‘Listen’ and ‘Silent’ – Two Peas in a Communication Pod

Did you ever notice that the words “listen” and “silent” consist of the same letters? Taking that into account, is it any wonder we have so much trouble communicating these days?

 

TV is littered with talk shows on which everyone is doing just that – talking – but hardly anyone seems willing to listen. Instead, we have groups of people impatiently waiting for one of their colleagues to take a breath so they can jump in with their own comments. I wonder what the response would be if someone decided to broadcast a “listen show” instead of the talk variety?

 

Years ago, I taught business communications classes for two accelerated college degree programs. During that span, communications changed radically. The telephone had already been invented by then (it wasn’t that long ago), but the first classes I taught were before the advent of email, the Internet, and cellphones. One thing that did not change during those years – even to this day – was the fine, oft-neglected art of listening.

 

In one session I would introduce what was called “the LADDER concept of active listening.” LADDER was an acronym for:

Look at the person.

Ask for clarification.

Don’t interrupt just if you think you have something to say.

Don’t change the subject.

Express how you feel.

Respond and give feedback.

 

I think you can understand how it might enhance successful communicating if we were to make and maintain eye contact with the person speaking; ask them to clarify anything that’s unclear; not interject our thoughts while the other person is still speaking; stay on topic; convey how what’s been said makes us feel; and then, when the other person has had the opportunity to finish what they were saying, we would react.

 

Many of these six steps for active listening do require our silence, at least for a time. When Simon & Garfunkel recorded their hit tune, “The Sounds of Silence,” I don’t think they had listening in mind, but the sounds of silence would make it easier for each of us not only to physically hear the other person but also to truly listen to what they’re saying.

 

I like what the eminently practical Old Testament book of Proverbs has to say about communications – and listening. You might recall my citing this verse before, but Proverbs 10:19 is profound: “Where there are many words, transgression is not avoidable, but he who restrains his lips is wise.” It’s a lesson I’ve had to learn the hard way more than once.

 

Another proverb offers a similar sentiment: “A man who lacks judgment derides his neighbor, but a man of understanding holds his tongue” (Proverbs 11:2). Then there’s Proverbs 13:3 which says, “He who guards his lips guards his life, but he who speaks rashly will come to ruin.” Do these verses make you think of someone – or any groups of people?

 

Dozens of other verses address the uses and abuses of the spoken word, but Proverbs also presents wisdom about the how-to’s and how-not-to’s of listening. For instance, Proverbs 18:13 gives this convicting admonition: “He who answers before listening – that is to his folly and shame.”

 

It may seem like stating the obvious, but Proverbs 20:12 reminds us, “Ears that hear and eyes that see – the Lord has made them both.” Reminds me of the sage who observed, “God made one mouth and two ears. We should use them in that proportion.”

 

Why do so many people seem to be making statements and offering comments that don’t advance the cause for successful communication? It might be because they haven’t exerted the necessary effort to listen. When Proverbs 15:23 declares, “A man finds joy in giving an apt reply – and how good is a timely word,” one way for ensuring the appropriateness and timeliness of a reply is if the speaker has first taken the time to listen.

 

Not one of us is perfect – sorry to break the news to you if you’d been thinking otherwise – which means from time to time we can benefit from caring correction. But to receive it, we must engage in that difficult communication practice: Listen. As Proverbs 25:12 observes, “Like an earring of gold or an ornament of fine gold is a wise man’s rebuke to a listening ear.”

We might be tempted to respond, “They’re not listening to me! Why should I listen to them?” I suppose it’s because someone needs to set the example. Why shouldn’t it be us?