone we’re not. As 2 Corinthians 4:16 promises all who faithfully follow Christ, “Though outwardly we are wasting away, yet inwardly we are being renewed day by day.” It’s what’s inside that counts most.

Outward Appearances Can Be Deceiving

“Beauty is only skin deep – but ugliness goes clear to the bone!” This nonsensical saying dates back to my boyhood years, but underscores our human fixation with how we look on the outside.

Most of us really do have a thing about outward appearances. We draw conclusions about people based on the houses they live in, cars they drive, vacations they take, jobs they have, even the books they read and movies they see.

We watch the ”beautiful people” – stars from Hollywood and all realms of the entertainment world strolling red carpets, regaled in their finest attire (or in some cases, lack of attire). We gaze at their smiling faces and presume what nice people they must be. Experts on political campaigning tell us the candidates most likely to win are those that succeed at looking good on the TV screen, who can project themselves as personable, attractive, approachable, sincere, clever, and “just like us.” It’s call telegenics.

The problem with using outward
appearances to judge people is
we can't see their hearts.

Makes me wonder if Abraham Lincoln, gawky and ordinary-looking as he was, would ever have had a chance at the Presidency had he been running today.

But this concentration on how folks look on the outside isn’t limited to celebrities and politicians. When we meet someone new, most of us find ourselves – consciously or subconsciously – sizing them up based on their externals.

We assess them based on how they’re dressed and groomed, the way they smell, and their natural physical attributes: Pretty (or not). Strong (or weak). Successful (or not). Intelligent and/or educated (or not). Wealthy, middle class, or poor. Happy and friendly, or angry and aloof.

One national magazine recently reported in the near future cosmetic surgery will become, for most people, not a matter of “if,” but rather, “when” and “how much.” Largely, all in the name of “lookin’ good.” The reasoning is if people are going to gauge who we are according to our outward appearance, we might as well do whatever we can to enhance the effect.

Even though Jesus said, “Do not judge or you too will be judged” (Matthew 7:1), we do it anyway. We appraise people according to gender and age, for good or ill. For instance, if I’m leaving a restaurant and hold the door for a women going in, she may regard me as polite, maybe even gentlemanly – or she might think I’m condescending and sexist. Even though we’ve never met, the woman could make a snap judgment about me based on what she sees and her biases.

Have you ever observed an elderly person driving a car a bit slowly and concluded something like, “That person really should take a new driver’s test. Probably shouldn’t even be on the road”? Many of us have, and yet we know nothing about that person – except what we can observe outwardly.

I remember a time when I was in college – many years ago – being stopped by police officers, even though I had done nothing wrong. My “crime” was wearing my hair long enough to fit me into the category of “those hippie types.” Yes, I was “profiled,” long before anyone used the term.

Fixation with outward appearances, of course, is central to racism and other forms of prejudice. We make assumptions about people that look a certain way, and react accordingly, without knowing anything about who they truly are. Why bother getting to know people when you can fit them into handy, one-size-fits-all stereotypes, right?

Thankfully, God isn’t that way. In fact, the Bible says He’s just the opposite. In searching for someone to succeed King Saul to lead the nation of Israel, the prophet Samuel learned, “The Lord does not look at the things man looks at. Man looks at the outward appearance, but the Lord looks at the heart” (1 Samuel 16:7). On that basis, God chose an unassuming sheepherder – David – to become king. A young man who initially didn’t look the part, but as it turned out, was “a man after God’s own heart” (Acts 13:22).

Years later, David’s son, Solomon, who succeeded him as king, made a similar observation: “All a man’s ways seem right to him, but the Lord weighs the heart” (Proverbs 21:2).

Outwardly we may appear to have the purest motives. We might have even convinced ourselves that our intentions are the best for everyone involved. But God sees behind well-crafted façades and examines our hearts, sometimes revealing motivations not as noble or pure as we might want people to believe.

One time Jesus confronted the prideful, self-assured religious leaders of His day. He minced no words: “Woe to you, teachers of the law and Pharisees, you hypocrites! You are like whitewashed tombs, which look beautiful on the outside but on the inside are full of the bones of the dead and everything unclean” (Matthew 23:27). Not exactly the way to win friends and influence people, but Jesus was calling it as He saw it – viewing their sinful, self-righteous hearts.

Unfortunately, we can’t peer into someone’s heart as God can. But we can ask Him for wisdom as we interface with others. Then we can invest the time necessary to get acquainted with them, seeking to know their inner person before jumping to conclusions that might prove way off base.

Wouldn’t we want other people to do the same for us?

Pelicans – and Beauty Contests

We live in a culture obsessed with outward appearances. Magazines annually declare the “most beautiful woman” and “most gorgeous man.” Celebrities strut the red carpets prior to awards events, eager to display how incredible they can look, whether dressed conservatively and tastefully, garishly and outrageously, or somewhere in between.

