“Sticks and stones may break my bones, but names will never hurt me!” When I was a kid, this old saying would be repeated over and over. One problem: it wasn’t true.
My boyhood had its share of cuts and scrapes. Even though I didn’t have a belligerent personality, I got into a scuffle or two. But I can't recall any of those injuries in detail. I can, however, remember harsh or unkind words that were directed to me and my fragile self-image as a youth. If I tried hard enough, some of those insults could still echo in my mind.
Perhaps this is one reason the Bible is replete with verses and passages that deal with the power of words, citing their capacity of uplifting and inspiring, as well as damage it can incite when misused.
Of course, we don’t need to be speaking directly to someone, or even on the phone, to inflict damage with our words. We have resources like social media, text messaging and emails to insult, demean, bully, antagonize and disparage. In fact, hiding behind the curtains of cyberspace, cowardly individuals have given an entirely different meaning to “bully pulpit.”
Used with grace, words – spoken or written – have the power to inspire; they can be wonderful tools of encouragement. But misused, words can deflate, even destroy. This is why we read such admonitions in the book of Proverbs as:
“The mouth of the righteous is a fountain of life, but violence overwhelms the mouth of the wicked” (Proverbs 10:11).
“He who guards his lips guards his life, but he who speaks rashly will come to ruin” (Proverbs 13:3).
“A gentle answer turns away wrath, but a harsh word stirs up anger” (Proverbs 15:1).
“The tongue has the power of life and death, and those who love it will eat its fruit” (Proverbs 18:21).
When uncontrolled, one’s tongue inevitably strays into dangerous territory, so we find this admonition to speak with extreme caution: “When there are many words, transgression is not avoidable, but he who restrains his lips is wise” (Proverbs 10:19, NAS). The NIV translates it this way: “When words are many, sin is not absent, but he who holds his tongue is wise.”
President Abraham Lincoln is reputed to have said, “Better to remain silent and be thought a fool than to speak and to remove all doubt.” We find a similar declaration that was made many centuries earlier in Proverbs 17:28, “Even a fool is thought wise if he keeps silent, and discerning if he holds his tongue.”
All this is not to diminish the value of words, whether spoken or written. Proverbs 15:28 offers this contrast: “The heart of the righteous ponders how to answer, but the mouth of the wicked pours out evil things” (Proverbs 15:28). And we find this observation in Proverbs 17:27, “A man of knowledge uses words with restraint, and a man of understanding is even-tempered.”
These days it’s so easy to dash off an email thoughtlessly, failing to consider its impact on the recipient. Or to key in a derogatory comment on Facebook or Twitter. Perhaps, like a bit in the mouth of a horse, we need sound communication principles to keep our thoughts reined in. We find some in the 4th chapter of the New Testament book of Ephesians.
As we prepare to speak or write something sensitive to another person, it would be helpful to pause and make certain that we are “…speaking the truth in love,” as Ephesians 4:15 phrases it.
A bit further into the chapter we find what we could term the “command for effective communicators: “Do not let any unwholesome talk come out of your mouths, but only what is helpful for building others up according to their needs, that it may benefit those who listen” (Ephesians 4:29).
Selfless, sacrificial love should be our primary motivation behind everything we do, according to the Word of God, including interpersonal communications. Passages like those above could serve as safeguards for everything we say and write. Being a writer who regularly uses an abundance of words in a variety of settings, I need the counsel of these verses as much as anyone.
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