Proud moms trot out their little darlings at mini-beauty pageants, teaching them early the strategies for leveraging a pleasing look to achieve recognition and success. And each spring, as another summer approaches, advertisements and commercials exhort women to utilize various products and services to achieve that “perfect bikini body.”

When I was an adolescent, one of my friends enjoyed repeating, “Beauty is only skin deep – but ugliness goes clear to the bone!” But that’s not true. Striking outward appearances can deceive, and an unattractive exterior may belie great quality within.

Up close and personal, this pelican
wasn't much to look at.

I was reminded of this during a recent beach vacation – and it didn’t involve a shapely young woman in a swimsuit. My reminder was a lone pelican bobbing in the water at a marina near a restaurant where we were eating.

This feathered fellow apparently was accustomed to being gawked at by strangers. In fact, he maneuvered toward us in case we wanted to get a better look. This creature with overly extended beak and beady eyes would never win an avian beauty contest. In fact, he would have made a humble sparrow look downright regal by comparison.

But later in the week I observed a flock of pelicans – the solitary bird I had seen earlier might have been among them. As they soared overhead in formation, fluidly riding the wind currents, or skimmed the waves just offshore, hovering just inches above the water’s surface, they looked majestic – and beautiful. They demonstrated aerodynamic synchronicity pilots in the Navy’s Blue Angels or the Air Force’s Thunderbirds would admire.

That same day I read a description of William Wilberforce, the British statesman in the late 1700s and early 1800s who campaigned for decades, relentless in his determination to abolish the slave trade in Great Britain. He was widely described as “an ugly little man with too long a nose.” Not the kind of guy who’d catch people’s eye at a social event, I suppose. Yet, as a white man, he merits special honor and appreciation in black history books.

The Bible makes clear our fascination with superficiality is contrary to God’s perspective. When the prophet Samuel was sent by the Lord to identify the successor to Saul as king of Israel, the prophet inspected Jesse’s sons and believed several passed “the eye test.” But each time Samuel asked, “Is it this one, Lord?” he received the answer,  “No, not him…. No, not him either.”

Finally the lowly shepherd boy, David, who hadn’t been voted most likely to succeed in his high school yearbook, was ushered onto the scene. This unlikely tender of sheep was God’s chosen one. Then Samuel was informed, “The Lord does not look at the things man looks at. Man looks at the outward appearance, but the Lord looks at the heart” (1 Samuel 16:7).

Elsewhere, David’s son Solomon, who succeeded him as king, affirmed that truth: “All a man’s ways seem right to him, but the Lord weighs the heart” (Proverbs 21:2). What’s going on inside is what matters to God.

These pelicans could soar with as much
precision as trained jet pilots.

So it’s interesting that the homely pelican, one of God’s bountiful array of curious creatures, was designed to display a marvelous grandeur in flight, especially in the company of other pelicans. And without possessing outward handsomeness by any measure, the inner winsomeness of William Wilberforce – largely the outworking of profound devotion to Jesus Christ – was manifested in his resolve to extricate a noble race of people from the horrendous, dehumanizing institution of slavery.

From God’s perspective, looks really aren’t everything! In fact, it seems He doesn’t place much stock in externals at all. Jesus made that clear when He addressed the religious leaders of the day: "Woe to you, teachers of the law and Pharisees, you hypocrites! You are like whitewashed tombs, which look beautiful on the outside but on the inside are full of the bones of the dead and everything unclean” (Matthew 23:27).

So next time you find yourself preening a bit too much in front of a mirror, or feel the temptation to pass judgment on someone based on their outward appearance, remember the pelican. Not much to look at, but wow, can he soar!

Do We Really Understand Prejudice?

Someone on Facebook often posts comments and information related to his ethnicity. Recently he posted a link to a brief but touching story about a courageous black man that during his lifetime helped to free hundreds of slaves from bondage.

It’s a wonderful account of a determined man overcoming great struggle and adversity, one that could inspire many people regardless of race. But what gave me pause was it was labeled as an “I love black people photo.” Obviously the man posting is proud of his ethnicity, as well he should.

Such a reference is perfectly acceptable. But what if I – a Caucasian – were to post an image of a famous individual and label it an “I love white people photo”? Would that be regarded as “racist”? 

Can we really overcome prejudice and bigotry
by continually focusing on our differences?

I’m not trying to be argumentative. Really I’m not. It just seems if we’re ever to get beyond racism or any other form of bigotry, at last arriving at a point where we cease to regard or treat people differently, we should stop reminding others – and being reminded – of how different we are.

A few weeks ago a collegiate football player with NFL aspirations announced he’s gay. The sports media said it’s “no big deal,” but then for days talked about nothing else, even though the Winter Olympics was in full stride. As one collective voice, they lauded the player for “coming out” and implicitly dared anyone’s dissent, ready to pounce if it came.

Really, what does sexual orientation have to do with success in professional football? Whether a player is celibate, monogamous, polygamous, gay, or has a penchant for kinky stuff we wouldn’t want to know about, the only issue should be whether he can compete at the top level.

The point of the incessant discourse, of course, was to impress on everyone listening that gay people shouldn’t be regarded differently. But we know, should this player succeed in making an NFL roster, we’ll be constantly reminded he’s the first openly gay player in the pros. So he’s not different…except he is, right?

Back to the broader topic, as a boy I had little interaction with blacks. At my high school in the 1960s, even in the supposed “progressive” north, blacks and whites pretty much kept separate by their choice. And in college I had only a few black acquaintances, although not by intent. During my professional career, I started building friendships with African-American men who seemed to enjoy being with me as much as I did with them. One was a charismatic Jamaican police detective whose hands had been severed by a fugitive crime suspect wielding a machete. Ivan’s efforts to overcome such a disability were inspiring.

In my friendships with black men, I’ve strived to develop a kind of “color blindness.” And you know, it’s worked. My vision’s still good, and their blackness and my whiteness are obvious, but together we’ve learned we have more things in common than things that are dissimilar.

The Bible says, “The Lord does not look at the things man looks at. Man looks at the outward appearance, but the Lord looks at the heart” (1 Samuel 16:7). There’s the problem. Only by building relationships and getting to know one another can we succeed in getting past outward appearances, differences of skin color and ethnicity, and start looking at the heart.

We don’t often hear it taught this way, but two of Jesus’ most famous stories strike at the foundation of prejudice and bigotry in its various forms. Both accounts shatter racial stereotypes and biases.

The first is the so-called parable of the Good Samaritan, recounted in Luke 10:25-37. In the fictitious story, a man was attacked by robbers along a road, leaving him seriously injured. Two religious leaders avoided the man, ignoring his plight, but a man from Samaria – a people held in scorn and contempt by the Jews – stopped to care for the wounded individual and provide for his needs during recovery.

If Jesus were to tell this parable today, He might choose for the victim to be a Ku Klux Klansman and the “good Samaritan” to be an African-American.

The second story concerned Jesus’ encounter with a woman at the well in Samaria, described in John 4:4-42. A different type of bigotry was at work here. To begin with, she was a despised Samaritan – and Jesus was a Jew. The fact of her gender was another strike against her, since the culture of those times regarded women as second-class citizens, hardly worthy of a stranger’s attention. And lastly, she had been married multiple times and the man she was living with wasn't her husband, clearly contrary to moral standards of the day.

For Jesus to address such a woman was virtually unheard of. When His disciples saw it they were astounded. Yet He defied the cultural mores and not only talked to her, but treated her with compassion and respect, speaking with honesty but without condemnation.

If we are ever to rise above racism and bigotry, truly overcoming it rather than suppressing it by legislation and the edicts of political correctness, we need to follow Jesus’ example. Outward appearances mean nothing, He declared. They can mislead and be manipulated. Instead, continually seek out the heart. That’s where the true person resides.

The ‘Good Samaritan’ and Racism

From time to time we hear about “good Samaritans,” individuals performing unusual acts of kindness – assisting a motorist with a problem on the highway, rescuing someone from a burning building, donating an anonymous gift to someone in need.

But in our increasingly secularized society, fewer people know where the good Samaritan concept began. Spoiler alert: It’s from the Bible.

Luke 10:25-37 tells about Jesus’ encounter with religious leaders that challenged Him. One leader, “an expert in the law,” cited the commandment to “love your neighbor as yourself” and then asked Jesus, “Who is my neighbor?” Jesus responded with the story of the good Samaritan.

In the account, robbers had beaten a man on the highway between Jerusalem and Jericho. Two Jewish leaders of high standing – a priest and a Levite – saw the injured man, but instead of stopping to help, moved to the other side of the road and continued on their way.

It was a Samaritan – a man from Samaria – who not only stopped to assist the injured person and tend to his wounds, but also found a place where he could stay and recover. Hence, the good Samaritan.

In one respect, the story of the good Samaritan
is about the evils of racism and prejudice.

But there’s an element to this story many people don’t grasp: At least in one respect, it’s about racism. In those days there was intense animosity between Jews and Samaritans on ethnic, cultural and religious grounds. The Samaritans, whose origins traced to the same Jewish lineage, had intermarried with Gentiles to create a mixed race, greatly despised by the Jews.

So when Jesus noted two of the Jewish elite had taken “the high road” rather than get involved in a victim’s plight, and instead it was a hated Samaritan who performed the act of compassion, it must have stung Christ's confronters.

Had Jesus told this parable in modern terms, it might have been a black man that stopped to assist a wounded Ku Klux Klan member. Talk about turning prejudice upside-down.

Some years ago I was meeting with a young African-American man in a Bible study and he asked, “Bob, if Jesus were to appear and stand in front of me, would He see a black man?” What a great question!

Thankfully, I had recently been doing some reading related to this subject, so we looked at Galatians 3:28, which states, “There is neither Jew nor Gentile, neither slave nor free, nor is there male and female, for you are all one in Christ Jesus.” As the apostle Paul pointed out, God does not distinguish according to race, ethnicity, gender or social standing.

I also related to my friend what the Old Testament says about how God does see people: “The Lord does not look at the things man looks at. Man looks at the outward appearance, but the Lord looks at the heart” (1 Samuel 16:7).

In the gospel of John, Jesus demonstrated His opposition to the racism of His day in another way. He and the disciples were passing through Samaria, and Jesus defied cultural norms by talking to a Samaritan  woman – the "woman at the well" – and asking her for a cup of water. In fact, the woman expressed her own astonishment. “You are a Jew and I am a Samaritan woman. How can you ask me for a drink?” (John 4:9).

This encounter might not seem like a big deal today, but in Jesus’ day – both in terms of race and gender – it was unprecedented.

We find ourselves in an environment more racially charged than it’s been in years, but it doesn’t have to be that way. Prejudice means to pre-judge, usually according to external factors: skin color, race, gender, tall or short, slender or stocky. But that’s not how God sees people. He looks at the heart – the persons we are on the inside.

As followers of Christ – female or male, white, black, Asian, Hispanic or whatever – we need to ask the Lord for His discernment so that we no longer “look at the outward appearance” but as He did, “look at the heart.”

Racism can cut both ways: Prejudice isn’t just white toward black, Latino, Asian, or Middle Eastern. Anyone can pre-judge another, ascribing motivations and making assumptions based solely on the other person’s complexion or external “look.” We must seek to understand not only the hearts of the people we encounter, but our own hearts as well. Who are we pre-judging – and why?

Not Always As They Seem

It’s become increasingly evident that often, people we think we know – we really don’t know at all.

Case in point: The two brothers of Chechen descent that allegedly orchestrated the Boston Marathon bombings and had plotted further mayhem. Some neighbors and fellow students described them with adjectives like “quiet,” “nice,” “friendly” and even “kind.” Huh? Hardly terms that fit makers of pressure-cooker bombs that killed and dismembered people near the finish of one of New England’s most celebrated events.

But such a disparity isn’t unusual. Mass murderers are often depicted as aloof, introverted, or moody, but rarely does anyone say something like, “Now there was a potential serial killer if ever I saw one!”

People being not always as they seem isn’t restricted to perpetrators of heinous crimes. Recently a single day’s news included multiple reports of prominent entertainers and media celebrities being arrested for alcohol and drug-related violations. One being a popular, perky actress who never would have been envisioned as a mean drunk.

In dealing with people, what you see
often isn't what you get.

And it doesn’t stop there. What about the revered preacher, author of best-selling books and star of weekly TV and radio shows, caught in secretive, sexual indiscretions? Or the iconic business executive found guilty of ethical wrongdoing? Even the “perfect couple” next door, envied by all, shockingly filing for divorce?

We think we know people, but do we…really? What’s the deal?

The Bible offers insight. In the Old Testament, God had sent the prophet Samuel to anoint one of Jesse’s sons to succeed Saul as Israel’s king. Samuel studied each son and wondered, “Is this the one?” Apparently they all passed the look test. But with each one the Lord responded, “Nope. Not him.”

Finally, Samuel discovered Jesse had one more son – David, a shepherd boy still tending the sheep. So Samuel had Jesse summon David. When the boy arrived, God informed the prophet, “That’s the one!”

Earlier Samuel had received the explanation: “The Lord does not look at the things man looks at. Man looks at the outward appearance, but the Lord looks at the heart” (1 Samuel 16:7).

That’s our problem. We can only look on the outside, drawing conclusions based on perceptions. God, however, examines the heart – the inner person. He knows one's true thoughts, motives, desires and aspirations.

In Leaders Legacy, the non-profit I work with, we use a motivational assessment tool called the Birkman Method. A key descriptor of this resource is “Usual Style” or “Usual Behavior.” This relates to outward behavior – what we observe about other people, the basis for conclusions and judgments we form about them.

However, “Usual Style” is actually learned behavior, what individuals find enables them to be most effective in life. This often contrasts sharply from “Needs” – underlying requirements or expectations that must be fulfilled to bring contentment and peace.

Realizing what you see in people isn’t always what you get, I’ve given up trying to be a good judge of people. Their external behavior can be very deceiving. God alone is capable of judging properly and accurately, because He can see what’s going on inside. As Proverbs 21:2 says, “All a man’s ways seem right to him, but the Lord weighs the heart.”